If you enjoyed the date, however, and you suspect the other person did, too, there is absolutely nothing wrong with telling someone you like them. Sure, you chance finding out they aren’t into you, but wouldn’t you rather know sooner than later?
So, my advice is, if you want to see someone again, tell them. Contrary to what you see in movies and television, there is no specific time frame to wait. You can tell them when you say good night from the first date. Or you can tell them sometime in the future. There is no rule governing the right time.
Now, there are always going to be dates that fall somewhere in the middle. Maybe fireworks or instant attraction didn’t happen, but you wonder if they will, given some time. Maybe there are other complications. What do you do then?
Unfortunately, you’re kind of on your own when this happens, and you’ll have to figure out what you feel, what you need, and whether the other person can give it to you. It requires major introspection, but more than that, it requires good communication and honesty. You can do it. I know you can.
Chapter Fifteen
Izzy squinted into the brilliant sunlight. The Bay Area gloom had receded, warming the day enough to make her consider taking off her Rick and Morty hoodie. She, Audie, and Jane were at the Traveling Bean again. It was becoming a habit for them to take a break mid-morning each day. Sometimes Hector came along, but not today. It would have been nice if it was just her and Jane so she could check in with her, but it seemed like Jane was feeling better today.
Audie doctored her tea with sugar and lemon at the pick-up window, flirting with Tarin, the owner of the coffee truck. Audie flirted with everyone, but with Tarin, it was more reserved. Izzy suspected Audie really liked her.
“How’d your coffee date go with Anaya?” Jane slid into one of the chairs in the shade of a nearby oak tree. “Did you get what you needed for the book?”
“It was fun. It ended up going long, so we stretched it over lunch, too.” She pulled a couple of chairs over to Jane.
“Oh.” Jane sounded strained. “Are you hitting it off with her?”
Izzy wondered if Jane didn’t approve of the research Izzy was doing. Was it one of the “among other things” she had referred to when Izzy had checked on her the other day? Maybe Jane thought she was toying with people’s feelings—a worry Izzy sometimes had herself. She couldn’t blame her. Maybe she’d think differently if she knew she had really enjoyed the date and was thinking about going on another one, one that wasn’t just for research. Either way, Izzy didn’t want Jane to think badly of her.
She smiled to reassure her. “I think so. I really enjoy her company.”
“Are you talking about your date this weekend?” Audie sat with them and took a sip of her tea.
“Yeah. I had a good time,” she said. The best thing was the sense of relief over not getting all spun up at the disruption of her orderly life and the idea that maybe she wasn’t quite as damaged as she thought she was. Maybe she could manage a relationship. Maybe not now. In the future. Something casual, though. She still couldn’t risk losing herself like she had in the past.
“You sound surprised,” Audie said, cocking her head.
She thought about it. “I thought it would be more work. I’m still not really into the dating thing, but this doesn’t feel awkward like I imagined it would.”
“Good. If it feels like work, it’s probably not going to work out. Are you planning to see her again?”
“I think so.” The answer came so easily, it surprised her.
“You didn’t set one up at the end of the one on Saturday? Have you at least followed up with her?” Audie asked.
Izzy leaned forward, cradling her coffee cup in her hands between her knees. “What do you mean, follow up?”
“You know, called her or texted her to tell her you enjoyed the date, to see how she was doing, and to tell her you want to see her again. You have to keep the juju alive.”
Izzy sighed. Of course it couldn’t be easy. She started to second guess following through with asking Anaya out again. “All of a sudden, it’s feeling like work.”
Audie sat back in her chair. “It’s not work if you like her.”
“How do you do it?”
“I always follow up. I don’t like to leave them hanging.” Audie flashed a mischievous grin. “Why wait to see them again if you hit it off? If the date doesn’t go so well, I’ll try to let them down gently, but either way, I get back to them soon after the date.”
Izzy was curious. “Do you text them? Message them? Call?”
“Usually, I call. It’s more personal.” Audie sat forward and winked at her. “But, if it goes really well, I roll over and tell them in person.”
Izzy laughed. “You’re a dog.”
“I know. But a sweet, cuddly dog. Arf! Arf!” Audie laughed.
Izzy turned to Jane. She was quiet again, and she missed her ready smile. “How about you, Jane. What’s your MO?”
After a pause during which Izzy thought Jane wasn’t going to answer, Jane shifted in her seat.
“I don’t know. I guess, I’m a little shyer about it. I have a hard time taking the initiative in this kind of thing.”
Izzy found it hard to believe. She was so beautiful. “So, you usually wait to be asked?”
Jane tilted her head. “Yeah, I guess I do.”
“I’m sure you don’t have to wait very often, though.” She took a sip of her coffee. “I’ll bet you have a line of women lighting up your phone.”
Jane stood. She smiled, but it wasn’t as bright as the one Izzy had seen last. “I guess you’d lose your bet, then. I need to get back.”
Izzy and Audie got up to walk back with her. Audie didn’t seem too bothered by Jane’s abrupt change of subject, but Izzy could tell something was wrong. She wanted to get her alone, to check in, to make sure she knew she meant it when she said she was there for her. But she’d already told her as much, so she’d wait until Jane reached out to her.
* * *
Izzy’s concern for Jane lingered through to the afternoon, especially when Jane blew off lunch to work on bugs in the new release. She didn’t want Jane to think she was prying, so calling Anaya to thank her for the coffee-lunch date seemed like the perfect distraction. At least her worry about Jane had minimized her anxiety, so it didn’t seem as daunting a task as she thought it might be.
Nevertheless, her finger hovered over Anaya’s number for a few minutes before she could muster the courage to press it. They’d never spoken on the phone before. What would they talk about after she thanked her? They’d had no trouble finding things to talk about Saturday, but she was drawing a blank now. It was so much easier to chat online. Maybe that was what she should do. She started to open the website. No. Too cheesy.
She took a deep breath and pushed the number.
The phone rang once, and Anaya picked up. She didn’t get a chance to change her mind.
“Hey, Izzy! I was just about to call you.”
Anaya sounded happy to hear from her. A good sign. She relaxed a little. “Oh, yeah?”
“Yeah,” Anaya said. “I had fun on Saturday.”
“Me, too. I just finished the last of the leftover pad thai I took home.”
Anaya’s laugh carried across the phone line. “I finished the green curry yesterday. What were we thinking ordering so much just for us?”
“Our eyes were bigger than our stomachs, as my mom likes to say.” Izzy leaned back in her chair and gathered her courage. “I’m glad you liked it. Hey, besides telling you I had fun, I was also calling to see if you wanted go out to dinner sometime this week.” She held her breath. What the hell was she doing?
“I’m free Wednesday.”
Izzy’s shoulders relaxed, and she spun in her chair. She looked up and saw Jane standing there. She smiled and indicated she’d just be a minute. “Wednesday’s perfect. I’ll message you the details.”
She said goodbye, but when she looked up, Jane was gone, probably b
ecause she didn’t want to intrude. Izzy stood and to see where she’d gone and spotted her walking away.
“Hey, Jane!”
Jane kept walking as if she hadn’t heard her, and Izzy jogged to catch up.
“Hey, busy lady!” she said from a couple steps behind her.
Jane turned around, but kept walking backward. “Meeting. I’m late. Talk later?” Her smile didn’t make it to her eyes, and she was walking in the opposite direction of the conference rooms.
“Sure. No problem.”
Izzy stopped where she was and Jane disappeared behind the next corner.
* * *
In some ways, second dates are easy. You’ve already spent time with the person. You can assume there’s mutual interest, otherwise one or both of you would have found a way to avoid a second date. You’ve learned some of the other person’s interests, so you have things to talk about. You’re probably more relaxed around each other.
On the other hand, a second date means there may be an expectation of things progressing between you. If you’re not one to hop into bed with someone quickly, there might be some anxiety about how to deal with possible pressure to go faster than you’re comfortable. For people who are good communicators, this might be a good time to set some ground rules around expectations. For people who have trouble communicating, this part can get a little uncomfortable.
The best thing you can do here is understand what you’re ready for at this point. Do what feels right to you and figure out a way to say no when it doesn’t feel right. A good person will understand and won’t pressure you.
What if it’s you who wants to make the move toward more? Simple. Tell them. But, remember, the same thing applies to you. A nice person understands if the other person wants to take it slower.
Chapter Sixteen
Gus followed Izzy from room to room as she tried to figure out what to wear on her second date with Anaya. She’d left work early to make sure she had enough time to get ready, but Gus, who was a perceptive boy, not only knew she was getting ready to leave him again, but that she was nervous as hell, second-guessing, for what seemed the hundredth time, her decision to ask Anaya out. Izzy tried not to get impatient when he ended up underfoot once again.
She dropped to the floor and ruffled his neck. A cloud of fur rose. It didn’t matter how often she groomed him; the fur was everywhere. It was one of the reasons she rarely wore black. “Gus, my man! You know you’re my favorite.” She looked around to make sure the cats weren’t close by. “It’s a work night, and I’ll be home early. How about I take you to the dog park tomorrow? Sound good?”
Gus’s ears perked up, and he tilted his head. His head whipped to the front door, where his leashes hung.
Oh, no. She’d said the magic words. Now he thought they were going there. She was such an idiot. Redirection. “Who wants peanut-butter bombs?”
Gus danced in a circle on his back legs, already starting the tricks she made him do in order to get treats. He was such a smart boy!
Izzy got up and gave Gus a couple of treats and ran him through his trick routine, mixing it up so it wasn’t always in the same order. Once they were done, she filled one of his chew toys with real peanut butter and left him in the kitchen to work on it, hoping she would have some guilt-free time to finish getting ready.
The restaurant they agreed on was nice, but it wasn’t formal. She laid out several outfits, ranging from casual jeans and a button-up shirt to the tailored women’s suit she’d had made for her niece’s wedding. Jeans seemed too casual, and the suit, while she really liked it, was a little too dressy. She opted for a pair of taupe linen pants and a white, flowy peasant shirt that tied in the front. It was a softer look than she usually wore, but she wanted to be pretty. A pair of flat sandals completed the outfit. She spent more time on her hair and even put on a little makeup. Audie would have been proud of her. Hector would have made fun. What would Jane think?
She felt good—better than she had in days. Excitement about the evening overshadowed the tiny bit of anxiety that gnawed at her. She was probably experiencing a bit of hypomania, but after the insecurity and anxiety this whole dating thing stirred up, the mania felt good—which she had to be careful about. The depression side of the cycle would come, too. But that’s what her meds were for, right? It was all the nature of her disorder. She had it under control.
She decided to take the light rail to the restaurant. Parking downtown was usually a mess. Besides, having a train schedule to adhere to was a good way to control the end of the evening.
The restaurant was a couple of blocks from the train station, and Izzy was pleased to find she’d timed it right. Anaya was already there, waiting at the bar. She told the host she had reservations and threaded her way to the bar.
“You look amazing,” Anaya said when Izzy caught her eye. She rose and wrapped Izzy in a hug. “You smell amazing, too.”
Izzy blushed. “Thanks,” she said when Anaya let go of her.
Anaya slid back onto her barstool. “I came directly from work, so I had a drink while I waited.” Anaya waved the bartender over. “What can I order for you?”
Izzy waved the bartender away. “I might have a glass of wine with dinner. The host is waiting to seat us. Do you want to bring your drink to the table?”
“Sure. I’m starving. Let me close my tab.”
Anaya took Izzy’s hand as the host showed them to their table, and Izzy looked around to see if anyone was watching them. When no one seemed to notice, she reminded herself that things had changed a lot since the last time she’d been in a relationship.
“You look really nice,” Anaya said, leaning toward Izzy as they settled across from one another in the booth. “I really like the way the shirt ties up the front. It’s alluring and shows just enough skin.” Anaya rubbed the center of her own chest when she spoke, her eyes riveted on Izzy’s chest. “It makes me want to untie it.”
Izzy blushed at the comment and didn’t know what to say. Thankfully, Anaya’s eyes met hers again.
“Have you ever been to this restaurant before?” Anaya asked.
Izzy opened the menu so she didn’t have to watch the desire dance in Anaya’s eyes. Things felt so different from their coffee date, and she wasn’t sure she was ready or even able, to respond to Anaya’s spoken and unspoken suggestions. “A few times with friends. The ravioli is really good, but I hear the steak is the best thing on the menu.”
Anaya reached across the table and stroked the back of her hand with a finger. “Have you tried it yourself?”
Izzy cleared her throat. “No. I’m one of those people who orders the same thing every time. I had the ravioli the first time I was here, and I’ve had it every time since.”
Anaya took Izzy’s hand, forcing her to look up from the menu. She brushed a fingertip along the lines of Izzy’s palm. “I hope you’re a little more adventurous in other aspects of your life.”
Izzy shivered at the touch. Her mind short-circuited. Regardless of her earlier confidence, she was so far outside of her realm of experience and comfort, she didn’t know how to respond. She normally didn’t pick up on sexual innuendo, but Anaya wasn’t even trying to be subtle. “I’m just not much of a foodie, so once I land on a good thing, I stick with it.”
The server appeared, and she tried to pull her hand out of Anaya’s, but Anaya kept hold of it.
“We’ll have a bottle of the Bocelli Sangiovese.” The server left the table as she continued to stroke Izzy’s palm. “It’s lush and smoky. I think you’ll like it.”
Izzy swallowed hard. “I wasn’t planning on drinking tonight.”
“I promise you’ll like it. If you don’t, more for me.”
Anaya’s eyes were mesmerizing, the swirls she was making in Izzy’s palm with her fingertip adding to the effect. Normally, she would have been bothered by someone ordering for her, especially alcohol, but the strangeness of the situation made her feel almost removed from her body.
An
aya leaned forward and stared. “You have such beautiful eyes.”
Izzy fought the urge to squirm. “Thank you.” She looked away. It was impossible to return Anaya’s intense stare.
“When you look at me like that, they do something to me.”
Izzy wasn’t sure what Anaya meant. How was she looking at her?
Once again, the server saved her from having to answer by appearing with the wine. Anaya let go of Izzy’s hand to look at the menu, and the weird feeling of being mesmerized receded.
Anaya raised her glass when the server left the table with their dinner order. “To the beginning of something wonderful, I hope.”
Izzy lifted her glass and forced a smile. Everything about Anaya seemed to be exaggerated tonight. She craved some distance. Was she just being too sensitive? She tried to focus on something about Anaya she liked. Her smile. She had such a dazzling smile.
Anaya reached across the table and brushed Izzy’s collarbone with her index finger. The continued moves into her personal space were overwhelming, and Izzy didn’t know how to respond. A long time ago she’d enjoyed this kind of play with Kelly. They’d been so young and uninhibited, and Kelly had been so open about her desire, which had made Izzy feel daring and carefree. It had been wonderful, like a powerful drug. Now, Izzy felt like retreating. The touches were too much, too soon. Her chest was tightening.
“I’m so glad I took a chance on your pictureless profile.” Anaya sat back in the booth, swirling the wine in her glass before she took a drink.
The physical distance allowed Izzy to breathe a little easier. She pretended to sip her own wine and thought about the good time they’d had Saturday, wishing she could recreate it. “Me, too.”
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