by MJ Post
“I’ll help. I’m a great listener.”
“I don’t want to talk. I want to think. Thanks anyway.”
“Please,” Toby said. “Please, take the food.”
Kacie shrugged and took the plate. “You have to eat, too. Okay, I’m going to sit by myself for a bit.”
She was half-turned when he added, “See you for the elk ragu later?”
“Maybe not.”
“Why not?”
“I’ll be too stressed out.”
“We need to help them out.” Toby pressed the point. “I think it’s a first date for them. It’ll be less awkward if some friends are there.”
“So? Take the blond.”
“She’s like a bad penny,” Toby admitted. “So that might happen. But I asked you, not her, and I hope you’re the one who shows up. Okay?”
“Okay.”
Chapter Seventeen
Elk Ragu
That slick country bastard had Kacie steamed. Did he REALLY think he could keep her on a string while making it with Barbie? And he came to her with puppy-dog eyes saying he wanted her to eat, talking like he was her mother. And that dinner invitation was the worst! He invites her, eats lunch with Eloise instead, and tries to get her to show up anyway by saying it’s for Alia and Louie. A fake double-date? Please!
But the thing was, he said it with such an air of sincerity that it was hard for Kacie not to believe him. Maybe those guys from the South were so practiced at being gentlemanly that they could fake sincere. Worst of all, it was working on her. She wanted to have lunch and dinner and everything with him, to hear his voice and see the warmth in his expression. She wanted to stroke his serious brow and kiss his succulent lips.
Herschel arrived in Kitchen One before the break and handed out cards. “We have some upcoming prizes that involve your loved ones,” Herschel explained. “So, give us a list of the top three loved ones you would like to see as a prize, and we’ll take it from there.”
Kacie figured she owed Jinwoo the glamour of being on TV, so she put his name down first. Then she thought about her parents and her sister. Eunice and she weren’t that close, and her parents would stress the hell out of her. Instead, she wrote, “Whitey - my dog.”
∞∞∞
After more interview filming, the chefs were released for regular dinner. Alia intercepted her in Kitchen One and took her hand. “Louie is cooking me the ragu dinner here. You’re staying, right? To have a date with Toby?”
“A what? No! I’m not dating him!”
“Why not? He’s handsome.”
“I don’t trust him.”
“I do,” Alia said. “Maybe I am too naive. Maybe I shouldn’t trust Louie either. But I do follow my instincts.”
“Look, Alia. Toby’s a fake, okay? He’s really with Eloise. This is just a trick.”
Alia looked at her curiously. “Really? I’m not sure about that. If you like him, you should give it a chance.”
“No one is as pretty as a California blond,” Kacie argued. Something twisted inside her. “Okay, listen, I’ll have dinner with you guys, just because you’re asking.”
“Thank you. I need a girlfriend with me tonight.”
“Why? Is that a Muslim thing? You need a chaperone?”
Alia smiled. “Not at all. I’m a modern woman. I can do whatever I want to. But, you know, I am nervous. I don’t date much.”
Kacie patted her hand. “You’re sure Louie is your type?”
“He actually isn’t,” Alia admitted. “But my type of man never works out for me. I like big guys with big attitudes. I’m trying out something different — a nice man, for a change. We’ll see. Inshallah, it will all work out, for me, and for you, too.”
“I’ll be back in ten.”
Kacie took some time to freshen up. As she washed her face and fixed her hair, she considered how she might handle herself at dinner, and then considered whether she could quickly resolve her stupid attraction to Toby. If she just gave in to it and fucked him, gave her virginity to the sexy manipulator and got rid of the itch that was building up inside her, just did it knowing full well that he would try to break her heart afterwards — if she did that, would she then be able to concentrate on competing?
Competing… crap. She was going against Buster. She would really lose face if he beat her. Why couldn’t she concentrate on that? Without knowing the ingredient, how could she plan? That goddamn Toby was distracting her. She wasn’t on the show to meet a man. Her career was on the line here. A good showing on TV could make her and Jinwoo into wealthy restaurateurs. She might get a great opportunity here at TKN, too, as Lou Morton had hinted. All of this, and she was caught up thinking about having sex with a handsome stranger. Goddamn it!
Kacie returned to Kitchen One to find the delectable smell of ground elk and onions browning in a pan. Louie and Alia were standing together, each holding a wooden spoon. She grabbed a stool and sat by the quiescent stove of her own workstation.
“Glad you came.” His voice was right by her ear, almost a whisper.
“Do you want to just…” she blurted, then choked off the rest. How could she get through this non-date without being too distracted to compete later that night?
“Just what?”
“Just not sneak up on me?”
“Sorry.” Toby looked down at his feet. “I guess I’m wearing my quiet shoes. How about I put on cowboy boots with spurs next time?”
“Spurs? What’s that?”
“Never mind. Bad joke.”
“You’re a joker?”
“Not usually. Between us, I figure you’re the funny one.”
“Yeah. In high school they voted me class clown exactly zero times.” She did enjoy remembering her own zingers, but except for Jinwoo, no one usually laughed at them. “Anyway, I’m here to support Alia. She wants some other people around. She told you?”
“I gathered that, mm-hmm.”
“Really, I just need to think, if that’s okay? If you could go watch them, give me a little space?”
“Sure thing.” Toby gave her a resigned look, then sauntered toward the other couple. He lingered nearby, watching to see if Kacie would call him back. She didn’t. She stared at her workstation, her mind empty of ideas. If the ingredient was a shellfish, if it was red meat, if it was a root vegetable, if it was a fruit, if a bean, if a nut… What sauces would impress Madame Queen? Should she avoid Korean and cook another cuisine she knew, just to seem ‘outside the box’? But she was there representing Korean culinary styles, wasn’t she?
Laughter from the other station, all three of them. She wasn’t laughing. She rarely laughed. She was a stress monster. That wasn’t good.
“Chef Brutus,” she called. She regretted it at once; hadn’t she decided to avoid his attention? Her common sense had lost a battle with her attraction to him. Well, if he could make her laugh, and break the grip stress had on her, it might clear her mind before the cook-off.
He turned quickly, stepped out of the cluster by the pot. Alia flashed Kacie a smile and a nod which she didn’t want to interpret.
“Come over here and make me laugh.”
He pursed his lips as he approached. “Some special way I ought to do that?”
“I don’t think I’ve laughed in months.”
“Well, goddamn.” He swallowed. “I wouldn’t have either, if not for Light.”
“Light?”
“My sister. Lillian. You saw her the first day?”
“Oh. Right.” Kacie had seen her on his TV-show Facebook page even before that.
“Would you believe?” he asked. “Eloise wants to introduce Lillian to her brother. She said he likes Southern belles.”
Kacie had trouble processing this. Reminding her that Eloise Alexandra Hamilton was in the picture was as unfunny as anything he could have said.
“I was just thinking,” Toby continued, “if he tries something with her, he’ll get his ‘belle’ rung.”
He cracked a grin.
Kacie liked the grin and thought of sucking on his bottom lip and rubbing his beard stubble against her cheek, but she didn’t understand his joke.
“What?”
“I said he’ll get his ‘belle’ rung by my sister, the Southern belle.”
“I heard you. What does it mean?”
“It’s a joke.”
“Yeah, explain it.”
“I can’t explain a joke. It isn’t funny if you explain it.”
“It isn’t funny now, either, so explain it, or just go back over there and dream we were having a conversation.”
He waved his fingers. “Ooh. You’re tough.”
“I’m betting you can take it.”
“Of course. A gentleman learns to control his temper.”
“No bet, then. So, explain your joke, pretty boy.”
“Pretty boy? You think I’m pretty? Hm?”
“Well, Eloise does, right?”
This shut Toby down. His growing smile faded. “Oh, she’s all right, but I don’t know what she really thinks. Doesn’t matter that much.”
That was too sensitive a topic for him — more proof that something was up with them. Kacie went back to the prior topic. “Explain the joke.”
“It won’t…”
“…be funny. I know. Go ahead anyway.”
“Well, okay, then. A Southern belle is a pretty woman from the South, with good manners, like Lillian. Having your bell rung is getting hit hard in the head. It’s what they say in football.”
“Are you a football player? You don’t look it.”
“I played in middle school, but since then, my sport has been swimming. You swim?”
“Sure. I swim like a dead fish.”
He tilted his head. “Like a… Oh, right.” He snickered. “Okay, I get it. But seriously?”
“I don’t know how to swim. Go back to explaining your joke.”
“Okay, I will. If Eloise’s brother makes a move she doesn’t like…”
“You mean if he gets fresh?”
“Is that what you call it in Brooklyn?”
“It’s what my old teacher used to say. But I’m not from Brooklyn. I’m from Queens.”
“Oh, is that different?”
“Yeah.”
“But it’s all New York?”
“It’s all New York.”
“So what difference does it make?”
“Different people live in different boroughs. Queens is where you find people like me.”
“Great chefs?”
“No, dumb-ass. Koreans.”
“Aren’t you American?”
“I’m both. Keep explaining.”
“Right, sure. If he makes a move, she’ll ring his bell for him.”
“She’ll snuff him?”
“Does that mean hit him?”
“Yeah.”
“You mean Lillian punches guys she’s dating?”
“No. It’s just a joke. It’s a double-entendre.”
“A what?”
“A joke where a word has two meanings.”
“How do you know about that?”
“My mom and dad are professors of French literature.”
“Then you speak French?”
“Not like a native, but my folks talk in French at home and watch French movies, so I know some.”
“Wow.” Kacie had never guessed from his laid-back persona, the five o’clock shadow and the ponytail, that he came from such a well-educated family.
“No big deal. You speak Korean, right?”
“Yeah. It’s not the same thing.”
“Why not?”
“My mom and dad aren’t professors of it. Must be great to be the son of professors.”
Toby looked at her soberly. “It’s not that great, actually. But doesn’t seem to matter, since I didn’t make you laugh.”
“Sure you did.”
“You’re not.”
“I’m laughing on the inside.”
“Bullshit.” Toby was smirking now. “I can’t believe you’d pretend it’s funny when it’s not funny.”
“Why not? I’m just trying to help you with your self-confidence, pretty boy.”
He leaned in. “There it is again. You DO think I’m pretty, don’t you?”
He was way too close now. Kacie knew if he tried to kiss her, her arms would go around him by reflex. He smelled like cologne and pepper. She felt a bead of sweat forming behind her visor. No, no, this wasn’t what she wanted to happen with this man. She settled back onto her stool, created some distance. “’Pretty boy’ isn’t a compliment.”
“Then what does it mean?”
“It means you’re overconfident.”
“And if I call you ‘pretty girl,’ what does that mean?”
“It’s talking down to me. I’m a woman, not a girl.” It was hard to keep up the banter. She had a vision of him underneath and inside her, her hips moving forcefully along his Mississippi shaft. No, no, the wrong image!
“’Pretty woman,’ how about that?”
Stop imagining that! “It’s some old movie.”
“It’s a Roy Orbison song.”
“Who’s that?”
“An old-time singer. My mom is a fan.”
“Okay, whatever.”
“Well, what can I say to you? ‘Pretty girl’ is out, ‘pretty woman’ is out.”
“Don’t say anything like that.” She looked away. She had never had to withstand flirting from someone professional-grade like this man.
“But suppose…” Toby leaned in, and Kacie scooted her stool back.
He raised a single eyebrow. “Where I come from, saying a woman is pretty isn’t always an insult. Not unless you’re hinting she’s stupid, and pretty is all she has to offer.”
“These days,” Kacie countered, “if a man says something like that, he wants something. Nobody just says it. He wants her money, he wants her connections, something.”
“He can’t just want to make her feel good? Because he thinks she’s special?”
“No. This is the modern world, Chef Brutus. Everybody wants something for themselves.”
He looked at her carefully. “You don’t.”
“I don’t what?”
“You don’t think like that. You’re not a user, Kacie. I can see that. You’ll fight back if someone pushes you, but mainly you just want to do your own thing and earn it. Someone like Buster uses conflict to get his juices flowing, but you hate it.”
Pain swelled in Kacie’s throat. Quickly she slid off the stool, scanned the brightly lit studio for a place to run. The lounge, the bathroom. No good. Toby was in her way. Tears blazed down her face.
“Oh, fuck,” she said. “Leave me alone.”
“Why? What’s wrong? What did I say that was wrong?” He caught her gently with hands on both biceps. God, that felt good.
“Let go.”
He did.
Kacie didn’t want to look at Toby. “You didn’t say anything wrong. You’re exactly right about me. And I don’t like it, okay?”
“I think it’s a good sign, personally.”
“Why?” She wouldn’t sob, she wouldn’t. This goddamn man had taken her apart emotionally; he was in her heart, he was in her head. “That’s your game, right? Figuring people out? Learning how to twist them up till they do what you want?”
He stepped back from her. “If you ask Light, I’ve always been pretty unwilling to try to read people. That’s what she’s good at. She says I’m stubborn about it, that I don’t want to do it. And that means, if I’m reading you right, it’s a good sign. It means…”
“Don’t tell me what it means.” The physical attraction to him had passed for the moment. Now he was the enemy for real. By some vicious cunning instinct, he knew her. He had the advantage. “I don’t want you to read me right. I don’t want you to know me.”
He stood staring. “Is that me specifically, or is it the same for everyone?”
She almost said, you specifically
. That might have gotten rid of him, ended this skilled pro-grade flirtation. But it wasn’t true. The previous night, she had let him hold her for a moment in the hallway, and it had felt like the beginning of something that she would never want to end. She knew better than to fall for his trickery, but she was so lonely, had never had a boyfriend, never really been held by a man. She wasn’t strong enough to discard even his phony attention. “It’s the same for everyone. I…” She was telling the truth, why was she telling him the truth? She needed some bogus excuse instead. “I don’t need friends. I need to work.”
“And that sounds like me, pretty much, until recently,” Toby said. “Work, career. I think that’s what drives people to become top-level chefs, you know, like we both want. I watched Boris and Nina break up over that, you know? Fighting over whose career was more important, when it was their marriage that should’ve been important.”
Kacie took some deep breaths, wiped tears on the back of her hand, wished she could pass them off as sweat, but surely he was too smart for that. The ragu smells -- meat, tomatoes, onions, the red wine Louie had used to deglaze his pan - were amazing. Louie’s guffaws were a great compliment to Alia’s tinkling laughter. Focus on those things, she told herself, not on this gorgeous deceiver you’ve gotten mixed up with somehow. “Okay, Nina is Madame Queen, I know that. Who’s Boris?”
Toby explained his history with the Mississippi chef and community leader. This gave her a chance to cool her passions somewhat, and to consider the fact that she had never had a mentor like that. No one had ever believed in her except for Jinwoo. She had had to believe in herself. She wanted to say all those things to him. She didn’t. By the time he had finished his story, dinner was ready. Louie, plating, called them over, and Alia came to take their hands and guide them to the workstation, where stools were arranged around the large countertop.
The four chefs sat to eat together.
“How are you guys getting along?” Louie asked.
“It’s like magic,” Toby drawled. A little hint of Southern sarcasm, maybe?
“You wish,” Kacie snapped, but it was a toothless remark. She had been in lust with the man, but he was aiming for her heart, and he’d struck there, made her cry. Why? What could his real motive be? Her sexual thoughts were gone. The idea of love had replaced them. Kacie didn’t want to be in love with Toby Brutus. Love was like a poison.