by Cora Black
But would she blame me for sleeping with Kara? I believed she would want me to be happy. She was never like me. If the tables were turned and I was the one leaving Lauren behind, I would haunt the fuck out of whoever she slept with after me. I would make that asshole’s life a living hell. But Lauren was different. She’d want me to be happy. Just knowing she would tore me up inside.
“What are you thinking about?” Trisha asked, and her voice sounded a lot softer than it had before. I waited a while before turning around, pretending to be busier than I was.
“I’m thinking about the amount of Jack Daniels we go through in a month. We’re either gonna have to stage an intervention or buy a distillery.”
“That’s not what I mean, and you know it.”
I sighed. She wasn’t gonna let it go, obviously. I wished she would.Turning, I looked at her. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”
“I want you to say that you’ll think hard about being with this woman. I know you care about her. You don’t have to say you do—you don’t like to talk that way. I get it. And she’d be good for you. But you can’t just walk in and out of her life. She’s the type who needs somebody to settle down with. She needs a good, strong man. I know you’re that kind of man, but I think you forgot who you are for a while there.”
I scoffed. “I know who I am.”
“You know who you think you are,” she said, her voice low. “I’m not trying to, ya know, shrink you or anything. I’m not trying to break you down. I just want you to be honest with yourself. You shut down a little a couple of years ago. I won’t talk about it, but you know what I mean. You gotta get back to being the person you used to be if you’re ever gonna be happy.”
I wanted to snarl at her. I wanted to tell her to mind her own business. She didn’t know shit about me or what I went through. They all thought they did, but none of them had the slightest idea.
“You tell me how you would act if you held the only person you ever loved in your arms as they died,” I muttered. I poured a drink—a little early in the day for a shot, but I needed one to calm my nerves. Warmth flooded my veins and I felt a little steadier.
“You don’t think I know what happened? I was here, man. I saw it. I saw you. I can’t imagine how you felt, but I saw what it turned you into. And I’m telling you, that’s not you. You have it in you to get close to somebody again, but you can’t just back out when you decide you’re scared to feel for somebody again.”
“I’m not scared. Don’t ever say that to me.”
“Fine, fine. You’re actually a brutal badass, then. You’re a violent sociopath. Whatever you want me to believe.” She held up her hands, surrendering.
I sighed. My shoulders slumped. “I’m not that either. Well, not the sociopath part. I don’t even know what that is.”
“It’s nothing good.” She smiled softly. “And I know you’re not. You’re one of the good ones, or else you wouldn’t have acted like you did after Lauren died. It hurt you badly. I get it. I’m just saying, if you wanna be with this woman, you gotta let yourself feel again the way you did about Lauren. You can’t hold her at arm’s length. Get what I mean? She’s been hurt, too. She doesn’t need more pain from you.”
I saw what she meant, and I didn’t like it. She was telling me to shit or get off the can, basically. To decide how I felt and go with it. Only I didn’t know how I felt, or if I wanted to go with it. Did that mean I had to leave Kara alone?
I thought about it as I went down to the cellar, walking down the rickety, narrow stairs. I didn’t want to leave Kara alone. She meant too much to me. I felt too good when I was with her—not just physically, when we were fucking, though that would have been enough to stick around. It was just that good. But I felt good inside, too. Better about myself. I liked spending time with her and the kid, and I didn’t think I liked kids before I met her. What else would they show me about myself? It was a scary thought, but it was something I didn’t mind thinking about as long as I could be alone while doing it.
That wasn’t my day to be left alone, I guessed, since Chase followed me to the cellar. “How’s inventory?” he asked.
“Fine. We’re gonna need a new order with the liquor store, of course, but I think we’ll be okay until it comes in. Unless the guys decide to finish off the last case of Jack.”
“You never know,” he said, sitting on the steps. “With those alkies? All they need is an excuse.”
I laughed. “I wouldn’t call them alkies. They’re just…heavy drinkers.”
“Same difference when you’re the one shelling out the money for the liquor. Something to remember when your time comes.” I hated when he talked like that. It would just be that I’d take over the club when he left. It would mean he couldn’t run it anymore. That bothered me more than the idea of being president. That, I could handle.
“Is there something you’re not telling me about your health?” I asked. “I mean it. Be honest. It’s just you and me down here. Nobody else needs to know.”
He shrugged—but he didn’t tell me I was wrong. That was my first clue that I had the right idea.
“Tell me,” I said.
“It’s nothing serious. Just my heart.”
“Oh, that’s not serious,” I said, leaning against the wall. “That’s nothing.”
“Well, it is nothing. Too much shitty food, too much smoking. You notice how I cut back?”
“I noticed you only smoke one or two cigars a day,” I said, smirking.
“Hey, that’s cutting back. Anyway, it’s because of my heart. It’s not in the best shape, but it’s not like it’s gonna kill me tomorrow either. Doc wants me to cut back on a lot of shit. Not just the food and the smoking.”
“Like what else, then?”
“Like the club.” He stared at me. “He wants me to step down. Says I can’t handle it anymore.”
I gulped. That wasn’t what I expected to hear. I thought he had a few more years, maybe more.
“But it’s up to you, right?”
He shook his head. “Wait until you get married.” I understood what he meant. Trisha was on him about it, too. I had a feeling she was trying to get me settled down before I took over.
“What are you gonna do?” I asked.
“You tell me, prez. What do you think I should do?”
Chapter Twenty-Three
Kara
“I swear, he was like something out of a movie.” Darlene sighed softly as she remembered the way Dom protected me outside the diner.
“Yeah, he was something, all right. I only wish he never had to do it.”
She nodded sagely. “But that Eric, he’s asking for it. You know? What else was Dom supposed to do? He wants to keep you safe and away from that creep.”
“I know. Still, it worries me.” I couldn’t shake the feeling that Eric would come back for revenge somehow. “I mean, you didn’t hear the way he threatened Dom and me when he drove away.”
“Oh, threats. That’s all he is, a bunch of empty threats. Don’t even let him get to you, honey. It’ll be okay.” She nodded like all I needed to hear was her reassurance and everything would be okay. I wished she understood a little better. I wished somebody did. I wanted to be as sure as she was, but she hadn’t lived with the man. She didn’t know the way he thought, the twisted way he had of turning everything around to make it my fault. I hated that I lived in fear of him the way I did. I hated knowing him so well.
“Come on,” Darlene said, smacking my butt. “Get your head in the game. I need you out there.” She nodded toward the dozen or so tables waiting for food during the lunch rush.
“Aye, aye, captain.” Work would take my mind off things. It always did. While I never exactly liked a rush—I preferred a nice, steady stream of customers rather than dozens at once—it would at least give me something else to think about. I remembered playing a game when I was a kid where the object was to keep a diner’s customers happy at all times. It started out slow—take thei
r order, get their food, give them their check, clean up their table. One table, two tables. Soon, there would be a crush at the door and dirty tables everywhere and lots of angry customers who wanted their food. And to think, I ended up doing that very job in real life. I was better in real life than I was in the game, that was for sure.
I tried not to look outside at the spot where Dom had punched Eric. The spot where Eric had terrorized me. I saw a motorcycle, with a burly man I vaguely recognized as one of Dom’s friends sitting astride it. Oh great. He sent me a security guard. I didn’t know whether to be angry or flattered. Or relieved. Maybe a mixture of the three. I hated that he thought he had to keep tabs on me, but didn’t hate that somebody cared enough. And I had the feeling the sight of a man on a bike would be enough to keep Eric away if he were crazy enough to consider stopping by.
“See that?” I nodded toward the window, and Darlene grinned.
“Well, I feel much safer now,” she said with a wink. I never thought she would feel unsafe, but I could see the possibility. Eric could easily have hurt her the night before.
“I’m sorry, Dar. You don’t feel like he would hurt you, do you? God, why did I never think about that?”
“Because you were too busy heaping blame on yourself for all sorts of other things. Don’t worry about it. I think we’re all a little shaky right now, but it will blow over—especially since you got the restraining order.”
“Yeah, that’s true.” I only hoped he chose to honor it, but I wouldn’t say that out loud. I didn’t want to worry Darlene more than I already had.
The rush went by in a flash, leaving me with much less to do between the hours of two and five. Only a trickle of customers came in during those odd, in-between hours. I waved to my knight in dirty armor, asking him if he was hungry. “Come on. I’ll treat you to a late lunch,” I called. He came in moments later. Yes, I recognized him. Tall, burly, auburn hair with a mustache and overgrown goatee. His patch said Spike.
“Thanks for the offer,” he said, sitting at the counter. “I wondered if lunch was included, but I didn’t wanna say anything.”
“I appreciate that.” I smirked.
“I was here last night, too, but Dom told me to leave before you did.”
I frowned, pouring him a soda from the dispenser. “What do you mean, he told you to leave?”
“He didn’t want you to know I was there.”
“Oh, I see.” It was all clear. He didn’t want me to be angry. I wished Spike had stuck around after all. I had the feeling Dom would have wished the same thing, no matter how much fun it was to break Eric’s nose.
I handed him a menu. “Anything you want, on me,” I said. “It’s the least I can do, seeing as how you already gave up so much time to keep an eye on me.”
He grinned, a scar visible when he did. It extended from the corner of his mouth to just beneath his nostril. The mustache covered it most of the time. I wondered at the violent life those men led, and what it would mean to someone like me who thought she might be falling for one of them.
“Oh, so we’re letting the criminal element lunch here, now?” Darlene wasn’t serious, as the smirk on her face told me. She was actually flirting with him, and I saw from the way he smiled that he appreciated it. I decided to let her take care of him, reminding her that I would pick up the tab. I gave them some space, choosing to focus on side work while I waited for new customers.
It was slow, tedious work, which gave me plenty of chances to think. I thought about that first night, when the club came in to eat. Fate had stepped in that night, I was certain. Otherwise, where would I be? Eric would have still come in, and he might have hurt me if Dom hadn’t saved me. He might have hurt me the night before if Dom hadn’t stepped in again. I might have gone crazy sitting in that apartment with my daughter, unable to leave for fear of my ex-husband. I wouldn’t have slept a wink, afraid to relax in case Eric showed up. Over and over, Dom had protected me.
But was that enough? Once the excitement died down, would it be enough to keep him around? Did we have enough to common to make a good match? Love took a lot more than just a show of protection. It wasn’t enough for Dom to beat the crap out of anybody who got in my way—though it was helpful. I smiled to myself, a little smug, knowing he would go that far to help me.
But I couldn’t keep smiling when I thought of the future. Did we have one? I didn’t know. I didn’t even know if he wanted to have one with me, or if he would scare off as soon as things got too real. Once we settled into the boring everyday stuff of real life. I remembered the story he’d told about his fiancée, too. How much pain did he still carry because of that? How much of that would I have to suffer for, though I’d never known the girl?
Spike must have noticed the way I stood there, staring at the counter instead of working. “Hey. You okay?”
I looked up, trying to smile. “Sure. Just thinking. Nothing important.”
He scowled. “You’re as shitty a liar as Dom is. You’re a perfect match.” He took a bite of a big, juicy burger, the juice dripping down his goatee. I looked away, nauseated.
“Yes, well, that’s one thing we have in common, then.” I brushed it off, trying to ignore him. He wasn’t anything like Dom. More like the stereotypical biker, the one “nice” people crossed the street to avoid. Dom might have looked like one, but he at least had manners. Even if he burped loudly after eating.
I waited for Spike to finish his meal, then cleared his plate. “Thanks,” he said, standing and stretching. The t-shirt he wore beneath his leather kutte was a bit too small, revealing a strip of white belly. I tried to hide my laughter, and the slight disgust I still felt. He was a piece of work, for sure.
“I’ll go back outside now,” he said, ambling to the door. “Let me know if you need me.”
“Thanks. I will.” He might have been a pig, but he was an obliging pig. I appreciated his time, even if all he had to do was sit on the back of a bike all day.
***
As I walked out of the diner, I waved at Spike. He pulled up to my car, and I rolled down the window for him.
“Everything cool?” he asked.
“Yes, thanks. Just going to my mom’s now to pick up my daughter.”
He nodded. “You want an escort?” I was tempted to accept, but then I pictured the horror that would cross my mother’s face if she saw Spike out front. Dom was bad enough. Spike was another thing entirely.
“Thanks, but I’m sure I’ll be fine.”
“Okay.” He shrugged with a grin. “See ya later, then.”
“Thanks again!” I waved, and he waved back as he pulled away. Maybe they weren’t all bad. Maybe Dom wasn’t the exception to the rule. No man so intent on protecting a woman could be bad.
I was still smiling to myself as I pulled up in front of Mom’s. I wondered how many of Dom’s friends I would meet. Maybe all of them if we stayed together.
The first thing I noticed when I walked into the house was the quiet. It was completely silent. No TV, no anything. I thought Mom might have turned off the TV to give herself peace and quiet while Emma napped, but it was way too late in the day for that. It was almost dinnertime. They would have been in the kitchen, fixing something to eat while the news played on the little TV on the counter.
“Mom?” Nothing. I walked through the little walled-off entryway between the front door and the living room, where coats hung along the wall. “Mom? Where are you?”
When I got to the living room, I found my mother on the floor with blood running down her face.
“Mom! Emma?” I ran through the house, panicked. No sound. Nothing. “Oh God, baby! Where are you?” I ran upstairs, searched every room. I looked under beds, in closets. “Please, baby, if you’re here, tell Mama! Please!” Nothing. She was gone.
I fled downstairs, falling to my knees beside my mother’s body. She was so still, so silent.
With shaking hands, I dialed Dom’s number. “Pick up, pick up, pick up,” I whispered,
wiping the blood from my mother’s face.
“Hey, what’s going on?”
“Hurry! Please! Please, come!”
“What is it?” I could hardly hear Dom’s voice, my screams overpowering him. “Kara! Stop screaming. What is it? Where are you?”
“He took Emma! He hurt my mother, oh my God, I think she’s dead!” I screamed and screamed, unable to stop. Terror poured from me.
“Where are you?”
“Her house!” I gave him the address, and he told me he’d be there right away. I dropped the phone to the floor, holding my mother’s face in my hands.