Now on full alert, my body cried for more as James and I gazed at each other. “I’ve missed you, Hope. Is this…is it too soon for you?”
I couldn’t talk. I could barely breathe. So I slowly moved my head side to side.
His shoulders relaxed and he pulled me into his arms. The scent of his skin, the heat of his touch, and the sensation of his hard body pressing against me combined until my emotion spilled over. I couldn’t contain my joy.
My husband wanted me. His desire for me had returned, and if his physical response was any indication, we’d be making love very soon. And I wanted nothing more than to feel him inside me and have our bodies and souls unite in the mystical, holy union of marriage.
His lips grazed my neck and traveled up my face until he pulled me deeper into the moment with his heady kisses. We eased on to the foot of our bed. His tongue explored my mouth as gently as a whisper, but with enough heat to set our house on fire.
I moaned as he gently nudged me until I laid flat on my back. Every part of me wept with relief. I was ready for whatever he had to give me.
James stood and unbuttoned his shirt, then removed it before he unzipped his pants. I couldn’t help staring as he removed his last piece of clothing. I took in his delicious build and marveled as the one part of his body that had failed to respond to me perked up, ready for whatever came next. The sight enthralled me.
My husband glanced down to acknowledge what I’d noticed, and the look of pride in his eyes told me he was relieved and thrilled that his abilities were back. I sighed and slid my gaze higher until our eyes locked on each other. Even though my husband worried about the slightly thinning hair on top of his head, he was still the sexiest man I’d ever known. The only man I’d ever truly loved.
Sure, Tony had bedroom eyes and a hot accent, but they were nothing in comparison to my husband’s attentions, because I knew my husband adored me with his whole heart. He was committed to me and to our marriage. Real love was what made the difference, because attraction could only go so far.
I mentally berated myself for letting thoughts of Tony enter my mind at such an intimate moment as I watched James ease onto the bed beside me. He lifted his free hand and teased the skin around my navel because he knew that drove me crazy. I scooted a little closer and rested my head on my hand as I propped myself up and faced him.
The look in his eyes made my heart race. He reached for my lips and ran his finger over them. “You’re so beautiful.”
My mouth twitched with a grin. “You’re pretty hot, too.”
He trailed his finger down my arm and adjusted himself so he was close enough to unclip my bra. Then he did so as he pressed his warm lips against my neck. I melted against him as he kissed and explored every inch of me until I nearly climaxed from the experience.
When he finally entered me, I literally wept from the pleasure it brought to my soul. I cried as my heart overflowed with love for him. Then I sobbed as I reached both a physical and emotional crest more intense than anything I’d ever experienced before.
James shuddered and then mumbled something about finally making love to his wife, like he couldn’t believe he’d done it, yet he had.
Moments later he relaxed as he held me in his arms.
The tears streaming down my face came from an overjoyed outpouring of my heart as I clung to my husband and felt a spiritual and emotional union with him that was so intense that it had to be ordained by God. Making love had never been such a spiritual experience for me before. Not to mention a physical and emotional tidal wave crashing over me.
I smiled contentedly as a deep satisfaction washed over me from having been so thoroughly loved.
James must’ve felt my hot tears because he nudged me back until he could see into my eyes. “I’ve wanted to do that for so long...but I couldn’t. But oh how I wanted to.”
His voice lowered until I could barely hear him. “I’m so…happy right now.”
My throat tightened with emotion and I rasped, “Me, too.”
“I can’t ever lose you, Hope. I’d rather die.” His eyes shone with unshed tears.
“I believe you.” My chin trembled.
He leaned closer and kissed it, then closed his mouth over mine.
The sound of my stomach growling startled us both.
“Hungry, Babe?” He offered an intense look, so I knew his question held a double meaning.
With a shy grin, I whispered, “not anymore.”
My answer couldn’t have pleased James more because he leapt from the bed and scooped me into his arms as if to carry me over the threshold again. I giggled. Neither of us wore a stitch of clothing.
Since Jimmy wouldn’t arrive home from school for at least three more hours, we had nothing to fear but running out of time. I glanced at the clock.
We had to be in court in less than an hour.
I smiled. James had made love to me for a good thirty minutes after foreplay. It had seemed like an eternity at the time, but now I was truly impressed because I couldn’t recall James everlasting that long before. If today’s performance were any indication, we’d have some amazing days ahead of us.
James placed me on a chair at the table, leaned down, and kissed my breast. “We don’t have time to get dressed,” he muttered, knowing full well that wasn’t true.
While we were short on time, I know he just wanted us to eat in the buff. We hadn’t done anything that crazy since our honeymoon.
In so many ways our time together felt like starting over, and I relished every minute, marveling at how much things in our marriage had changed for the better. Truly God made all things beautiful in His time. And I sensed the time for James to come back home was upon us.
“I want you back.” I spoke with all the sincerity I could muster as he arranged chips on my plate—while still completely naked—with decorative precision.
James paused and turned to face me, plate in hand. He wore a wry grin. “I kind of figured that.”
“I mean like I want you back home. Today.” Blinking back tears of joy at the satisfied grin that covered his face, I stood and walked toward him.
James set my plate down, wrapped his arms around me, and drew me close. “I’d like that, too.”
I lingered naked in my husband’s arms, until I could get a grip on my emotions.
Peering around his shoulder, I spotted my plate on the counter and laughed at the sight. James had taken the chips and arranged them into the shape of a heart. Such a small gesture, but so thoughtful that it made me want to squeeze him tight.
Never again.
With God’s help I’d never hurt my husband again.
Somehow as I thought the words through, I knew this time they were possible. Not just because my husband had met my physical needs, but because deep in my heart I knew that God wanted to richly bless my life.
And He wanted to include my husband in that plan.
Chapter 33
As I brushed my hair—and now fully clothed—I examined my eyes in the mirror. I definitely looked happy, like a woman in love. After an intense emotional experience like I’d just had with my husband, I knew concealing the glow would prove impossible.
Not that I wanted to hide anything.
Let Tony see me happy. Maybe that would put his mind at ease. Maybe his wife would leave me alone.
I just wished that she would forgive Tony and that they’d find faith in God. Without Him in their lives their marriage would probably never heal. I doubted they’d had a very good foundation to begin with, but without the Lord I didn’t know how married couples survived, let alone thrived.
It was hard enough to make it work even with the Lord in our lives.
“Ready, hon?” James popped his head into the bathroom. He gave me a wolf whistle.
I rolled my eyes.
“You look great. Now put that brush down and let’s get out of here. We need to get this over with.” He took the hairbrush from me and nuzzled my neck.
I laughed and elbowed him gently. “Don’t get me started.”
He backed away, hands up, a teasing smile adorning his face. “Then I’ll save those plans for later. No need to get all aggressive on me.”
Following a cat-like purr, I replied though pouty lips, “Oh, but I thought you liked it when I took control.”
“You know me well.” He winked at me, just like Tony had at first—probably to let me know he was interested. I’d been so naïve to be flattered by him.
What really creeped me out, though, was my husband never winked.
That sobering thought chilled me to the marrow. We were about to see my former lover in person in less than fifteen minutes. How would I feel when I saw him? Would my pulse pound? Would I miss Tony? Have flashbacks of sex? Pity him? Burst out crying from the horror of it all?
I had no idea, and that reality made my stomach cramp. I needed to remain calm and keep my thoughts and emotions under control. Somehow. But how?
“I’m scared, James.” I bit my lip and tried to not cry. I’d done way too much sad weeping lately. I wanted to stick with happy tears, with ecstatic crying. No more expressing tears of anguish from remorse or pain.
He gave me a gentle squeeze. “Relax, Babe. I’ll be praying for you. For us. You’ll do fine. Just share from your heart. Okay?”
Nodding, I sucked in a cleansing breath. I can do this, I can do this.
“Stop worrying. God’s got you in the palm of His hand. He won’t abandon you,” James touched my cheek, “and neither will I.”
My knees weakened at the love pouring from his heart toward me; the emotion clearly visible in his eyes, his smile. What more could a woman ask for?
I’d been thinking that a lot lately. But then I reflected on how I didn’t deserve his love, and how I’d been so selfish to think of my needs first. The same guilt feelings stabbed at my heart, so I forced my thoughts elsewhere.
I had to think positively or I’d fall apart in front of Tony, something I dreaded doing and earnestly prayed would not happen. I’d already suffered enough humiliation from the affair to last me for many years to come. And I didn’t want his wife to see me lose control either. She hated me, and if I broke down, it might justify her loathing of me—at least in her mind.
*****
James pulled into the parking lot. I spied Tony’s truck. My heart hammered so viciously that I thought I’d pass out as I clung to James’s arm to keep myself upright. He wrapped his arm around my waist for extra support.
We stepped inside the building and passed through metal detectors. A female guard spot-checked us for weapons before the male security guard let us enter the waiting area.
I peered around, but didn’t see them. A male court clerk assisted us in checking in, then guided my husband and me to court room A.
I recognized the shrill sound of her voice before I saw her. I sensed Tony’s wife’s foul mood, and could almost taste it as it hung heavy in the air. Tony sat with his elbows on a table and his head buried in his hands. Pity for him and his situation washed over me like a sudden rainstorm. I swallowed hard.
His wife hissed as she poked him. “They’re here.”
Tony jerked up and straightened in his chair, but refused to look my way. His leg jiggled under the table. I realized then that his wife had probably put him up to the whole thing. While she gloated and alternately glared at me, Tony looked like he wanted to crawl under the table and hide from the shame of it all.
Closing my eyes, I said a quick prayer for them both.
I sensed James’s warm, reassuring hand on my back.
Without looking in their direction, I felt the anger and lethal looks coming from his wife. None from Tony, though. He acted like a beaten dog, weak and defenseless. Any respect I’d had for him before today fizzled out completely at the sight of him in such a defeated state.
The sound of something slamming made me jolt in my seat. I peered at the object of that noise and noted Tony’s wife had slapped my book on the table. I cringed and looked away. It was bad enough when you had people you liked examining your “baby”, but to have someone who clearly hated you reading your life’s work was particularly unnerving.
“All rise.” The bailiff announced the judge’s entry to the room, and we stood. The bailiff asked us to raise our hands and pledge to tell the truth. We all said “I do” except for my husband, because he was not a party to the proceedings. He was asked to move to the back of the room.
I peered back at James, who gave me a confident smile. James then glanced at Tony and his wife with a perturbed-looking frown on his face. No doubt he wanted to protect me from the emotional damage he sensed coming.
The proceedings began with Tony presenting his case. The lies he told made my mouth fall open like a marionette’s. I glanced back at James. He gave me a reassuring nod to let me know he didn’t believe the lies. Then he bowed his head as if to commence praying.
“You may now present your case, Ms. Williams.” The judge nodded at me.
“Thank you, Your Honor. May I begin by apologizing to the petitioners? I’d like to say that I’m sorry for any grief I caused your family. It was a mistake. I’m very sorry…and…” My voice grew hoarse, so I cleared my throat of emotion. “…I just want to move on, to go on with my life. I want to be left alone.”
“So you deny the allegations?” The judge frowned at me.
“Yes, Your Honor. I merely drove by one day to see if they had moved, so I wouldn’t have to worry about running into them at the store. Unfortunately, that happened anyway because it’s such a small town. But I didn’t follow them or call or anything. The only time I contacted her after this whole mess started was in response to a few e-mails she wrote to me. I even stopped that.”
“So why are you in court today? Do you think they would waste their time bringing this matter to the court’s attention if there was no merit to the petition?”
“Yes, Your Honor. I do. I believe they despise me. His wife has even said she would do everything she could to damage my reputation in this town. She said I hadn’t suffered enough. I believe this court hearing is just one more manipulation by her to make me suffer. I need to work to pay my bills. If my reputation is slandered and I lose clients, then it will hurt my finances and I could lose my home. I’ve already given up my writing career because of what happened.”
Tony shot a look at his wife, then glanced over at me. Guilt poured from his eyes. He scanned my face for mere seconds, then quickly turned away and stared at his hands.
Tony’s wife muttered, “Tony lost his promotion because of you…”
“Do you have anything to add, Ms. Perotta?”
Tony’s wife stood and glared at me. “Yes, I do.” She pointed. “This woman has ruined my life. She screwed my husband in our truck and in our home numerous times.” His wife grabbed my book and lifted it from the table. “She even wrote a book about my husband. She lured him in by having him read it, then turned him on with the romantic scenes. She is a manipulative, lying witch and—”
“Stick to the facts, Ms. Perotta. This is not the venue for hashing out the particulars. Ms. Williams stated she clearly has no interest in harassing you or your husband, so I don’t see what the issue is here.”
“Your Honor, the issue is that now I have to divorce my cheating husband because of that woman.” She sprayed me with spittle as she finished her sentence.
“This is not divorce court, so I can’t address that issue. Do you have anything further to add?” The judge glanced at Tony and his wife. They both shook their heads no.
“What about you, Ms. Williams?”
“I have no further comments. I just want to be left alone.”
“Very well then.” The judge smacked his gavel. “Since the plaintiff has failed to prove their case, the charges will all be dropped. Good day.”
The judge rose, and we all stood. He then left the courtroom.
Tony’s wife barreled past me and stomped out the door.
I collected my purse and turned at the sound of Tony’s voice. “I am very sorry, Sir, for my relationship with your wife. I was wrong. Please forgive.”
My husband eyed Tony warily, but accepted his hand. “I will choose to forgive you. I have completely forgiven Hope.”
“That is good.” Tony shifted his feet and turned to walk out.
“But please, be a man and get Hope’s book back from your wife.”
Tony turned toward my husband. “Is not possible.”
“But you have no need of it anyway, and my wife should have the book returned to her. It’s her property.” My husband’s volume rose. Just a little.
Tony quickly glanced over at me, a flicker of longing in his gaze that was quickly replaced by sadness and resignation. He returned to my husband and muttered, “I am sorry, but I cannot.”
His wife stood in the hallway and growled at Tony through the open door. “Are you coming, or do you want to walk back?”
With a sigh, Tony shoved his hands into his pockets and slinked off like the coward he was. I wondered what I’d ever seen in him as I stood and received the embrace my husband offered the moment Tony slipped from the room.
“I tried to keep my cool, Hope. It was hard, though.” He kissed my forehead while simultaneously rubbing my back with his palm, making lazy circles over my blouse.
“You did good.” I squeezed him gently.
“Same with you. I do have a question, though.”
“Hmmm?” I stepped back and gazed up at him.
James’s eyes flickered with amusement. “What did you see in that guy? I’m way better looking than he is.”
My shoulders relaxed and I emitted a tense giggle. My husband’s body was more built and stronger than Tony’s, so I knew that’s what he meant. “I never said he was gorgeous.”
“Well, at least now I’ve met the man. And he did apologize.” James paused, then chuckled.
“What?” I couldn’t imagine what he found humorous.
Never Without Hope (Sacred Vows Book 1) Page 26