“Maybe he likes chubsters.”
And they all turned to look at me expectantly.
“Chubster?” I asked, pretending I hadn’t understood. “Like Seth?”
I stroked my hand down his chest, enjoying the feeling of hard planes and lean frame.
Edwin laughed at the look on Jeff’s face.
“Never mind, lardy boy, I still love you.”
“Nothing wrong with a little flesh on the body,” Jeff grumbled.
But I could tell that he and Edwin were good together.
“Queers are such body fascists,” chuckled Chris. “Oh you know we are, darlings. Us fuller-figure types have to put up with two lots of discrimination. Being plus-size and walking into a club like G-A-Y was worse than coming out to my Aunt Grace.”
“Yeah, no pecs, no sex.”
“Not necessarily!” Jeff laughed.
“What happened?”
“She cried and asked what she was supposed to do with the Christening robe she’d crocheted for my firstborn. It had only taken her 11 years.”
We all laughed, because what else can you do?
“Everyone knew I was gay before I did,” said Eugene in his musical Irish accent. “I worry about that. At primary school, all the boys wanted to play football at break time. I didn’t. I wanted to stay inside and do Art. I was a gold star at Art, but I was only a brown star at football.”
Several of the others murmured with sympathy. I understood what he was saying, but I’d always liked soccer. Still did. I didn’t play very often because a bad tackle could put me out of work for months.
“Ah, my school was very holy,” Eugene went on, a broad grin on his face. “I was taught by the Christian Brothers. I t’ink that’s where I got me love of leather. Never without the strap, them Brothers.”
“They . . . beat you?” I asked, uncertain whether he was joking or not.
“They did indeed,” he said solemnly. “I still like a little bondage and leather to this day.”
He smiled, but I saw the sadness in his eyes.
“The day I left school, I planted a smacker on Paddy O’Donnell’s mouth, right there in front of all the teachers during Assembly. We rode out of there on his scooter. Ah, great day, so it was.”
Then he turned to me.
“What’s your story, Luka? I already know all these gossipy little Tinkerbells. How did you come out, beautiful?”
Seth pulled a face, and I knew he was worrying that I’d tell them I was bi. I was tempted, and not just because of the four glasses of champagne I’d drunk.
“A teacher at school saw me being sucked off by an older guy in the locker rooms at school.”
There was a shocked silence.
“Shite, sorry,” said Eugene. “I didn’t mean to pry. It’s just one of those dinner party questions . . .” his words tailed off.
I shrugged.
“I got called fegi, fag, gay, for years because I went to dance classes. I beat the shit out of anyone who called me that. They left me alone pretty much. I didn’t think of myself as gay.”
“Obviously not if you got sucked off in a changing room by an older boy,” sneered Julian.
“Since I’d been dating girls, yeah, it surprised me,” I said calmly.
“You don’t have to talk about it,” Seth said tightly.
That made me pissed, because I knew it wasn’t concern for my feelings.
“I don’t mind,” I said, throwing him a challenging look.
His lips pressed into a thin line, and he leaned back in his seat with his arms crossed.
“The teacher told the Principal, and the Principal told my parents. My mother hit me so hard she knocked out a tooth. My dad threw me out, so I went to live with my grandmother.” I paused, seeing the looks of acknowledgement and recognition on their faces. “Things were better after that.”
“How old were you?” Eugene asked gently.
“Fourteen when it started; fifteen when they found out.”
I picked up my champagne flute and took a long drink.
Seth gave me a sad smile.
“The gang already knows my story,” he said softly, watching me the whole time. “I was 23 and I’d just broken up with my long-term girlfriend, upsetting my mother’s plans for a big wedding and grandchildren. I’d known Edwin since university and needed someone to talk to. We went for a drink together and I got bladdered. We ended up at Heaven and I had my first gay experience in the men’s lavatories.” He smiled. “And very nice it was, too.” His smile fell. “Telling my mother ranks as one of the worst days in my entire life. It was two months before she spoke to me again, and only then because Sarah begged her.” He shrugged. “A lot of dreams were destroyed that day,” and he looked directly at me.
I nodded minutely, showing that I understood. It explained so many things: why he hated the fact that I was bisexual; why he didn’t want anyone to know. I didn’t like lying to his friends, but at least now I understood his reason.
Shame.
He thought he knew what his life would be, and now he was having to find a new path. He was still struggling.
“Wow, that’s a real mood killer,” said Eugene. “Maybe I should tell you about the dream I had last night. I was in this changing room and there were all these men’s clothes scattered around. I knew, I just knew that all these gorgeous guys were naked in the sauna. So if I could just get inside . . . but there was this really irritating noise, and I didn’t know where it was coming from. It sounded like a pig with sinus problems: Uuugh-snort-uugh-gggggng.”
I choked on my champagne as he demonstrated.
“And I suddenly realized that it was Julian snoring. And I remember thinking, can I elbow him in the ribs and get him to stop snoring before he ruins my dream, or shall I just run for that door?!”
After everyone left, Seth cleaned up while I took a long, hot shower.
I rolled my neck as the hot water sprayed down on my skin, massaging the muscles. I closed my eyes and let the water run over my head. I didn’t hear Seth walk in, but I felt a cool draught across my back, and his warm palms running over my waist, caressing my stomach.
Despite my tiredness, my dick woke up instantly, unfurling rapidly as it became heavy with my desire.
Seth pulled my hips so I was facing him, and he sank to his knees.
“Thank you for tonight,” he said.
His warm, wet mouth wrapped around the crown of my cock, and his cheeks hollowed as he sucked me in. A long sigh floated from my throat as he swallowed me down.
I didn’t know if he was thanking me for the meal, or for keeping quiet about my sexuality. But that nagging voice of annoyance was drowned out in the liquid pleasure of having my boyfriend going down on me in the steamy heat of his double-size shower.
My fingers wove into his short hair, slicked down by the hot water, as I fed my cock into his mouth. My hips jerked rhythmically, fucking his face. And if it was rougher than usual, he didn’t complain and he didn’t stop.
He weighed my balls in his free hand, massaging lightly. And he didn’t stop wrapping his tongue around my dick as hot cum poured down his throat.
His eyes were fevered and bright as he stood up slowly, kissing me hard, so I could taste my own flavor of salt and musk on his tongue.
I gripped his hard cock to get him off as fast as possible. That was all I could give of myself right now.
He clung to my shoulders, his head slumping against my chest as he sobbed out his release. My brain went into freefall, and I let the oppressive weight of my thoughts drift away.
“The guys say they want to come and see you in the show. Would you mind?”
I paused as I fed Michael fresh pineapple, not expecting Seth’s question or the anxiety in his voice.
“They were surprised that I hadn’t seen it yet.”
“I wouldn’t be allowed to get that many free tickets on one night.”
“No, of course not. I’ll buy them. I’ve been wanting to see y
ou on stage. I was hoping . . .” he cleared his throat. “I was hoping you’d . . . you know . . . ask me to come.”
I looked up again.
“I didn’t know you wanted to.”
“Bloody hell, Luka! You’re my boyfriend! Of course I want to see you dance.”
He shook his head in frustration.
“You can be so aggravating! You’re such an enigma.”
I raised my eyebrows. “We sleep together almost every night. How is that being an enigma?”
“That’s sex—it’s not everything though, is it?”
I stared at him, genuinely puzzled.
“It’s really hard to get to know you—you’re so guarded. I never know what you’re thinking.”
“I don’t trust many people,” I said carefully, as I stroked Michael. “My experience is that people let you down. But it’s not like I’m hiding anything.”
He nodded, but I could tell he didn’t like the answer much.
“Tell me about your grandmother.”
“What do you want to know?”
“Anything! When was the last time you saw her? When was the last time you spoke to her? I don’t know! Anything!”
He was getting really worked up, but I wasn’t sure why.
“I saw her in March when we took the show to Ljubljana. My sister Lea came with her. And I called moja babica last week.”
“Oh!” He was surprised. “You didn’t say.”
I studied Seth’s face. He was hurt that I hadn’t shared the fact that I’d called her.
“I was thinking of going to see her, maybe in September.”
“Well . . . good. I’m sure she’d like that.”
“Do you want to come with me?”
His eyes widened in surprise.
“Really?”
“Sure.”
“As in . . . you want me to meet your gran? Won’t she be shocked?”
I laughed. “Nothing shocks my babica. That’s why she took me in when my parents kicked me out. She says life is too short for hatred.”
I shrugged my shoulders.
“She lived through the Second World War, and saw what happened when Yugoslavia fell apart and neighbors turned on neighbors. I think her grandson being bisexual seemed unimportant after that.”
“You’ll really take me to see her?”
“If you can get the time off of work,” I pointed out.
Seth grinned widely. “You can count on it. Do you think she’ll like me?”
“An English banker? Yeah, she’ll think I scored big.”
Seth laughed. “I never know when you’re teasing me.”
I smiled back, but answered by kissing him on the lips.
Seth bought six tickets for the most expensive seats in the fifth and seventh row of the stalls. He couldn’t get them together unless he booked two months ahead, and he didn’t want to do that. His urgency twisted something inside me: was he hurrying because he couldn’t wait to see me dance, or because he didn’t think we’d be together in two months. This was why I didn’t do relationships—I hated the way they warped my thoughts and had me second-guessing every freakin’ move. But he said he’d get time off in September to travel to Slovenia with me. I had to get a grip.
Ben gave me an amused look as I finished my makeup and changed into the first costume.
“What’s got your knickers in a twist?”
I laughed. He could be pretty camp for a straight guy—one of the few in the cast.
“Seth’s coming to see the show tonight and he’s bringing a bunch of friends with him.”
“Oh, right. Yeah, that always makes a difference. Well, break a leg, mate.”
We didn’t have an equivalent expression for that in Slovene—we just wished someone ‘good luck’, but for some reason the theater world thought that wishing for good luck brought the opposite. Strange, but true.
I could relate to that.
The dressing room was cramped and sweaty, but we had a larger area where we went to do our warmups.
Alice waved and blew me a kiss.
I was really proud of her: she’d grown in confidence and ability since that first, disastrous night. We could even joke about it now. Ben made her a certificate that said ‘Worst First Night Ever Award’ which she proudly taped to the mirror in the girls’ dressing room.
I’d heard stories of people breaking bones or knocking themselves out onstage, but I’d never seen anything worse than Alice’s debut. Kathryn had made her rehearse for weeks before she let her near the stage again.
Alice finished her stretches and strolled over to kiss me on the cheek. She watched critically while I loosened my ribcage, forward, back, side to side, then around, and the same with my hips. Alice tried to copy me. She still needed to work on her isolations, but she was getting better.
We grinned at each other as the stage manager rushed over to make sure all the beginners were in place, the show’s openers.
My heart started to beat faster and I had to shake out my hands to loosen the tension. Alice threw me a curious look.
“Seth is in the house tonight,” I whispered.
“Do I get to meet him?”
“Sure. I said that he and his friends could come backstage after, and then we’re going for drinks.”
“I’d like to meet your boyfriend,” she said wistfully.
I threw her a grin, but then the lights dimmed.
That’s a tricky moment for us, because you go from bright lights, to darkness, back to brightness, and in those few seconds, you have to get yourself on the stage without being blinded by the lights, or disorientated by the darkness. It takes practice.
It was important to me that tonight was perfect. I didn’t care what Seth’s friends thought of me, but I wanted him to see what I could do. I think I’d been putting off inviting him to see the show because I was only a backup dancer. I knew that he’d seen me in Slave, but he hadn’t known who I was then.
But tonight I’d do the moves I had, to the best of my ability, because this was my place, my home—and for a few seconds I’d be center stage.
The music blasted out and I leapt onto the stage, with Ben coming from the opposite wing. He did the splits mid-air and I did a handless cartwheel. The audience gasped and cheered, and we were in the zone.
I had a couple of flashy pieces of choreography where I could really dance, but a lot of it was music video-style, body-popping, grinding and running around the stage, filling it with movement.
By the finale, everyone in the audience was on their feet, singing along. It was a great feeling, and I knew Seth was watching me. I could feel his eyes on my body.
After the curtain came down, I headed back to the cramped dressing room. I’d told the stage manager that I had guests in this evening, but I didn’t think they’d be here so quickly. I thought they might have had a drink at the bar first.
I was still in my dance belt, cooling down with icepacks on both legs, when Seth walked in with Jeff, Chris, Edwin, Eugene and Julian.
Ben and the other dancers were mostly naked, too, and Seth’s friends seemed to be unable to decide whether to stare or look away. They ended up doing both, but Seth was grinning at me.
“Welcome to the glamorous world of showbiz,” I said, waving him in, and knocking over a can of hairspray at the same time.
“You were amazing out there! Just, wow!”
He glanced at Ben, then leaned down to kiss me lightly on the lips.
“I was so proud of you,” he whispered.
I nodded, pleased, but wished he could have seen me in something that really showed what I could do. Hopefully when Slave was revived.
Then Seth saw the bags of ice on my legs.
“Are you alright?”
I dumped the ice bags in a bucket and stood up slowly, stretching out to my full height.
“I’m fine—it’s pretty standard after a show.”
I couldn’t help noticing that Julian’s greedy little eyes were all ov
er me. Well, Seth was looking, too, but I liked it when he did it.
“I’ll grab a shower and then I’ll take you to meet Beverley and the rest of the cast. And Alice really wants to meet you.”
“Who?”
“That girl I told you about—the one I trained with my first week.”
He frowned. “Oh, her.”
“Are you jealous?” I grinned.
He frowned and turned away.
I watched him for a moment, then shrugged it off. I wasn’t going to spoil this evening by picking a fight.
Jeff walked over and shook my hand, before patting my shoulder awkwardly, as if he wasn’t sure where to touch me.
“Great show!” he said enthusiastically. “I adore Whitney. You were fabulous, darling.” His eyes drank me in appreciatively. “I don’t know how our banker friend got to be so lucky.”
Then he smiled at Seth.
“I’m teasing, darling. But I can’t say I’m not horribly jealous. What about your friend? Does he like tubby queens?”
Ben grinned at us. “Sorry, mate. Straight as an arrow.”
“An arrow to my heart,” Jeff sighed. “Never mind, I can appreciate the scenery.”
“I can appreciate a lot of things,” said Seth, his eyes filling with warmth as he met my gaze.
I didn’t care that I was hot, sweaty and nearly naked in front of his friends. I pulled him toward me and kissed him sweetly, nipping at his lower lip as I moved away.
“Hvala. Thank you for coming to see me dance. It means a lot.”
“I promise . . . it was my pleasure.”
Julian coughed loudly and muttered something under his breath.
Time for a shower. A cold one.
IT WAS A beautiful morning, already warm, with just enough of a breeze to make London at the end of August bearable.
Monday was a public holiday, and people were in a party mood, a good send-off for the passing summer.
Seth’s apartment had aircon, and even Sarah’s place had windows at the front and back, drawing a steady stream through the building. I wouldn’t call it fresh air, but good enough. Anyway, I only had a week left in Camden before Sarah came home. I hadn’t decided what I was going to do long-term, although for now Arlene still wanted me in the show and had even hinted that I’d be working more closely with Kathryn. I’d been promoted to a full-time member of the ensemble a little over a month ago.
LUKA (The Rhythm Series, Book 2) Page 10