His tone made the hair on my arms rise. “Then what?”
“Gisborne.” He paused for a long time, and I thought he was going to leave me to fill in the blanks. Eventually he started walking again, talking, too. “I’m sure you’ll hear a different version when you get sick of being out here, but for the sake of balance, I’ll tell you John’s version.”
He licked his lips. “Gisborne’s men caught John, out here on the trail while he was hunting. They had him for weeks, Maryanne. Weeks.” His eyes in the moonlight asked if I understood what that time without his best friend had done to him.
I couldn’t know, not for sure. But I could guess. And every guess told me that time without John had been horrendous.
“I didn’t sleep because each time I closed my eyes, I found a new way to imagine his death. I didn’t eat, because I felt constantly sick about what could be happening to John. And I spent every single day searching the forest for him.” He drew a deep, shuddering breath. “For his body.”
His imagery was too vivid. It made the hair on my arms stand on end. “Oh, Rob.” I breathed out his name, because I could think of nothing else to say.
“I was searching near Woodhurst Manor about three weeks back, hoping to find him, when this kid came running up to me. Told me he’d heard that John would be going through Hidden Bend that afternoon.” He ran both hands through his blond hair again. “I wanted him back so much that I didn’t think. Which was probably good, in the end. It could have turned out so much worse if I’d brought Tuck or Miller with me.”
He walked a few steps away, head down and hands gripping the hair at the base of his neck.
I wanted to strangle Gisborne for making Rob feel this way. I couldn’t begin to guess where this story was going, except somewhere bad. It was plain to see that whatever he was about to tell me had screwed Rob up big time.
“I went alone and waited near the rise on Hidden Bend.” He glanced my way like he was checking I knew where he meant.
I nodded. Hidden Bend was where we’d once stopped Bridgette Sutherland’s carriage.
“I sprinted there, arrived out of breath. I hid in the bushes and waited. Had all these plans racing around in my head. Like how, if John came past in a carriage, I’d shoot the driver then his guards before dragging John to safety. Or, if he was on the back of a horse, I’d shoot everyone I could, then come at the rest with my sword.” He shook his head. “In the end, none of that mattered because he didn’t come past at all.”
He turned back to face me, his eyes shining in the moonlight. “I heard him scream out in pain. That sound is forever etched into my bones.” A shiver went down his spine and I had to stop the one attempting to run down mine.
“He wasn’t on the trail, but he was near. I sprinted in the direction of his scream, yelled out his name, told him I was coming. He yelled back at me, told me…” He looked over my shoulder and swallowed deeply. There were tears sitting on the bottom of his lashes, ready to fall. But he held them back. “Told me to stay away. Screamed that it was a trap.” Rob shook his head, his voice losing all its strength. “He would have died, rather than let Gisborne’s men find me.”
I touched his arm. “We all would.” And Rob would do the same for any of us. It was what I loved about him. About them all. They were family. And they would look out for each other until they took their dying breath.
Rob jerked his arm from my grasp, his glare saying no one should do that for him.
“I didn’t listen. Pushed through bracken and bushes, clambered over logs and rocks, sprinted toward his voice. Didn’t care how much noise I made. Didn’t care he shouted it was a trap. I’d already decided. If my brother was there, I would kill him.” His voice shook with anger and I had no doubt Gisborne was not there that day, otherwise he’d already be a dead man.
“John screamed out again, sounded like they were killing him piece by piece. I yelled his name, sprinted harder. He went quiet and I thought I was too late but kept running anyway. I reached the clearing and drew my sword, ready to kill anyone who got in my way. But they were gone. The soldiers. They’d left. All but John. He was curled around himself on the ground, trying not to make a sound while blood poured from his hand.”
An invisible vice clamped down on my chest and squeezed until I couldn’t breathe. I’d seen John in my dreams lying on the ground with blood coming from one hand. “What had they done?” I whispered.
“Cut off two of his fingers.” Rob resumed his pace along the trail.
I raced after him. How had I not connected my dream and John’s hand? How had I not realized he was lying when he’d agreed that he’d burnt his hand on the fire? “His…fingers?” John should have corrected me. Should have told me what happened.
Rob nodded, blowing out a deep breath and rubbing a hand across his eyes. “The soldiers came back before I could do anything for John. Fired arrows at us from just outside the clearing. They mustn’t have been very close, because they didn’t hit us. I don’t even know if they could really see us. I waited with my sword ready, expecting them to charge. When they didn’t, I risked putting it down a moment to ready my bow. Fired at them a few times. When I hit someone, they left us alone.” He licked his lips. “Thought about it afterwards. We were sitting ducks. If they’d wanted us dead, it would have been so easy.”
The attack had been designed to terrify rather than kill and it made me feel physically ill. “Is he okay?”
Rob raised his palms. “After they left, I built a fire, then heated up the end of my knife and pressed it onto his skin to stop the bleeding. Been keeping it wrapped up since then. I guess he’s in pain, but he never says. And there doesn’t seem to be any infection, so…I guess he’s okay.” His voice was resigned.
Physically, at least. Mentally, I doubted either one of them would get over that in a hurry. “At least he’s alive.” Because surely it would be so much worse if they’d killed him.
“There is that,” he said quietly.
“But…?” It seemed as if he was holding back what he wanted to say.
He sighed. “Apart from John not being able to hunt, and the fear that never leaves me that his hand might become infected, Gisborne had his men do that on purpose. As a warning. He knew I’d come. He’d arranged everything so I’d be there. He could have captured me that day, taken me to the Sheriff, had me hanged. Hell, they could easily have shot an arrow through my back and left me to die in that clearing.”
A shiver ran through me. That was a scene I’d watched too many times these past months. “Maybe he’s…maybe he’s not as bad as you think. Maybe that’s not what he wants anymore.” Even as I said it, I didn’t believe it. Rob was right. Why else would Gisborne’s men leave Rob when they could have taken him in?
Rob blew a quick breath out his nose and shook his head. “I publicly embarrassed him, as you well know. His revenge will come from hurting me. From hurting the people I love. And once he’s brought me to my knees that way, and only then, will he kill me.”
The nausea returned and I swallowed deeply. I’d seen everything he spoke of in my dreams, so I couldn’t dispute it. John’s hand. Miller with a face so bruised it was almost unrecognizable. Rob siding with Gisborne rather than helping the people in the forest. And finally, Rob dying. An arrow in his back.
“Maybe we should keep out of his way? Just for a while.” I’d planned to suggest it anyway, even without knowing any of this. It seemed like the best way to keep Rob safe from Gisborne. To change that little piece of history I’d come back to fix.
Rob nodded. “That’s exactly what I’ve been trying to say.” Relief filled my veins for just a second, until he said, “So you agree? You’ll go home?”
Wait, what? That wasn’t what I’d suggested at all. “I’m not going home, Rob.”
“You are. You cannot stay here.” His jaw stiffened. His entire body stiffened.
“Yes. I am.” I glared at him. “I came back knowing it wou
ld be hard. I can deal. I don’t expect or want your protection. Miller can keep teaching me to use a sword. I have my bow. I can look out for myself.” My voice grew louder with each word. I didn’t want to sound like I was pleading. I wasn’t. There was no decision to make on my part. Even if I could go home, I wouldn’t. This was where I belonged.
Rob stared at me; lips pursed. “I’m glad you have a plan for yourself, because whether you stay or not, I won’t be around anymore.”
What the hell did that mean? “Why not?”
He looked away and shook his head. “Places to be.”
“On your own?” My voice rose further. I didn’t understand what was going on with him. Apart from those first few minutes together, he’d acted strangely since my return. This wasn’t how he did things. The other boys were his family, he would never head out on his own and leave them to it.
“No. Not alone. And not with you, either. There are other people who need my protection more.” His lips formed a tight line, and his eyes focused somewhere in the distance.
Oh.
The tone of his words made something click into place in my brain. I’d been gone for months. We’d never made each other any promises, had kissed only once. I’d never even thought to ask if there was someone else. I’d assumed I was the Marian of legends, so therefore there must be a Rob and me. But he was saying something else. “By other people, you mean you’re going to look out for your girlfriend.”
His jaw stiffened further. He closed his eyes. “Yes, Maryanne. That’s exactly what I mean.”
NINE
“All right?” John asked, coming to a stop beside us. He looked from Rob to me, then back.
“Perfect.” Rob folded his arms across his chest, his voice short.
I felt a little like doing the same, but instead took a deep breath as if I hadn’t just had the wind knocked out of me, and smiled John’s way. “We’re good.”
John looked between us both again, as if trying to decipher a code. With a nod, he put his good hand on my back and directed me off the wide track and on to a narrower one I hadn’t noticed. He glanced over his shoulder at Rob. “I’ll take care of Lady Maryanne. You go do what you need to do.”
It was John’s words, rather than Rob’s, that bit into my heart. Until then, I’d thought, maybe, Rob was pretending. Saying something to hurt me so I would do as he wished. Gisborne had said there was someone else Rob needed to look out for. Someone I knew nothing about. And he’d called me Rob’s whore. But until John spoke, I’d hoped the other person wasn’t really a girlfriend. There could be hundreds of people Rob loved more than himself; aunties, uncles, cousins.
Or a girlfriend.
For a moment, I couldn’t breathe. John’s hand on my back propelled me forward, and even without air, I made it to the base of the hill, then up it to sit in front of an almost extinguished fire outside the cave. I’d like to say I didn’t see Rob again. I’d like to say I wasn’t aware of him standing at the edge of the light, watching for a few moments before he left for who-knew-where. I’d like to say him going off to someone else didn’t make my breath freeze in my lungs, that it didn’t bother me a bit. But it would be a lie, and damned if I’d let any of them see that.
“Anyone want presents?” My voice was falsely bright. I was too amped to sleep and needed a distraction. With any luck, my beaming smile suggested I wasn’t bothered by Rob’s sudden departure. I fished in my pack. “I brought you all presents. You know, since I missed Christmas and everything.”
Miller’s eyes widened. “Presents?”
I nodded and handed an item to each of them. There was another present in my pack, but the recipient wasn’t here. Perhaps it’d be a present for me, instead.
I’d wrapped the gifts in plain brown paper, but after bouncing around in my pack the last couple of days, they weren’t looking quite as good as they once had. The boys didn’t seem to notice.
“Can we look inside?” Miller was both buzzing and trying to play it cool. He acted so much older most of the time, it was good to see a glimpse of the child he usually kept hidden.
I nodded.
Miller ripped into the paper and gasped, drawing his hands away. He frowned. “A book?” It sat on his lap, the paper still beneath it. He hadn’t so much as touched it. Maybe I’d chosen the completely wrong gift. “But…I can’t read. And no one just carries a book around with them.” His eyes were on the book, like he desperately wanted to touch it but was too afraid.
“You don’t need to be able to read for this one, Miller. Turn the pages.” His gift had been the easiest to buy, after Rob’s. I’d known exactly what I wanted Miller to have, but his reaction made me doubt myself.
He brought his hand to the edge of the hard cover and turned the page, his fingers gentle. He sucked in his breath. “Weapons.”
“For now, you can look at all the pictures. When you’re ready, I’ll teach you the words.” The book was an illustrated guide to weapons through the ages, including modern weapons, like guns. I had the feeling Miller would get a kick out of it.
“You will?” He breathed the question.
“In exchange for sword lessons? But even if not, if you want to read, I’ll teach you.”
“I do! And I also want you to learn to use a sword.” He held up the book, turning it to show John and Tuck, a huge smile on his face. “Are you going to open yours?”
Tuck and John’s presents rested on their laps. “Is this a bribe?” Tuck’s eyes ran over my face, stopping at my hands resting in my lap.
“A bribe?” I laughed. Tried to, at least. It probably didn’t sound too much like laughter because Rob’s departure was still on my mind. “What reason would I have to bribe you?”
Tuck’s shrug was exaggerated. “I don’t know. Perhaps you should tell us.”
That weird vibe I felt earlier was back. I looked to John for an explanation.
He stared at the single flame in the fire like he wasn’t going to answer. When he spoke, his voice was gentle. “Are you trying to make us ignore the pain you’re bringing our way?”
The pain? Oh. They thought I was going to leave again. John had told me once before that he was worried I’d hurt Rob. Leaving had probably done exactly that. Maybe they’d all felt a little hurt by it. I reached over and squeezed his arm. “I’m not going to hurt you. This is just a gift to say how happy I am to see you all again. Please accept it.”
Miller closed the book, his eyes going to John for guidance. He pulled his hands back from his gift as if he shouldn’t touch it because he might not be allowed to keep it.
John must have seen his movements, too, because he sighed. “Okay. Thank you, Maryanne. Your gifts are very generous.”
Was it just me, or did that sound overly formal? I ran my hands down my face. I was being stupid. It was late. I’d walked all day and a lot of the night and had barely slept last night. I was hearing things that just weren’t there. “You’re welcome.”
Both John and Tuck were more cautious with the paper when they finally pulled back the tape, carefully trying not to rip it, then folding it neatly to, apparently, keep for later.
For John, I’d brought a selection of dried herbs and spices plus salt and pepper for adding to our meals. Once I’d explained what they were, he gave me a beaming smile before jumping up and hugging me.
Tuck had been the hardest to buy for, but in the end, I settled on a new copy of the bible in a waterproof case. The little one he carried everywhere was tattered and torn. His reaction was a genuine smile, something I didn’t see often—or ever—from him.
An awkward silence fell around the fire. “How long will Rob be gone?” Because I had exactly that long to convince the rest of them to let me stay.
John gave Tuck a glance I couldn’t read. “He’s not coming back. Not for a long while, maybe not ever.”
John’s answer bit into my heart. Never coming back? He had to. He was Robin Hood. He belonged here,
with us. How could I keep him safe from Gisborne’s arrows if I didn’t know where he was? “He wants me to go home.” Might as well put it out there.
John nodded. “I heard.”
I sighed. We had raised our voices, but I didn’t think the boys had been close enough to hear us. “I can’t get back home. And even if I could, I wouldn’t go.” I might not have pleaded with Rob earlier, but I was pleading now. I didn’t want to be tossed out into the forest on my own.
“Didn’t think for one moment you would. You’re always welcome here.” John smiled. “No matter what Rob says.”
His smile eased some of the tension which knotted my shoulders. I’d missed Rob in the months I was home, but I’d missed the others almost as much. It was good to hear they wouldn’t get rid of me, even if Rob said he wanted me gone.
The dreams returned that night. Maud said they’d be with me until I did something to stop Rob’s death. I’d stupidly hoped they might be gone for good, and that just coming back here would be enough to keep Rob alive. Instead, I watched him die again with an arrow in his back, the same as he had over and over when I was home. I woke screaming his name, and woke the others, too. Somehow, it was worse to watch him die here, than it had been from eight hundred years away.
By the third consecutive night, I had the screaming under control. It wasn’t even close to morning, but the hole in the roof of the cave let some moonlight in. I got up from my straw mattress—a bonus of the cold months and living in one place—and picked my way over sleeping bodies to sit at the cave entrance. I was soaked in sweat and would soon be shivering in my clothes, but for the moment I felt hot and sticky. I drew in deep lungsful of cold air and waited for the last of the dream—horses’ hooves and Gisborne’s laughter—to fade.
“Are you all right, Maryanne?” John’s voice was low, and I turned to find him sitting up on his mattress.
Yes. Maybe. Not at all. Since the dream returned that first night, I’d tried to discover where Rob had gone, so I could work out if it was the place I kept seeing. The boys either didn’t know or were determined not to tell me, and I had no further information about where he was than I’d had on the day he left. I was beginning to feel like time was running out. “I think Rob’s in trouble,” I blurted.
Outplayed Page 8