Paul forced his gaze away from Barbara and tried to focus on Bishop Frey’s sermon.
“ ‘Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.’ Psalm 127:3–5,” the bishop read from the Bible he held. “And chapter 128, verse 1, says, ‘Blessed is every one that feareth the Lord; that walketh in his ways.’ ” He smiled. “Be fruitful and multiply and be blessed.”
Paul shifted uncomfortably. Were the bishop’s words directed at him? Was God speaking through John Frey, telling Paul he should get married and raise a family and that by so doing, he would be blessed? He thought about his conversation with Noah Hertzler the other day. Noah had mentioned the bishop’s interest in Barbara. Maybe the man’s sermon was directed at himself. Could be that John thought if he took another wife and had more children, he would be twice blessed. That wife could turn out to be Barbara Zook.
I’ve got to quit thinking about this, Paul reprimanded himself. If the bishop should marry Barbara, it’s none of my business. She has the right to choose whomever she pleases. He shuddered. Then why does the idea of her becoming the bishop’s wife make me feel so miserable?
After the noon meal, Barbara put the baby and Zachary down for naps. She stared at her youngest son, sleeping peacefully on his side, and a lump formed in her throat. She knew she was more protective of him than she had been with her other three. Maybe it was because this little guy would never know the wonderful man for whom he’d been named. Or maybe her own insecurities caused her to feel overly protective. Ever since David had been snatched away so suddenly, Barbara had been a little paranoid. What if something bad happened to one of her children? What if she died and left them with no mother? Sure, her folks would step in and raise the boys, but because they were getting up in years, it would be difficult for them to take on such a big responsibility. Her four married sisters might be willing to take the boys, but two of them lived near Sweet Springs, and the other two had moved to Minnesota. It would be hard for the boys to move from the only home they’d ever known.
Try not to worry, she admonished herself. As the book of Matthew states: “ ‘Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature?’ ”
Barbara turned away from Davey’s crib and tiptoed out of the room. She needed to turn the future of her sons over to God. She decided to go outside and enjoy the rest of the day.
As soon as Barbara stepped onto the front porch, she spotted Paul sitting under a maple tree with Joseph nestled in his lap. Her heart nearly melted at the sight. He looked so natural holding her son, and Joseph appeared as content as a cat lying in a patch of sun.
I need to speak with Paul, she told herself. I need to apologize for my abruptness the other day.
Barbara walked swiftly across the lawn before she lost her nerve.
“Hi, Mama,” Joseph said with a wide smile. “Me and the harness man—I mean, Paul—we’re plannin’ a fishin’ trip.”
Paul’s ears turned pink, and he gave Barbara a sheepish-looking grin. “Guilty as charged. I thought maybe next Saturday after I close the shop in the afternoon.”
Before Barbara could respond, Joseph thumped the spot beside him. “Have a seat, and we’ll tell ya all about it.”
Barbara knelt on the grass next to her son. “I’m all ears.”
“I heard there’s some pretty nice catfish in the pond over by Ben Swartley’s place,” Paul said. “I thought it might be fun to take the boys fishing.” He motioned to Barbara. “You’re welcome to come along if you like.”
The thought of going fishing was like honey in Barbara’s mouth. She hadn’t been on such an outing in over a year. Not since David had taken her and the boys to the pond for a picnic a few weeks before his death.
“It sounds like fun,” she murmured. “But I couldn’t leave Davey that long.”
“You wouldn’t have to,” Paul said. “You could bring the baby along.”
Joseph nodded enthusiastically. “Jah, Mama. The boppli can come, too.”
Barbara shook her head. “He can’t be in the sun all day.”
“We could put up a little tent,” Paul suggested. “We’ll set his baby carriage inside, and he’ll be just fine.”
Barbara had some netting in her sewing cabinet. Maybe she could drape it over the carriage to keep the bugs away, and if she put the carriage under the shade of a tree, it might work out okay. It would be nice to get away and do something fun. But did she really want to spend several hours alone with Paul? Of course, she reasoned, I wouldn’t really be alone with him. The boys will be there, too.
“Can we go, Mama? Please?”
She patted her son’s shoulder. “I’ll think on it. In the meantime, I’d like you to go find Aaron.”
“What for? He don’t wanna play with me; he said so.”
“Tell him I want to head for home soon.”
Joseph’s lower lip protruded. “Aw, do we have to?”
“Jah. I’m going back to the house to get Zachary and Davey in a few minutes, and I’d like you and Aaron to be ready to go.”
The boy stood and squeezed Paul around the neck. It was obvious that he’d taken a liking to the man. And from the way Paul responded by grinning and patting Joseph on the back, Barbara was fairly sure the feeling was returned.
As Joseph skipped away, Barbara searched for the necessary words. “I. . .uh. . .owe you an apology for the other day.”
Paul’s eyebrows rose.
“I shouldn’t have been so testy about Aaron’s black hands, and I didn’t mean to question your judgment. I hope you’ll accept my apology.”
A slow smile spread across his face, and a familiar longing crept into her heart. David used to look at me like that. Oh, I surely do miss him.
“No apology needed,” Paul said. “Aaron’s your son, and you had a right to be concerned.”
“I appreciate your understanding.”
He plucked a blade of grass and stuck it between his teeth. “I hope you’ll consider the fishing trip.”
Barbara was taken aback by the stark emotion she saw in Paul’s eyes. What did it mean? Was he missing someone, too? Maybe Paul had a girlfriend back in Pennsylvania. Barbara had never thought to ask. Should she say something now? No, she’d better not; it might embarrass Paul.
“I’ll give it some thought,” she finally murmured.
“While you’re thinking on it, I hope you’ll remember how much Joseph wants to go fishing.” He leaned back on his elbows and smiled. “For that matter, from the look I saw on your face when the fishing trip was mentioned, I’d say it’s something you might be looking forward to, as well.”
Barbara rose to her feet and hurried toward the house with her heart beating an irregular rhythm.
Chapter 10
On Wednesday morning, a group of women including Margaret Hilty and Faith showed up to work in Barbara’s yard. Barbara felt torn between helping them and going to the harness shop. She knew it could only be for an hour or two, as she didn’t have the energy to work a full day yet. Her plan was to wait until lunch was over and then take the three younger boys to her folks’ place so her mom could watch them. She figured Aaron might like to help in the shop, too.
“I feel like I should be helping you with the yard work,” Barbara said when Faith came up to the house to get a jug of iced tea for the women. “But I’m planning to work in the harness shop a few hours this afternoon, and if I work in the garden this morning, I won’t have the energy to work in the shop after lunch.”
Faith shook her head. “We don’t expect you to help us in the garden.” She touched Barbara’s arm. “If you want my opinion, you shouldn’t be working in the harness shop yet, either.”
“Why not?”
“Have you looked in a mirror this morning? You’ve got dark circles under your
eyes, and your face looks pale and drawn.” Faith nodded toward the steps leading to the upstairs bedrooms. “What you should do after lunch is take a nap.”
“I don’t need a nap, and I don’t need any lectures.” Barbara gritted her teeth, and her hand shook as she pushed a strand of hair back into her bun. She wished people would stop telling her what to do.
Faith drew back like she’d been stung by a bee. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
Barbara’s face relaxed some. “It’s me who should apologize. I don’t know why I’m so testy lately.”
“You’re tired and no doubt feeling a bit stressed with all the responsibilities you have.”
“That’s true, but it’s no excuse for me being rude. Will you forgive me?”
Faith nodded and gave Barbara a hug. “Of course. And I’ll keep praying for you, too.”
“Danki. I appreciate that.”
“Well, I’d best head back to the garden so the women can have a cold drink.” Faith made a beeline for the yard, and Barbara hurried upstairs to check on little David.
“Looks like a group of women have converged on Barbara’s yard today,” Samuel said to Paul as he glanced out the window of the harness shop.
Paul stepped up beside Samuel. “I see that. I wonder what they’re all doing.”
“From what Alice told me, they came to weed the garden and get Barbara’s yard in shape.”
Paul craned his neck as he watched several women bent over the garden with hoes and rakes. “Looks like my sister-in-law Margaret is here.”
Samuel nodded. “Alice heard that John Frey invited Margaret, thinking it would give her something meaningful to do that might take her mind off her grief.”
Paul cringed at the mention of the bishop’s name. He didn’t care for the way that man looked at Barbara. . .like he owned her. He turned away from the window and grabbed a hunk of leather that needed to be trimmed. Maybe I’m overreacting. Bishop John might not have a personal interest in Barbara at all. He may just be doing his job as head minister of this community when he pays her a call, same as he’s been doing with Margaret.
“Did Barbara tell you she plans to come out to the shop this afternoon?” Samuel asked.
Paul shook his head. “She never said a word. I guess it’s her right to drop in and check on things, since this is her shop.”
Samuel glanced out the window again as the rumble of buggy wheels could be heard coming up the driveway.
“Guess there must be more women coming to the work frolic, huh?”
Samuel shook his head. “Nope. It’s John Frey’s rig, and he doesn’t seem to be headed to the harness shop, so he must be planning to pay another call on Barbara. Or maybe he came by to see how the yard work is coming along.”
Paul clamped his teeth together. More than likely the bishop’s here to see Barbara.
Knowing the three older boys were playing in the barn, Barbara opened the door and stepped outside to call them in for lunch.
“There’s a buggy comin’, Mama,” Aaron said as he, Joseph, and Zachary hurried across the lawn.
She shielded her eyes against the harsh glare of the sun and noticed Bishop Frey’s rig heading toward the house. Instinctively, she reached up to straighten her kapp.
“Wie geht’s?” the bishop called as he stepped down from the buggy.
“I’m fine, and you?”
“Hot and thirsty.” He swiped his hand across his forehead. “It’s a real scorcher.”
“It sure is,” she agreed. “It makes me feel guilty to see how hard the women are working in my yard.”
Bishop John glanced over his shoulder. “Have they been working long?”
“A few hours, but they’ll be stopping soon for lunch. My mamm made some sandwiches, so I’ll be calling them in to eat in a few minutes.” Barbara nodded toward the porch swing. “If you’d like to have a seat, I’ll get you a glass of iced tea.”
He grinned and seated himself on the swing. “I’d be much obliged.”
Barbara wasn’t sure whether to leave her boys with Bishop John or take them inside with her. Seeing how much fun Zachary was having as he raced back and forth on the lawn, chasing after Joseph, she decided to leave things as they were. “I’ll be right back,” she said before hurrying inside.
A few minutes later, she returned with a glass of iced tea for the bishop and some crackers for her boys. She figured it would tide them over until lunch and maybe keep their mouths too busy to talk. Joseph could be quite chatty, and the last thing she needed was for him to tell John Frey any of their personal business.
She called the boys over to the porch, gave them the crackers, and instructed them to go back to the barn and play.
“How come, Mama?” Aaron asked. “You just called us out of the barn, and now you want us to go back?”
“I know I did, but I want you to play awhile longer so I can speak with Bishop John.”
Joseph didn’t have to be asked twice. He grabbed hold of Zachary’s hand, and the two scampered off. But not Aaron. He glanced at the bishop with a strange expression, then stared at the porch floor, scuffing the toe of his boot along the wooden planks.
“Go on now,” Barbara instructed. “Get on out to the barn with your brothers.”
Aaron grunted and finally ambled off.
“Won’t you sit with me and visit awhile?” the bishop asked.
Barbara’s skin prickled as she sensed it was more than a casual visit, since he hadn’t brought any of his daughters along. She sat in the wicker chair on the other side of the porch.
“I don’t bite, you know,” he said with a slanted grin.
She forced a smile in return. “I’m sure you don’t. But I want to be close to the back door so I can hear the boppli if he starts to cry.”
He shrugged and removed his straw hat, using it to fan his face. “Whew! Sure hope it cools down some. It’s only the beginning of June, and already it’s hotter than an oven turned on high.”
She nodded. “Jah, hot and sticky.”
The bishop cleared his throat. “I’ve been thinking about the two of us.”
The speed of Barbara’s heartbeat picked up. “What about us?”
“You’ve been widowed almost a year now, and it’s been six months since my wife died.” He paused and licked his lips. “The book of Ecclesiastes says, ‘Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour.’ ”
She nodded politely.
“I figure you’ve got young ones who need a daed, and I have four daughters who certainly could use a mother’s hand. Since two are better than one, I was wondering how you’d feel about marrying me.”
Barbara’s mouth fell open. She’d suspected John Frey had marriage on his mind, but she hadn’t expected him to be quite so direct. This proposal, if she could call it that, was much too sudden and abrupt. They hadn’t courted or done anything of a social nature together, and she doubted they had much in common.
“Your silence makes me wonder if you find the idea of marriage to me objectionable.” His forehead wrinkled. “Is it the thought of being a bishop’s wife that bothers you, or is it our age difference?”
Barbara twisted her hands in her lap. How could she put her feelings into words and not sound as if she were being too particular or unappreciative of his offer? “There is a good fifteen years between us,” she admitted. “Though I know many folks who have married people much older or younger and things worked out fine.”
His lips turned upward. “That’s how I see it, too.”
“As far as being a bishop’s wife, I don’t think that’s reason enough to keep someone from marrying another, either.”
He jumped up and moved quickly to stand beside her. “Does that mean you’d be willing to marry me?”
Barbara cringed. She was making a mess of things and had to fix it before she ended up betrothed to this man for whom she felt nothing but respect as her bishop. “I’m not ready to commit to marriage again,” s
he said, carefully choosing her words. “And if I should ever marry, I would want it to be for love, not merely for the sake of convenience.”
A pained expression crossed his face, and she was sure she had hurt his feelings.
“You’re saying you don’t find me appealing, isn’t that right?” The poor man looked as if he’d taken a whiff of vinegar.
“That’s not it at all.” Barbara sucked in her lower lip. “It’s just that I’m not over the loss of David yet, and it wouldn’t seem right to take another husband until the pain subsides.”
The bishop paced the length of the porch several times. After a few minutes, he stopped and faced her again. “Both of us will always have love in our hearts for the ones we married in our youth. But that shouldn’t stop us from starting a new relationship. Fact is, getting married again might help heal our pain.”
Even if the bishop was right, Barbara didn’t want or need a husband right now. She had her hands full making sure her business didn’t fail. “I truly do appreciate the offer, John, but—”
He held up one hand. “I want to take care of you, Barbara. I’d like to offer you a home and provide for you and your boys.”
The man sounded sincere, but what he’d said caused her spine to go rigid. “I’ve got my job at the harness shop, and it supports us well enough.”
“I understand that, but wouldn’t you prefer not to have to work in order to take care of your boys?”
“I enjoy working with leather.”
“But keeping the harness shop is becoming harder for you to do now that your daed’s arthritis is getting worse and you have to rely on your mamm to care for the boys. Isn’t that right?”
She nodded.
John reached out his hand like he might touch her, but he pulled it back and smiled instead. “You don’t have to give me your answer this minute. Just promise you’ll think about marrying me, okay?”
On Her Own Page 9