Notice Me

  “I’ll do that. I don’t want you chipping your nails.”

  “I just feel so useless.” I sat down on one of the chairs. I could see Will watching me from the distance. “Will has been watching me like a hawk. I mean what does he think I am going to do? Make a swim for it?”

  “Who knows what goes on in his head,” Mrs Gray laughed.

  “Do you think he wants to talk to me?” I asked looking at Will again leaning against the porch fence.

  “I would say so,” replied Mrs Gray. “I expect he is feeling guilty. Forcing you into this must be preying on his mind. He loves you so he must care about your feelings dear.”

  “Not enough to set me free I bet,” I mumbled taking a deep breath as I made my way over to him.

  Will was a handsome man. I had always thought that. It seemed strange looking at him in shorts and a cotton shirt. I had never seen him so casual as if I was seeing a whole new side of him not consumed by work.

  “Shannon,” Will greeted me holding his hand out for me. I placed my hands behind my back watching him as Will withdrew his hands placing them in his pockets.

  “You look like you have something to say to me Will,” I looked up at him.

  “I am just finding it hard to take this all in,” Will pointed towards Mrs Gray still fastening reds bows to the chairs.

  “I know,” I whispered.

  “I never realised how much you loved him Shannon. That you would do all this for him,” Will whispered. I looked in his ocean eyes they were troubled.

  “What are you saying Will?” I asked as a slight flicker of hope filled my heart.

  “I just wish things could have been different. That I could have made you love me that way. I can’t understand what he has that I don’t,” Will turned me to face him. “What is so special about him Shannon? I know he is good looking, but are you really as gullible as my sister?”

  “Will, Charlie wrote the love letters,” Will froze in disbelief. “It is true, he was my Mr Anonymous.”

  Will gripped me tighter almost shaking me as he spoke. “Were you seeing him in London? Did you cheat while you were with me? For God sakes Shannon, he was still with Megan then how could you?”

  I pulled away from the painful grip. “No, I didn’t find out until a week before New York. I did not finish with you because of Charlie. I would never do that to Megan. What do you take me for? Do you think it was easy for me falling in love with my best friend’s soul mate? We couldn’t help ourselves Will. We love each other too much.” I glared at him.

  “Don’t you mean loved each other? Charlie has moved on, you need to do the same. You marry me tomorrow.”

  “I can’t stop loving him Will it’s impossible. Our six months together changed me forever.”

  “He went to New York because of you didn’t he?”

  “Yes,” I whispered.

  “The son of a bitch. I will kill him.”

  “Will, you have got what you wanted forget him please,” I pleaded. “I am marrying you. What more do you want?”

  “I never want to see him within one hundred miles of you. I didn’t realise how intense your relationship had been.” Will looked out towards the sea deep in thought. “Has he tried to contact you? Have you been meeting in secret?” Will fixed his evil stare on me.

  “Will, stop this. You have me what more can I do?” I screamed at him with tears trickling down my face.

  “But I haven’t. Can’t you see that, Shannon? All I want is your love. For you to want me the way I want you.” Will dragged me by my arm pulling me into my beach hut slamming the door firmly behind him. I began to tremble in fear. Will’s breathing was erratic as he stared at me with cold empty ocean eyes.

  “Will, I don’t know what more you want me to do,” I pleaded as he just stared at me. “I have done everything you asked.”

  “It’s not enough Shannon. I want you! All of you!” Will crossed the room grabbing me around the waist. I tried to struggle, but he was too strong. Tears fell down my face as his hands began to pull at my clothes.

  “Will, please don’t do this,” I pleaded still struggling.

  “You are mine not his you need to realise that!” Will spat as his hands tried to pull my legs apart.

  I could feel the fury fill my chest. I belonged to no one yet. This was my last night of freedom. I would not let Will take that away from me. With all the force I had I threw my knee into Will’s groin. He curled on to the floor swearing in agony. I raced towards the door turning to look at him.

  “You will never have my heart Will. No matter how much you control me. I’ll always hate you for eternity!” I spat at him as I slammed the door.

  Mrs Gray caught me as I ran across the white sand.

  “Shannon, dear are you alright?”

  “Fine,” I smiled wiping my eyes. “Just another normal day in the life of Shannon Davis.”

  “Megan and Maisy are waiting for you in the main house.”

  I just nodded, some female company would be nice after what I had just experienced. I was still shaking. I needed alcohol and fast. I couldn’t even think about my wedding night tomorrow. I would have no choice, but to give myself to Will. I would burn in hell letting Will touch me knowing how much I hated him. What had I ever done to deserve this? Falling in love with my best friend’s soul mate, was it really that wrong? I was sure Charlie and I were far more destined to be together than him and Megan. Charlie and I were like two pieces of a puzzle. Like the moon and sun, fire and water, life and death. How would I ever be able to live without him if I had cost him his life? I wouldn’t. I knew what I was doing was right no matter how shattered my heart was. Charlie would always come first. He was the only person who got inside me and helped me see Shannon for who she was. To be loved by him had made me stronger. I wouldn’t have been able to walk down the aisle tomorrow if it weren’t for any other reason than his life being in danger.

  Love had made me weak and given Will the upper hand, but when I thought about the reason why I was doing this, had Will really won? Okay, so he had won me, but what sort of prize was I anyway? I would always be able to love Charlie. Will couldn’t stop that.

  I was still thinking as the main house came into my view.

  How had I got here so quickly? I could still taste New York on my tongue, Charlie and I blissfully happy. How had I got to this point of being forced down the aisle by a man I despised?

  The main house was a whitewash work of art with its large tall spiral shape. Thousands of tiny lights clung to the house ready for the big day. The house was being used as the reception room for the wedding breakfast and evening party. Mrs Gray’s staff were still rushing around making the final preparations. My stomach was turning watching how everything was coming together. This really was it. My Wedding day was hours away.

  I noticed Megan and Maisy sipping cocktails in the large terrace area.

  “Here she is,” Megan shouted quite clearly drunk already. “My soon to be sister.”

  “Hey Shan,” Maisy rolled her eyes watching Megan.

  “How many has she had?” I laughed nervously. I wanted to be as drunk as Megan, but I knew I wouldn’t get the chance.

  “Too many,” Maisy giggled.

  I smiled wandering over to get changed. Some hen night this was going to be if Megan was already drunk.

  Chapter 29

  I decided to wear one of Megan’s dresses partly because I was too scared to face my beach hut in case I saw Will again. I sat sipping my cocktail looking at the blue beaded detail on the dress.

  “So this is your last night of freedom Shannon,” Veronica smiled at me from across the table.

  “Yeah,” I smiled back.

  “You and my William are going to make such a wonderful couple.”

  I was going to reply, but Maisy grabbed me. “Shannon you have got to come see this.” Maisy pulled me up dragging me onto the beach. The sunset was beautiful, like the moments you see in an old film. I was so taken back by the
orange glow across the night sky and how it reflected across the crystal sea water I did not notice Will come up behind me.

  “What do you want?” I glared as I watched him with his hands in his pockets.

  “Can we have a moment please, Maisy?” Will asked his sister. Maisy looked confused, just nodded as she strolled back towards the party.

  “Shouldn’t you be at your stag party?” I replied looking at the sunset.

  “Shannon, about earlier I am sorry. I really don’t know what came over me.” Will touched my arm.

  I flinched pulling away instantly. “Don’t touch me,” I shouted. “I’ll tell you what happened earlier. You thought you would just take what wasn’t yours yet.”

  “I am sorry. I was angry.”

  “So every time you are angry you can try to take advantage of me, is that right?”

  “You have every right to be mad at me. I just want you to know that will never happen again.”

  “Save it Will. I really don’t care. When we are married I know I can’t deny you.”

  “Shannon, I would never take advantage even when you are my wife.” Will turned me to face him.

  “Will, after everything you have done. I don’t believe you,” I whispered pulling away from him. “I am going back to my party.”

  “Shannon, please.”

  “See you at the altar,” I muttered solemnly.

  “I truly am sorry,” Will whispered as I walked away. “For everything. If I could change it believe me, I would.” I didn’t reply. I had heard enough.

  I began drinking quite heavily once I returned to the party. So many things were rushing around in my head. I needed to drown them out. No matter how much I drank one thought never changed. I wondered where Charlie was. What he was doing. Was he thinking about me knowing that tomorrow I married William Field? That I would never again be his or had he finally moved on?

  I felt nauseous imagining tomorrow night giving myself freely to Will. I would be his wife I had no other choice.

  “Penny for your thoughts?” Megan asked, she had sobered up a little now.

  “I just can’t believe how fast it has all gone,” I smiled at her as she placed her head on my shoulders.

  “I would have bet I would have been the first to wed a few years ago.”

  “Yeah.” It had been so easier back then when I didn’t realise who Mr Anonymous was.

  “I miss it you know. The four of us got on so well.”

  “I know,” I sighed.

  “At least you got your man,” Megan nudged me.

  “I never got Mr Anonymous though,” I whispered. It was as if I was saying Charlie’s name to her, it felt so good.

  “I forgot about him,” Megan laughed. “He never did show himself did he? Mind you he only wrote a few letters Shannon. I doubt he even thinks about you anymore. He must have had a little crush on you.”

  “I had over fifty letters actually, Megan,” I whispered.

  “Are you being serious – fifty letters? Why didn’t you ever tell me?” Megan’s blue gem eyes were wide with shock.

  “You were away a lot. It doesn’t matter. I never found out who he was.”

  “Bloody hell, no wonder Will is so over protective of you,” Megan giggled. “Does he know?”

  “Not about how many letters I received. It doesn’t matter anyway I threw them away.”

  “You little heart breaker.”

  “I’m not!” I protested.

  “I am just so happy for you. I would do anything to get Charlie back. Even now I know what I lost. I felt so sorry for him when I saw him the other month. I would have done anything to stop the pain in his eyes.”

  “Do you still… love him?” I had to almost force the words out.

  “I think I always will. Charlie is a hard guy to get over.” Megan smiled at me. She had no idea how well I knew that. “I mean it wasn’t just about the sex. That was amazing, but it was him. I guess he was one of a kind.”

  “I know,” I sighed becoming lost in thought just remembering his soft sensual touch. How my body turned into a frenzy as his lips touched my skin. I had never felt as safe wrapped up inside his warm loving arms.

  “It’s okay. I know you fancied him too,” Megan giggled pushing me playfully as she noticed my daydream. “Maisy told me not long after Charlie and I got together.”

  “I…” I was speechless. I knew I was blushing.

  “Relax Shan, it’s okay. I knew he would never go for anyone like you. Sorry, but Charlie was kind of out of your league.” Megan patted my head. All I could do was laugh just at the thought of that.

  “Maisy has a big mouth,” I smiled back at her as I downed another cocktail.

  We danced most of the night away. I invited Mrs Gray and her female staff to join me once they had finished the decorations in the main house. Veronica looked disappointed at me, but I was really too drunk to care. I hated the way she looked down at her staff. As if she wouldn’t even scrape them off her shoe. Was this what having an endless amount of money did to you? I hoped not because I would end up hating myself if this was my future.

  “You seem better now,” Mrs Gray commented on the dance floor.

  “Yeah, I think I am ready now,” I smiled.

  “I wish I could have helped you Shannon dear,” Mrs Gray whispered in my ear. “You deserve so much better than this.”

  “I’ll be fine,” I looked deep into her caring brown eyes. “I am marrying a billionaire. What could be better than that?” I teased. Mrs Gray just rolled her eyes at me.

  Veronica came to sit beside me when I finally gave way to the burning pain on the balls of my feet.

  “How are you feeling, Shannon?” Veronica asked placing her hand on mine. “Are your feet cold?”

  “No.”

  “You have made William so happy.”

  “I know,” I looked away wishing I could say the same about myself.

  “I wish some of your family could have been here with you,” Veronica put her hand through my hair. I would have shivered if I hadn’t drunk so much.

  “I don’t have any family.”

  “You have us now, but maybe we can look into finding out who your family were?”

  Veronica surprised me at her kind gesture. “Thank you, but it is pointless they are dead.”

  “Well, you think about it we have all the time in the world if you did decide you wanted to do some research,” I nodded yawning. “You really need to get some sleep, you have a long day tomorrow.”

  “You’re right. I think I will go now.”

  “Can you take Megan with you. She really has had enough,” Veronica pointed to her daughter who was fast asleep on the chair.

  “Sure,” I laughed going to Megan to wake her up. She awoke with a startle.

  “Come on you. Let’s get to bed,” I smirked. Some things would never change when Will and I were married, one of those would be me having to help Megan to bed after a night on the cocktails.

  I was staying in Megan’s beach hut tonight. As Megan passed out on the bed I pulled a thin sheet over her before I went to watch the midnight moon sparkle across the sea. The waves were calm, slowly pushing their way towards me. A slight breeze made the palm trees dance in the distance. Everything around me was so peaceful. I wished my head was the same.

  I noticed Megan’s red bridesmaid dress hanging up in its plastic cover. It sent tremors of my pending doom waiting for me tomorrow. I looked to check Megan was still fast asleep. I was sure an earthquake wouldn’t even wake her. I reached for my bag pulling out my poem book and wandered onto the beach. I sat near the tide feeling the cool sea water brush against my feet as the tide swept in and out.

  I touched my necklace holding it close to my chest as I read the passages in Charlie’s book.

  None of it made sense as I read all the passages. If love was all powerful, if it frees us from the pain of life what was I doing here? Sophocles had got it wrong – love only trapped us, made us vulnerable to those
who wanted to gain control.

  I couldn’t even finish the verse of the Corinthians because Will couldn’t be in love with me if the bible was correct about love. Will’s feelings for me was everything love was not.

  The only verse I could relate to was Sir James M. Barrie. His words hit me like a hot dagger through my heart. (If you have it [love], you don't need to have anything else. If you don't have it, it doesn't matter much what else you do have.) The words made me realise what I was doing. I knew what true love felt like. I was so in love with Charlie that I was able to save him so he could live his life. It was the greatest gift I could ever give myself. As long as he lived, my heart knew it had won.