by Shaw, Rhonda
She was terrified at how quickly she’d become accustomed to him in her life, on relying on him to be there. It was asking for trouble, expecting a level of commitment she was sure he wasn’t ready to give regardless of what he had said. He was young, he didn’t know what he was getting himself into, but she did. He was coming into his own not only as an individual but also as a professional baseball player and he needed to focus on that.
She’d let things between them get out of hand, but she hadn’t been able to control herself. She hadn’t felt this alive in a long time and she didn’t want it to stop. Once he’d persuaded her to go on that first date and admit that she wanted to be with him, he’d made her feel things she hadn’t felt since before she married Kyle and hadn’t believed she would ever feel again.
None of that justified her losing her head. She needed to remind herself that she knew exactly what Chase would be giving up if he continued in a relationship with her, missing all the opportunities that went along with youth and being carefree. He needed to be with someone closer to his age so he could experience everything for the first time, as it should be. Not with someone jaded by experience.
Feeling sick with misery, Maddie laid her head down on her arms and tried to figure out where to start. How would she even approach him with this when it was so not what she wanted to do? She wanted to be selfish and keep him for herself, but she knew that was wrong. The last thing she wanted was him reflecting back and feeling nothing but regret for wasting some of his prime time with her. She couldn’t stand the thought of him hating her for that.
The front door opened and she didn’t need to look up to know that Karen had walked in. A few seconds later, Karen strolled into the kitchen and found Maddie in the middle of her breakdown.
“What’s going on here? Pity party?”
Maddie finally lifted her head and looked at Karen, her eyes shining brightly with unshed tears. She looked so pathetic that Karen immediately sat down next to her and put her arms around her shoulder. “What is it, honey? What happened?”
“I can’t do this.”
“You can’t do what?”
“I can’t do this to him.”
“Mad, help me out here. You’re not making sense. Who are you talking about? What did you do?” Karen asked, clearly confused.
She wiped at her eyes in frustration. “Chase. I can’t do this to Chase.”
“What can’t you do to Chase?”
Maddie stood up with a groan and walked over to the counter. Turning around, she swiped at her nose. “I can’t let him screw up his life. If he stays with me, he’s going to regret it.”
Karen scowled up at her. “How is him staying with you going to screw up his life and produce lifelong regret?”
“Because I’m older. I’m used up. I have baggage,” she said earnestly, trying to get her friend to understand.
“Yeah,” Karen said with a shake of her head. “I’m not following.”
Maddie wanted to scream in annoyance. How could Karen not understand what was so blatantly obvious? Why was she the only one who could see how wrong this all was? “Karen, he’s young. He has the world at his fingertips. He doesn’t need to feel strapped down to an old woman and her daughter.”
“I don’t know, Mad. I saw him with you the other day and he didn’t look strapped down to me. He looked pretty damn happy as a matter of fact.”
“He’s going to want a family one day. I’m getting too old to give him that. All I can give him is a ready-made one. He’s going to want a child of his own and he deserves that opportunity.”
Karen stood up, signaling time-out with her hands. “Okay, let’s just stop. I can see where you’re going with this.”
“Thank God you’re finally getting it,” Maddie said, relieved.
“What I’m getting is that you’re panicking and you’re rehashing all the reasons why you shouldn’t be with him.”
“Panicking? I’m not panicking. I’m thinking of what’s best for him.”
“Puh-leaze!” she rolled her eyes. “This is the classic case of Maddie panicking.”
Maddie stared at her friend wide-eyed. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Shaking her head, she walked away and sat back down at the table, irritation replacing her feeling of desperation.
Karen crossed her arms and leaned against the counter. “This is just like in college when you met Kyle. You were over the moon at first and then, for some reason, you start producing all these ridiculous reasons why you shouldn’t be with him. With Kyle it was because he was so outgoing, the life of the party and you were a bore, too much of a wallflower. You were convinced you going to bring him down and he was going to hate you for that. Remember that?”
“No,” she lied. She hated that Karen remembered that.
“Right,” she huffed. “You remember exactly what I’m talking about and you’re doing the same thing here.” Karen walked over and knelt in front of her, placing her hands on Maddie’s knees. “I’m going to tell you the same thing I told you then. It’s okay for you to be happy. It’s okay for something good like this to happen to you. Don’t ruin it by conjuring up all these excuses why it shouldn’t be.”
“But...but, he’s so young.”
“Maddie, you can’t keep going back to that. Once you made the jump and went out with him, you lost that excuse. You can’t keep it as a fallback when you start to get scared.”
“But—”
“It’s okay to be scared, Maddie,” she interrupted with a gentle smile. “It’s okay. This is the first guy in a long time who makes you happy. Just let it play out. Don’t try to steer things, let them happen. If he decides he’s missing out and wants to move on, than that’s his decision and his loss. Not yours, honey.” Karen stood up and took the seat next to her friend. “Now, I don’t know him as well as you do, but from what I’ve heard, I don’t think he’d like for you to be making these decisions for him.”
Maddie gave her a watery smile. “No, you’re right. He wouldn’t.” She heaved a big sigh and grabbed Karen’s hand to give it a squeeze. “I’m just so strung out about everything. I feel like I’m being outed, but none of it’s on my own terms. I keep waiting for Sandy or Lenore to call or show up and freak out on me. They’ve had plenty of opportunity to find out about us if they’ve been paying any attention. We’ve been on TV and then splashed across the paper the next day. I keep expecting Chase to tell me his parents are giving him a hard time, but nothing’s happening. I feel like the wall is teetering and just about to fall, but it hasn’t yet, and so I keep stressing out over it. It was bad enough talking to my mom the other day. I felt like a teenager again listening to all her apprehensions and concerns, and she’s the mildest of everyone.” She gave a tired sigh.
“It’s not their decision, Maddie. It’s yours and Chase’s, that’s it.”
“I know, I know. Easier said than done though.”
“I know. That’s why I’m here. I’m your inner bitch.”
Maddie laughed and threw her arms around her friend. “Yes, you are and I love you for it. Thank you.”
Karen returned the hug before sitting back and looking around the kitchen. “So, what’s for dinner? Where’s my drink?”
Maddie stood up and headed out of the kitchen toward her room. “Chase is coming over after his game so I need to clean up my face. You know where the wine is.”
“Yea! I get to have dinner with the boyfriend. Tell him to bring Smutty,” she called out to Maddie’s back.
“You behave yourself, Karen Bently!”
“Whatever,” she mumbled.
* * *
Opening the fridge, Karen retrieved the open bottle of wine and filled two glasses. Taking a sip, she thought about Maddie’s latest meltdown and shook her head. That girl was forever selling herself short. She nev
er believed she deserved any good things in life and Karen knew that her family was the cause of that. Never once had they ever put her happiness or wants ahead of theirs. It was always about them and because of that, Maddie always shied away from going after what she really wanted. If Karen hadn’t convinced Maddie that she deserved to be with someone like Kyle just as much as anyone else, she was sure they wouldn’t have dated or gotten married.
“Well, maybe that wasn’t such a good thing,” she muttered as she took another sip of her wine. Maddie definitely deserved happiness and she was ecstatic that she’d finally found it with Chase. Now she just had to make sure Maddie didn’t do anything stupid to mess it up.
The back door into the kitchen flew open and Karen turned in time to see Bree fly through into the front room. “Chase is here!”
She came around the corner and stood in the doorway of the kitchen as she watched Bree open the front door and wait patiently. As he got closer, Bree bounced up and down on her toes excitedly, and when he opened the door with a big grin on his face, she jumped up into his arms and threw her arms around his neck. Karen felt her heart melt.
“I’m so glad you’re here, Chase! I’ve been waiting for you to come and play catch with me.”
“Well, it’s nice to know that someone is anxious to see me,” he said giving her a squeeze back.
“Can we go play? Can we?”
“Uh, well, sure, but in a little while, okay? Where’s your mom?”
“She’s in the shower,” Karen said from the doorway where she’d watched their sweet exchange.
Chase looked up, noticing her for the first time. “Hi, Karen. How’s it going?”
With a navy ball cap on, a gray T-shirt layered with a white one and baggy navy cargo shorts, it was easy to see why Maddie found him so irresistible. He oozed maleness. He was tall, handsome, strong and edible. Her friend was one lucky lady. “I’m good. How about you? Can I get you a drink?”
He slipped Bree to the floor as he walked behind her to the kitchen. “Sure. Does she have anything that’s not wine?”
She gave him a smirk over her shoulder on her way to the fridge. “Not a wine fan, huh? I think she’s got some beer in here.”
“That’ll work.”
Karen grabbed a bottle and handed it to him. Turning toward Bree, attached to him like lint, she smiled sweetly. “Bree, honey, I need to speak with Chase for a second. Why don’t you go change into something more suitable for playing catch with him later?”
“Okay, Aunt Karen.”
He watched her skip off toward her room as he leaned against the counter before looking back at Karen. “Should I be worried?”
She purposely ignored him as she sat down at the table. “Look, Chase. I don’t know you very well, but from what I’ve heard from Maddie, you seem like a very nice guy.”
“But?”
“No, buts. Maddie and I have been friends for a very long time. We’ve been through a lot together. I helped her through her divorce and I helped her with Bree. There are a lot of things we disagree on, but I never questioned her decision to leave Kyle. The guy was a prick and I wanted to kill him myself.” When he said nothing and only took a swig of his beer, she continued. “I’m telling you this so you understand my loyalty to her.”
“I wouldn’t have expected anything different.”
“Well, then maybe you’ll be surprised when I tell you this.” Karen narrowed her eyes at him. “This is not to be repeated.”
“Got it.”
“Before you got here, she had a little meltdown, we’ll say. She’s happy, Chase, very happy because of you and that scares her half to death. She’s wary of that kind of happiness, doesn’t trust it, and because of that, she was trying to figure out how end it with you.”
The only reaction Karen saw was the hardening of his eyes. Otherwise, she would have thought he wasn’t listening. “And?” he finally asked.
“And, I had to talk her down, like I always do. Remind her that it’s okay for her to be happy and that she deserves it, and that she can’t make your decisions for you.”
“Why are you telling me this?”
She got up and stood before him, trapping his gaze in a cool steely stare. “I’m telling you this because I’m in your corner, Chase. I want you guys to win and I swear, if you screw this up, your head is mine. I’ll help with the craziness that’s Maddie, but you need to hold up your end of the bargain.”
Chase didn’t know whether to laugh or protect his privates, but he met her hard stare and nodded. “I won’t hurt her.”
Karen held her ground. They stood there eyeing each other with respect for a few seconds before Maddie walked in.
“Hey! What’s going on in here?” Seeing Karen standing close to Chase, staring intently at him, she stopped. “Karen, are you hitting on Chase already?”
Karen gave him one last hard look before placing a hand softly on his chest. She turned her head in Maddie’s direction with a sly look. “Damn, Maddie. You always walk in at the worst times. But no, I was pressuring him into introducing me to Smutty.”
Uncomfortable, Chase cleared his throat as he squeezed between Karen and the counter to get to Maddie. “Hey, there.” Putting his hand at the small of her back, he leaned down and gave her a healthy kiss.
“Hey, there,” Maddie said a little breathless when he released her. “How was your game? I didn’t catch the end of it.”
“We lost.”
“Oh, I’m sorry,” Maddie said.
“Yeah, well, you can’t win them all,” he said with a simple shrug.
“Okay, Chase. I’m ready!” Bree ran back into the kitchen holding her glove over her head.
He looked back at Maddie. “How much time we got?”
“About a half an hour.”
“Perfect.” Taking Bree’s glove out of her hand, he placed it on his head like a hat as he picked her up with one hand and held his beer with the other. “Let’s go turn you into a pro, girl.”
Bree’s giggles followed them out the back door and Maddie turned to Karen with a wistful smile when the door closed behind them. “Thank you. You see what I would be missing?”
“He seems perfect for you, Mad. That’s for sure.”
“Now I just need to not screw this up.”
“That’s the game plan.”
Chapter Thirteen
After dinner, they all sat around the table in the backyard enjoying small talk as Karen and Chase slowly became comfortable with each other. Bree sat with them for a while before the conversation became uninteresting to her.
“I’m going to watch TV,” she announced before jumping up from her chair and trotting through the back door.
Maddie raised one brow in surprise. “I guess we bore her.”
“She wasn’t the center of attention so she’s outta here,” Karen said with a smile.
“Nah, she’s jealous that she can’t get Chase to herself.” Maddie smiled as she leaned over and gave him a quick kiss.
Karen nodded in agreement. “Three beautiful women vying for your attention. How do you handle it, Chase?”
“It’s a tough problem to have,” he said with a smirk.
“Well, I’m going to hit the road,” Karen said as she stood up with a stretch. Reaching across the table, she pulled Maddie into a hug. “Thanks for everything. Love you.”
“Thank you.”
“I’ll see you, Mr. Baseball,” she said as she stuck out her hand.
Chase grinned as he shook her hand. “See you around.”
Maddie and Chase watched as she walked through the back door and into the house before turning toward each other. Placing his beer on the table in front of him, Chase reached for her hand as he lifted her out of her chair and pulled her down into his lap. Nuzzling her,
he gave her a soft kiss.
“I’ve missed you.”
“I’ve missed you, too,” she said sighing as she rested her head against his.
“It’s going to suck going on our road trip. I can’t imagine not seeing you for two weeks.” His voice was low and husky as he leaned back and looked up to the dark sky.
“I know what you mean.”
He looked back at her, his expression serious. “You can trust me, you know? Nothing’s going to happen.”
She looked into his solemn, dark eyes and nodded. “I know,” she said in a whisper.
“Why do you not sound convincing?”
Maddie heaved a deep breath and sat up in his lap. “I’m sure Karen said something to you.”
“About?”
“She must have threatened you with bodily damage not to say anything.” When he didn’t respond, she gave a small nod. “You’re keeping your word with her, I can respect that.”
Standing up, she walked over to the edge of the patio and looked out into her backyard, which was lost in the darkness of the night. “I’m scared, Chase. I’m scared of us working out and I’m scared of us not working out.” She looked back at him. “It isn’t an issue of trust. I believe you when you say I can trust you, but the problem is I don’t know if you can trust me. And I don’t mean that I’m going to go out with some other man or something, but I don’t know that you can trust me to be strong enough for us, to fight for us.”
He remained where he was. “I think you’re wrong. I think you are strong enough. You just have to believe in yourself.”
Maddie shook her head and looked down at her feet before turning around and facing him. “If everything was like it is right now, then I wouldn’t be worried about anything. But it isn’t going to be, we’re out there now, and I keep waiting for all the cards to fall.”
“Maddie, as long as you and I are happy and this is what we want, that’s all that matters. It’s just us that matters.”
“But it isn’t just us, Chase. Even if everything between us was perfect, what about everybody else? All the comments? The stares? The doubt? And that’s going to be just the beginning.”