by Robyn M Ryan
***
The weeks that Andrew played in Europe passed more quickly than Caryn anticipated. Flowers arrived often and they tried to connect via FaceTime or Skype at least once a day. Even from such a long distance, Caryn could feel the warmth in Andrew’s voice, could almost feel his arms around her. She missed him so much and could only hope that he missed her as much—and was as eager to see her again as she was to see him. She planned to pick him up at the airport, but Andrew refused, not wanting her to drive to the airport late at night.
“I’ll catch a ride.”
“But I can’t wait to see you.”
“Honey, the plane doesn’t get in until after midnight. You have classes first thing in the morning. You don’t need to be out that late—or driving alone.” Even on the phone, Caryn could imagine that stubborn expression crossing his face. She wished they had Skyped so she could try to change his mind. If he could only see my eyes, I could convince him. Especially if he could see me in my PJs.
She laughed softly, then tried a different tactic. “Tom could come with me.”
“He could, but he’s got early classes too.” Drew’s voice was set. “I have a ride. We can get together after classes tomorrow.”
“That’s after eleven.” Caryn grimaced as she heard the whiny tone in her voice. That’ll make him take a later flight. I’m not a clingy, whining girlfriend.
“Yep, and I’ll just be getting up. I’m exhausted, Cary.” Andrew softened his tone. “I miss you, babe. I plan to devote the entire day to showing you how much I’ve missed you.”
In spite of her disappointment, Caryn’s skin tingled at the thought. Only Andrew can give me goosebumps from another continent. Caryn giggled and nodded even though he couldn’t see her.
“I’m holding you to that, Drew.”
“Don’t you worry about that. I’ve had plenty of time to plan the day.”
***
Late the following morning, Caryn’s stomach contracted with apprehension as she parked the car in front of Andrew’s apartment. What if I’ve built things up in my mind? Maybe it was just a summer romance. Maybe things will be different now. We’d known each other only a short time before he left.
She rang the doorbell and took a deep breath as she waited for Drew to open the door, nervously pushing the windblown hair away from her face. She pulled her light jacket more tightly around her as the brisk fall air whipped around the building. She shifted her feet, straining to hear his footsteps inside the door, wondering if he’d heard the bell and debating whether or not she should knock or use her key to enter.
She was about to ring the bell again when the door opened and Andrew was suddenly before her, his blue eyes capturing hers as a smile spread slowly over his face. He didn’t speak as he leaned against the door frame and drank in her fresh-as-spring beauty, reaching to gently brush her cheek with his hand. He grasped her shoulders and drew her inside the apartment and into his arms.
Caryn’s doubts faded as Andrew’s lips found hers, his tender caress expressing the depths of his growing feelings. He held her tightly against his chest, his hand lightly stroking her hair, and Caryn slipped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer to her, wanting the kiss to last an eternity.
He murmured her name as his lips traveled to her cheek, her neck, then back to her lips again, tenderness quickly becoming passion as Caryn responded with an emotion reflecting his. Her mind swirled and her knees buckled, and Caryn became aware of a growing ache deep within her. The kisses and caresses she’d imagined in her dreams and the way she felt about the man who held her now—were wrapped inside this seemingly endless kiss.
She was vaguely aware that he had lifted her in his arms, protesting softly when his lips left hers for an instant. She was aware only of Andrew, of the strength of the arms that carried her, of the emotion she felt from his kiss, of the new, intense, and entirely pleasurable sensations he was awakening within her. She shut her mind to everything except the moment and the kiss, reaching to pull him beside her as he gently set her on his bed.
He kissed her temple, her eyes, her neck, his hands seeking her smooth skin. His gentle caresses caused Caryn to press her body closer against his, a soft moan escaping her mouth. Her lips found his again, her skin shivering in anticipation as his fingers opened the buttons of her shirt and lowered his lips to caress the base of her neck.
Caryn’s breath caught in her throat and her hands clasped his shoulders, suddenly desperate to bring his body yet closer to hers. His hand brushed against her waist as his lips met hers again, pulling her against him as he stroked her hips and then her thighs, the thin material of her pants separating them. Caryn looked at Andrew, his blue eyes darkened with emotion, reflecting his desire as their eyes met. He was about to speak when the phone rang, rudely shattering their private world.
His smile was wry as he looked at the phone and then shrugged as he reluctantly pulled away from Caryn and reached for it. She wasn’t aware of what he said, though she watched him intently, her body tingling and flushed from his touch. She shivered, suddenly chilled without his arms around her, without his body pressed against hers, anxious that he should rejoin her quickly.
He placed the phone on the table and turned toward Caryn. She tried to read his expression, then felt herself growing warm as he gazed on her body. She held her hand out to him, and smiling ruefully, Andrew reached to touch her cheek.
“I’m sorry, babe. Coach is asking some of us to practice drills and run plays with the new players.” He shook his head as he leaned to kiss her gently. “For two cents I’d skip it.”
“No, you won’t. I’ll be here when you get back.”
Andrew smiled as he slipped his hand to her shoulder, lightly caressing her skin before he slowly buttoned her shirt. Caryn’s hand rested on his arm, and Andrew gathered her into his arms and held her close for a long moment, before he pressed his lips against her forehead and reluctantly released her.
“Don’t go anywhere. I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
“I’ll be here.”
He pulled her to her feet and held her close to his side as they walked from the room. Caryn’s skin still tingled from his touch. He grabbed his jacket from where it lay on the back of the couch and pulled it on. He touched her cheek, gently raising her face toward his, lightly caressing her skin as he spoke.
“I’m sorry, Cary. I wanted to spend the whole day with you.”
She shook her head. “You’re home and I’ll see you later—that’s what matters.”
He leaned to kiss her, pulling her close to him, not wanting to leave. Caryn shut her eyes, once again caught up in a whirlwind of emotion, never dreaming that she could feel the way she did. The kiss ended reluctantly for both and Andrew’s voice was husky when he spoke. “Back as soon as I can.”
***
She watched him drive away. She shut the door, suddenly lighthearted and exuberant. He still cares about me. He couldn’t kiss me like that if he didn’t care…right? No one has ever kissed me like that. Her mind flashed on the guys she’d dated before moving to Toronto. She knew she had little to compare with him, but even her major crushes never came close to awakening her entire being the way Drew just did. Their kisses and fumbling attempts to go further had made it easy for her to keep them at arms’ length.
But they were not Drew. Caryn hugged her arms, sinking to the sofa, her mind replaying every kiss and caress, her stomach contracting again at the memory of the feelings he ignited inside her. Her dreams had not prepared her for his reception today, nor had they prepared her for the warm kisses, gentle touches, and quickly rising passion. Did he feel the same about her? Right now, was he thinking about her, remembering how it felt to hold each other close?
What if the phone hadn’t rung? Would we be making love right now?
She shut her eyes, imagining the continuation of their embraces, suddenly nervous and apprehensive about what had almost taken place. She’d never even come close to giving her
self to a man. Was she ready? Was this the right time? Was he the one? She didn’t even know how he felt about her. Was he just attracted to her? Did he love her? How did she feel, really? Was she in love with him? Or was this all a super-charged sexual attraction?
What will happen when Drew returns from practice?
Grabbing a pillow, Caryn lay back on the sofa, her mind refusing to release the memories of the sensations Andrew had aroused in her. She finally admitted to herself that she wouldn’t have stopped him, that she would have allowed him to continue as far as he wished, that she wanted to belong to him totally, and that she wanted him to hold her forever. She pulled a throw around her, fatigue quickly overwhelming her. She’d close her eyes for just a few minutes.
NINE
She didn’t hear the doorbell at first, the sound coming to her softly in the deep sleep. But as the ringing persisted, Caryn pulled herself awake, groggy and disoriented. Realizing where she was, she looked at her watch, surprised that she had slept for almost two hours. The doorbell rang again, and suddenly realizing it was Andrew, Caryn pushed the throw aside and ran her hand through her tousled hair as she hurried to the door.
She pulled it open, the warm smile and words of greeting dying on her lips. A tall, stunningly beautiful woman with luxurious auburn hair stood on the doorstep, her green eyes confused when she saw Caryn.
“Andrew here?”
“Not at the moment.”
A pout quickly formed on the woman’s face. “He’s supposed to be here.”
“Something came up. Can I take a message for him?”
“No thanks. I’ll wait.” She looked past Caryn into the apartment. “Mind if I come in?” She swept past Caryn, not waiting for her reply, looking around before resting her eyes on her. “You must be Caryn,” she said as she appraised her with a critical eye.
“And you’re…”
“Monique. Surely Andrew’s told you about me?”
“Hasn’t mentioned your name.” Caryn knew she sounded like a bitch, but didn’t care. Who does this…this woman think she is?
Monique shook her head with a laugh, dismissing Caryn’s tone. “Should have known. Though, with him just returning from…”
“How do you know Andrew?” Caryn clenched her hands as she forced herself to meet Monique’s eyes, keeping her expression neutral.
“We’ve been together for over two years; inseparable, except of course when I went to Europe this summer. That’s when you met him.”
“And you got back when?”
“A few days ago. Hoped we could hook up in Europe, but our schedules didn’t match up.” Monique shrugged, and then nodded toward Caryn. “He told me about you, his summer romance. Really kind of sweet. I told him I didn’t mind. Couldn’t expect him to stay home alone, could I? Told him I didn’t mind—just so he didn’t sleep with you.” She looked at Caryn with a knowing smile. “He didn’t, did he?”
“Not. Your. Business.”
“Of course, he wouldn’t.” Monique sat on the couch, setting the throw aside. “This is really embarrassing. I thought he’d have told you.”
“Told me what?” Caryn put distance between them as she pulled back a chair at the kitchen counter.
Monique shrugged. “About me…about us. You really don’t know, do you?”
“Know what?” Caryn controlled her anger with an effort. “What do you think Drew should have shared with me?”
“Since I’m back in town, he won’t need your distractions any longer. I really thought you’d know by now.” Monique looked at Caryn with a sympathetic look. “I’m sorry I had to clue you in on our agreement.”
Caryn glared at her smug expression. “You’re delusional.” She nodded toward the door. “Why don’t you come back later and discuss that with him? But, please call first.”
Monique stood and ran her hand lightly over the sofa. “Tell him I’ll be in touch.”
“Oh, I absolutely intend to.”
Caryn watched Monique leave, her sarcasm evaporating as soon as the front door shut. Was that the kind of woman Drew wanted? Two years? That’s a long time to be with anyone. There’s a lot more history between those two than the few months she and Drew shared this summer—while that woman, that bitch was in Europe.
Was Monique lying? Drew and she never discussed past relationships. What happened before they met shouldn’t matter. He only asked her to be his girl the day before he left for Europe. Past relationships? She didn’t have much to tell—obviously. Drew? She’d assumed he’d had his share. He had everything any woman could want. She also knew the reputations of pro athletes and the available, willing women in every city.
Women like Monique. Caryn knew she couldn’t compete with anyone that sophisticated and beautiful. Someone who knew how to give a man what he wanted. Why would Andrew even spend time with me when women like Monique vied for his attention? That just doesn’t make any sense. Monique figured me out—naïve, inexperienced, and totally insecure. The guys in my study group seemed surprised when Lauren told them I was dating Andrew Chadwick. Even Lauren thought I was joking at first. Clearly Drew’s out of my league. I should be grateful he didn’t take advantage of my schoolgirl crush. A summer diversion. That’s all it was. Maybe he just wanted to see what it was like dating someone as clueless and inexperienced as me? Time to wake up from dreamland.
Caryn glanced at the ring he’d given her, and then looked around his apartment. Maybe she was the delusional one for falling for Andrew? If there were any chance that Monique spoke the truth, she was not waiting around for Drew to tell her anything. Caryn debated leaving a note with Monique’s message; instead she grabbed her jacket and her purse and slammed the door shut as she left.
Taking a deep breath, she contained the tears of anger and frustration that threatened, wanting to get away from the neighborhood before Andrew returned. She pulled her sunglasses from her purse, and swiftly walked toward her home. In a daze, her mind tried to comprehend what had happened. Drew…how could you act the way you did this morning? And Monique—how could she hope to compete with her? The woman’s history with Andrew and her self-confidence caused Caryn to feel naïve and foolish about her own designs on him.
Monique knew her name and when she’d met Andrew. And she was correct. Until this morning, Andrew had not shown any inclination to pursue a physical relationship with her. She remembered her feeling that he pulled back last summer when things began to get a bit intense physically. He hadn’t tried to go beyond the gentle, tender kisses she loved so much, or beyond the warm displays of affection he continually showered on her.
Until now, she had thought that Andrew just wanted to take things slowly with her, and after her experience with Chuck Pearson, she had been relieved and grateful. But maybe she had just served as a distraction while Monique was in Europe. Maybe he had no intention of taking their relationship to another level?
Somehow she managed to contain her emotions until she reached the safety of her townhouse. Angry with herself for being so naïve and stupid, angry with Andrew for causing the humiliation and hurt, she flung her sunglasses on a table, dropped her jacket on the couch, then shaking her head in frustration, grabbed her iPad and started to fling it at the wall. She caught herself and shook her head as she sat down on a chair. She was not going to destroy anything and she certainly was not going to cry over him.
TEN
Andrew ran up the steps and reached for the doorknob, frowning when he found it unlocked. He made a mental note to mention it to her, and then pushed the door open, wishing he had stopped to pick up some flowers. He stopped short when he saw Monique lounging on the couch, the warm smile of greeting dying on his lips.
“What are you doing here?”
“Waiting for you, of course.”
“Where’s Caryn?”
Monique shook her head as she stood and walked toward him. “No idea. The door was unlocked so I let myself in.” She reached to kiss him, but Andrew turned his face aside, angril
y grabbing her arm.
“How long have you been here?”
“I guess about an hour.” She tried to free her arm. “Andrew, you’re hurting me.”
“What did you say to her?”
“Let me go and I’ll tell you!”
Andrew complied and she retreated a step.
Andrew’s voice was cold. “Talk.”
The woman shrugged. “We barely spoke to each other. I told you, she must have gone somewhere after I stopped by earlier. When I came back, the door was unlocked, just like I said. Maybe she got tired of waiting for you.”
“So what did you do, tell her all about our past relationship?” Andrew’s voice was taut with anger.
“We need to talk.”
“I have nothing to say to you.”
She touched his arm. “I made a mistake. I should never have gone to Europe. I realize that now. I’m sorry.” Her green eyes filled with tears as she looked at him, her hand reaching to touch his cheek. “I’m asking you to forgive me.”
Andrew shrugged off her hand, moving back a step. “What’s the matter, Monique, your Swiss lover get tired of you?”
“Andrew, I made a mistake. Can’t you forgive me?”
“Sure.” He laughed, without humor. “Actually, I should thank you. If you hadn’t taken up with what’s-his-name, I’d have never met Caryn. So, thank you, and good-bye.”
“You’ll get bored with her, if you ask me.”
“Nobody did.”
“She’ll never satisfy you.”
“I’ll take my chances. Now get out.”
“Please, Andrew, can’t you remember what we meant to each other?” Her green eyes implored him. “Two years is a long time.”
“Sure, I remember, it was so good you went off to Europe. I’m not interested.” Andrew deliberately looked past her, his eyes focused on the wall.