Notice Me

  “No, I think that’s a good idea,” I smiled at him. “Let me just get… dressed.” I giggled.

  We held hands walking back up to his flat neither of us wanting to let the other go. As we entered the flat Charlie pulled me onto the sofa, kissing me as I fell onto his lap.

  “So you never did answer my question bookworm,” Charlie teased in between kisses.

  “What question?” I had almost lost my train of thought as I kissed Charlie.

  “Do you love me?” He looked at me deeply with his dreamy eyes.

  “Yes, I love you, but I can’t see how this can work. Megan can never find out. She thought I was coming over to have a go at you. Look at what I did instead.” I was angry with myself, but if I had to do it all again, I wouldn’t have changed a thing.

  “We could keep it a secret. You go to New York in ten days. I could join you there. Straton is always in New York. When you feel Megan has got over me we can tell her.”

  “Charlie, I am not sure Megan can get over you.” I believed that.

  “Well, she still managed to screw someone else while we were together. She can’t care that much.” Charlie was playing with my fingers now, entwining them with his. “Mind you I was glad. It gave me the courage to tell the person I really wanted to be with.” He squeezed me tighter. “Which was you.”

  “I think we need to really talk about this.” I was trying to be serious, but playful Charlie was very distracting. “I should go, Megan will be wondering where I am.”

  Charlie swiftly picked me up lifting me off the sofa in his sturdy arms. “Forget Megan for one night, please. You can have a life too. You could have a life with me. Anyway, you just told me you loved me, so you need to let me thank you.”

  “But Meg…”

  “Not tonight! Forget her. I am here, that’s all you need to know.” Charlie interrupted with a rather fierce will destroying kiss as he carried me to his bed. I really didn’t want to argue. We could sort the rest in the morning. Charlie was right Megan could cope without me for one night, so long as she never found out what I was doing.

  Chapter 15

  The morning sun was slowly weaving through Charlie’s blinds as I woke up. I stretched my hand across the bed hoping to find Charlie next to me, but the bed was empty. I sat up a little too quickly wondering where he was as my head span. Perhaps I had dreamed it all last night? His front door slowly opened. Charlie stood there with a pint of milk in his hand, alluring in just sweat pants. He was so heavenly he made my heart fly. It was hard to think he wasn’t a dream.

  “Oh, you are awake. I was hoping to surprise you and cook breakfast in bed.” Charlie was beaming. It took my breath away. Was I really the cause for all this?

  “You didn’t have to do that,” I smiled as he sat next to me on the bed kissing me softly.

  “I know that, but I wanted to. I called Megan too. She was freaking out that you hadn’t come home last night.” My face froze I must have looked petrified. “Don’t worry Shan. I didn’t tell her anything about us. I actually lied saying you had a huge go at me then fainted so you had to sleep it off at mine. Are you impressed with me?” Charlie asked smug.

  “Very,” I leaned over towards him wrapping my arms around his neck. Guilt was running through my veins. What was I doing? Charlie was the love of Megan’s life, but I just couldn’t keep away from him. Honestly I was sure Megan couldn’t love him as much as me. “What am I having for breakfast then?” I asked inches away from his magnificent face.

  “Well, I was going to put some bacon on. What do you fancy?”

  “You,” I giggled. Charlie laughed pushing me forcefully down onto the bed with a passionate kiss.

  I knew I couldn’t stay wrapped in Charlie’s arms all day. Megan would need her best friend. Some best friend I had turned out to be. I had created such a catastrophic nightmare so why did it feel so right in Charlie’s warm embrace?

  “I really have to go and see Megan, Charlie,” I whispered as he played with my hair.

  “I know you do. I am just afraid to let you go. Where do we go from here?” Charlie looked fearful. Neither of us really knew the answer to that.

  “I don’t know, but I have to see Megan. She will need me.”

  “I’m sorry to put you through all this. It’s why it took me so long to tell you. I did love Megan at the beginning don’t get me wrong, but the more time I spent with you, Megan just didn’t compare. You are everything I have been looking for. You make me feel whole.” I knew what Charlie meant. All my life I had felt alone. Megan helped me to a great extent but as a friend there was only so much she could do. With Charlie I knew we loved each other. I had no fear of anything. My nerves felt almost lifted. I wasn’t some unwanted person because Charlie loved me with every fraction of his soul.

  I got up reluctantly to have a shower. It was near impossible to have to refuse Charlie joining me, but I had to get back to Megan. I had been selfish enough.

  As I stood by his front door about to leave Charlie cupped his hand under my chin. “You come back to me Shannon Davis. Do you hear me? We can’t let this go.” His whispered as he kissed my lips tenderly.

  “I will be back. Just give me some time with Megan then we can talk.” I kissed him one last time so I could savour the moment. “Bye.”

  “I love you,” Charlie whispered. As he dropped his hand from my face my heart melted.

  “I love you too,” I whispered back leaving his flat.

  I felt like a criminal as I walked across London town. Now I was away from Charlie it was dawning on me what I had done. Betrayed my one true friend, the person who had helped me become the individual I was now. The only person who had ever cared about me. I was indebted to Megan for so many reasons. This was how I repaid her? I was a monster, people were right to stay away from me, to never get close. Look at how I thanked them.

  I wasn’t surprised to see Maisy at the flat when I got back. Although the sister’s bickered most of their lives they came together when it mattered.

  “Oh Shan you are back. Are you alright Megan said you passed out or something at Charlie’s?” Maisy helped me from the front door worried I might still be faint.

  “I’m okay now Maisy. Thanks. How is Megan?” I asked brushing off her kind gesture. Maisy wouldn’t have been quite so helpful if she knew what I had really been doing last night.

  “She is not very good. She had drunk six bottles of wine by the time I got here last night.”

  “Six?” That was a new record for Megan.

  “She is asleep at the moment. So what did that creep have to say for himself last night?” Maisy asked bitterly. “I mean I know he is God’s gift, but how dare he treat my sister like that. Does he not realise who she is? How could he even think of doing that to Megan?”

  “He didn’t say much really. I shouted at him a lot. Called him a few names. Passed out then found myself on his sofa when I woke up this morning.” I think I had got away with the lie from Maisy’s face.

  “Why do you think you fainted? Are you sure you are alright? We could go to the hospital if…”

  “No Maisy, really I am fine. I think I forgot to breathe while I was shouting at him, plus it could have been all the pressure you know seeing Megan like that.” This was so bad. I was a pretty good liar. I really hated myself.

  “Well, Will is coming over in a bit. He is worried. Mother has called, but Megan won’t speak to her. Father is ecstatic about the news of course.” Maisy rolled her eyes. “Speaking about Will. Are you sure you can’t find it in your heart to try again? He is a proud man, but I know he is hurting. He loves you so much. I don’t think you could ever meet anyone Shan, who could love you as much.” Up until yesterday I might have believed that. “He is even more dedicated to his work than usual. Can you imagine that? I really can’t cope with two broken hearted siblings. Shannon, please think about it.”

  “Maisy, I’m sorry, but I won’t lead him on anymore. It’s not fair to him. He should be with someon
e who can love him back. I care about him, but as a friend, that will never change. I am sorry I have hurt him.”

  “God, I hate being the baby of the family it sucks.” Maisy sulked off towards the kitchen.

  Megan’s bedroom door slowly opened. “Shan, is that you?” Megan’s voice was weak, rough from crying.

  “Yes it is,” I called back walking into her room. Megan looked worse than I had imagined. Deep red circles were under her eyes, her mascara had run down her cheeks and her hair was stuck in clumps. “Megan, it’s okay. I’m here.” I sat beside her, pulling her close as her sobs began again.

  “I just can’t believe it’s over Shan. How am I ever going to find someone better than Charlie?” My heart felt as if a red hot poker had gone through it. I was so ashamed of myself. Sitting here with Megan was torture. How could I comfort her after what I had done? I would never be able to love Charlie freely. Not with this amount of guilt.

  “Just give it time Megan. I will help you through it. I won’t go to New York. You are more important.” I had to make things right. New York was just the beginning.

  “Don’t be stupid Shannon. You have to go to New York.” Megan looked at me with her wet eyes. “Anyway, if I need you I will just come to New York.”

  “We will see. I am not going if you are like this.”

  “It’s probably the shock. We were back on track. I thought he might even propose soon.” Megan started laughing erratically. “How wrong could I be? What did he say last night? Did he tell you who she was?”

  I could feel my mouth go dry hoping Megan couldn’t see the panic on my face. “No, I really don’t think there is anyone else Megan.”

  “Do you think I might be able to get him back? I mean I know he never really forgave me about Tim. If I begged do you think he might take me back?” The desperate tone in Megan’s voice cut me hard. How could I have taken the only thing Megan needed?

  “Megan, I think you need to let him go. You deserve better. Charlie will only hurt you again.” I was partly talking to myself. Megan and I both needed to be free of Charlie if our friendship was to stay intact.

  “I can’t Shan. I love him.” Tears fell down her face. It was agonizing to watch.

  “I know you do, but you need to try.” Megan just nodded as she lay down on her bed, burying her head in her pillow. “I’ll leave you to rest. Try and sleep, it might help.”

  The afternoon was very slow. I tried to watch television while Maisy babbled on about Will and me. I really wasn’t listening to either. My head was in turmoil thinking about Charlie and Megan. I had discovered the disturbing truth. I couldn’t live without either of them. How would I ever choose?

  Will turned up not long after lunch, blanking me coldly. I expected it. He was still hurting. I seemed to be on self-destruct these days. Destroying everything I touched.

  Will went straight into Megan’s room. Maisy hovered by her door. It was the first time I had ever felt excluded.

  “I can’t believe him. Do you want me to go pay him a visit?” Will was angry. I could hear him from the living room.

  “Will that isn’t going to help Megan,” Maisy protested.

  “I think you should go back to Cheshire with Maisy. Don’t look like that Megan, it’s for the best. Shannon goes to New York in ten days. You can’t stay here alone.” Will spoke my name harshly, it felt good someone hated me. I deserved it.

  “Or I could stay here with her?” Maisy suggested.

  “I think Cheshire is a better idea. Just for a while,” Will replied.

  “As long as it is just a while,” Megan moaned. “I have a few jobs in line anyway to keep me busy. Charlie will be able to see what he is missing. In a few months he will be begging for me back.”

  “At a girl Megan. Then you can kick him to the kerb,” Maisy laughed proud of her sister.

  Will and Maisy left Megan to rest. Will’s eyes caught mine. I could see the pain I had inflicted.

  “Are you guys not even going to talk to each other?” Maisy asked flicking her eyes between us.

  “What’s to talk about? Shannon broke up with me,” Will shrugged indifferently.

  “Will, please don’t be like this.” I finally spoke. I didn’t want to be the reason for anyone’s pain. I had made such a mess of everything.

  “How do you want me to act Shannon? I love you. Offered you everything. You threw it back in my face.”

  “Will, I just didn’t think it was fair. You should be with someone who can love you.”

  “Don’t worry Shannon. I don’t wear my heart on my sleeve like my sister. Just promise me one thing.”

  “What?” I would promise anything if it would make Will feel better.

  “If you ever do fall in love with someone keep it from me. I can only just cope with this by thinking you can’t love anyone. If you fell in love Shan… I don’t know how I would react.” Will’s eyes weren’t the soft ocean blue I was used to they looked ice cold staring at me.

  “I promise,” I whispered looking away from his gaze. I had hurt him so much already. I needed to let my heart’s desire go otherwise this pain would consume me. Will didn’t reply as he kissed Maisy on the forehead leaving the flat.

  “My family is so messed up,” Maisy sighed.

  The next few days were difficult. I wanted to see Charlie, but the press were all over him. Megan had told the press an embroidered story making him out to be a monster. It hurt me to know Charlie would be suffering. He hated press attention at the best of times, but bad press was something he hadn’t ever experienced.

  Megan was enraged with Charlie. No one had ever finished with Megan Field. He had really cracked her ego. I could see the glimmer in Megan’s eyes. She wanted revenge. It sent a shudder of fear through my body. If she knew the truth I couldn’t even imagine the destruction Megan would have in store for Charlie and me.

  New York was just a week away. I never thought I would feel relieved to be going. Lying to Megan was agony. I was a disloyal, vindictive, heartless piece of work. I didn’t deserve to have anyone love me.

  Through all my pain of hurting Megan I could not get Charlie out of my head. He had become imbedded in my heart. I needed him like a bird in flight needed the wind.

  “So are you nearly all packed Shan?” Megan asked walking into my room.

  “Yeah almost,” I smiled back at her nervously.

  “You will be fine Shan. I know how stressed you have been since Charlie and me. Please do not worry about me. I will be fine.” Megan had no idea why I had been so stressed. I couldn’t even imagine telling her. ‘Sorry Megan, but the reason Charlie finished with you is because he is in love with me.’ How could I ever tell her that?

  “I know it’s just it is a big change.” It was true, but I had no courage for the complete truth. I was a gutless hideous person through and through.

  “I will come and visit you as soon as I can.” Megan squeezed me tightly. “Just give me some time to get over the love rat.” I tried to smile back. I was so sure Megan could see through me. “Oh I forgot, talking of the love rat. Charlie has put my things in a box. I know it is asking a lot, but please can you get them? I really am not ready to see him yet. I think it would set me back. It’s just he has the bracelet you and Will bought me for my birthday so I really want it back.”

  “Of course I don’t mind.” I was a monster. My heart jumped at the thought of seeing Charlie. Megan was here thinking I was doing her a favour!

  “You are the best,” Megan hugged me, my eyes began to water from the pain, it had become too much. “Oh come here. You fragile thing. You will be fine. You’ll be back in London before you know it. It’s only six months like you said.” I had to make it up to her. I had to let Charlie go. I couldn’t love him, it wasn’t right!

  “I will go and see Charlie tonight. That way you can be shot of him forever. He will never hurt you again Megan. I won’t let him.” I spoke determined with my words. I half told them to myself. Megan was my priority, my
best friend, the person I owed everything to.

  Love – what was it really? All I could sense in my heart right now was hurt and destruction. Charlie and I would only destroy everything if we were together.

  Chapter 16

  Charlie standing at his front door looking at me adoringly with his striking face sent shock waves through my heart. It had only been four days since I had seen him, but as he pulled me into his flat pushing me against the inside of the door with a fierce kiss, it felt like weeks maybe months since I had experienced his soft touch.

  “I can’t believe how much I have missed you,” Charlie whispered moving his lips down my neck.