by Chris T. Kat
“You keep saying that but you don’t know. I don’t want to be just a fuck buddy to you, and that’s all I’ll ever be.”
I breathed in through tightly clenched teeth, silently vowing not to blow up spectacularly. I told myself he had good reason to be scared and try to keep some distance between us. I hadn’t given him much reason to trust me so far. “Does that mean you’re not giving me a fair chance?”
“You never listen! You just rush over and take what you want. Then you get all confused and run away. You don’t know what you want, not at all!”
“But you do?” I snarled back. “I remember our very first conversation where you told me that you’re only out for a quick romp in the sheets.”
Alex had the good grace to look sheepish. I put more pressure on his head and butt and after a few more seconds he relented. He relaxed on top of me, his head resting just beneath my chin. Carding my fingers through his thick blond hair, I felt his heart beating a frantic rhythm in his ribcage.
Gathering my thoughts, I said slowly, “Look, I can’t promise you a happy-ever-after, but I do promise to be honest with you.”
“What about Sean?”
“What about him?” I countered, stalling for time.
Alex propped his head on his steepled hands and gazed at me thoughtfully. “Is that your understanding of honesty?”
I grimaced. “Honestly? I don’t know how I feel about Sean and his… his disability. Prior to this case, I never dealt with disabled people. Look, I know you’ll be bothered by it, but this isn’t easy for me. I never know how to feel about Sean or how to act around him. It confuses the hell out of me.”
“But you’ll give it a try getting to know him? That’s all I’m asking, Jeff. He’s my little brother and I will take care of him as well as I possibly can. It doesn’t make serious dating an opportunity I’ve had all that often so far.” Alex murmured the last part.
I considered asking him why he didn’t give Sean up to special care or a nursing home or whatever you have for those children. Even though I hadn’t known Alex for long, I was sure that giving Sean up was an absolute no-go for him. Instead, I opted for an understanding grunt and rubbing circles on the small of his back. He searched my eyes and asked again, “So, will you give it a try or not?”
I didn’t know if that was what I really wanted, but then again, it did sound kind of nice, and the prospect of holding Alex more often in my arms was quite tempting. I’d get used to Sean. I had already started to relax around him, which was a good beginning in my book. Also, I wanted Alex, more than I had ever wanted Roger or anyone else. “Yeah, I will.”
A smile of relief flitted over Alex’s face before he giggled, “That sounded like a very solemn vow. You know, like you have committed to something very serious for a very long amount of time.”
“Hmm, but you didn’t make a vow of your own. Lemme think about it.” I scrunched up my face in a mock imitation of thinking really hard. Alex’s whole body shook from holding back his laughter. I stared up into his twinkling, dark eyes, not for the first time wondering about them. Lifting up my head, I met him for a kiss.
When we broke apart, I said, “How about you promise to give me a real chance and not always assume the worst of me and my words?”
“Is this your roundabout way of telling me that you’re not the most tactful person?”
I rolled my eyes, cupped his face in both my hands, and held him still. “Will you give me that chance?”
“I will.”
We stared at each other for a long time, each daring the other one to collapse first. The corners of my mouth twitched and set Alex off. He laughed and shook his face free of my restraining hands. He laid his head on my chest, curling into himself slightly. “We seriously suck at these after-sex talks.”
“But we’re great at that sex thing.”
“So very true. How about we—”
A series of piercing chirps interrupted Alex’s remark.
“He’s louder than any kind of alarm clock I’ve ever encountered,” I said.
Alex sighed and called out to Sean, “I’m coming, just a second!”
He didn’t get up right away. Instead, he brushed his hands over my arms, chest, and whatever he could reach. I smiled when he mumbled, “I don’t wanna get up. I’m comfy here.”
“So let him wait a few more seconds, he’ll survive.”
I let Alex go when he pushed himself up. He straddled my hips, but there was nothing sexual about this position. “Do you really believe that someone will… do something bad to Sean?”
I dislocated him a tad as I sat up myself. He arranged his limbs so he could cross his legs behind my back. Anxious, dark eyes stared at me, begging me to reassure him.
“We have to take the letter seriously, Alex. I hope this whole threatening letter business is a sham perpetrated by someone who gets a kick off scaring other people.”
“I don’t understand people like that, I really don’t.”
“Come here,” I ordered softly. Alex burrowed himself in my arms. He allowed me to surround him, shelter him, at least for the moment. I had never felt so protective of anyone before I met him.
Another high-pitched series of chirps threatened serious damage to my eardrums. Reluctantly, I pushed Alex away from me. “Maybe he can’t wait any longer.”
Alex nodded and threw on briefs and a fresh shirt before he wordlessly left the room.
ALEX brought me my bag and the clothes I had worn yesterday and told me in a hushed voice, “Get dressed.”
“What? You don’t like me in this state of undress anymore?” I spun myself around and grinned while Alex licked his lips.
“Oh God, you’re turning me into a sex addict.”
He beat a hasty retreat, although he found time to snatch a pair of jeans. I dressed quickly and took out my cell phone, hoping Parker had already called to tell me some good news. Of course, I should have heard the phone ringing but as we’d been rather busy last night, I could have missed it.
I hadn’t. With a sigh, I pocketed my phone and ventured into the kitchen. Alex was in Sean’s room, dressing the boy, so I decided to have a look around, check the windows and door again.
I jumped when the doorbell rang. Alex peeked out of the bedroom, told Sean to stay put, and came over to me in the hallway. “That’s probably Mr. Bernard. I forgot to call the bus company to tell them they don’t have to pick up Sean today. I’ll be right back.”
He dashed by me so fast I could barely process what happened. Before he reached the door, my brain finally kicked in. Almost running, I caught up with him just in time. I yanked him back by his collar and growled, “You’re not opening this door. Go back to Sean.”
“What? No! It’s just Mr. Bernard, Sean’s bus driver.”
“I said get back!” I yelled to get through to him. Alex blinked, glanced at the front door, then back at me before he took a tentative step backwards.
“Alexander? Are you all right? This is Mr. Bernard.”
Alex rolled his eyes at me. “See, I told you.”
He reached out for the door handle, but a light slap from my hand had him snatch it away. He rubbed the spot I had slapped and with a look of astonishment he simply said, “Ow.”
“We don’t know what’s going on, remember? I have the last say in whatever regards yours and Sean’s security right now. Is that clear?”
“Yes, sir,” Alex put special emphasis on the word sir. “He might want to talk to me. How about you open the door, talk to him, and after you’re done, you let me talk to him too?”
I nodded and carefully opened the door. An elderly man, astonishingly tall and broad for his age, white-haired and blue-eyed, stood in front of me. He was surprised upon seeing me but smiled nonetheless. “I’m sorry, sir, but I’m here to pick up Sean Fisher for school.”
“And you are?”
Alex yanked the door open fully and swiftly squeezed past me. Smiling, he reached out for the older man’s hand. “I
’m sorry, Mr. Bernard. I forgot to call to tell you you don’t have to pick up Sean today. We, uh, something has come up so he can’t attend school today. I’m truly sorry for the inconvenience.”
Mr. Bernard’s heavy eyebrows knitted together as he shook his head. “Alexander, Alexander. My dear boy, what did I tell you about calling in time? Several times, I might add?”
In fascination, I watched Alex shift his weight from one foot to the other. Embarrassment seeped out of every pore. Quietly, he mumbled, “I know. I’m sorry, Mr. Bernard. I’d promise you it won’t happen again but I already did that the last times, so….”
This was odd. Alex’s cheeks flamed red and he nervously played with a loose thread on his shirt. Mr. Bernard watched him several seconds more with a stern and disappointed expression till all of a sudden a smile spread over his face. “Oh well, I guess you’ll have to make it up to me, right?”
Alex’s shoulders went down as he relaxed. He stared directly at the bus driver when he replied, “All right, Winston, what do you have in mind?”
Winston? I cringed inwardly. The bus driver’s name was Winston Bernard? The poor guy! Although it had probably been a good name at the time he was born. I estimated him to be around sixty.
I concentrated on the conversation between the bus driver and Alex when Sean whistled loudly.
“Jeff, could you go and see what’s up with Sean? He was selecting a pair of socks when I left him.”
“I’d rather stay here.”
Mr. Bernard raised an eyebrow at me, which was probably supposed to show his disappointment. Well, I wasn’t Alex and I didn’t care. I did care about Alex, however. So color me surprised when Alex hissed, “I swear Sean’s not going to bite you or infect you with an incurable disease.”
“I never thought that.”
“Why the hell can’t you just go and have a look?”
I flashed a grin at Mr. Bernard, who looked rather baffled when I excused us and closed the door.
“Jeff!” Alex ranted indignantly. “I was in a conversation! If it is such a bother for you to look after Sean then I’ll do it. Sheeesh!”
I couldn’t help myself. My hands rested on top of his shoulders and I shook them, hard. “I told you I’d try and you promised me you wouldn’t blow up that easily, remember? I don’t want you to stand at the open door alone.”
“But this is just Winston!” Alex shouted. He lifted his hands in a sign of complete exasperation and stared at me, breathing fast.
“Keep your conversation short and tell Sean to calm down. Don’t make such a fuss about everything!” I shot back.
“Oh now I’m making a fuss? You arrogant—”
“Uh-uh,” I waggled my fingers in front of his eyes warningly. “Accept I’m in charge right now. I’m here to protect you, not to annoy you.”
“But you’re accomplishing that goal too! With stars and what-have-you!”
I snickered at his outburst. Alex pounded a fist on my chest, though he didn’t put his full strength into it.
“Come on, Alex, I can see you’re smiling.”
“No, you can’t.” He turned his head away from me and called out for Sean, “Hang on a second, baby!”
I opened the door again where Mr. Bernard stood, his hand raised in the air, probably wanting to knock at the door anew. Visibly concerned, he asked, “Alexander, are you all right? Who is this man who believes he can tell you what to do?”
“Of course he’s—”
“Shut up, Jeff. You don’t appear to be very friendly right now. So, Winston, how about Sean and I take you out for a coffee this afternoon? Let’s say around four-thirty? Would that be possible?”
“Sure. Where do you want to meet?”
“How about we meet at the Steel Pier Amusement Park? Sean would love to go there and I’m sure we can find you a decent coffee somewhere.”
“Alex, I don’t know if that’s such a good idea.” I voiced my concern.
“Why not?” both men asked me in unison.
“Because we still don’t know how today will go,” I said, trying not to say too much too openly.
Mr. Bernard frowned, but Alex got the gist. He sighed, patted the bus driver on his arm, and said, “We don’t want to hold you up, Winston. We’ll meet at four-thirty and if that’s not possible, I’ll call you before noon, okay?”
“Alex,” I growled.
He spared me a dazzling smile while he told Mr. Bernard, “It’s okay, Winston, really. Jeff is a… friend of mine and he’s got kind of an overprotective streak, you know.”
“Are you in trouble?”
“No, no, I’m not in trouble, but there’s some stuff we have to deal with,” Alex replied.
Mr. Bernard scrutinized me hard for a very long moment before he slowly shook his head. In a whisper, he told Alex, “You still got my private number, right? Call me if you need help.”
More than a little pissed off, I growled, “He has nothing to fear from me. Don’t you have work to do?”
The bus driver just nodded, patted Alex on the shoulder, and walked to his bus. When he had driven away, Alex swirled around. He could pull off the dark glower really well, I had to admit. He could pull off snarling even better. “What the fuck was that about?”
I was rescued by the bell, uh, Sean’s piercing whistles. “Don’t you think you should go and look after your brother?”
That his smile didn’t reach his eyes should have given me a clue I wouldn’t like his answer. “How about you go and look after him? Right now, I’m not in any kind of danger, either real or imagined, so you can show how willing you are to try.”
I didn’t hate him in that moment, but I couldn’t say I liked him very much either.
Chapter 19
MY RIGHT eyelid twitched. It only did that when I became very, very angry. After slamming the front door shut, I slowly turned back to Alex. My jaw felt tight, as did the rest of my body. Alex took an involuntary step back but stopped himself when he realized what he was doing and stood his ground.
“What? We talked about this… stuff this morning.”
“I don’t play games, Alex. If you have a problem, tell me.”
Alex huffed. “All right, I have a problem with you acting like some stupid action hero with more muscles than brain. It was totally unnecessary to be that impolite to Winston.”
“Well, thank you for your honesty. Shall I go look after your brother now or do you want me to be a spectator for your little tantrum?”
Alex turned beet-red. I stalked away from him to the direction of Sean’s bedroom. I didn’t feel confident in my abilities to deal with Sean, what with the difficulties in communication, but dealing with Alex’s passive-aggressive behavior was even less high on my to-do list. Telling myself that Alex was probably stressed out to the max didn’t help much in calming me down either.
Sean let out another sharp whistle right when I entered his room. I cringed at the volume. “All right, little buddy, what’s got you so upset?”
Sean sat on his floor, in something like a froglike position. He blinked at me before he unhurriedly bent over to rest his head on the floor, then turned his head so he could look at me. He seemed to be exhausted as he made a whimpering sound and waved with a pair of socks in his hand. Actually, he didn’t so much wave as swing them back and forth clumsily.
“You need help putting these on?”
Sean nodded and rolled over onto his back. Stunned at how much control he did have over his body, I blinked, baffled. I never thought a disabled child could move around so much without help.
After wrestling the socks out of his hands, I turned them in the right direction and sat cross-legged next to his small feet. They were icy. “Geez, did you put your feet in the freezer?”
Sean laughed as he vigorously shook his head. I rubbed his left foot briskly before I put the sock on him. I repeated this with his right foot, all the while listening to Sean’s giggles.
“Ticklish much?” I asked.
“I’m sorry, I don’t understand anything you’re trying to tell me,” I confessed after a while of listening to him.
He hissed in obvious frustration then started shuffling away on his back. When he reached his nightstand, he pulled at something strange and almost threw it to me. Dumbfounded, I glanced at the thing in my hand. It was made of plastic, smelled faintly of perspiration, and had several Velcro closures.
I started when Alex said from the door frame, “It’s an orthosis. He wants you to put it on his left leg.”
“Oh, sure,” I replied. I turned the orthosis back and forth in my hands, determining where I had to put Sean’s foot and shin. “Do I put the orthosis over his pants?”
“No, he’d get pressure marks from it. You have to make sure the socks are pulled tight. Creases can cause really bad marks.”
“How about you show me how to do it?”
I held out the orthosis to Alex. His eyes narrowed as he crossed his arms on his chest. This gesture had become one of his trademarks.
In a low voice, Alex snarled, “It really won’t hurt you to touch him.”
My patience snapped. With utmost care, I laid down the orthosis, got up from the floor, and stalked over to Alex. Harshly, I said, “This is not about me being disgusted or anything like that. I just rubbed his naked feet and pulled on his socks. I don’t want to hurt him or be responsible for any kind of marks, because that would surely get your panties in a bunch far worse than just assuming I’m a jerk.”
I didn’t wait for a response. Pushing past him, I left him standing wide-eyed and red in the face. Flipping my cell phone open as I walked into Alex’s living room, I tried to breathe evenly. When it came to either calling Parker or throttling Alex, I took the first option. I didn’t necessarily think it was the wiser decision. I feared I’d lose my temper and everything would go to hell.