Well that was a no-brainer. If there was no girlfriend, then it meant only one thing. “You’ll come back to us.” And maybe the two of us could learn to have more than a stilted conversation.
He stared straight ahead, the muscles in his jaw working, his eyes fixed on something outside the cave.
“But you won’t, will you?” I asked. “Whether you have another girlfriend or not, you’re not coming back.” If there wasn’t a girl, I’d expected him to return to us as soon as whatever was keeping him away was resolved. The sadness in his eyes told me it wasn’t going to happen, and it was like a punch to the gut. I hadn’t seen it coming.
He picked up his bow and sword from the ground and scrambled out of the cave. “I have to go.”
I followed him out. “Sorry.” Seemed all I did was apologize to him lately. “I shouldn’t have pushed so hard.”
With his back to me, he released a sigh, his shoulders drooping. “You should have. You were right to.” He started to leave, stopping to look back up at me. “And you’re right about the girlfriend. There isn’t one. I’m sorry I lied.” He continued down the hill and disappeared into the forest before I could react.
I watched him leave then headed back into the cave. Rob’s admission hadn’t made me feel as good as I expected it would. He didn’t have a girlfriend. But he still had another reason to stay away from us. Something he couldn’t, or wouldn’t, share with me.
I flicked through my photos, taking my time before putting the album into my pack. It would soon be time to head back to John and Tuck.
I was just pulling my quiver over my shoulder when the cave entrance darkened. Someone was there. They’d arrived so silently, I hadn’t heard them approach. I picked up my bow.
Not a soldier. No chainmail. No burgundy and gold cloak.
I drew an arrow from my quiver, readying myself to shoot.
The figure crouched, his movements awkward as he entered the cave.
“Miller?” I whispered, already crawling toward him.
FOURTEEN
Miller backed out when he saw me, standing and waiting in the long afternoon shadows beneath the rocky overhang at the cave entrance. The moment I reached him and before I could say a single word, he wrapped his arms around me and tucked his head into the crook of my neck, sobbing.
“Miller. It’s okay.” I rubbed his back while trying to do a visual inventory of all his body parts without pulling away to do so. “You’re okay now.” His sobbing continued no matter what I said, his whole body shaking. I whispered words that meant nothing in his ear and let him cry until he was done. Finally, he stepped back and looked at me.
I put my hand over my mouth when I saw his face. “Miller? What happened? Are you all right?” He wasn’t. Clearly. Apart from the crying, his entire face was purple and swollen. One eye was shut, the other was almost. There were cuts on his lips, and his cheeks were so tight, they were shiny. “Can you talk?” It didn’t look like he could move any part of his face.
He nodded, still quiet.
I moved to take his hand, wanting him to know that I was here for him and I’d do my best to make everything all right. He pulled back before I could touch him. Then he held his hand up, an apology in his semi-closed eye. His little finger and the one beside it were sticking out at odd angles. Broken.
“Gisborne?” I asked.
He nodded.
Cold fury washed over me. I was going to kill that man. Though, I suspected I might have to stand in line once Rob, John and Tuck saw Miller. “The others have gone.”
He nodded, like he expected it. “To Black Hole?” His voice was raspy and unused.
“They think it’s unsafe here.”
“It’s not,” he whispered. “No one followed me.” His eyes, what I could see of them, had lost their spark, and it hurt my heart to see it. I wanted to ask what had happened but couldn’t make him relive it. Not yet, at least.
“Can you walk there? Or do you want me to go and bring them here?”
Miller straightened his spine. “I’ll walk.”
He was probably the bravest person I knew. Terrified and three years younger than me, he should have wanted nothing more than to curl up in a ball and close his eyes. Instead, he chose a slow and probably painful trek through the forest.
I had the feeling Rob might return to Kings Cave later, to check I’d gone back to Black Hole. I scribbled two words on the cave entrance using a burnt stick from our old fire, just for him. Got him. It was all I needed to say. If Rob read it, he’d understand.
John and Tuck were still out when Miller and I reached our camp. I sat Miller down inside the cave next to the cold fire, while I went to fetch some water and wood. Once the fire was roaring, I began to clean up his face, wiping away the dried blood with a cloth and water.
A noise I didn’t hear had Miller on his feet. “Get behind me.” With one hand, he urged me back, with the other, injured, hand, he drew his sword.
I picked up my bow from where it leaned against the cave wall and nocked an arrow before stepping around Miller. Damned if Gisborne was getting him again. Damned if he was getting either of us.
Miller dropped his sword, and it clattered against the stone floor of the cave.
“Are you okay?” I whispered.
He nodded, pointing to a place where the trees thinned. “It’s Rob.”
I kept my arrow ready, pointing out the cave door until I could confirm with my own eyes what Miller had already seen.
Rob stepped out of the forest and looked between the two of us, then raised his hands. “I know you’re not happy with me, Maryanne, but there’s no need to shoot.” He crossed the three steps to Miller and wrapped him in a hug. Miller leaned into him and cried again. Rob looked over his shoulder at me, questions in his eyes. I shrugged. I knew as much as he did.
When his tears stopped, I continued to clean Miller’s face. It didn’t make him seem any less hurt, only less dirty.
“Gisborne’s a dead man,” whispered Rob through clenched teeth. He placed some small sticks on either side of Miller’s fingers, then wrapped them in cloth, tying the ends so the bandage remained secure and his fingers could heal.
Before I could agree, Tuck and John arrived back. There were more hugs and fewer tears, and when Miller began to talk, we all sat down to listen.
“They were waiting for me. Gisborne’s soldiers. Outside Mansfield. I think they left that family alive hoping one of us would go for a healer. They had a camp just outside Mansfield and that’s where they took me. To Gisborne.”
Rob shook his head. I imagined his thoughts were similar to mine. If we’d acted sooner, we could have gotten to the soldier’s camp and got Miller back before any of this happened. Instead, we’d given him the benefit of the doubt, had thought he’d just been held up, and had passed our time robbing a stupid carriage.
“They want…” He shrugged. “He wants exactly what we’ve always known he wanted. Rob. Maud. He expected me to tell him where you both were.”
I looked at the ground, feeling ill. Another person hurt because of me. It stung even more this time because it was Miller. Because I felt a sense of responsibility toward him.
“I refused, of course,” Miller continued. “So, they hit and kicked and beat me, to force an answer.”
“Miller,” I whispered, looking at his misshapen face. “You shouldn’t have done that for me.”
“Had to,” he croaked. “You still don’t know how to use a sword well enough for us to let you loose on Gisborne.”
I smiled even though it was the last thing I wanted to do. “Well, I’m glad you’re back to give me the rest of my lessons.” More glad than I could even say.
“Me too.” He drew in a wobbly breath. “The beatings got worse each time I refused to answer. Sometimes I passed out from pain. It got so bad that I’d decided to tell them what they wanted to know the next time they asked, because I couldn’t bear it anymore.” He
glanced at Rob. “Sorry, Rob. I wanted more than anything to be like you, and I failed. You’d never have bowed to Gisborne’s demands. You would never have considered telling him what he wanted to know.” His voice broke and it brought tears to my eyes.
Miller wasn’t the only one bowing to Gisborne’s demands. Rob was, just by living elsewhere. And if the rest of us weren’t so scared, we’d be stopping more carriages, handing out more gold. It felt as if we were only half fighting, and fully loosing.
“So, you told them?” Rob asked, his voice gentle.
Miller shook his head.
Rob’s eyebrows rose, his surprise mirrored on the rest of our faces. “Good for you.”
“When I woke up after that last beating, the rope around my wrists felt looser. I wriggled my hands and they came free. No one was watching me. They were drinking whiskey around the fire, so I untied my feet and ran.”
“Good job,” smiled John. “You’re so much braver than you realize.”
Miller shook his head. “I’m not. I’m stupid.” He looked at the ground. “It was too easy, a trap. And I nearly fell in headfirst. Would have, had I not heard one of them following behind me. They weren’t drunk. They’d loosened my ties on purpose, so I’d escape and lead them to you.” He huffed out a laugh. “Once I knew they were there, I led them all around the forest, but never near any of the places we stay. Then two nights ago, while they slept, I ran. Kept checking they weren’t behind me. They weren’t, but I stayed away another night just to be sure. Haven’t seen them since.”
We stared at him in stunned silence. He might be just fourteen, but he was as clever as anyone else sitting around the fire. Not that he cared. There was only one person he wanted to emulate. It wouldn’t hurt him to hear he’d done well. “You know, I think you did as good a job at losing them as Rob would have done.”
John smiled. “She’s right, Miller.”
Miller glanced at Rob, then at the others. “Are you serious?”
I nodded and a small smile came to Miller’s beaten face. It was the best thing I’d seen all day.
Early the following morning, just as dawn was breaking, I woke to find Rob sitting in the cave, watching me. We’d taken turns staying awake and watching for soldiers last night, just in case they found us. All except Rob, who’d disappeared straight after Miller’s story, and Miller, who needed to sleep. Whose ever turn it was now had failed. Or Rob had taken over from them. “Kind of creepy,” I whispered, sleepily.
“You love it,” Rob whispered back. He beckoned with his head and waited for my response.
I hesitated.
“Come on. I just want to talk.”
I was lacing my boots before I’d even nodded in agreement. We left so fast that the only thing I took was my cloak. And the dagger that lived in my boot.
“Should I ask why I woke to find you watching me?” We sat on a log just off the trail, far enough from Black Hole that we wouldn’t wake anyone as we talked. The morning was cool, dew settling on every surface, and I pulled my cloak around my body, my hood over my head.
“Because I like the view.”
The correct response to that would have been to tell him his comment was inappropriate. I was obviously all out of correct responses. “Do you do it often?” Because, super-creepy. And perhaps a little hot.
His intense green eyes homed in on my face and he shook his head. “Less often than I’d like.”
Okay, I really couldn’t let that one go. “Rob.” I stretched out his name like the warning it was supposed to be.
He held up his hands. “I know. I know. Sorry.” He shuffled back a few millimeters and stared silently at the silhouettes the early morning light made of the trees.
“Is there a reason you’re, you know, hanging around here watching me sleep like a crazy stalker?” My heart rate had increased the moment his eyes ran across my face and hadn’t slowed since. I was so glad he couldn’t hear it. With any luck, one day I’d get myself under control around him. Clearly, that day wasn’t today.
“Maybe because I am a crazy…whatever you just called me. When I’m around you I definitely feel crazy.”
“Rob.” I shook my head. He couldn’t say things like that. The closeness we’d shared before was gone. We both had things we refused to share which created a wall between us.
“You’re angry with me.”
A little. But that’s not the reason I wanted him to stop. If we were ever going to get back to the easy friendship we’d once shared, we first needed to have a proper conversation. About proper things. “We can’t—”
“I know. But you’re still angry.” He stared at me, waiting.
Fine, then. I was. And since he’d asked, I’d tell him. “You chose someone else, something else. Over them. Over Miller! I know it’s not up to me, who you spend your time with, but I just don’t understand. Miller was always so important to you.” They all were, but the bond between Rob and Miller had been particularly strong.
“Miller is still important to me.” He shook his head. “And it might look like I have a choice, but I don’t. Things have changed, Maryanne. The others understand. I know I haven’t given you a reason, but I just need you to trust me. I’m where I need to be. Please don’t ask me to explain more. I don’t have the answers you want to hear.”
I stared off into the distance, debating whether to push him further. In the end, I couldn’t let it slide. “Fine. Don’t explain to me. But don’t fool yourself into thinking everyone else is good with this arrangement. Don’t you think it hurts the others to see you choose something else—whatever it is—over them?”
His jaw stiffened. “I imagine it does. Just as it hurts me every time I have to walk away from you all. But this is the only way to keep everyone safe.”
“So you keep saying. But Miller wasn’t safe. You weren’t safe at Oxham. John wasn’t safe.”
He sighed, looking past me again, his voice softening. “We can’t all be like you.”
“Meaning?” Because I really had no idea.
“Meaning…” He shrugged. “You inspire me. You’re confident, brave and not scared of anything. I’m scared. All the time. I’m running myself ragged trying to do all the things I need to do and failing at every one of them. But you, you went and waited for Miller in a place you knew was dangerous, just because you wanted Miller to feel safe when he came back. You got the others to start robbing carriages again when we’ve been terrified of the consequences for months. It seems like you just go out there and do whatever you think will upset Gisborne the most.” He shook his head. “God. I want so much to be that person, but I’m terrified of who I might lose if I am.”
We were all in the same situation. We all felt the same pain when Gisborne hurt one of us. “They understand the risks, and they think you’re worth it. That what you’re fighting for is worth it. We all do.”
“If Gisborne kills any of—”
“Don’t.” I put up a hand to stop his words. “You can’t think that way, you’ll destroy yourself. If it were up to Miller, John and Tuck, you’d never lose them. They’d always be there for you, no matter what.” They’d proven that enough times that Rob should know already, but I guessed everyone needed reassurance from time to time.
“And you, Maryanne? Will you be there, no matter what?”
“Does it matter?” The words slipped out before I had a chance to censor them. I wanted to support Rob and his choices. That’s what friends did for each other. But somewhere along the way he’d decided he couldn’t trust me and that it was easier to lie, to tell me he had a girlfriend, or not tell me anything at all. I clearly wasn’t important enough to be privy to that information, and it stung.
He twisted to face me, his knees bumping against mine. “Oh, it matters. It matters more than you’ll probably ever know.”
Trust in Rob. That’s what Mom said to me the day we walked along the beach together. Perhaps it was time to start doing exactly
that. “What does that mean?”
“Nothing.” His gaze went to my hands cradled in my lap. “It means nothing.” He swallowed deeply. “You’re right, though. I did come here for a reason. There are some things I need to tell you. And other things I need to ask.”
Sticks cracked in the distance. “No! Stop!” A child’s terrified voice rang through the forest, followed by the booming voice of a male saying something I couldn’t hear. The child cried out again.
I jumped to my feet, torn between hearing whatever Rob was about to tell me and checking the child was all right.
Rob had no such concerns, pulling me back down onto the log beside him. “What are you doing?” he whispered. “There are soldiers out there!”
I dragged my hand from his grip; my decision suddenly easy. “What do you think? There’s also a terrified child out there. I’m going to see if he needs help.”
“Maryanne.” Rob shook his head. “Whatever is happening, it’s nothing to do with you.” His face was grim, and his hand hovered over me like he wanted to hold me back.
This wasn’t the Rob I knew. John and Miller’s kidnapping and mutilation had hit him hard. Understandably. I was going to sound harsh, but he needed to move past it. “You’ve got to stop being terrified of shadows. You’re not the only one who has a lot to lose should Gisborne ever find us. Every one of us does. You’re just the only one who’s chosen not to fight back against all the horrible things he does.” I stared at him, hoping he’d jump to his feet and go look for the child. He remained seated on the log.
I shook my head, not caring that he could see how disappointed I was in him. “I refuse to let Gisborne rule my life and then feel guilty afterward because I didn’t try. I don’t want to keep thinking about what I might have been able to do after the fact.” I pulled my dagger from my boot. “And if there is a soldier out there with that child, all the better. After what they did to Miller, I’m in a stabby kind of mood.” I stomped away. He could sit there and hide, but I was going to check it out. Children didn’t roam the forest alone, not this early in the day, at least. If everything was innocent, I’d leave it as it was. Judging by the child’s screams, I doubted that was the case.
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