by Patti Larsen
Mom’s explanation wouldn’t leave me alone. Somehow, being crazy was less scary than being taken over, so I voted to trust my instincts. And as far as I figured, there was only one way to find out the truth.
Wake up and talk to me. We had to sort things out. There was no way I’d allow my demon to continue this behavior.
She snorted softly, did the equivalent of a roll over in my mind and settled into an even deeper sleep. Was she faking? Possibly. But I’d never felt her so calm and content, so I could only assume she wasn’t.
I took a long shower while I waited for her to wake up or my head explode. Either way, at least I was clean. And the heat of the water settled me further. Okay, no time to freak out and lose it. She was still sleeping. Perfect. I had time to deal with her before this became a problem. Trouble was, I didn’t believe a word of it.
This was not going to go away or be fixed easily. I just knew it.
Dad! Why didn’t I think of him before? As frivolous as yesterday seemed this was a definite case for him. Even if I didn’t, he would know exactly what to do.
I tried reaching for my magic, but felt very weak. Didn’t help that my demon slept like she never planned to stir. I knew she was half of my power, if not more. That meant no help from my father until she woke up.
And who knew if she’d be willing to help me or not, knowing how much trouble she was in.
It crossed my mind then that Mom and Dad probably already talked. Which meant Dad would be on Mom’s side. After all, didn’t she tell me no one else could feel the rift or the other side of me? So Dad was out anyway unless I could convince him otherwise.
Okay, so no help. Nothing new there. Seemed I was always handling my own problems, so why should this be any different? I’d just have to come up with a way to either prove to myself I was nutters or show Mom I was really two people. Which, unfortunately, probably also proved I was loony tunes.
Lovely.
From the happiness my demon broadcasted in her sleep, she wasn’t waking up any time soon. So Mom was right in that regard. It was pretty likely going out in public was safe at least. But was I really up to facing Benjamin and the mess he’d made in the shape I was in?
Uncle Frank’s disappointment still stung, nice and fresh. Was he right? Was I just being paranoid, not liking the guy because he encroached on my friends? I sighed. Yes, it was possible. Of course it was. I spent years wanting this very thing and now that I finally had it, was I willing to let it go to some odd guy?
The more I thought about it the more ashamed I felt. Until I found myself dressing, pulling my hair back in a pony tail, grabbing my book bag and heading out to school.
Yes, I was late. Ms. Fiat, my least favorite teacher, would definitely give me a hard time. Like what she would dish out would be any worse than how I was feeling already. If only she knew how close I was to snapping. The very idea of me losing it to my demon in her presence actually made me smile.
Finally, a stroke of luck. We had a sub. Alison and Beth both raised their eyebrows, but I just shrugged and settled in my seat.
A note landed on the edge of my desk. I unfolded it and read Alison’s terrible writing.
Sick again?
Oh, she had no clue. I shook my head at her and faked a yawn that turned into a real one before jotting slept in, and tossing the note back at her. She rolled her eyes at me with a wink.
By the time class was over, I actually felt a little better. The male sub seemed half decent and was easy on the eyes, at least. He even let us have the last ten minutes of quiet reading time which we all used to chat among ourselves.
“Why so sleepy?” Alison texted someone else while she talked to me.
“Just a rough night.” I yawned again.
“Poor you.” She flashed me a grin, then giggled over whoever answered her text.
“What’s funny?” I could use a laugh.
“Oh, just Benjamin,” Alison said. “He’s a kick.”
Despite my promise to myself to try, I felt my stomach tighten. “Yup,” I said. “A kick in the…” I let it go. This was not the conversation I wanted to have. Keep it light, Hayle.
“He brought us all something special for lunch.” Alison was typing again. “Something to do with curry.”
Like I’d eat anything he… okay. I was getting out of hand again. I saw Beth wave at me and forced a smile back. These were my friends. My friends. And if putting up with him was the only way to keep the peace, I’d do it.
Two bells later and I sat hunched at the end of our table watching Benjamin lord over my friends like he’d known them their whole lives. Everyone watched him, laughed at everything he said, went on and on about how delicious his stupid lunch curry thing was. It was so hard, but I choked down a few bites and made myself smile at him.
It hurt that Blood wasn’t there. I spotted him about half way through the hour, by himself in the corner, watching us with a forlorn expression. No, not us. Pain. Why couldn’t she see how every whispered word with Benjamin cut Blood like a knife? I could feel his anguish each time she giggled or laughed over something he said. It tore me up so much I had to wall him off and clench the power I had access to tightly so I wouldn’t jump up and do something violent to Benjamin.
My demon chose that moment to wake up. I’m not sure if it was the excessive emotion or the pressure of my fight for control or even just that she wasn’t tired anymore, but she roared to life and drove me to my feet.
The moment I found myself standing I had control back. But it was too late by then. Everyone stared at me. Not just my friends. Everyone.
“I have to go.” I grabbed my stuff, hopped the bench and fled before anyone could say anything. I didn’t want to hear it.
The rest of the afternoon felt like torture. I waffled between wanting to go home and worrying about my demon who refused to talk to me at all. A retreat to an empty bathroom stall and an attempt at a conversation with her turned into a shouting spree from me and total silence from her. Threats didn’t work, nor did pleading or the outright temper tantrum I settled into.
I finally went to class with a massive headache from mentally screaming at the top of my lungs.
My mind wandered around the Benjamin problem as much as it did my demon issues. It was like both of my worlds were falling apart and I no longer had a safe place to go to. I’d gotten used to having normal friends and a normal life as a buffer for the scary crap that went on in my coven.
And now it was crumbling beneath me.
Alison stopped me at the doors as I tried to sneak out after school.
“We’re going to Johnny’s.” She looked so sad. “Please come.”
But I had to go home. I spotted Pain, hanging off of Benjamin, with Simon and Beth hovering close by, looking uncomfortable. I couldn’t, just couldn’t.
“Sorry, Al,” I whispered. “I have stuff to do.”
“Sure,” she said. “I get it.” She stepped back, her sadness now with an edge to it. “See you, Syd.”
I left without another word, feeling like I was supposed to go back and defend them, to protect them from Benjamin even though that was silly and stupid. I had to deal with this demon issue first. Then I’d do something about him.
I ran all the way home, slamming my way through the kitchen door. I caught a startled touch of Sassy, but ignored him as I thudded down the basement stairs and to my father’s effigy.
The granite statue felt cold under my hands. My demon growled inside me.
“Oh no you don’t,” I snapped at her. “You won’t talk to me, you talk to him. And I’m warning you here and now, you give me an inch of trouble and I’m kicking your ass.”
Like I could. She just snorted and opened up.
I threw my power at my dad and practically jerked him from his plane on Demonicon and into his statue. His face looked startled as the stone came alive, and he blinked a few times as though disoriented.
“Syd?” He looked down at himself then up at me. “What�
�s wrong?”
“I’m sorry,” I babbled, “I didn’t mean to do that but I had to talk to you because she’s taking me over and I don’t know how to stop it and you have to help me.” I gasped a breath just as Dad stepped forward and gripped my face between his hands.
“Cupcake,” he said. “Breathe.”
I sobbed once, tears flooding my vision. “It’s not fair!”
Dad sighed and hugged me. “Tell me what happened.”
I felt Mom’s power slide over me as her arms went around me from behind. I was still kind of pissed at her for not believing me but it was nice to have the extra support. Something soft and warm rubbed against my legs, a furry lump sitting down on my feet. I was surrounded by their love, their power, but I still felt like I was all alone.
Okay, not all alone. More like possessed.
I gasped out the story to my dad, all of it, about the Chosen and the crash. I could feel him nodding so I knew Mom told him that part already. But when I came to the night before, how I came downstairs to practice like Mom asked and woke up in the back yard, he tensed.
“The sleepwalking again?” I jerked free of him and caught Mom’s nod.
“I wasn’t sleepwalking.” My teeth ground together as my frustration rose. “I’m telling you right now, my demon took me over. Why won’t you believe me?”
“It’s not possible.” Sassy’s tail thrashed against my legs. “Syd, your demon half is part of you. It can’t take you over.”
Dad looked very troubled and that worried me more. “Honey,” he said, “you’ve always talked about her like she’s her own entity. But we can’t feel anything inside you that doesn’t feel like, well, you.”
“I can’t explain it,” I said. “I wish I could. But she’s talking to me now, too.”
Mom looked so startled I almost laughed. Yes, that’s right, Mom. You’re daughter has lost it completely. Call the guys in the white jackets while you have the chance.
Instead of the obvious reaction, she reached out to touch me, though her power kept to itself. “Syd, sweetheart. She’s talking? As in words?”
Certifiable. Padded room, three shots a day.
“Yes,” I said. “It just started. The night of the abduction. The first time she took me over.” If that was the first time. Imagine her going for a stroll at night with my little kid body? Thing is, she was a kid too, so I partially forgave her for that.
Mom was frowning even deeper now, the line a small canyon between her eyes. “It’s just not possible. Harry, is it possible?”
Was she actually listening at last? I just hoped I was right and not schizophrenic after all.
He shrugged his wide shoulders, though when his eyes met mine there was so much compassion in them I knew he wanted to be on my side, wanted to believe. “Miriam, if I’ve learned anything being a part of our family, it’s that anything is possible.”
The shared a lovely dovey lookie moment. Yikes. Really?
“Can we focus, please?” For some reason, that made them both laugh. I tried to not be offended.
“Syd,” Dad said, “we want to take this seriously. I’ve heard you refer to the demon half of you as a her before, but I never really realized what that meant.”
Mom and Dad exchanged a look. “Could that be why she’s resisted for so long?” Mom’s hand absently stroked my hair. “Somehow they were born apart?”
Dad shook his head. “You carried her and gave birth to her, Miriam,” he said. “You know they were one.”
Mom nodded. “Then why? If this is the case, if they are separate somehow, what happened?”
They both looked at me, obviously worried now. Great. My stress level climbed to the point I almost hyperventilated again.
“Syd,” Mom sent me a thread of her power to calm me, “it’s okay, sweetheart. We’ll figure this out.”
“I need to go inside your power,” Dad said. “To see what you mean.”
“You really don’t feel it?” It was so obvious to me. I couldn’t understand why they didn’t feel it. “The split?”
Both of them shook their heads. Even Sassy looked confused.
“No, honey,” Dad said. “You feel the same as you always have. Whole. Powerful. We had no idea you were feeling this way. I always thought you talked about her like that to distance yourself from your abilities. And the sleepwalking was just a symptom of an overactive child. This is the first time you’ve come out and said it felt like there was someone else inside you.”
Fair enough. I know I’d complained before, but he was right. Until now, it hadn’t been much of a problem. This is what came from ignoring my magic. It gave me the creeps to think of my father crawling around in my head, but if letting him in meant figuring this out at last, I was all for it.
“Okay,” I said, voice shaky and breath still coming too fast. “Go ahead.”
I felt his power slide inside my mind. His demon magic felt very warm and had a soft, golden shimmer to it.
“Harry?” Mom said. “Anything?”
He frowned, eyes distant. “Nothing. She’s exactly as… wait a minute.” I felt him slide past the walls I was so used to, the ones I’d kept up since I was little to block my demon from me. “Oh no. Oh, Syd.”
Mom’s power plunged in after Dad’s, a breath of Sassy’s following. Together they confronted my demon as she had always felt to me.
She snarled at them.
Mom pulled back and turned away. I saw her hand lift, swipe at her eyes. Was it that bad? Sassy sighed, his tail stilling, leaning his full weight against my legs, rubbing his cheek over my shin. Dad stayed with me, his mind full of questions.
Why? His mental voice rang as rich and warm as his spoken one, but multi- layered like an echo.
The best description I can give is that she turned her back on him. He grasped her firmly and turned her around. It was the most horrible feeling, like my mind being stirred. I heard myself whimper as Dad pressed my demon for information.
What went wrong? She still refused to answer, so defiant I worried he might push her farther. My head started to really hurt, my knees weak from the pain.
You were meant to be one. Dad sounded so sad I wanted to cry.
My demon snapped at him, jerking herself free of his control. It drove a spike of agony through my mind, driving me to the ground. I cried out, gripping my head between my hands in an effort to keep it from flying apart.
I felt Dad instantly retreat and the pain eased. But the dull throb left behind was enough to keep me afraid.
“I’m sorry, honey,” Dad said, hugging me. “I had no idea.”
“I’m scared,” I whispered to him.
“I know,” he said. “It’s going to be okay.”
“How did we miss this?” Mom crouched beside us, wringing her hands.
“The separation is buried deep,” Dad said. “At the most basic level. But they’ve worked together in a symbiotic relationship for so long they’ve formed enough of a bond that they feel like one.”
“But we’re not.” I shuddered at the thought of it even while I knew it was true and had known my whole life.
“No, Syd, you’re not.” Dad’s tone sounded so grim I pulled away from him.
“And I’m not crazy.”
Mom shook her head, eyes still bright with extra moisture.
One thing off the Syd issue checklist. I gathered Sassy into my arms for comfort. His purr rattled my teeth.
Dad climbed to his feet. “I’m going back,” he said. “To see if I can find a precedent. Don’t worry, Syd, we’ll work this out. And I’m sorry. For not listening to you. You’ve been trying to tell us for years and we just blamed it on your stubborn nature.”
He didn’t wait for me to say anything. His statue settled into place and Dad was gone.
Mom helped me to my feet and gently led me upstairs. I was worn out, felt totally beaten. I hated that I was right after all.
Mom put me to bed and tucked me in despite the early hour. She drew m
y curtains and sat with me while I dozed in and out. I didn’t want to sleep, was afraid my demon would take over again. But every time I woke up with a start, Mom was still there, holding my hand. Even Meira joined us, snuggled beside me, soft little lips kissing my cheek before her arms wrapped around me for comfort.
That was enough reassurance that I was able, finally, to fall into a deep sleep.
I woke up feeling refreshed and much better than I had the night before. Even when the reality of it came rushing in through the happy warmth of my sleep, I was able to be rational and not cry about it anymore.
Okay, not much.
Mom lay curled up next to me, the lilac scent of her so comfortable and familiar I was able to stop my tears pretty quickly. Yes, things looked kind of crappy on the magic front, but I had both of my parents on side with me now. That made a huge difference.
Meira kissed me when she woke up and slipped out of bed, her small feet padding over my thick carpet as she yawned her way to the door. Sassy followed her after a swipe with his rough tongue and a quick hug he tolerated.
Mom was the last to leave me, her fingers stroking my cheek and hair, soft lips pressing to my forehead like she used to when I was a little girl.
“I love you,” she said as she left.
There, see? It couldn’t be that bad. Could it?
Dad still hadn’t contacted Mom by the time I forced myself to shower and dress.
“School?” She seemed concerned. “Are you sure?”
So crazy Syd was okay for public consumption but demon split Syd, not so much? I could see her point. And I wasn’t sure. In fact, I really didn’t want to go. But what good would it do sitting around waiting for Dad to figure something out? And my demon was pretty quiet, back to normal if I could call myself that.
“I guess,” I said. “If you think I’m safe.”
She smiled. “You’ve been fine for seventeen years,” she said. “And despite what’s happened recently, I doubt that’s going to change in the next few hours.”
She was right. And it lifted my spirits.
Mom hugged me and let me go.