She took her place amid the older women , but their chatter did not hold her interest. Her thoughts kept sliding back to Simon and her wanton behavior in the garden. No matter how often she instructed herself to forget what happened, she could not erase the pleasure she had experienced.
“Don’t you feel well, dear,” Agatha intruded into Amy’s thoughts.
“What?” Amy jerked and felt her face warm again.
“Are you ill?” Agatha whispered.
“No, er--yes,” Amy whispered back. “I--ah--I do believe I should retire.”
“I agree.” Agatha replied. “Your face is flushed, and your breathing is irregular. You must be coming down with something. Perhaps a touch of late summer ague.”
“Perhaps,” Amy nodded.
“You should retire this minute.”
Yes, that was what she wanted to do. She stood, “Then, I’ll say goodnight. Please explain to my sisters.”
Before Agatha could suggest she tell them herself, Amy rushed toward the stairs. Once she’d gained the upper floor, and before she went to her own room, she would speak to Beth. She owed her sister an abject apology. She could only hope Beth was not too upset with her.
She tapped on Beth’s door.
“Beth?”
“Go away,” the soft voice muttered.
“Beth, it’s Amy. May I speak to you?”
There was a pause, then the handle turned and the door opened a crack.
Amy slipped inside and closed the door behind her.
“I came to tell you how sorry I am. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“It’s--it’s all right. I know you don’t like Robert--ah--the Reverend Mister Sudsberry.”
“It’s not that I don’t like him, Beth. I--I don’t think he’s good enough for you.”
She could see Beth bristling. “I think I should be the one to decide that, don’t you?”
“Yes, you’re right, you should. That’s why I came to tell you how sorry I am. I overstepped my authority. If you feel the two of you will suit, and you don’t object to caring for his child, then, who am I to say a word?”
Beth smiled and Amy watched the smile disappear and her sister’s eyes glazed with tears. “He won’t come back.”
Amy felt her heart twist as she gazed into Beth’s somber expression. She put her arm around her sister. “If he’s interested he’ll come to see you, first chance he gets. I’ll write to him and apologize for what I said. Would that do?”
“Oh, Amy, would you?”
“Of course. It is only right that I should.” And, somehow she would see that Robert Sudsberry was given another assignment far from Kirkley Manor after he and Beth married. She took a deep breath, “Now, why don’t you splash some water on your face and go downstairs to the ball.”
Beth smiled and shook her head. “No, I don’t think so. I’d rather just retire. They don’t need me downstairs.”
Amy started for the door, “I am sorry.”
“It’s all right. You go back to the party, now. I’ll be fine.”
Amy left Beth’s room and walked to her own chamber. She wasn’t going back to the ballroom. That would mean she might risk seeing Simon again, or worse, being interrogated by Agatha. That woman was too shrewd by half.
Amy wanted to give Simon’s aunt no opportunity to suspect that something had happened between Simon and her in the garden. In fact, Amy wanted to wipe the memory of those minutes from her own mind.
She undressed, slipped into her night rail and crawled into bed. The soft cotton fabric of the bodice brushed against her nipples. Her breath caught. Pleasure streaked through her as she remembered how Simon had kissed her. Her lips tingled and she sat up in bed. What had he done to her?
She flopped back on the mattress and sighed. Would she never be able to forget those moments in the garden?
That night was the worst night of her life. She lay awake, listening to their guests seeking their sleeping arrangements, then her sisters whispering as they made their way to their rooms. As the night lengthened, thoughts of Simon and the pleasure he’d given her kept her twisting and turning. Guilt and shame, in equal measure, crawled through her, minute after minute.
As the soft light of dawn climbed over the trees of the estate, she drifted off to sleep. A sharp tapping on her door drew her from more restless dreams.
“Yes, what is it?” she called out, flinging her arm up over her head and blinking the sand from her eyes. It seemed that she had only been asleep for minutes.
It couldn’t be much more than eight o’clock. Grimacing, she glanced at the small clock on her bedside table. She doubted she had two hours’ sleep.
“Miss Amy,” one of the upstairs maids called through the door, “His Lordship asked that you join him in his office. He says right away.”
“After I break my fast,” Amy grumbled, still not awake.
“He seemed powerful angry, he did, Miss. Best you hurry.”
Amy fought her own anger as she pried her eyes open.
“Tell him I’ll be there shortly.”
Amy rolled out of bed, stretched and groaned. What could he want with her this early in the morning? Did he intend to continue with his arguments about finding her a husband? Well, she wouldn’t know until she faced him, but, she intended to take her time. His orders to the contrary, she just might stop and have something to eat before she confronted him. After all, arguing with Simon did take a lot of energy.
He didn’t give her a chance to eat. Caro stood at the bottom of the stairs looking upset.
“He wants to see you now,” she whispered. “What did you do?”
“I don’t know,” Amy shrugged. “He’s probably furious that I--I got ill last night. He doesn’t take well to having his plans upset.” She glanced at her sister who was dressed for riding. “You go ahead and take your morning ride.”
A moment later she stood before Simon’s massive oak door, and with her heart in her throat, she tapped, bruising her knuckles.
“Come,” he shouted through the wood.
She pushed the portal and stood glaring at him. However, with him seated and scowling up at her, she felt like a contentious child, someone about to be punished for a silly infraction of a rule.
Nor did he exchange any morning pleasantries.
“What did you say to the Reverend Mister Sudsberry?”
“What?”
“I understand you had a confrontation with him and then he departed.”
She drew herself up to her full height and glowered at him. “I asked his intention toward Beth.”
Simon slammed a book down on the desk and stood.
“I already had a discussion with the vicar,” he snarled, glowering down at her. “I made a determination that the man could court your sister. And, I told him so.”
“I didn’t know you’d talked to him.”
“It wasn’t your place to know,” Simon sounded furious. “I’m the one responsible for finding husbands, not you. And my judgment determines who will court whom and when.”
“You should have told me,” she crossed her arms defiantly. She felt terrible about ruining her sister’s evening, but no way was she going to let Simon know she was already suffering.
“I’ve already apologized to Beth,” she snapped.
“As well you should. Now, you will send the vicar a note and apologize to him as well.”
“I will do what?” Amy stared at him.
“You will apologize to the vicar. Beth is interested in getting to know him better. He will not return until you tell him you’ve misjudged him.”
Amy considered his stern face. She’d already planned to pen a note to the vicar, but Simon didn’t need to know that. She would have to let him think she would bend to his will. At least this one time.
She swallowed her anger and her guilt. She did owe Beth that much, and she also intended to pursue the possibility of another assignment. But, she would keep that information to herself.
&nb
sp; “All right,” she muttered. “That will make Beth happy.” Another thought struck. Suppose the vicar refused to return to court Beth? She swallowed the lump in her throat. She turned and took several steps toward the door.
“Amy, about--about last night--in the garden...”
“What about it?” she tensed. Oh, please! He didn’t intend to discuss what had happened between them?
She spun around.
He intended to do just that!
“I also owe you an apology,” Simon began. “Last night, in the garden. It--it should never have happened. I believe it would be best if after today we tried to avoid each other.”
Amy fought the warmth that seemed to invade every particle of her body. She didn’t want to think about the time she spent in his arms, about the stunning pleasure his hands and mouth had created. The whole thing had to be forgotten, dismissed, never brought to mind. It was too wicked to remember those sensations.
“It is forgotten,” she murmured, her husky voice telling them both she lied.
“Fine,” Simon snarled.
She turned and raced from the room. He had no right to remind her of the delights he had introduced her to, no right at all.
She made her way to the breakfast table. But, food was the last thing she wanted now. After a cup of chocolate, she left her sisters discussing the ball with those guests who had risen for breakfast. She slipped into the small parlor.
For more than two hours, she composed and then destroyed letter after letter to the vicar. She tried to find phrases which would explain to the vicar her concern for her sister. After all, she did have a valid point. The vicar was the man Beth was interested in, therefore, she had to find a way to say she was sorry.
Finally, Amy penned something she thought acceptable. For a moment she wondered if Simon would insist on reading her words of contrition. No, he’d insisted they avoid each other. At least now, she knew she affected him as much as he affected her. Still, nothing could come of it. She had to remember marriage meant children and children meant death.
She wondered for an instant why her sisters had never wondered at the deaths in this family, and on the estate. None of them had ever said a word, even though she knew they knew about the curse. Now that she thought of it, none of them had spent any time talking about marriage and life away from the Manor. Did they think to stay here with her, for all their days?
Suddenly, she knew a real fear. Her sisters couldn’t be planning to stay with her, could they? Still, she wondered why they had never discussed what they wanted in a marriage or what kind of homes they foresaw in their futures.
Fighting to ignore her gruesome thoughts she reread her letter. She signed, sanded and sealed the missive and then went in search of a servant. Perhaps the Reverend Mr. Sudsberry would call on Beth in the next day or two.
That should please Beth and Simon.
Amy sneaked up the stairs to her room. She would take a nap and spend what was left of the day working with her medicinals.
She ordered a luncheon tray, but found her appetite had deserted her. A short time later, Caro stuck her head around the door.
“You’ve sulked enough. Ellie and I are going for a ride. Why don’t you come along?”
“Did Simon say you could ride?”
“He said Ellie and I could ride. He just doesn’t want one of us out on our own.”
Amy shook her head, “Thanks for asking but I intended to take a nap. I didn’t sleep all that well last night,” Amy replied.
“By the way, Beth is over the moon. The vicar sent word he plans to visit tomorrow afternoon.”
“You know?” Amy tried to hide her surprise.
“Of course. There are no secrets in this house. At least not among us.”
Amy flinched, guilty that she hadn’t told her sisters what she had done to Beth. She should have known Beth would tell the others. This wouldn’t be the first time they had shared the happenings in their lives.
“Come riding with us,” Caro pressed.
Amy shook her head. “Not today. You go ahead.”
“If you’re certain?”
“Oh, yes. Besides, my melancholy would affect your pleasure. You go and enjoy yourselves.”
Amy watched Caro leave. Maybe going out riding might be the thing to do, but she didn’t feel up to it. She still suffered from her meeting with Simon that morning and his reminder of what had happened between them the night before. Everyone was better off without her poor disposition inflicted on them.
That evening, she decided to also take tea in her room. That brought Agatha scurrying to her side.
“You aren’t taking sick again, are you dear?”
“I’m just tired. I didn’t sleep well last night. The headache,” Amy offered, hearing the insincerity in her voice. But, she wasn’t ready to face Simon yet.
Of course, she should have known he would not leave well enough alone. After dinner, he tapped on her door.
“Are you unwell?” he asked.
“I’ll be fine,” she assured him.
“Amy?”
“I said I’ll be fine. I’ll be at breakfast in the morning.”
That seemed to satisfy him and she heard his steps move away. Resolutely, she bathed, slipped into her night rail and crawled into bed. She nodded off as soon as her head touched her pillow.
She rose at her usual time, dressed and made her way downstairs. The few guests who had remained another day at the estate were preparing to leave later that morning. After she finished answering inquiries about her health, she nibbled at some toast and fled back to her room. Just before lunch Beth announced that the vicar would be calling. Amy pledged to herself that she would disappear the minute lunch was finished. She had started a treatise on American herbs. That should keep her occupied for the rest of the day.
Amy combed her hair and made her way to the dining room. She had just taken her seat when Simon walked in and sat at the head of the table. As soon as he appeared her heart began its erratic rhythm and as always her breathing became labored. She wanted to stand up and scream with the frustration of it all.
If Simon’s presence wasn’t enough, Agatha gushed about the ball, the guests, the vicar’s interest in Bethany. When the conversation about the ball slowed, Agatha turned to Simon.
“How long, Nephew, are you planning to stay at Kirkley Manor?”
Amy had avoided looking at Simon during the meal. She feared her sisters might detect a change in her expression, but at Agatha’s question, she jerked her head in his direction. She held her breath waiting for his reply.
“I--I don’t know. I find that I’m enjoying caring for the estate.”
Amy thought he looked startled at what he said. But, not as distressed as his words made her feel. She took a deep breath. She wanted him gone. In fact, he had to go. His presence was destroying her.
“Of course,” he offered in a teasing voice and with a wink in Caro’s direction, “I must stay until I find a tall, horse-mad gentleman for our Carolyn.”
A curl of jealousy twisted through Amy. She sat stunned. She could not be jealous of all of her sisters. She tried to suppress her feelings. This had to stop. Naturally, she didn’t want him...
But, she did. She wanted to feel the pleasure she felt in his arms. She wanted his lips to scorch a path to her sorry soul. She wanted what she had enjoyed with him in the garden and more. But, it couldn’t be.
Never!
He was a man of the sea and she was a spinster. She had to continue to remind herself of those facts. No man could be allowed to tempt her from her course. She had to remember that.
Distraught and knowing she couldn’t hide it, Amy excused herself and rushed from the dining room. She heard Agatha voice her concern over her departure, but, no one tried to stop her.
In her room, Amy paced back and forth. She had no idea how she was going to conquer her feelings for Simon. Lecturing herself did no good, and her thoughts kept her from sleeping. Her appetite was n
ow affected. She sank into her chair, grabbed the book she was reading and forced herself to open it. She forced herself to concentrate on the words.
She managed several pages when Caro called through the door, “Amy?”
Simon's Brides Page 14