by M. Robinson
I walked out of Alex’s room needing to get some fresh air. I was starting to go stir crazy at the hospital and it had barely been two fucking days since the accident.
“Honey, you need to go home and get some rest. You can come back after you get a few hours of sleep. I promise I will have the cab there for you first thing in the morning,” Aubrey’s mom said as I walked up behind them stopping in the archway, to listen.
“I don’t want to leave.”
“Aubrey—”
“You don’t understand. What if I leave and something happens, huh? What if I don’t get to say goodbye. I can’t do it again, Mom. I can’t know someone might leave me and not get to say goodbye. Been there, done that already, remember? I can’t go through that again. Please don’t make me leave them,” she wallowed, neither one of them knowing I was standing there.
I didn’t step away. I was glued to the floor that felt like it was caving in beneath me.
“Oh, honey,” her mom sympathized. “Is that what—”
“Please let me stay. At least if something happens, I can say goodbye this time. They won’t leave me, too.” She was on the verge of hysterics.
All the air was knocked out of my body. The realization hitting me harder then a ton of fucking bricks. That’s why she wanted me to go, she would rather me leave on her terms.
I’m such a fucking idiot.
“Nothing is going to happen to them. They’re going to pull through, sweetheart. Look at me, I promise you. I’m treating them myself and I know they’re going to be just fine.” She pulled her into her arms and Aubrey visibly melted against her mom as she repeatedly kissed the top of her head. “Baby, your dad didn’t leave you. He left me. He divorced me. Not you, never ever you. You have to understand that. I’m so sorry it’s taken me this long to say it to you. He loves you more than anything in this whole world,” her mom declared, holding her at arm’s length so she could see the truth in her eyes.
“It doesn’t feel that way,” Aubrey murmured. “It hasn’t felt that way for a long time.”
“Oh, honey. Give me a chance, okay? I’m going to be there for you. Things are going to change. I promise you. You have no idea how I felt when your friends came in. God, Aubrey, I didn’t even know if you were with them. I swear I thought you were going to be pulled in next. My whole world flashed before my eyes. They’re going to make it because I will do everything in my power to make it happen.” She kissed her head again.
Watching such an intimate moment between them was something that I would take to the grave. Her vulnerability in that moment took me back to the time that I first fell in love with her. Back to a time that I didn’t know I missed till right now, back to a time that my life seemed complete because I had her.
All of her.
Things became much clearer to me now and it took everything in me not to run to her and tell her how much I loved her. How I would make everything better, how much I thought about her, dreamt about her, how hollow I felt on the inside because she wasn’t with me. How I debated so many damn times to transfer to Wilmington just to be near her again, just to see her smile every day. To tell her she was so damn beautiful, even when she was broken.
To promise her that I would never leave her, that she was mine.
“You can stay—” her mom was in the middle of saying as I walked up to them.
“I’ll take her home, ma’am,” I interrupted, both of them immediately wiping at their faces.
“You don’t have to—” Aubrey interjected, but I cut her short.
“Suga’, I’m taking you home.”
I gave her a stern look that told her I wasn’t going to back down on this. I wrapped my arm around her shoulder and tugged her into my side.
Her mom walked toward us, lovingly smiling. “Get some rest, too, okay? I’ll hold down the fort. Your friends are going to be just fine,” she reassured both of us.
“Thank you, ma’am.”
She gripped my shoulder for a few seconds and then walked back towards Alex’s room, leaving Aubrey and I alone in the waiting room. There wasn’t anyone else around, but us.
“You don’t have to take me home. I know you want to stay here.” She looked up at me, with tears still in her eyes.
I tugged on the ends of her hair, I couldn’t remember the last time I did that either.
“Dylan, what—” I placed my finger to her lips to quiet her.
“Not here.” I grabbed her hand. “Come on.”
We walked hand in hand out to my parents’ car that was parked in the parking structure. We drove in silence both of us lost in our own thoughts. When we got to her house, she went straight up to her room. I followed after I splashed some water on my face and made us some sandwiches. I knew neither one of us had eaten all day.
When I walked into her bedroom she was sitting in the middle of her bed with her legs pulled up to her chest and her arms wrapped around them. Exhaustion was evident on her face.
“You heard what I said didn’t you?” she asked, breaking the silence between us.
I set our plates on her nightstand and sat on the edge of her bed, resisting the urge to pull her toward me.
“It doesn’t matter.”
She glanced at me. “It doesn’t?”
“No,” I simply stated.
“And why is that?” she questioned not amused.
“Because I’m here now.”
“For Austin and Alex. You’re not here for me. You haven’t been here for me this entire year,” she blurted out. Her voice laced with nothing but anger and hurt.
“I know what you’re trying to do, darlin’, and I’m not falling for it. Not this time. Not ever again.”
She needed to get that through her pretty little head. No more fucking games.
“You just know everything, don’t you, McGraw?”
“When it comes to you, I do,” I countered.
She scoffed. “I don’t want you here. I don’t need you here. You can go.”
She was full of shit, but I didn’t call her out on it.
“I’m not going anywhere.”
I couldn’t take it anymore. The walls were caving in on me, my emotions suffocating me and burying me alive. I crumbled onto the bed, my body giving out on me.
“I can’t do this anymore,” I sobbed for what felt like the hundredth time that day. “Please just leave, Dylan, just leave me now because I won’t be able to live through it later.”
My body was shaking to the core.
My truths shattered all around me.
Dylan’s arms engulfed me, laying me against his chest. Tears streamed down my face. It felt so good for him to hold me, to feel his love and devotion, to feel everything that I desperately tried to push away for the last year. It was then that I openly bawled. I sobbed like a baby. Big, huge, ugly tears.
He placed my hand over his heart.
Calm.
Steady.
Secure.
Dylan.
“Shhh… feel my heart. Shhh…” he repeated.
I placed my face near the hand that was over his heart, wanting to feel his love beat against my cheek.
“I love you and I’m not going anywhere.” He kissed the top of my head. “Just me and you.”
“Promise?” I found myself saying.
He didn’t falter.
“Always.”
“Are you packed?” Dylan asked over the phone.
I giggled. “I told you I was like a hundred times now.” I swore he had selective hearing sometimes.
“I know how you are with clothes. All I need is that pretty little smile, and lingerie. That shit’s good stuff, too.”
I laughed. “It’s going to be cold at night. We’re up in the Smokey Mountains,” I reminded him.
I walked over to my dresser and pulled out the one piece of lingerie I owned, and stuffed it in the bottom of my bag.
“Suga, let me worry about how to keep you warm at night,” he assured me.
&nb
sp; It had been three months since the car accident. Austin and Alex pulled through, thank God. The judge charged Austin with a DUI, suspended his license for a year with a shitload of legal fines and community service. He was still going to therapy and popping pain pills like they were candy. I overheard Dylan and him in an argument about it a few weeks ago, but never said anything about it.
I had officially graduated from high school and I decided to attend Ohio State with Dylan and the boys since Austin got accepted as well. I was going to tell Dylan on our vacation that he had planned well over a month ago. He said we needed a fresh start to the year from hell and I couldn’t have agreed more.
My mom kept her word, that night at the hospital was a turning point in our relationship. She was once again starting to become more involved in my life, like she had before my dad served her with divorce papers. When I told her I wanted to go to Ohio State to be with Dylan, she was over the moon excited for me. I talked to my dad more often now too, at least a few times a week. He seemed happy for some reason and I was content for him.
There was peace in my soul again, thanks to Dylan.
“What time does our flight leave?” I stopped pacing for a second to look around my room and make sure I wasn’t forgetting anything.
“Six in the morning. It’s why I’m spending the night. We need to leave at four to get to the airport on time.”
“Oh, so that’s why you’re spending the night?” I teased.
“That’s exactly why, you minx. I’ll be over later tonight. I’m going to go check on Austin before we leave,” he said with worry in his tone.
“Is something wrong with him?” I coaxed, hoping he would tell me what was really going on.
“Darlin’, I wish I knew. I’ll see you soon. I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
I hung up, and fell down onto my bed. The cool sheets felt amazing against my warm skin. I lay there staring up at the ceiling, thinking about the possibilities that lay ahead of us and for the first time in a long time I wasn’t scared because I knew they included Dylan.
“What the fuck, man?” I argued, grabbing the empty pill bottle on Austin’s nightstand. “This shit just got refilled two weeks ago. You want to know how I know? I fucking drove you to pick it up from the pharmacy.”
He rolled his glazed eyes at me like a fucking teenage girl. “What do you want me to say? I’m in fucking pain, man,” he slurred.
“No. What you are, is playing with fire. Read the warning label, asshole. Take two tablets a day for pain. Do not mix with alcohol and I know I fucking smell weed in here.”
“When the hell did you become my dad, McGraw? Jesus Christ, you act like you’ve never smoked weed before. What are you, to good for it now that you’re so goddamn pussy-whipped? Maybe try and pull your head out of Aubrey’s ass cheeks long enough—”
“You talk about Aubrey like that again, Austin, I won’t hesitate to knock you the fuck out. I don’t care how high you are.”
“What the fuck do you want? What is this a ‘Just say no’ drug campaign? What are you going to do next, Dylan, fry me an egg and tell me that this is what my brain looks like on drugs?”
“Lay off the pain pills. This shit’s highly addicting,” I warned.
“So is pussy, but I never heard you fucking complaining.”
I took one last look at him and left, already knowing that this wasn’t the end.
It was only the beginning.
I drove to Aubrey’s house later that evening. I hit the waves after I left Austin’s place, needing to clear my mind before I saw Aubrey. I didn’t want my sudden change in mood to affect how excited she was about our vacation. Things were great between us.
Better than great actually, and I wanted nothing or no one to ruin that.
We landed close to nine in the morning the next day. I rented a car and drove us up toward our cabin for the week in Pigeon Forge, which was known for being the center of fun in the Smokies. The higher we went the more breathtaking the view got. Aubrey was pretty excited to see some trails near the cabin she could go running on.
“Wow, McGraw,” she admired, peering all around the cabin.
The fireplace was on and there was food in warming trays on the kitchen island that I had delivered just for us. I didn’t want to share her with anyone the entire week, not even housekeeping. I spent a small fortune to have the reclusive cabin that was at the edge of the mountain. I had barely touched any of my college funds that my parents had started when I was born. Spending most of the last year at the apartment I shared with Jacob and Lucas.
The cabin was breathtakingly beautiful with a big open area that had stairs leading up to the master suite. The kitchen was placed directly underneath with barstools below the high granite tops. The thought of eating Aubrey as she sat on the counter immediately crossed my mind.
“Penny for your thoughts, McGraw?” She smirked as I backed her up into the counter, lifting her onto the edge.
“I’d rather show you,” I groaned into her ear.
I got down on my knees, taking her panties with me and did just that.
We spent the next few days in the cabin by ourselves enjoying each other’s bodies mostly. We had our own private hot tub on the deck that we christened a few times. We were all alone, no one around for miles. I purposely had meals delivered so that we wouldn’t have to go anywhere, I had Aubrey and food, what more did I need?
By the fourth day she said we needed to do something other than eat and have sex. She wanted to do some sightseeing, walk around the cobblestone picturesque streets that were crowded with small stores and buy a few souvenirs for everyone. I took her to Dollywood and we rode roller coasters the entire day, screaming and laughing with each other. I literally threw Aubrey over my shoulder for a few rides because she refused to go on them with me. We stayed there till the park closed and then headed back to our cabin where I made up for being, “Such a fucking asshole.”
The next day was mostly spent in bed, but since I promised her that I would take her downtown to shop, I had to get my ass up even though all I wanted was to spend the day buried inside her. We decided to shop around in some of the tourist traps then go grab dinner and barhop.
“My mom would love these!” she exclaimed, grabbing a pair of earrings from the fourth shop. “Do you think Half-Pint would like these?” She held up another pair of earrings to her ears.
“Darlin’, have you ever seen Alex wear jewelry?”
She shrugged. “Exactly. She needs more than just that shark tooth necklace she wears all the time. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her take it off. I’m going to get them.”
She strolled to the next display, running her fingers across an antique jewelry box with a familiarity in her gaze as she smiled to herself.
“My mom used to have one of these. My dad gave it to her when they first started dating. It looked exactly like this. I remember when I was little I used to sit on her bed and watch her get ready for work, pulling out all sorts of shiny jewelry from her special box. My dad would buy her a piece of jewelry every year for their anniversary and he would hide it in her jewelry box. She would pretend to be surprised every time she opened it the next morning,” she yearningly laughed.
“It’s one of the best memories I have from childhood. Things weren’t always bad.” She opened the lid and a pink ballerina came to life, spinning in circles with a soft tune playing.
“It’s ‘Fur Elise’ by Beethoven,” she said out loud, answering the question in my mind.
“When things started getting bad and neither one of them were around very much, I used to go to her room and take the jewelry box back to my bedroom with me. I’d listen to the song until I fell asleep. For some reason it made me feel not so alone.”
My eyes widened, surprised by her confession. She nervously glanced at me, shutting the box and placing it back on the shelf.
She smiled. “So, I think these are the winners,” she announced, changing the sub
ject and holding up the earrings.
I tugged on the ends of her hair and then kissed the tip of her nose. “I think those are perfect.”
I paid as she went to the bathroom. I knew she needed a second to be alone. Aubrey would unexpectedly have these vulnerable moments almost as if she was reliving that time in her life all over again. Just as quickly as they would come, she would brush them back under her rug, which was filled with nothing but a pile of memories and feelings.
As soon as she walked out of the bathroom she was my girl again. Just like I knew she’d be.
We found a little dive bar that served food and had live music with karaoke. We sat at dinner for the next few hours talking and enjoying each other’s company. I ordered us some drinks and the waitress didn’t card us. I was going to be twenty soon and her nineteen, but I was often told I looked much older than I was. We took a cab that night so I indulged in the drinks, too. It didn’t take long to realize that the alcohol was getting to Aubrey. I had never seen her drunk before and it was fucking entertaining. It only made me fall in love with her just a little bit more, if that was even possible.
“Suga’, you’re drunk.”
She shook her head and closed her eyes with an adorable smile on her face.
“Nah uh,” she giggled, making me laugh.
“You keep looking at your phone, McGraw. You expecting a phone call?”
“Something like that.”
“Ah! Is the love of your life calling?” She grinned, wiggling her eyebrows.
“No, darlin’, she’s sitting right in front of me.”
She smiled, big and wide and I swear it lit up the entire room. “Well I’m expecting a phone call from my dad,” she said, sipping her drink.
“Is that right?” I gave her a questioning look.
“Mmm hmm…” she replied with the straw still in her mouth. “He’s away on business and I haven’t talked to him in a few days. I guess my aunt told him we were away on vacation and he texted me earlier today to tell me that he would try to call soon.”