"You alright?" he asked, noticing how pale she looked.
She shook her head.
"What's wrong?"
He stepped forward but Deryn stepped back. Then she slowly raised her hand, exposing the black bottle to him. "What's this?"
Xander stopped dead as he caught sight of what she was holding. He gulped. "Where did you get that?"
Deryn said nothing.
"Have you been going through my things?"
"Answer the question."
"You answer the fucking question!"
Bronson and Luka slowly stepped backwards towards the door.
Deryn breathed in deeply through her nostrils, her eyes flaring even though tears made them hazy. "What the fuck is this?" she said slowly and deeply. "Why do you have a fucking suicide pill in your bag?"
"Right, so, Xan, I'm going to be heading to the Pit," said Luka. "Feel free to join me if you can." He couldn't get out that door fast enough.
"And I'm going ... just not here," said Bronson, turning on his foot and following Luka out. Neither of them wanted to be present for the obvious bomb that was about to explode.
"That is none of your fucking business," said Xander as soon as they were gone.
"It is so my fucking business! Now, why do you have this?" she asked again, her voice growing shrill with every strained word that fell from her mouth.
"Don't worry about -"
"Why?"
"Give it here, Deryn." He held out his hand and stepped forward, but she hurried back into the bedroom.
"Why?" she cried.
"You have no right to -"
"WHY?"
"It's for the day you fucking leave me, alright?" shouted Xander, his face going red, his eyes wet and angry.
Deryn's jaw dropped. She sobbed loudly and darted for the bathroom.
Xander followed her. "What are you doing?"
Deryn opened the bottle, went over to the toilet and held it above the water.
"What the fuck are you doing?" shouted Xander, running over and trying to pry the bottle from her hands. "Let go!"
Deryn swung her free arm and slapped him hard across the face. When he flinched, she yanked the bottle from his hands and dropped the pill in the toilet. She flushed it and tossed the empty bottle hard against the wall, shattering it.
"No!" shouted Xander as he watched his salvation whirl down the toilet. "What have you done?"
"How dare you, Xander!" shouted Deryn. "How dare you ever purchase that pill!"
"Why do you care?" he spat, tears spilling from his eyes. "You're leaving! You're fucking leaving, Deryn, and you're never going to see me again! It shouldn't matter what I do!"
"It matters!" she cried. "How could you do this? How could you leave me after everything?" Hiccup! "After everything we've been through, you were just going to give up? Like none of this ever happened?"
"No, you don't understand!" shouted Xander, rubbing his eyes. "This was for you! I was doing this for you!"
She whimpered. "What?"
"I wasn't just going to fucking off myself, Deryn! I was going to off them! All of them!"
"Them ... them who?"
"Every Guardian who ever touched you! I was going to kill them, and then I was going to take that damn pill before the president had the chance to capture me! To torture me to death, or worse!"
"No." Deryn shook her head frantically. "No, that's not what I want. I don't care about vengeance, Xander. Not if it means I lose you."
"You're already going to lose me," said Xander coldly.
"No." Deryn ran forward and threw her arms around his waist. "No, no, no! I ... I can't lose you, Xander. I need you. I do. If you die I want to die with you!"
"Deryn, don't you dare talk like that."
"Xander, please."
"You're spouting all this shit now, but what about when you're back with Triggs, huh? Will you still be thinking of me when you're fucking him?"
Deryn pulled away and looked sadly at him. "What?"
"That's the plan, isn't it?" said Xander, his face tense. "Leave here and go back to him. Because you love him, right?"
She didn't answer.
"I've never once heard you say that things have changed," he said with disdain.
"They ... they have."
"Really?"
"I don't ... I mean, I'm not ... Dax and I ... I do love him but -"
"But what?"
Deryn's heart ached as she gazed into his golden-brown eyes, unable to speak the words she so desperately wanted him to hear.
"Say it, Deryn."
Silence.
"Say it."
She whimpered.
"Say you're fucking mine!"
Before Deryn could respond, Xander's lips were on hers. He picked her up and slammed their bodies down to the floor, the same spot where they had shared their first kiss. He tore off her clothes ravenously while she did the same to him, and then he was thrusting into her on the cold, tile floor.
While Xander pounded her hard into the spot that meant so much to him, he couldn't stop himself from muttering possessive claims over her.
Deryn cried beneath him, hugging her arms around his neck and still struck mute. When it came to words, at least. Her moaning was loud and hoarse, Xander causing her to burn from the inside out.
It wasn't long before Xander was coming inside of her, his movements slowing as he realized that he hadn't even tried to make her come with him. For the first time while having sex with Deryn, he'd been selfish. Completely and inexcusably selfish.
Hearing the sound of her whimpers now that her moaning had stopped, the realization of what had just happened suddenly overcame him. Had she even wanted this just now, or had he just taken her?
Was he no better than the rest of them?
"Deryn ... what have I done?" He cried as he nuzzled into her hair. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm so -"
Suddenly, Xander felt Deryn's soft hands cupping his cheek. She pulled his head back so he was forced to stare into her swollen eyes.
"Xander, I ... I'm yours."
"I don't want to possess you -"
"It's not about possession," she said while stroking his damp cheek. "It's just how I feel. I'm yours and you're mine. Simple as that."
Gazing down at her, Xander cried harder as his heart suddenly felt light.
"I've known for a while now that I can never go back to Dax. Not like that."
"Why?" he asked.
"Because it's you I want, you fucking idiot!" Deryn attempted a smile.
Xander attempted one back and sniveled. "I love it when that foul language comes out of your mouth." He traced her lips with his thumb. "When they don't sound angry, at least."
Pressing their foreheads together, Xander took several moments to just lay there and breathe her in.
"Come with me, Xander," said Deryn suddenly.
"What?" he asked, pulling back so he could look at her once more.
"Come with me," she repeated.
"Deryn, you know I can't."
"Why not?" she asked. "It's too dangerous for you to stay here and I want you with me. Please come with me."
"It might be dangerous for me here, but it'll be even more dangerous for both of us if I go. The president will never stop looking for me. No Guardian who's ran has ever escaped him for more than a few weeks. He can track us with our wristbands and you know what happens when we take them off. We die."
"Yes, I know," she said, grabbing his hand and stroking his wristband. "I'll find a way to take it off safely."
Xander shook his head. "I can't go. I won't risk your safety like that."
She sighed and wrapped her arms tighter around him. "Then I'm staying here. Indefinitely."
Xander chuckled. "What? That's insane."
"Well, apparently I'm a bit insane, so I suppose it makes sense."
"You can't -"
"I'm not leaving without you."
Xander smiled. He leaned down and kissed her. "You're not stayi
ng."
"Watch me."
Chapter Nine
Luka sat at a table in the Pit, drinking straight from a bottle of whiskey the girl at his side had bought for him. She smiled and took a sip of her fruity cocktail, rubbing his thigh and scooting her chair closer to his.
"Evening, Luka."
He looked up to see a familiar man with chestnut brown hair and striking deep-blue eyes standing over their table.
"Fancy running into you here," said Bronson, his smile triggering something inside of Luka that he didn't quite understand.
Luka pushed the feeling back and rolled his eyes. "Th'fuck you doing here?"
Ignoring him, Bronson turned his smile to the girl. "Oh, hello. I remember you. From the tram the other day, right?"
"Oh. You're the one with the girlfriend," she said with disdain.
"Yes, right. Off and on, that is," said Bronson, taking a seat beside her. He grabbed the bottle out of Luka's hand and took a swig. "Weren't the two of you supposed to meet here yesterday? Don't tell me this is a budding romance?"
Luka scoffed.
The girl didn't seem to notice. "I was unable to make it yesterday, so I came tonight in hopes of running into him."
"And it looks like tonight is your lucky night!" said Bronson brightly.
"Guess so." She smiled at Luka.
"Whatever. I'm taking a piss."
Luka stood and wandered towards the bathroom. When he came back a few minutes later, Bronson had moved incredibly close to the girl, rubbing her arm while whispering teasingly in her ear. She quivered and leaned into his touch.
"Th'fuck you doing?" asked Luka, slumping into his chair. He took the bottle back and chugged.
"I was telling Tami here how terrible it was of my girlfriend to speak to her like that. We were just discussing a little revenge."
Bronson raised his eyebrows suggestively, causing Tami to let out a small moan and bite her bottom lip.
"What do you say, Tami?" he asked, leaning in and brushing his lips against her neck. "Should we go upstairs and put her in her place?"
Luka cocked an eyebrow. "'Scuse me?"
Bronson took some money from his pocket and handed it to her. "I can't be seen going upstairs with you. Go ahead of me, get a room and have the person at the desk send someone over to give me the room number. I'll follow shortly. If we're lucky, maybe Luka will join us." He winked at Luka.
Without hesitation, Tami stood and ran off to get a room.
When she was gone, Bronson laughed. "Oh, come on, Tami. Don't make it so easy."
"Seriously, th'fuck are you doing?" asked Luka, taking another swig from his bottle.
"Proving a point," said Bronson, tearing the bottle from Luka's hands and taking his own swig.
"And what's that?"
Bronson gulped down his whiskey and put the bottle back on the table. "I just stole your girl for the night. Do you even care?"
Luka shrugged. "A dime a dozen. I'll find another one."
"And that's my point," said Bronson, watching closely as Luka picked up the bottle again. "You don't care about your damn conquests because you're bored."
"What?" asked Luka, knitting his brow and taking another sip.
"You're bored, Luka. Sure, you can go out and fuck any girl you want, but I doubt it's given you any satisfaction in a long time. Am I right?"
Luka shrugged again. "I've yet to find one pussy more exciting than another. Sex is sex."
"So why fuck them at all, when you can get just as much fulfillment wanking your own cock? Why waste your time?"
"Does it matter?" asked Luka, putting down the bottle.
"It might."
Luka groaned. "Well, I'd rather have someone there than no one."
Bronson grinned. "Is that all?"
"What are you getting at, anyway?"
"Oh, nothing. Just that you and Ruby had the same problem."
"Huh?"
"He wasn't satisfied either, so he went and got himself a girlfriend. But, somehow, I just don't see you going down that road. What you need is something else. Something different."
"Something like your cock?"
Bronson's grin widened.
"Not interested."
"Your actions over the past couple of weeks say otherwise."
Luka huffed. "Look, I was drunk off my ass that night. I never would've let you do that if -"
"Drunk or not, I know you remember how hard you came that night."
Luka blushed and turned away from him.
"Admit it. I satisfied you more than any girl has in a long time."
"No."
"You know I did."
"No," he repeated. "I'm not gay, alright?"
"I know," said Bronson with a smile. "But that doesn't mean you're not curious about what I'm offering."
Luka blushed brighter.
"Excuse me."
Bronson and Luka looked up to see a young boy standing beside their table.
"Some girl asked me to give you this." He handed Bronson a folded piece of paper and smiled before disappearing.
Bronson opened it and held it out for Luka to see. "Room five." He tossed the paper on the table. "It's all yours. I highly doubt Tami will care which one of us goes upstairs. She seems pretty easy going." He stood up. "I'm going to the alley for a cigarette. You're free to join me if you'd like."
Bronson walked outside, leaving Luka alone to stare at that damn piece of paper. He picked it up and twisted it in his hands, glancing all around as women everywhere kept eyeing him, but only because he was still wearing his dark-blue Guardian trench coat.
Luka groaned. "Fuck this."
He slammed the paper down, taking one last swig from his bottle before following Bronson out. When he entered the alley, the other man already had a lit cigarette in his mouth. He smiled and offered one to Luka, who took it and leaned against the wall beside him.
"I meant it when I said I'm not fucking gay," said Luka, lighting his cigarette and taking a drag.
"I know you did."
"But you're right. I'm bored. And I have no interest in going down the same road as Xander."
Bronson smirked. "Sounds right."
"I'm not going to fuck you."
Now Bronson laughed. "Not yet." He tossed his cigarette down and put it out with his foot.
"No, not ever. I'm not - Th'fuck you doing?"
Bronson had dropped to his knees and was undoing Luka's pants. "Just a little gift from me to you. The last one you're getting without returning the favor."
"I'm not - Oh, shit!"
Luka bit his lip to hold in his moans as Bronson engulfed his cock in his mouth. In the fucking alley. Outside of the Pit. Where anyone walking by could see.
Yet the exposure of it all was part of what he found so gratifying. It wasn't long before he was coming, feeling even more satisfied than the last time Bronson had done this for him.
When Bronson was finished, he zipped Luka back up and got to his feet. He kissed Luka then, happy that he wasn't immediately pushed off.
Bronson pulled away and grinned. "If you want that again then you're going to have to work on your attitude."
Luka gulped.
Bronson chuckled. "Oh, come on. Pay for us to get a car and we'll go get your shit out of your psychotic father's house."
He walked towards the street. Luka hurried after him. "So you'll pay for some strange girl to get a room for the night, but you won't pay for a fucking car?"
"Yeah, I used Ruby's money for that. He really needs to find a better hiding place."
* * * * * *
Xander leaned against the arm of the couch while Deryn sat between his legs, both of them naked with nothing but her favorite blanket covering them. She had his notebook in her lap and was currently writing names down.
"So we have me, Bronson, Quigley, Del and her whole group, and I think we should write Luka's name in here, too."
Without waiting for a response, Deryn started scrawling the name Lu
ka Voclain.
After the two of them had calmed down a bit, and Xander had successfully made up for his selfishness earlier, she'd asked him about the list he kept with the names of his victims. He supposed it was always meant to be a sort of tribute to them, and he'd wanted to keep it all on record in case the war ever ended. So he could find and help their families. Anonymously, of course. He knew they would never accept help from a loved one's murderer.
Once she'd heard that, Deryn insisted on writing down the names of people Xander had helped over the years. It just didn't seem right that he only had the bad things he'd done on record.
"Who else?"
He thought. "There was this Resistance member we captured that I helped escape last year."
"Their name?"
"I'm not sure, but he trained with us."
"Was he our age?"
Xander shrugged. "Hell if I know."
Deryn rolled her eyes and said, "Typical," before writing down Unidentified Resistance Member.
The front door suddenly burst open and Luka marched in carrying a suitcase. "I'm moving in," he said, kicking off his shoes and heading for the guestroom without even so much as a glance at them.
Deryn's eyes widened as she pulled on all corners of the blanket to make sure she was fully covered.
"I brought your Element back, Leon!" he called from the other room. "And those extras. Where'd you get those, by the way?"
Xander looked at her and cocked an eyebrow.
"Sewick Blum," she answered. "I'll tell you later when I'm not naked."
Not even ten seconds later, Bronson walked into the apartment holding several pairs of shoes. He dropped them by Luka's other pair. "I've never seen a man with such an obsession with shoes before." He went over and took a seat on the couch. "So I know this is hardly ideal for the two of you but -"
"Fuck, Bronson!"
Bronson looked at Xander and raised his eyebrows. "Hmm?"
"Ever heard of fucking boundaries?" spat Xander, clutching the blanket tighter around them while Deryn blushed.
Bronson scanned them up and down. "Oh. Are you naked under there, Deryn?"
She furrowed her brow and nodded.
"Obviously!" shouted Xander.
"Sorry," said Bronson. He slowly turned so he was facing the other direction. "So I know this is hardly ideal for the two of you but -"
Sunken Eyes (Cruel and Beautiful World Book 2) Page 7