Say You'll Marry Me (Welcome to Redemption #10)

by Stacey Joy Netzel

  “There’s nothing I can do, Joy. You think I haven’t tried?”

  “I think you gave up,” she accused. “You said it yourself, that you were relieved to get the foreclosure notice. Now I get the feeling you’re just passing time.”

  “Passing time?” That’s what she thought he was doing with her?

  “Yes! Unless you’re planning to stick around after the farm is sold?”

  “We’re supposed to be engaged,” he ground out. “I don’t have much of a choice but to stick around, do I?”

  “No, that’s where you’re wrong, jackass. You’ve got as much of a choice in that as you’ve had in everything else.”

  She spun on her heel and stalked to the house. He slammed into his truck and hit the gas hard enough the tires spit gravel on his way out of the driveway.

  At home, he kept going over their argument. How the hell was he the jackass? She was the one who was scared to let everyone see what they had together.

  He halted in his tracks on the way out to the barn. She’s scared.

  Sonofabitch.

  After what had happened with her ex in Nashville, the request to keep things between them made sense. Especially now that he knew she was worried about what he was going to do after the farm was sold. But it wasn’t like he could tell her about some grand plan when he hadn’t thought about it a whole lot.

  Lie to her, but not yourself, idiot.

  Logan continued up into the barn and sought solace in the hayloft. Any semblance of peace eluded him when he caught sight of the blanket where he and Joy had made love on Saturday night. Two nights since. Yet, if he closed his eyes, he was right there, kissing her warm skin, tasting her passion, and loving the heat of her as she welcomed him inside her body.

  He groaned and opened his eyes.

  Fine. Hell yes, he’d thought about what he was going to do—he just didn’t have an answer he could live with yet. He wanted to stay, now more than anything. The more than generous wage Al Dolinski paid him would cover an apartment in town and living expenses, but the more than presented the crux of that problem. Dating her while living off her family’s money didn’t look right. Didn’t feel right.

  How is that any different than what you’re doing now?

  It wasn’t, damn it. And people in town judged him either way. People like Edna, and Millie, and even Tara Carter.

  Then Grant Walker’s words from outside the pharmacy echoed in his mind. “It’d be nice if you stuck around town.”

  The guy didn’t have to come back and say that when they’d already parted ways. Hadn’t had to tell him their circle of friends respected him for helping out Joy, either. But he had, so maybe the whole town wasn’t judging him to the point he came up short, just the old biddies—and his fake fiancée.

  “You don’t seem to be doing a damn thing to keep your farm.”

  Of course she didn’t know he’d talked to the bank, and Wes Carter, and even checked into selling his songs. He didn’t tell her because he didn’t want her to know what a failure his efforts had been. The way it stood now, the foreclosure was on his dad’s shoulders. Not that he blamed his father, but the mortgages and medical bills and back taxes weren’t anything Logan could’ve fixed. The hole had been dug too deep.

  If he was being honest with himself, that was a good part of why he’d refused help from both her and her grandfather. Because if he took the money and he still couldn’t make the place profitable, it would all become his failure.

  And maybe it was better he and Joy kept things between themselves, too. When he screwed that up, as it seemed inevitable he would, no one would be the wiser. Best for everyone concerned.

  Except his heart, because that hole had been dug too deep already, too—and he had no one to blame but himself.

  Chapter 18

  ‡

  Joy glanced over her shoulder at the sound of footsteps entering the kitchen behind her. “Morning, Grandpa. Coffee’s ready.”

  “Breakfast, too, from the smell of it.”

  “Just have to add the cheese.” She stirred the hash browns, eggs, and bacon combination before sprinkling shredded cheddar over the top. While her grandpa poured his cup of coffee, she set the covered pan on the table so the cheese could melt. “Gram up yet?”

  “Your grandma seems to have caught a bit of a cold, so she’s sleeping in this morning.”

  Concern brought her around from rinsing her empty mug at the sink. “Do you want me to stay home today?”

  “No, no. It’s just the sniffles.”

  “You’re sure? Because I don’t have anything specific planned.” Other than going to apologize to Logan.

  Last night, she’d turned the argument around on him, said some things she maybe shouldn’t have, all because he’d been right. Well, partly right. She hesitated to tell anyone about their real relationship because once he left, it’d be back to the pity party of…Poor Joy. Another man she couldn’t keep.

  Still, it was no reason to make him feel worse than he already did about losing his farm. She knew he’d tried, and had been trying. Tara had even mentioned he’d stopped in to see Wes last week. She’d also texted her on the way home last night: You two should stop faking and just go for it.

  Grandpa took a seat at the kitchen table with his mug, drawing her attention back to him as he said, “Yes, I’m sure I’m good until Bonnie gets here.”

  The nurse who helped out on Wednesdays and Saturdays arrived at ten, so Joy didn’t feel bad about accepting his refusal. “Okay. Then I’m going to saddle Grace and take a ride.”

  He sipped his coffee until she started for the door without eating the breakfast she’d just made. “Joy?”

  “Yeah?” She lifted her quilted flannel vest from the nook hook by the door and faced him as she slipped it on.

  “You’re not gettin’ yourself in too deep with this whole engagement thing with Logan, are you?”

  Her fingers stilled on the third snap. Depends on your definition of too deep. If it didn’t include falling in love with a man who was bound to leave, then she was just dandy. “You don’t need to worry about me, Grandpa.”

  “I’ll always worry about you, you know that. It’s my—”

  “Job. I know, and I love you for doing it so well.” She finished fastening her vest before lifting her chin to meet his gaze. “The truth is, Logan and I—”

  “Aren’t pretending anymore. Yeah, I know. A little hard to miss, girly.”

  Her cheeks warmed even as she smiled at his word choice. He didn’t seem upset, but he hadn’t seemed overly enthused about the whole situation, either. “Are you okay with the two of us? I mean, you like him, right?”

  “Yes, I like him. He’s a good man. Honest. Hard working. And he’s got a good heart.”

  Joy agreed with every bit of his statement. The description summed up everything about Logan she loved.

  “However, he’s also got a lot of pride. So much so, I’m afraid it’ll be his downfall, and you’ll wind up hurt in the process. Once his farm is gone, the boy ain’t got much to stick around for.”

  She swallowed hard at the blunt statement. He’ll have me. Won’t that be enough?

  “I can’t stand to see your heart broke again.”

  Joy pasted on a smile as she went to hug him. “My heart will be fine, Gramps. Now, I’m not sure what my day will entail, but if I’m not home for dinner, there’s enough chicken soup from the other night for you and Gram. And, if you get a chance to watch that documentary I told you Logan found, it’s queued up on your computer in the office.”

  “Will do.”

  “Keep your handkerchief nearby, though. It’s good, but tough to watch in spots.” She’d gone through a handful of tissues herself.

  He gave her a solemn nod and a kiss on the cheek before turning to the table to dish up a plate.

  Fifteen minutes later, Joy swung up into the saddle on her black mare and nudged Grace into a canter across the field toward Logan’s place. The autumn
wind cooled her face and blew her hair out behind her. Not quite gloves weather, but it would be soon.

  As she entered the yard, she spotted him up in the loft, throwing down hay for his small herd of beef cattle. They would be sold next week, too, along with any other assets that could help the bank recoup every possible dollar of debt.

  If she didn’t think he’d get mad at her all over again—if he was even done being mad from last night—she’d propose a loan with low interest. But, she could hardly come in with an apology, and then turn around with an offer that would piss him off again.

  Stupid pride.

  She tied her mare to the hitching rail, then went inside as Logan came down the ladder. They had an hour before he usually showed up at the ranch for work. Plenty of time to sort things out.

  He hopped down to clear the last three rungs, and she let her gaze travel the length of him. Boots, jeans, a navy blue, flannel shirt layered over his T-shirt to ward off the morning chill, stubble covered jaw, furrowed brow, and tousled, finger-combed hair at seven-thirty in the morning. She wanted nothing more than to throw herself into his strong arms and hold onto him so he’d never leave.

  He pulled up short when he spotted her, one hand curled tight around a ladder rung. “Hey.”

  “Hi.” Her pulse gave a little leap as he let go and moved forward.

  “I didn’t expect to see you this morning. Not here, at least.”

  She smoothed her hands over her hips, then clasped them in front of her. “I figured we needed to talk. Or, more like, I need to apologize for last night.”

  His gaze touched on hers, then dropped between them as he stuffed his hands in his pockets, shoulders hunched.

  “I shouldn’t have said the things I said about you giving up,” she continued. “I mean, I know you’ve tried when most people would’ve been long gone by now, and I heard you even went to see Wes.”

  His lashes lifted, his brown eyes lit by the morning sun spilling through the open doors. “Everybody in this damn town talks.”

  “Tara mentioned it, nothing more.” She took a hesitant step toward him. “The point is, I was deflecting because you hit a little too close to the truth.”

  He scuffed the toe of his boot. “Well, then, it seems it would be my turn to apologize. I jumped to conclusions about why you wanted to keep things between us. I took it personally, even though I know trusting someone after Luke is probably very hard for you.”

  She must’ve looked surprised at his insight because his mouth quirked up at the corners.

  “I’m not completely clueless.”

  “Good to know.”

  His gaze met hers. Dropped to her lips. She fought the urge to moisten them, and he backed up to lean against a couple of hay bales stacked against an empty stall.

  “The honest to God truth is I don’t know what I’m going to do. I had my plans to go back to my old job in Minnesota, but…”

  He trailed off, leaving her anxious to know what the but was.

  “Wes didn’t have any suggestions?” she ventured, a note of hope lifting her voice.

  “If he did, I’d have taken them already.”

  She moved closer, her heart pounding as the next question formed on her tongue. “Any chance you’d reconsider a private loan?”

  His jaw tightened as he shook his head. She sighed as she turned to mimic his position against the bales. They both stared across the aisle, not looking at the other. Less than two feet between them and yet it might as well have been the Grand Canyon.

  “If it’s the leaving part you’re worried about, I won’t do that to you or June.”

  Guilt twinged her conscience. Her angst had nothing to do with her grandma. Pure selfishness wanted to keep him with her forever. But was it fair to hold him to a promise he’d made in the spur of the moment out of pity? She twisted his diamond and emerald ring on her left hand back and forth.

  Maybe she should release him from the obligation and tell him to go.

  The thought put a lump in her throat. “You mention Minnesota, but Grandpa pays you a fair salary, doesn’t he? I don’t see him wanting to let you go if you’re willing to stay.”

  “Working for your grandpa while you and I are…whatever we are…I don’t know that I’m comfortable with that.”

  Says your pride, she thought with a flare of annoyance. “You’re doing it now. What’s the difference?”

  He shrugged, his expression tight and unreadable, gaze downcast.

  A feeling of dread crept into her veins. She shifted to face him, studying his profile for some clue as to what he was thinking. “Where does that leave us? What are we doing here, Logan? Are we just passing time until Gram is gone?”

  “No.” His gaze remained steadfast on his boots, his voice quiet. “But as we both said, neither of us expected this.”

  “What is this?” she pressed. “I know what it is for me, what I’d like it to be, but what is it for you?”

  For a moment, she thought he wasn’t going to answer. Her fingers curled into the hay. This talk was getting them nowhere. Then he finally faced her, and a spark of hope ignited.

  “What do you want it to be?” he asked.

  She shook her head in exasperation. “No. I asked you first. If you can’t even answer that, then…maybe it’s best if we end this whole thing now. As soon as the farm is sold, you should go wherever it is you want to go.”

  Saying the words made her eyes burn. She pushed away from the hay, desperate for some distance when he agreed that they were done.

  Two steps later, he caught her arm and swung her back. Momentum propelled her up against his body; his arms held her there. A fierce, angry frown drew his dark eyebrows together—but then she noticed his eyes. Confusion and fear swirled in the sunlit golden-brown depths.

  “This is me looking forward to seeing you each day. Wanting to call you first thing in the morning so I can hear your voice, your laugh. Searching for any moment I can steal alone with you because thoughts of your kisses tempt me all day long.” His frown deepened. “This is you under my skin, and it scares me to death.”

  Her heart swelled in her chest, pounding hard from the gravelly emotion in his voice. She could see it had taken a lot for him to say those words. To bare his soul.

  The reply forming in her head was wiped away when his mouth covered hers. Possessive. Demanding. As if he’d given himself, and now expected no less from her.

  She readily gave everything she had in the kiss, reassured her feelings weren’t one sided. Her hands gripped his broad shoulders, but she soon traded the warmth of his flannel shirt against her palms for the soft texture of his hair between her fingers. He trailed kisses along the underside of her chin, the stubble on his jaw an erotic scrape against her sensitive skin.

  “Let’s go inside,” she whispered when he opened the top snaps on her vest to get to her neck.

  “The blanket is still up in the loft.”

  “Even better.”

  He spun them around and stutter-stepped her backward. At the ladder, he let loose a low groan and stepped back with a pained look of resignation. “I can’t be late for work. I have to load up the horses and leave for Milwaukee right after I’m done with chores.”

  That’s right—he and Grandpa had talked last night about the delivery of a couple rehabbed rescue horses to their new home. Still…

  Joy fisted her hand in his shirt and yanked him back to her. “We’ve got at least a half an hour. Plenty of time.” She felt for the bottom rung with her heel, hooked it, and pushed herself up a step. The added height put her an inch or so taller than him.

  A smile curved his lips as he surveyed her new position. “Okay, I can make that work.”

  She walked her fingers up his chest. “Play your cards right, and I’ll come with you.”

  His gaze rose to hers, hot and sexy as he reached for her waist. “You’ll come with me all right.”

  Heat flashed through her. “I meant to deliver the horses.”

/>   “I didn’t.”

  Her breath caught at the memory of how amazing he felt inside her. “How about both?”

  “Deal.”

  She popped the rest of the snaps on her vest and stripped it off. When she tossed it aside, Logan slid his hands up beneath her long-sleeved T-shirt, reached behind to unhook her bra, then lifted cotton and lace out of his way. Joy gripped the sides of the ladder as his mouth closed over the tip of one breast while his hand kneaded the other.

  A pinch and nip at the same time sent molten hot sensation searing straight to her core. She gasped at the pleasure, and he did it again, and again, until she panted each breath, wild with need. Her inner muscles clenched hard, craving his possession.

  She fumbled for the button of his jeans and slid the zipper down. His groan vibrated against her breast when she reached inside to wrap her fingers around his hot, hard flesh.

  “Do you have anything with you?”

  “Yes, but let’s go up—”

  “No.” She stroked the length of him, up and down. “Right here. Right now.”

  Her words elicited another guttural groan. Then he satisfied her demand, and kept his part of the deal.

  As his body trapped hers against the ladder afterward while they caught their breath, Joy pressed her lips to his ear. “This is exactly what I want this to be.”

  *

  Joy finished her call and set the phone on the old oak kitchen table as she watched Logan pull a store-bought pizza from the olive green enamel oven that looked like it was from the seventies. “Grandpa was glad to know we’re back. He also watched the documentary today and is all for getting the music put on a player for Gram.”

  “I’ll have to watch it, too,” he said, letting the pizza cool while pulling a couple plates from the cupboard. He walked over to set one in front of her, then reached back to switch it with his. “Sorry, that one’s chipped.”

  She stayed his hand. “It’s fine. It doesn’t bother me.”