by Beau, Jodie
I took it from his hands and stuck it in my purse for safekeeping. “I never said I didn’t want to. I just said I wasn’t going to.” Were we really having this discussion in public? In a loud bar where I needed to raise my voice to be heard? I must be drunk. As if passing around a topless photo of myself wasn’t my first clue.
“Maybe you can explain the difference to me later,” he said with a smirk. “After sex.”
I playfully punched him in the arm. “Not happening. Can we stop talking about it?”
He laughed out loud. “You’re opposed to uncomfortable conversations when you’re on the other side of them, huh?”
I rolled my eyes. “Are you having fun?”
He smiled at me and took my hand in his. “You know I am.”
I pulled my hand away. Being drunk around him was no good. When I was sober I could try to keep myself in check, but when I was drunk, the game was over. We needed to sober up a little before we went back to the Plaza, and we weren’t going to do it in a bar. Air. We needed air.
“We should probably start heading back,” I yelled over the music. “I’ve got that meeting in the morning.”
He nodded and took my hand again. I let him keep it this time since it was easier to get out of the crowd that way.
When we were back on the street I asked him if he got the pictures he wanted.
“I would have gotten better ones if I’d had my tripod, but I didn’t want to carry a bunch of gear around all night.”
I got an idea. “Hey, I know where we can go! The condo is only a few blocks away. You can set the camera down on the balcony and get some awesome pics. I still have my key and we haven’t rented it out yet.”
I started walking faster out of excitement. I couldn’t wait to show Jake my beloved terrace and its incredible panoramic views. Maybe then he could get to know the New York me.
He kind of pulled my hand back a little though.
“What?” I asked him.
He shrugged. “I don’t know. Are you sure? It won’t make you upset or anything?”
“No way,” I answered quickly. “I love my condo. I can’t wait to show you the views.”
I realized as soon as I opened the door that someone was living in the condo, the condo that I was still paying half the payments for each month. The empty beer bottles on the coffee table and dirty dishes on the counter gave it away. My first thought was that Caleb had rented it out and forgotten to tell me, in which case I intended on leaving immediately and praying that the tenant never found out I’d walked into his or her apartment, especially since there were noises coming from the bedroom that were of a private nature, if you know what I mean.
Caleb was as anal-retentive as they came. He wouldn’t ordinarily leave beer bottles and dirty dishes around. He preferred neat and orderly to chaotic and disorganized. Every night when he came home from work he took off his shoes, polished them with a special rag and lined them up evenly and neatly next to the other shoes on the mat. When I looked down, there they were; shiny and sharp and lined up as always.
I should have left. But I didn’t. I headed toward the bedroom. Jake put a hand on my shoulder to stop me but my adrenaline had kicked in and there was no stopping me. I moved fast and burst into the bedroom without warning. Afterward, I really wished I had knocked.
The first thing I saw was a blonde head, a cheerleader’s uniform and some pom-poms. Next, I saw a person sitting on the bed wearing nothing but a black, furry bear mask.
It all happened so quickly, but I really thought I had walked in on Rebecca Dunbar going down on my husband while he sat on our bed dressed as a bear. I mean, that would be kind of weird, right? And most likely traumatizing. And certainly vomit-inducing to the current-but-soon-to-be-ex wife who drank seven cocktails in the last four hours.
Except that’s not what I saw at all. It was way worse than that.
When the cheerleader turned around I saw that it was Caleb – wearing a cheerleader’s uniform and a wig – not Rebecca. And when the bear stood up and took off the mask, I saw it was Rebecca Dunbar ... wearing a strap-on.
I am not a prude. I can handle a little bit of freaky shit. But that was the melting pot of freaky shit. It was a pot of Freaky Shit Stew and they had thrown in a little bit of everything.
I didn’t make it to the toilet. I tried and I even covered my mouth but I didn’t make it. Oh well. Let them clean it up. I took off running, grabbed Jake’s hand and pulled him out the door with me. I was too scared to wait for an elevator because they’d likely be dressed and running after me before it arrived. I ran for the door to the stairs and slammed it open.
I quickly removed my heels and ran down the stairs, totally expecting Caleb to chase after me with a chainsaw and then throw it down at me like in the movie American Psycho. I had never been more scared in all my life.
I ran down four floors and when I didn’t hear anyone following us, I thought it was safe to leave the stairwell. I pulled Jake back into the hallway, closed the door to the stairwell and leaned against it so they couldn’t open it if they tried. It was now time for me to slide down the wall and put my head in my hands like they do in the movies.
“I don’t want to leave for awhile,” I whispered to Jake. “Just in case they come after me.”
“I’m starting to feel like I’m in a James Bond movie,” he whispered back.
“I’m starting to feel like I’m in a Tom Cruise movie,” I said. “A horror film starring Tom Cruise.”
He looked alarmed. “That does sound scary,” he said seriously.
I shook my head slowly. “You don’t even know, Jake. You don’t even want to know. I won’t even scar you for life by telling you.”
“That bad?”
“Worse.”
He sat down next to me on the floor and turned on his camera. “Then I won’t show this to you. But you might want to let your lawyer know you have it on camera.”
We waited in the hallway four floors down for about thirty minutes before I felt it was safe to take an elevator. I worried they’d be waiting for us in the lobby, but they weren’t. We escaped the building safely, and I found a cab right away, even at the late hour.
It wasn’t a surprise to me when my cell phone rang right after Jake and I got back to our hotel room.
“I just got an emergency call from the other side,” my lawyer told me. She sounded raspy, like she’d been woken up. “The meeting tomorrow morning has been postponed. He said he and his client have a lot to discuss before we meet. Do you have any idea what this is about?”
“Unfortunately,” I said gravely.
“Do you want to tell me?”
“I caught him doing some pretty twisted stuff with his coworker’s wife. I really don’t want to get into detail because it’s pretty, um, disturbing. But I have a picture.”
“Okay,” she paused. “This could be really good news for us, Roxie. He said he’d call me by tomorrow afternoon to reschedule. Why don’t you sit tight for one more day and I’ll see if we can get this taken care of quickly?”
“Sounds good. Talk to you tomorrow then.” I hung up and gave Jake a small smile. “I guess you get to spend some more time in New York.”
He put his hands just under my shoulders in that calming way he’s done before and looked me in the eye. “How are you feeling? Are you okay? I don’t want to be happy about staying another day if you’re miserable.”
I shook my head. “I actually feel kind of relieved because this explains so much.” I paused. “I wish I hadn’t had to see it firsthand, though. And how did you get the picture? I thought you stayed in the living room. I never saw you follow me.”
He shrugged. “I’m quick.”
I showered to get the smell of vomit off me, put on my pajamas and then came out to the sink to brush my teeth. Jake came over and started brushing his teeth, too. He gave me that “let’s fuck” look in the mirror. I just laughed and showed him a mouthful of toothpaste.
“I’m go
ing to bed,” I said when I was done. “Think about some places you want to see tomorrow.”
I got into the bed closest to the window and turned away from him. Mmm, aren’t hotel beds the best? He turned the lights off, and I heard him get into his bed, too.
It was about ten minutes later when he said, “You awake?”
“Yeah.”
“If it wasn’t money, then what was it? When I thought he was rich I assumed that was your motive. But now, with you telling me he was just some regular guy, I’m even more confused because the guy is a dick. He’s a sick dick. A sick dick who likes dicks. On chicks.”
I started laughing so hard I nearly peed myself. I knew it wasn’t funny, but I was glad I was able to laugh about it. I was laughing too hard to answer the question. I didn’t even know if there was an answer to the question. Why had I married Caleb? Why had I ever even gone out with him?
“I just can’t believe that’s the guy you chose over me,” Jake said quietly.
I turned around to face his bed. The room was not completely dark, but merely dim, thanks to all of the lights on the street. I could see the outline of his face. “Jake, stop saying that. I didn’t choose him over you. It’s not like someone said ‘do you want Caleb or Jake?’ I didn’t have you as an option. You weren’t there.”
“No, I wasn’t there. I was at home waiting for you to come back. I figured I’d been waiting for you for like ten years so what was nine more months?” He rolled onto his back and faced the ceiling. “I thought you were coming back. You know, just so you have your facts straight,” he mocked me. “And I was fine with you meeting someone else and falling in love—”
I snorted from the other bed at the thought of being in love with Caleb.
“—and getting engaged. I was too young to think of anything that serious. But I hated it that you never talked to me about it. You just sent me an invitation to your wedding. You weren’t just some chick I hooked up with one summer. You and your family were the only people I’d ever really had in my life. And you acted like I was never anything to you but a wedding gift. It was pretty shitty. So forgive me if I keep bringing up the past or asking you questions. I’m just trying to understand why it happened.”
Could this night get any fucking worse? A winter storm advisory would have been appreciated. At least then I could have brought a jacket. I was totally not prepared for this snowball fight. It wasn’t like I’d had eight years to prepare or anything.
I rolled onto my back and sighed. Jake was right. The way I’d handled it was wrong. Even if he had told me he didn’t want a long-distance relationship, he had been my closest guy friend. We had been friends since I was three years old. He deserved a phone call or, at the very least, an email.
I turned over to face his bed again. “You’re right. It was shitty the way I did things. At first I thought it was too soon to talk to you about it. Then my mom sent the invitations out and I thought it was too late. And so much time kept going by, and I thought about you a lot, but I was too scared to talk to you because I thought you’d be mad. You know I don’t like confrontations. When even more time went by I figured you’d forgotten all about me by then.”
He didn’t say anything so I continued.
“And I can’t really explain what I was thinking when I started seeing Caleb. I was young and stupid, and here was this guy telling me he was moving to New York and taking me with him. He was so sure of himself, and in control, and I listened to him. You know I’d wanted to move to New York since I was little. And it was everything I thought it would be. Even when we were struggling, I was happy to be here. But I never meant to hurt you or screw things up with us, and I’m sorry for that. Do you think you’ll ever be able to forgive me?”
Even in the dark I could see him smile. “Of course, Little Girl. I already did. I just always wondered if maybe I did something wrong, if it was my fault. But I’m not holding it against you.”
“It wasn’t your fault, Jake. I promise.”
I heard his breathing change a little while later and knew he had fallen asleep. If only I was so lucky. I was too tired to deal with this, but I couldn’t seem to fall asleep. I kept imagining Jake getting that wedding invitation without hearing a word from me. He must have felt like part of his second family had abandoned him. He probably felt like he didn’t matter at all. I had felt like that before, several times, and I knew from experience that it was the worst feeling.
Knowing I was responsible for hurting him like that made me so angry with myself. I felt awful. I swear I could spend whatever I had left of my life making it up to him and I’d still feel bad about it.
It was hard to be so far away from him after what he’d just told me. I needed him to know how sorry I was. And that he did matter. A lot. That was why I crawled into his bed with him. I had no trouble falling asleep after that.
The next thing I knew, I was waking up to a bright and beautiful Manhattan morning. The sounds of traffic instantly made me feel at home. Jake was next to me in the bed – shirtless! – awake and smiling at me from under the comforter. I could smell coffee. I was pretty sure he’d been up for awhile which made me a little nervous. I liked to be the one who woke up first so I didn’t get caught drooling or farting in my sleep or anything embarrassing like that. But it was too perfect of a scene for me to care. The way his tan skin contrasted with the pristine white bedding, the way his 500-watt smile lit up the room, and the way the sun beamed in through the windows, it was like I was in my own fabric softener commercial.
There was a time when I didn’t think life got any better than drinking coffee on a beautiful summer morning in NYC. That changed when my coffee was poured by a smiling and shirtless Jake. This was the apex of mornings right here. There was no way it could get better – unless he kissed me good morning.
I couldn’t stop the images from running through my mind. Jake, me, soft fluffy comforter, two cute kids bouncing around on a huge bed; two cute kids climbing the Alice in Wonderland statue in Central Park while I freak out that they might fall and Jake laughs at my anxiety and takes pictures of us; the four of us plopping down on a blanket and having a picnic in the park. It was nice. I didn’t want to turn the reel off, but I had to.
“I hope you don’t mind,” he said, as he handed me the coffee, cream and sugar already mixed in the way I liked it, “but I ordered some breakfast from room service.”
I graciously accepted the mug and laughed. “Who is getting sucked into this world?”
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Insert: Central Park Montage.
This is the part of my movie that could be summed up in an assortment of nice clips of Jake and me enjoying a beautiful summer day in Central Park. We played a game of Checkers, swung on the swings at one of the playgrounds (GLL Challenge #21), explored the Belvedere Castle, took a walk through the Shakespeare Garden, ate hotdogs from a vendor, walked through the most photographed area of the park, the Mall, and lounged on the infamous steps of The Met.
Jake was beyond happy with all of the photo ops. A few times during the afternoon he took my hand. I let him. It was okay for friends to hold hands, wasn’t it?
We were both exhausted when we finally collapsed on the lawn of Sheep Meadow with all of the other sunbathers. We lay on our backs with our hands behind our heads and gazed up at the view of the skyline above the trees.
“This is incredible,” he said.
I turned my head to look at him and smiled. “It really is.” Remembering GLL Challenge #15 was to take a nap in a park, I pulled my cell phone out of my purse and set my alarm for thirty minutes from now. “We’re taking a nap,” I told him.
He pulled me over toward him, and I rested my head on his shoulder and fell right asleep.
My lawyer called shortly after my alarm went off, while we walked back to the Plaza. Caleb and his team had done some brainstorming and would be ready to see me in the morning.
I had so many reasons to be nervous about it. What was he going t
o be like? Would he be sorry about what he had done or only sorry he got caught? Would he be mad at me for catching him or mad at himself for not changing the locks? Would he be embarrassed and lash out at me as a result? Would he yell at me for throwing up all over the place? Would it be like in the movies where a bunch of stuffy people in expensive suits argued with each other across the table right next to a window with amazing views of the city?
I wasn’t looking forward to seeing Caleb’s face again – that was for sure. Just thinking about what I had seen might make me throw up right in front of him. I was curious how long he’d been engaging in such extracurricular activities, but then again, I didn’t want to hear his answer. Ugh, so not looking forward to the meeting. I really wished I could bring Jake along for support, but I knew that would look bad. I had to stop acting like he was my lifeline anyway. I’d lived without him for eight years. I could go to a meeting without him.
“You okay?” Jake asked when we walked into our room. I had been quiet ever since the phone call.
“Just nervous,” I said with a shrug. I lay down on my bed and curled into the fetal position. “I’ve never gotten divorced before so I’m not sure what to expect from this. I’m afraid he might be mean to me.”
I saw his body tensed up as he sat next to me on the bed. “Is he usually mean to you?” he asked. He looked very concerned. Way more concerned than I deserved.
“No, no,” I said quickly. “He was never mean to me in a bullying kind of way. He was never abusive, if that’s what you think.”
I could actually see his body relax right in front of me.
“You haven’t seemed very upset about this,” he said. “Even after what we saw last night, you seem to be handling it pretty well. I thought maybe that was because he’d been hurting you and you were happy it was over.”
“No, no, nothing like that. He just worked a lot, and I was lonely. But there was no abuse. I promise.” I paused. “And if I’m handling it well, it’s because of you.”
“Really?” he looked pleased. “What did I do?”