by Vivian Arend
His face tightened, and behind her Cassidy stilled as if waiting intently for the answer.
Travis’s response was about what she’d expected. He shrugged, as if it were nothing. “For now, I’m good. And I don’t want you to worry about me.”
“You’re my friend, I have to worry.”
So much more to be said. There was so much more that needed to be figured out, but in the meantime she relaxed back and accepted their caring. Let them wash away her sorrows in a flood of pleasure and satisfaction.
It wasn’t nearly enough, but it was a beginning.
Chapter Twelve
Travis was a mass of conflicted hungers.
His balls throbbed harder than his back, the lingering whip marks cutting an uneasy blur of pleasure and pain into his every movement.
Sick bastard that he was, the constant reminder of having been under Cassidy’s belt only made him feel more alive.
Spotting the terror in Ashley’s eyes had shaken him to the core, though. She hadn’t said anything more about what specifically had set her off, but he’d seen it. Known that there was more to her panic than simply being frightened for him.
He could only imagine what it would have done to one of his family to walk in on that kind of situation. There was no way that he was going to allow his family to suffer, but damn if he had any ideas other than keeping his secrets silent forever.
That, and the temporary solution of holding Ashley tenderly in the dark and soothing her when she called out restlessly in her sleep from the nightmares that had begun to haunt her.
He was an ass—tormenting the woman with his bullshit problems.
Work became a welcome distraction. Once the crew returned with the guests from the first of the trail rides, there was a ton to focus on. Dealing with the horses, and keeping up to date with Ted and the guides. Continuing to work on the physical camp setup took a lot of his day as well. He was surprised there were so few trips scheduled for the spring. While it didn’t seem to make sense financially, Travis was glad of the extra work time because there was a lot more building to complete.
His weekly phone call with Karen put him back on track.
“No, you’re right that we’re only running at half capacity this year. We can’t afford to run a full season and get things set up, but if we get the camp built, and run a solid ten rides this summer, it means that next year we can go in a month later and run a month longer and we’ll break even.” Karen paused, the connection buzzing slightly between them. “I thought you knew all this. Is something wrong?”
“No,” Travis confessed. “My own damn fault for not going through all your notes more thoroughly. It’s not like we can’t get it done, but yeah—we’re doing a lot more construction than I had at the last camp I worked.”
Karen laughed. “You’re just pissed it’s not as soft a job as your dad joked about.”
“Yeah. I’d like to see him doing the manual labour on this one.” Travis stepped into the sunshine and stared at the cloudless blue sky. “Things are going well, and the weather’s been great. That’s helping. I figure we should have both camps pretty much complete by the June-first trip.”
“That would be wonderful. We’ve got another small guest list set for that trip, but the following one over Father’s Day is fully booked. Only Travis?” Karen paused. “Not that I think you need the warning, but it’s a church group coming in that weekend. A father-son thing, so if you can warn the crew to watch their language? I’d appreciate it.”
“Hey, they want to curse and end up with a good praying-over, who am I to stop them?”
“Bastard,” Karen laughed. “Oh, and in case you haven’t talked to your family, all the fields are ready and they’ll be planting next week.”
Travis was impressed. “Really? That’s early. Maybe I should go away more often—they’re working better without me.”
“Drat. One sec,” Karen mumbled, right before a bunch of strange noises carried on the line.
“Karen? You still there?”
“Yeah, I’m here. Had to…move to a better location.”
Travis listened harder, slowly identifying the sounds in the background. “Karen, are you talking to me from inside a chicken coop?”
“Shut up,” Karen snapped. “Yes, it’s the only place I can go without being tracked down. Your family got the fields done fast because I sent the Marlette boys over to help to get them out of my hair.”
Oh ho, Karen was having guy trouble. “Tell me they’re all in their fifties with paunchy bellies, and I’ll feel sorry for you.”
“The oldest is thirty-four. I don’t care how gorgeous he is, the man is the biggest pain in the ass you’ve ever met. Bigger than you,” Karen grumbled. “His brothers aren’t as bad, but—”
She went completely quiet, but for the creak of a door in the background. The chicken noises increased, and a deep male voice joined in, and Travis laughed.
Seems her hiding spot had been discovered. “I’ll let you go, Karen. I’ll call next week with an update. In the meantime, have fun with the chickens.”
No answer.
He was still chuckling when he hung up.
Through all his work Cassidy and Ashley hovered in his mind.
He hauled another bale from the truck bed into the wagon, grateful for a reason to flex his muscles and forget about the rest. He took a side trip through the barn to grab a pitchfork and interrupted Cassidy loading grain into sacks.
“Why didn’t you ask for help?” Travis hurried to give him a hand. “Far easier as a two-man task.”
Cassidy’s jean jacket lay draped over the railing, hat on the post beside it. His blond hair stuck up like a haystack. “Looked for you, but didn’t find you.”
“Bullshit right there.” Travis grabbed the sack mouth and held it open. “I was in the office or just outside it all morning. Only way you couldn’t find me is to not look.”
Cassidy didn’t answer him. Instead he scooped a shovelful and tipped the load into the sack. “How’s Ashley?”
“You mean the woman who burst out singing this morning at breakfast and got half the crew clapping along?” She was impossibly gung-ho in the mornings. “I swear if she gets any more cheerful when she wakes up, I’m going to tie her to the bed and leave her there. It’s bloody annoying at times.”
“Good.”
That was it. Good. Travis placed the sack with the rest Cassidy had started stacking along the wall. “Good. What’s that mean?”
“Means I was worried she was still upset by what I did the other day. I know she’s prancing around like a perky pony, but I wasn’t sure if it was some kind of act.”
“She’s okay.” Travis crossed his arms and stared at Cassidy, uneasy at the sensation in his gut. “But that’s kind of you to ask. To be worried about her.”
They worked in silence for another thirty minutes, moving from one task to the next. The entire time Cassidy looked as if he was about to start a new topic, then he’d close his mouth and point to the next chore.
Travis had a lot of experience with waiting people out. In a big family, you did a lot of waiting for your turn, or in his case, delaying until everyone else had gotten tired and had wandered off.
Privacy meant a lot to a boy who was keeping secrets. Maybe even more once he’d reached adulthood.
Travis was figuring the topic would take, oh, if he was lucky, a good month before Cassidy brought it up. So when he turned from the tack room to find a very stern-faced Cassidy blocking the door, he wasn’t sure if he should shout hell yeah or cover his balls.
“What’s up?” Travis leaned on the wall.
“We need to talk.” Cassidy matched him in body language, going for nonchalant and nonthreatening. “About…a couple things.”
“My issue?”
Cassidy nodded slowly. “T, I knew you liked it rough, but you gotta tell me more. Should I expect Ashley to be running in to grab me every week, or once a month, or what? Because it’s not som
ething I can handle happening out of the blue again.”
“I’m sorry I freaked you out.” Travis took a deep breath. “And I didn’t really say thank you for what you did last time.”
Cassidy wrinkled his face. “We got distracted taking care of Ashley.”
Another of those zings to Travis’s stomach hit at having frightened her. At not knowing how to make her shadows disappear. “I’m a fucking fool.”
“You are, but you’re also my friend, and…” Cassidy lifted green eyes to meet his, and Travis swallowed hard, terrified to hope, “…and I’m sorry I took off on you last summer. It wasn’t right. It only left you hanging. I should have talked to you more, explained.”
“Damn right.” Travis shook his head. “In terms of me needing to get beat on, it’s not like it’s going to bust out and make me turn into some kind of madman in the middle of the mess tent. But if you were willing to help me, I can give you a heads-up and we can go somewhere private where none of the guests or crew can find us, and…”
Damn. He’d never had to figure this out before. And maybe that’s what he needed to say.
“Cassidy, it’s not easy to explain what I need. Pain feels good. It soothes something inside, but it’s not like I want candle-wax dripped on me, or razor blades cutting my skin. Fighting has always worked.”
Cassidy let out a sigh as he nodded. “Still…that can be dangerous.”
“Fighting?” Travis thought it over. “Yeah. It could be, and Ashley was right when she told me I should quit. But the alternative is…” Fuck. “Why is saying this outright so damn hard?”
“Because it’s fucking impossible to hear it as well. Tell me, dammit.”
Travis’s pulse picked up. “You know how hard it is to say to you that I want you to take your belt and whip me? Or maybe grab a crop and smack my legs and ass? Because while I want the pain, I want to be in control, and the few times I asked someone to help me—”
His hands were shaking, and he couldn’t look Cassidy in the eye.
Boots moved closer, stopping inches away. Cassidy paused. “It turns you on, doesn’t it?”
“Fuck.”
Cassidy caught him by the chin and lifted his head, dropping his hand away immediately, but there was no reason for him to hold anymore. Travis was trapped by those damn hypnotic eyes.
“While you crave the pain, you get off on it as well. Like sexually get off. Is that right?” Cassidy pushed again.
“Yes.” The word snapped out.
Cassidy sucked in a deep breath. “That’s the other thing I wanted to talk to you about.”
God, they were both nervous as hell. Hope stirred, but not too hard.
“When you kissed me last summer I told you no. And I meant it. I didn’t want to be anything but your friend.”
Travis wanted to hold his breath, but he could hardly speak if he did that. “And now?”
Cassidy pressed a hand to Travis’s shoulder. “If it’s something that you need to deal with your pain issue, I can’t…deny you help.”
The statement was insane enough to drag a burst of laughter from him. “Oh, so this would be a sympathy fuck you’re talking about?”
“Jesus, Travis.” Cassidy jerked upright and stepped away.
Travis grabbed him by the shoulder and spun him before Cassidy could cover even two paces. “No…see, that’s where this conversation went wrong before, and it’s not going wrong this time. I told you I wanted you, and you know what? You never answered me. Let’s start there and worry about the rest later. The bits about if you beat on me before we fool around, or if you beat on me while we fool around—none of that really matters until I hear you admit the truth.”
He closed the distance between them.
Cassidy’s eyes hardened. “You need me to say that I want you too?”
“Yes, damn it.”
Cassidy didn’t answer. He shoved Travis to the wall, easing their bodies together. Their groins made contact, and Travis’s cock tightened. Cassidy planted his hands on either side of Travis’s head. They were both breathing hard, nearly panting, heat pressing between them.
When Cassidy finally spoke the words rumbled out like a curse. “I want you. More than I should. More than I want to want you, you bastard.”
He brought their mouths in contact.
Travis was going to die right there and then. All the sexual aggression that usually burst free when he was turned on slid off explosive and down to a simmering high—manageable though ready to flare. He was turned on like crazy but at this moment totally focused on tasting Cassidy.
Tension tightened every one of Cassidy’s muscles, yet his touch remained gentle as he fleetingly slid his tongue over Travis’s lips.
Travis reached around Cassidy’s back, pulling the other man closer as their breathing raced. He resisted yanking Cassidy’s T-shirt off, choosing instead to wedge his fingers under Cassidy’s belt and hold on for dear life.
Already this was enough to make his head spin. The pressure of a hard torso against his. An eager mouth working his. Cassidy’s cock pressing into the rock that had sprung up in his own jeans. Travis rubbed their hips together, and Cassidy groaned into his mouth.
The sound pulled a trigger, and they both lost it. Not in terms of going wild, but things got way more intense damn fast. The pressure went up, and the heat went up further, and Travis found himself being kissed senseless. They ground together as if they were craving each other.
It wasn’t going to take long, not with the tension building as fast as it was. The familiar ache at the base of his cock as his balls tightened made him clutch Cassidy that much harder. Crazy, wild sensations whirled through him, and when Cassidy jammed his hands into Travis’s hair to jerk their mouths apart, the sharp stings sliced like a set of fingernails down his spine.
“Fuck…” He was a kid again about to lose control.
Cassidy kissed him, rocking his hips rapidly until there was no chance of stopping this runaway train. Travis blew his load, abdomen muscles clenching as the climax stripped away what little was left of his mind.
A couple thrusts later Cassidy hissed yes, his fingers digging into Travis’s shoulders as he shook.
They rolled apart and semi-collapsed against the wall next to each other, shoulders still touching. Their uneven breaths rattled into the air as dust motes floated by peacefully in the stream of sunshine falling from the window to the dirt floor.
“God.” Travis closed his eyes and sucked for air as hard as possible. Dry fucking Cassidy was one of the hottest things he’d ever experienced while still fully clothed.
The ringing in his ears hadn’t completely faded when the sound of the barn door opening jerked his eyes open and his body to vertical.
Cassidy was fleeing through the doors.
Travis dragged a hand through his hair. As frustrating as seeing Cassidy run, again, this wasn’t the end of it. It was only the beginning, and they had a long summer ahead of them. There were all sorts of ways this could go.
It wasn’t going to end here.
Travis straightened the seed sacks still on the ground and made his way to his cabin to change.
And then…he had to find Ashley.
Chapter Thirteen
She’d seen guilt before, many times, but never on Travis. “You get caught in the kitchen stealing chicken carcasses for voodoo rituals or something?”
Travis glanced up from the stick he was supposedly whittling. “What’s that?”
Ashley continued to play her guitar softly. Maybe if she wasn’t looking straight at him he’d feel easier about telling her what the hell was going on. “You feeling the urge for…stress release?”
His laugh was tight—not the usual light and cocky response she should have gotten. “Stress release. I like that, but no, not really. Although I did talk to Cassidy earlier today.”
They were seated in the clearing where eventually there would be a group fire pit with row benches around it for customers to use
. Now there was only the fire ring, and Ashley had hauled in lawn chairs from her camper. They were in that between time of the day—after supper was done and before people were ready to officially give up for the night.
She figured there was about ten, maybe fifteen minutes before the rest of the crew would start wandering in with drinks in hand. They’d sit and watch the fire and shoot the breeze a little before they hit the sack. Ashley had taken to bringing out her guitar, trying her best to keep them entertained, although their music requests ran the gauntlet from country to hard rock.
If she was going to get Travis to surrender any secrets, it had better be in a hell of a hurry.
“Talking to Cassidy is a good thing.” She strummed lightly and glanced around to make sure they were still alone. “Is he going to help you over the summer?”
“Yeah.” Travis leaned back in his chair. “You okay with it?”
What kind of question was that? “Of course. You said it wasn’t something I could do, so why wouldn’t I be okay with it?”
Travis fidgeted, and Ashley wondered harder.
“There something else on your mind?”
Something between a grin and a grimace twisted his face. “Well, you know that other thing you thought Cassidy might want to help me with?”
Oh. “Um, does this involve hot and sweaty male bodies grinding together in the dark? And can I watch?”
She thought he’d make a joke or try to brush it off, but something was definitely wrong. His continued uneasiness warned her to go slowly.
He shrugged. “Something happened, but Cassidy took off, and I’m not sure exactly where things are at.”
Holy shit. Ashley did a mental readjustment. She’d wanted Travis happy, and if being with Cassidy could make him happy, so be it. But this wasn’t making any sense. “So what happened? I mean, like where, and what?”
Travis rolled his eyes. “You want a play by play?”
“Yes, please.” Ashley smiled hesitantly. “Well, I should have been paying better attention, I guess, but hey, good for you guys.”