Paul glanced across the room and spotted Barbara sitting beside her mother and cradling little Davey. His heart clenched when she leaned down and kissed the baby’s downy head. Paternal feelings he’d never felt before had surfaced unexpectedly since he had spent time with Barbara and her children. If only those boys were his. If only he and Barbara. . .
Paul jerked his attention to the front of the room when Bishop John began reading from Ecclesiastes 4:9–10. “ ‘Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.’ ”
Is the bishop preaching to himself again? Does he think he needs Barbara as his wife because two are better than one? Paul gritted his teeth. If only I had the nerve to ask her not to marry John but to marry me instead. But even if I were to do something so bold, she would probably say no. She’s given me no indication that she cares for me other than as a friend.
Paul felt relief when church was finally over and he could be outside in the fresh air. He ate his meal quietly, sitting at one of the tables under a large maple tree in the Rabers’ backyard. As he ate, he tried to decide exactly what he should say whenever he spoke with Barbara again.
After everyone had finished eating, Paul decided to seek Barbara out. He wandered around the yard but didn’t see any sign of her. He figured she was probably still inside, either visiting with the women or taking care of the baby.
From Paul’s vantage near the barn, he noticed Aaron across the yard, watching a group of older children play a game of baseball. It wouldn’t be long before the weather turned too cold for baseball.
He pushed his thoughts aside as he approached Barbara’s oldest son. “Hey, Aaron, how are you doing?” he asked, clasping the boy’s shoulder.
“I’m doin’ okay, but I sure wish the older kids would let me play with ’em.”
“Won’t be any time at all until you’ll be included with the older ones,” Paul said, hoping to make Aaron feel better about things. “Why, I think you’ve grown a couple inches since I first came home.”
Aaron smiled, and his face turned a little pink. “You really think so?”
“Sure do.” Paul hesitated a moment; then he decided to plunge ahead. “Say, I’ve been thinking—”
Aaron looked up at him expectantly. “Jah?”
“I’m planning to go fishing next Saturday afternoon, and I was wondering if your mamm might give her permission for you to join me. That is, if you’d like to go.”
“Only you and me? Not Mama and my brothers?”
Paul shook his head. “Just the two of us.”
Aaron’s lips turned upward, and his dark eyes glistened with anticipation. “I’d like that. Jah, I really would.”
“Great. I’ll speak to your mamm as soon as I find her.”
The boy pointed to the house. “I think she went inside to feed the boppli.”
“Okay, then. Guess I’ll just wait until she comes outside again.”
Barbara sat in the rocker and leaned her head back as she fed her hungry baby. She was glad church had been held at her folks’ place today. When Davey got fussy, all she had to do was walk a few steps to nurse him in the privacy of her own bedroom.
Feeling kind of drowsy, she let her eyes drift shut, enjoying this special time of being alone with her infant son. Oh, David, how I wish you could be here to see your namesake—to hold him—talk to him—watch him grow into a man.
She thought about her other three sons. Zachary had been so young when David died that he would never remember his father. Joseph might not, either. Aaron was the only one who would, and he was the one who had been promised the harness shop someday.
If I sell the shop, it will never be Aaron’s. Yet, if I keep it, I’ll have to keep relying on Dad’s help until Aaron’s old enough to take his place. She groaned. Dad’s arthritis isn’t getting any better, and it’s not really fair to expect him to keep working for me when his hands are stiff and everything he does causes him pain.
Barbara drew in a deep breath and tried to relax. She knew she needed to quit worrying, stop being so indecisive, and place the matter in God’s hands. He knew what was best for her and the children. For now, the best thing she could do was pray and wait on Him to give her clear direction.
As Barbara was putting Davey into his crib, a soft knock sounded on the door.
“Come in,” she called.
The door creaked open, and Faith stepped into the room. “Is he asleep?” she whispered.
“Jah.”
“I wanted to talk with you, but I guess we’d better do it downstairs so we don’t wake the little guy.”
Barbara moved over to the bed, took a seat on one end, and patted the spot beside her. “It’s okay. Davey’s like his daed—he could sleep through a thunderstorm.”
Faith chuckled and sat down.
“What did you want to talk about?”
“Noah said he was by your shop the other day and that your daed had mentioned how far behind you’re getting.”
“It’s true. We’ve got more work than the two of us can manage.”
Faith’s blue eyes revealed her concern. “Your daed’s arthritis really slows him down, doesn’t it?”
Barbara nodded. “I wish I didn’t have to rely on his help. But no matter how hard I try, I simply can’t do all the work on my own.”
“Is Paul planning to come back to the harness shop to help you after the harvest is over?”
“As far as I know, he’ll be returning to Pennsylvania.” Barbara swallowed around the lump in her throat. She hated the idea of Paul leaving but didn’t know what she could do to stop him from going.
“I thought the bishop had asked you to marry him. Whatever happened with that?”
Barbara shrugged. “He changed his mind.” She couldn’t very well tell her friend that the bishop had taken an interest in Margaret. Not when he’d told her he hadn’t asked Margaret to marry him yet. Besides, it was his place to do the telling, not hers.
“You’re in love with him, aren’t you?”
“The bishop?”
“No, silly. Paul.”
“What?” Faith’s direct question jarred Barbara clear down to her toes.
“Don’t try to deny it. I’ve seen the look of love written all over your face every time Paul’s name is mentioned.”
Barbara dropped her gaze to the floor. “I can’t allow myself to have feelings for him.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t want to forget David or let go of what we once had.”
Faith slipped her arm around Barbara’s shoulders. “Romans 7:2 tells us, ‘For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband.’ ”
Barbara sniffed as tears formed in her eyes. “I know that verse. But part of me will always love David.”
“And well you should. He was a wunderbaar husband and a good daed. However, I’m sure David wouldn’t want you to spend the rest of your life pining for him. He’d want you to find love and happiness again.” Faith picked up the handkerchief lying on the bedside table and handed it to Barbara. “Dry your eyes and tell me how you feel about Paul Hilty.”
Barbara blotted her eyes with the hanky. Then she lifted her head and looked directly at Faith. “You’re bound and determined to make me say it, aren’t you?”
Faith chuckled. “As you may recall, you were pretty determined that I see my need for Noah after I returned to Webster County a few years ago.”
Barbara forced a smile. “I knew your place was here with your family and friends, not on the road trying to make a name for yourself. I also knew Noah could make you happy.”
“You were right about that.” Faith patted Barbara’s hand. “I believe Paul can make you happy, as well.”
“But I don’t know how he feels about me. One minute I
think we’re getting close, and the next minute he pulls away. It’s almost as if he’s afraid of something.”
“Maybe he is. Have you asked him?”
Tears hung on Barbara’s lashes. “I can’t. It wouldn’t be right. It would be too bold.”
“Humph! You know how I feel about that notion.”
Barbara smiled despite her tears. “I think your time of living among the English made you see things in a different light than most people in our community do.”
Faith nodded. “I guess you’re right about that, but at least I’m not a rebellious daughter anymore, and I know how good I’ve got it right here with my family and friends.” She grimaced. “Back in the days when I wasn’t following the Lord, I was silly enough to believe the fifth commandment was to humor my father and mother rather than honor them. Only then, my folks never thought anything I said or did was funny.”
“That’s all changed, though.”
“Right. Often I’ll tell a joke, and my daed will laugh so hard he’ll have tears running down his cheeks.”
“Anything in particular you’ve told him lately?” Barbara asked, eager for a joke to lighten the mood.
“Oh, sure. I told him the story about the Amish man who went to visit his friend right after a bad storm.”
“What happened?” Barbara asked.
“The man said, ‘Did you lose much in that tornado?’ His friend nodded and replied, ‘Jah. I lost the henhouse and all my chickens. But that was fine with me, ’cause I ended up with four new cows and somebody’s horse and buggy!’ ”
Barbara laughed. “You sure haven’t lost your sense of humor.”
Faith smiled, but then she sobered. “There’s one thing I did not learn while I was living in the English world. It’s something I grew up knowing but didn’t come to recognize until I moved back to Webster County.”
“What was that?”
“The importance of committing every situation to God. I think it’s time for the two of us to pray that the Lord will direct you and Paul.” Faith squeezed Barbara’s fingers. “Keep an open mind and trust Jesus. If you’re supposed to be with Paul, it will all work out.”
Barbara drew in a deep breath and sighed. “I surely hope so.”
Barbara opened the front screen door and discovered Paul and Aaron seated on the porch step. She smiled at the way they had their heads together, talking as though they were the best of friends.
Both of them looked up when Barbara stepped out the door.
“Hey, Mama,” Aaron said with a lopsided grin.
“Hey, Aaron. Where are your little brothers?”
“They went for a walk with Grandpa.” He grinned up at Paul. “We’ve just been sitting here talkin’ about the fishin’ trip he wants to take me on this Saturday.”
Paul looked kind of sheepish, and his ears turned pink. “I was planning to ask you first, of course,” he said, nodding at Barbara.
Barbara noticed Aaron’s hopeful expression. “Would it just be him and you?” she asked, looking back at Paul.
He nodded. “I thought it would give us a chance to get better acquainted.”
Barbara stared at the wooden planks beneath her feet as she contemplated the idea. If he wants to spend more time with Aaron, does that mean Paul doesn’t plan to leave Webster County right away? Maybe he’s given up on the idea of returning to Pennsylvania.
“Can I go fishin’ with Paul, Mama. . .please?”
She smiled. “Jah, I think it’s a good idea.”
“Danki, Mama.”
“You’re welcome,” she said, patting her son’s arm.
Paul stood. “Well, I’d best be going.”
Aaron jumped up, too. “Where to?”
“I’ve developed a headache and am feeling kind of tired, so I think I’d better go home and take a nap.” Paul’s long, lanky legs took him quickly down the steps. When he got to the bottom, he looked back over his shoulder. “I’ll be by for Aaron on Saturday around one, if that’s okay with you.”
“One sounds fine.”
“And if you have the time, I’d like to discuss something with you then,” he added.
“I’ll make the time,” she replied in a shaky voice. Was Paul going to tell her that he’d decided to return to Pennsylvania? Or could he have something else on his mind?
Chapter 24
John’s hands trembled as he tied his horse to the hitching rail near Margaret Hilty’s barn. Last night, he’d told his girls of his intention to marry Margaret and was pleased that they’d actually approved. Mary had spoken up right away and said she hoped Margaret would say yes because she was surely a good cook. And when John had explained that he’d fallen in love with Margaret, Betty had said she was glad he’d decided to marry for love and not merely for convenience. John had assured his daughters that he would always love their mother, and they’d said they knew that. Nadine had even told him that she thought he deserved to be happy again.
When John had gotten up this morning, he’d decided this was the day he would ask Margaret to marry him. He prayed she would be receptive to the idea and wouldn’t take offense because she hadn’t been widowed a year yet.
John found Margaret bent over one of her flower beds, pulling weeds. “Wie geht’s?” he asked.
“I’m doing fairly well, thanks to the love and support of all my family and friends.” She straightened and offered him a sincere smile. “I saw your buggy come in and wondered if you’d come by to see me or my son-in-law, Jake.
“Came to see you.” John shifted from one foot to the other while he raked his fingers through the back of his hair. “I’ve been wanting to talk to you about something important.”
“Oh? What’s that? Is Barbara needing more help in her yard?”
“She probably does, but that’s not the reason I came by today. Could we find a place to sit while we talk?” he asked, as his stomach did a little flip-flop when she smiled at him again.
“Jah, sure. I’m in need of a break anyhow, so let’s have a seat over there.” Margaret took off her work gloves and pointed to a spot on her back porch where several wicker chairs sat.
“Sounds good to me.” John followed Margaret across the yard, and after she was seated, he lowered himself into the chair next to hers.
“Would you like something to drink?” she asked. “A cup of coffee or something cold?”
“Maybe a cup of coffee, but not until I’ve said what’s on my mind.”
Margaret’s pale eyebrows puckered. “You look so serious, John. Is there something wrong?”
He shook his head. “Not wrong, really. But there is. . .uh. . .something I need to ask you.”
“What is it?”
John swiped his tongue over his lower lip, wishing now he had taken her up on the offer of something to drink. But he needed to get this said before he lost his nerve. “I. . .uh. . .well, during the time we’ve spent visiting these past few months, I’ve come to realize that we have much in common.”
She nodded slowly.
He leaned slightly forward and stared at the porch floor, unable to make eye contact with her. “I’ve become quite fond of you, Margaret, and I’ve enjoyed the time we’ve spent together.”
“I’ve enjoyed being with you, as well.”
He lifted his gaze and turned to face her. “Enough to become my wife?”
Margaret’s mouth dropped open, and her eyes widened in obvious surprise. “You—you want to marry me?”
He nodded. “I know it hasn’t been a year yet since Dan died, but I’m willing to wait until the proper time if you feel it’s too soon.”
Margaret’s cheeks turned pink, and she placed both hands against them. “Ach, my! This is such a surprise. I never expected—”
He held up one hand. “I’m sorry if I’ve been too bold—too presumptuous. Maybe I’m out of line in thinking—”
She shook her head. “It’s not that. It’s just that I’m a few years older than you, and I—well, I thought you wer
e interested in Barbara Zook.”
“You did?”
“Jah. In fact, someone mentioned not long ago that you had asked Barbara to marry you. So I just assumed—”
He lifted his hand again. “I can’t deny it. I did ask Barbara to marry me, but not because I’m in love with her.”
“Why, then?”
“I thought she needed someone to protect her.”
Margaret tipped her head as she pursed her lips. “Protect her from what?”
John swallowed hard. He couldn’t come right out and tell Margaret that he thought her brother-in-law was out to get Barbara’s harness shop. On the other hand, he couldn’t think of any sensible reply.
“What do you think Barbara needs protecting from?” Margaret persisted.
“I. . .uh. . .well, she’s been so tired since her boppli was born, and it’s getting harder for her to run the harness shop. I felt it was my duty as her bishop, and as David’s friend, to see that she and her boys were cared for and that no one came along and took advantage of her.” He reached up to swipe at the sweat rolling down his forehead. He decided it wouldn’t be right to tell Margaret that he had originally been looking for a younger wife who could give him more children. “I’ve come to realize that it wouldn’t be right for me to marry Barbara when it’s you I love.”
Margaret stared at her hands, clasped tightly in her lap. After several seconds, she turned to face him and smiled. “When the proper time has elapsed for me to set aside my mourning clothes, I would be honored to marry you, John Frey.”
“I would be equally honored.” He reached over and took hold of her hand. “Now, if that offer of something to drink is still open, I think I’ll take a glass of cold water.”
On Her Own Page 20