by Sophia Gray
"I gave that away a lot too, huh?" I rubbed my arms. Since last night, I hadn't felt warm and now I had goose bumps.
"You loved like the heroine does in a chick-flick movie. You love as if your life depends on it. And when it turned out badly—you never had much luck with men—you would be in the pit of despair—your term—for a week or two before another bad guy would come around. If there's one part of you I hope you don't get back, it's that."
"You don't want me to love so deeply?"
"I don't want you to get hurt so badly," she corrected.
Hell, I didn't want to get hurt—physically or emotionally—ever again either.
Chapter Seven
Jasmine
"Come on." Marie grabbed my arm and steered me toward a part of the clubhouse I hadn't been to before.
"You sure know your way around here," I said, hurrying to keep up with her. My leg muscles were still really tight. Between the sex, all of the walking, and maybe even the bike riding, my legs were worn out. My body was beat and I needed to sit down.
"You invited me over a few times before." She glanced over her shoulder at me, frowning. "I need a drink."
Oh, God, did I need one too. Forget a nap. Alcohol couldn’t solve my problems, but it sure could help me forget them for a while. Seeing Marie helped to put out of my mind what happened earlier today, but now that there was a slight lull in our conversation, it was all rushing back and I could not deal with that, not right now.
"Two would be better," I added as we entered a large room.
She slid onto a barstool. The clubhouse had a fully-stocked bar. It was impressive too, and surprisingly clean, given how disgusting the table had been when Pax and I had eaten breakfast.
I sat beside her and glanced around, taking the place in as if I had never seen it before. Of course I had to have; I just didn't remember it. Colored lights decorated the bar. The bottles of liquor were all lined up, just begging to be tipped over and poured. There were a few containers of nuts and of pretzels lining the counter.
There wasn't a bartender in sight. Marie banged on the table, but no one approached. She called for one, but we were the only ones in here. It was barely three in the afternoon.
"It’s five o'clock somewhere," Marie muttered as she hopped off her stool and walked around the bar. "What's your poison?"
"Don't know." I shrugged. “Surprise me.”
"Oh, I can so have fun with that." She grinned mischievously. "But I won't. I swear I'll be good."
I narrowed my eyes. "I take it a certain kind of alcohol and I don't mix well."
"You and Tequila… let's just say you always end up on the floor."
"Fun."
"Yeah, with blackouts and everything." Marie shrugged. "Just like I can't really handle whiskey. Love the taste of it, goes down so smooth… But it gives me such wicked hangovers. Not worth it."
"You drink whiskey?" I asked, surprised.
"Hey, it's not just a drink for guys."
"Yeah, but… I would've thought you'd be the kind to go for fruity girly drinks."
Marie laughed as she gathered a few bottles, and I laughed too. She sure seemed to know her way around a bar. In no time, she whipped up two frozen drinks. "Raspberry daiquiris, my specialty."
"You have a drink specialty?"
She smiled wickedly as she slid mine across the counter.
At her nod, I took a sip. It was so full of flavor, it just burst in my mouth. Now that was smooth. "You can't taste any alcohol."
Marie laughed again. "Nope. They're dangerous."
"How did you come up with a drink like this?"
"I bartended to put myself through college. Got a degree in accounting but hated my first job, so now I'm in real estate." She took a long sip. "It's so strange telling you all this. It's like we're strangers even though we're sisters."
"Tell me about it." I took another long sip. It tasted so good, but I didn't want to drink it too fast. "I…" To my horror, tears filled my eyes again.
"Hey." Marie reached across the counter and touched my hand. "I know this must have been so scary for you and you must've felt so alone, but I'm here now. We can help you regain your memories somehow. Did the doctors say you'll get them back eventually?"
Sniffling, I nodded and squeezed her hand. "They think I will, but no one knows for sure or when it will happen."
"Well, if you have any questions about anything, I'm more than willing to help fill in the gaps." Marie's smile slipped.
"What?"
"I have a question of my own." She stirred her straw too fast and some of her drink spilled onto the counter. With a quick flick of her wrist, she swiped a dishcloth over the mess to clean it.
"Go ahead," I said when she didn't immediately ask it. Her anxiety was making me anxious, and somehow, I realized I'd drunk half of my daiquiri already.
"How did you end up here? If you didn't remember everything… how did you find Pax?" She was clearly trying to keep her voice neutral, but her nose was scrunched up.
"I didn't. He found me. He rescued me." The words came pouring out of me. "I was discharged from therapy and was walking around, trying to find somewhere to go for the night. It was cold and raining and…"
"You must have been terrified." Marie leaned on the counter, her chin resting in her hand, elbow on the bar.
"I thought I was, but that was nothing." I nodded. God, how awful it had been. It was really shitty that I had so few memories and so many of them were so terrible.
Her eyes darkened. "I'm not going to like where this is going, am I?"
"I'm fine. I'm safe. I'm here with you." I held up my glass in cheers, and drained the rest. I hadn't really been free to live my second life, as I was starting to think of it, for very long before it had turned completely upside down. A rollercoaster of events, horrible ones mixed in with a handful of oh-so-pleasing ones, and back to horrible again. At least now I had my sister back. That was good. Maybe my luck was changing, and I could finally start to get my life straightened out some.
"What happened?" she demanded. "You suck at telling stories, by the way."
Lost in my few memories, I absentmindedly reached for my drink only to realize it was empty.
Wordlessly, Marie exchanged mine with hers.
I took another swallow. "I had no idea where to go and was just about to find someone to ask for help when a van pulled up, and a guy jumped out and grabbed me. He was talking to me, but I didn't hear what he said. I was just so scared. I tried to fight him, but he was so strong and…" My voice trailed off and I rubbed a worn out spot on the bar with my finger.
"Oh my God, Allie! Sorry—Jasmine. What the hell is wrong with people? What are the chances something like that would happen to you right after you recovered from a car accident?" She slapped her hand onto the counter.
"I know. I wouldn't have any luck except for bad luck… well, unless you count Pax coming. He rode up on his bike and beat up the guy and the driver and saved me. He might have saved my life." A rush of warmth filled me for the man. Regardless of what he had done today, he really had been my hero yesterday. If he hadn't stopped them, they might have raped me, killed me, or worse, both.
"Wow," Marie said, but her tone sounded a little flat.
I eyed her. Now that I knew a little bit more about myself, it was time to learn a little bit more about Pax. "What do you know about him? About Pax?"
Marie crossed her arms and backed away from the counter, scowling, her features twisting with… was that anger?
"A lot I take it. And not all good." A strange feeling settled in my chest. I had no idea where I stood with Pax. Last night had been amazing, but mind-blowing sex couldn't—shouldn't—make murder acceptable. True, that guy had been a sick man, but we had no proof he had ever touched a child. Okay, so I did agree that the chances of him not being able to refrain forever, probably weren't very good, but could you really condemn someone for a crime they hadn't committed yet?
"Nothing go
od," Marie declared. She tapped her shoe against the tile floor, the sound was loud and frantic, kinda like my heartbeat.
"Now, who is the one sucking at telling stories?"
She blew out a breath. "You should leave. Immediately. Pax's a bad man. I don't know if he's told you anything about your past—"
"I know we dated." I shrugged one shoulder.
"Yes, dated." She stressed the past tense. "You left him. You broke up with him. And for good reason. Yeah, he's hot. Even I'll admit that, but the guy is bad news." Marie took a step closer to me and leaned over the counter. "Believe me," she said, dropping her voice to a whisper. "I'm your sister. I would never tell you to do this if I didn't think it was for the best. And it is. You should leave with me."
"I…" My head swam and I drank more just to calm my nerves. I could hardly think clearly. Yeah, the alcohol wasn't helping with that, but my life was falling apart and I had no idea how to try to fit the pieces back together.
"Shortly before you disappeared, you told me Pax did something really bad." She stared at me hard, her gaze boring into mine, as if she was willing me to side with her.
"What was it?" Seeing her so frightened and angry, worried me. My stomach twisting into tight knots. At least I wasn't getting a headache. I tended to get them a lot whenever my mind worked overtime, like it was now.
"I don't know. You never told me." Her hands closed into fists that she pounded on the top of the bar. "You went missing shortly after telling me that…"
I gasped and covered my mouth. "You thought he was involved?" My voice slightly muffled by my hand.
She nodded. "What else was I supposed to think? I took some time off work to spend around here…" She held out her hands to encompass the clubhouse. "Got to know some of the guys, but soon it became obvious that none of them knew where you were either."
"It was an accident. A freak thing. I was walking on the side of the road and a car hit me. Pax had nothing to do with it."
"Regardless…" Marie slammed her hands down again. "You shouldn't stay here. You left him. You told me yourself he's a bad guy, that he did something really bad. Jasmine, hon, I have never seen you like that before. You were so out of sorts. Trust me, he is not the guy for you."
I pushed the drink back to her since it seemed like she needed it more than I did.
She chugged it down, every last drop. "You ready to go?"
"Go?" As in leave right this second? Here was the only place I had felt marginally safe since striking out on my own.
"Yes. Haven't you been listening to me?" She marched around the bar and took my elbow.
"I…"
"What is it?" she demanded, staring me straight in the eyes. "He got to you, didn't he? Already. Just like that. Hooked his claws in and now you're running back to him." Frustration and anger written all over her face.
"I'm not running back to him," I protested. How could I be, when I didn't even remember being with him before?
"Allie…"
"I'm not Allie, my name is Jasmine." My jaw clenched. "I need a moment."
She backed up a step, shoe still tapping, arms crossed. I knew she was pissed at me, and maybe, rightfully so.
But I couldn't help being reluctant to go. Pax was messed up, there was no denying that, but after what he had been through, that wasn't a surprise. He was a broken man, and even though I had hurt him by leaving him—regardless of the reason—he had still saved me. He rescued me.
Just another mission for him, a voice in the back of my mind said.
Maybe. Or maybe he still felt something for me. The sex had been incredible, definitely not what you would call lovemaking, but that connection to another person I had so desperately wanted—I had definitely found it in his bed last night.
I felt for Pax. Despite what he had done, he had rescued me. Maybe I could try and help save him.
Bracing myself, I lifted my gaze to my sister's. She was still scowling, and I winced as I said, "I can't. I can't leave."
"Why not?" she snapped.
Somehow, I got the feeling this wasn't the first time we'd fought over Pax. An educated guess or, maybe a ghost of a memory?
"Pax needs me," I said.
"He needs… Allie, Jasmine, whatever your name is, you need him like you need a hole in the head. Please don't do this." She gripped my shoulders, tears in her eyes.
I glanced away, my mind made up.
"This isn't smart," she warned.
"Please don't hate me," I said, my voice small.
"Oh, Jasmine…" The tenderness in her words had my heart breaking. "Of course I don't hate you. As your sister, I'm supposed to tell you when you're doing something stupid. This sure qualifies!"
It was probably foolish and unfair for me to feel this way, but anger started to burn in my chest. "You don't understand," I said, trying to keep my voice even and to hold back my irritation.
"You're damn right I don't!"
"I hardly know you," I burst out, "and you expect me to just listen to everything you say and accept it as the truth. I don't know what happened before. I don't know what will happen. I don't know you. I want to, but it's going to take time."
"So why not come back with me and—"
"Here I feel safe."
"Because he saved you?" Marie rolled her eyes. "Or because he comforted you in his bed last night? Don't deny it. I can see it all over your face."
I felt my face grow hot, it had to be bright red. "I… Yes, we may have… but that doesn't mean…"
"His dick isn't reason enough to stay. I don't care how good a lay he is."
My eyebrows raised questioningly.
"No, I haven't slept with him." She rolled her eyes. "You used to go on and on about how amazing your sex life was, and, trust me, it was more than I wanted to hear. But even if he was a Wonder Cock—"
"Wonder Cock?" I practically spat in shock. But, then it struck me as so funny, too funny, I almost burst out laughing. Only because Marie looked ready to kill someone—horrible phrase given earlier, but it was the truth—kept me from laughing out loud.
"You can't think with your vagina about this. It's not… You… Pax is bad. He can't be saved."
"How can you be sure?" I asked quietly. Waking up from the coma had given me a second chance at life. Didn't Pax deserve to have a second chance himself? Obviously his damage was deep-rooted, but what if he hadn't started on his missions until after I had broken up with him? There was so much about him I didn't know yet. Hell, I was still trying to learn who I was, who I am, who I might be.
Yes, I had broken up with him, and it probably had been for a good reason. Pax had his demons. I couldn't deny that. I wasn't just staying because of the sex. When he had told me about his past, when he had opened up… There's more to him than he lets on. He's a big badass biker dude, but he was more than that. Everyone has their issues and problems, and without help, how would we overcome them. I might not remember my life before, but I knew that much.
"Marie," I started, desperately wanting her to understand.
"Don't. I see I'm not getting through to you." She grabbed a napkin and rustled a pen from her purse. "Here's my number and email. I'm staying at the Marriot hotel nearby. I took the week off. Call me."
If you change your mind about that asshole. The sentiment was left unsaid, but Marie's face basically said it all.
"Marie, wait…"
She gave me a hug that was just as warm and tight and heartfelt as her previous ones, but then she pivoted on her heels and walked away. Just like that, she left.
To say I felt all alone would be an understatement. What if I was wrong about Pax? What if I couldn't help him, if he was beyond saving? Was a guy, who was clearly screwed up, worth losing my sister over? My own flesh and blood, one whom I needed to help unlock the secrets of my past?
God, I needed another drink.
Chapter Eight
Pax
The bar was empty. Considering the time of day, that wasn't too surprising
. I was sitting in the back corner next to the pinball machines, nursing a pitcher of beer when Jasmine and her damned sister walked in. Marie. She had hated me from the moment she first met me. Even then, when she didn't even know me, she had tried to convince her sister I wasn't good enough for her.
And maybe I wasn't. Maybe, I wasn't good for anyone. My boys loved me and I loved them. They were my family. But outside of them… maybe the world didn't have a place for me in it.
Marie was helping herself behind the counter, fixing them both drinks. Honestly, considering how messed up I was, I couldn't blame her for hating me so much. She was actually right, I wasn’t good enough for Jasmine, not that I would ever tell her.