Lois and four of the other fraaen stood together on the porch. As soon as Mary Anne glanced in her direction, Lois turned her back, as did the women standing by her. It was a deliberate snub, and Mary Anne felt it right down to her bones. She’d have to grow a thicker skin immediately or she’d be reduced to tears before the first prayer of the day.
Mary Anne swallowed the very large lump in her throat and did her best to pretend Lois and her friends had all just turned around at the same time for no reason at all. She craned her neck while trying not to seem like she was looking in any particular direction. There was Jethro, surrounded by at least half the men in the gmay. They looked to be engaged in a serious conversation, each man frowning and stroking his beard as if trying to work out an impossible problem. For sure and certain Mary Anne was the problem they were trying to work out. Her face got warm. What had Jethro told them?
It didn’t matter. He couldn’t paint it any worse than it was. She had left her husband. Aside from divorce, that was as serious as it could get.
Earlier Jethro had hitched up Mammi and Dawdi’s buggy and then his buggy and gone by himself to gmay without saying a word to either Mary Anne or her grandparents. Mary Anne hadn’t expected him to be anything but unfriendly to her, but he usually had a kind word for her grandparents. Mammi had even made Jethro kaffee for the last two mornings in a row. Mary Anne couldn’t begin to imagine that it was very gute kaffee, but even Mammi’s strong brew was better than nothing. Probably. Jethro could at least show a little gratitude.
Mammi climbed out of the buggy after Mary Anne, pulled her shoulders back, and hooked her elbow around Mary Anne’s, practically squeezing her arm off. “Don’t you worry, dear,” Mammi said, smiling as if the corners of her mouth had been fastened to her ears with clothespins. Her eyes flashed like she was ready for a fight. “We can’t fault Lois for being offended for Jethro’s sake. I don’t wonder but that a red pot holder will soften her right up.”
Mary Anne mustered a weak smile. “I don’t wonder that it will.”
Cousin Sarah Beachy immediately crossed the yard to greet them, which made Mary Anne like her all the better. Sarah didn’t much care about appearances. “Did my boys get the canopy up for you okay yesterday?”
Mary Anne smiled in spite of her growing uneasiness. “They had it done in less than ten minutes.”
Sarah nodded. “Of course. They knew there was pizza waiting at home.”
Dawdi unhitched the horse and led it toward the pasture, where the other horses grazed.
A deep line etched itself between Sarah’s eyebrows. “What’s wrong with Dawdi’s leg? He’s limping.”
“Ach,” Mammi said, smoothing a pot holder in her hands. “He slept on his hip wrong last night.”
The line between Sarah’s eyes got deeper. “Mammi, I know you want to help Mary Anne, but you and Dawdi shouldn’t be sleeping in a tent. You’ll end up in the hospital.”
Mammi sighed. “I know. Camping is the most miserable activity in the whole world. But we’re willing to sacrifice our own lives if necessary for Mary Anne’s sake.”
Sarah smirked. “It’s not as serious as all that.”
“Really, Mammi,” Mary Anne said. “I appreciate your support, but your health is more important. I’m fine living by myself in the woods. It’s only temporary anyway.” There was a certain comfort in having Mammi and Dawdi close by in the middle of the night, but if they moved back home, Dawdi’s hip would quit bothering him and the camp food would definitely get better.
“We know it’s only temporary, dear. That’s why we’re staying until the bitter end. We hope the end is close, but Jethro is being wonderful thick.”
Sarah sighed. “Some men are like that.”
“Who will help him if we don’t?” Mammi said, glancing in Jethro’s direction. “Lois is squarely on his side, and the men are stoking his indignation. It will do him no good.”
Mary Anne’s mouth got dry. Jethro’s indignation was gute and hot. But he wasn’t the only one. It seemed all the adults but Mary Anne’s cousins and grandparents were glaring at her as if she were an Englischer with a camera—ach, vell, everyone but Lois and her friends. They were glaring at the front door of Barbara Yutzy’s house.
Sarah heaved a sigh as she surveyed the church members standing in the yard. “Ach. They’re sharpening their knives, Mary Anne, but I don’t wonder that you expected that.”
Mary Anne swallowed hard. “I was hoping to talk one of them into giving me a job.”
“I wouldn’t advise it,” Sarah said. “You can cut the hostility with a knife, and you haven’t even tried to speak to anyone yet.”
“Barbara Yutzy always seems to need help sorting eggs. And the harness shop has a ‘Help Wanted’ sign in their window. Dorothy Raber might need an extra pair of hands in her fabric shop, especially with a little one coming.”
Sarah pressed her lips together. “You can try, but you’re going to get your feelings hurt.”
“They’ll be nice if you give them a pot holder,” Mammi said. She reached into her pocket and handed three to Mary Anne. “No one can resist a pot holder.”
Sarah didn’t seem convinced. “I don’t wonder that your pot holders have worked miracles, Mammi, but they won’t cure self-righteousness.”
Mammi furrowed her brow. “I should have brought scarves.”
Lily, with one of the twins in her arms, came to Mary Anne and gave her hand a squeeze. “It’s going to be all right. Dorothy Raber said she’s on your side.” Lily’s smile faded. “But she doesn’t want anyone to know.”
“I won’t tell.” Mary Anne’s heart sank. She had hoped Dorothy might give her a job.
Her cousin Moses’s wife, Lia, practically ran to them and threw her arms around Mammi’s neck. “Mammi, I’ve been so worried about you. Moses says you and Dawdi are thinking of getting a divorce. Please tell me it’s not true.”
Mammi tapped her finger to her chin and looked up at the sky, as if thinking about it really hard. “I can’t say one way or the other yet.”
Lia’s mouth fell open before she burst into laughter. “Ach, Mammi. What are you up to?”
“Everyone is having a wonderful gute time gossiping about it. I hate to ruin the fun.”
Lia gave Mammi a wry smile. “You’re always thinking of others.” She put an arm around Mary Anne. “Are you okay? I hate to tell you this, but some of the fraaen are wonderful mad.”
“I know. All I can say is that I didn’t do this to hurt anybody, even Jethro.”
“He’s still hurt.” It seemed Lia was doing her best to keep her smile in place.
“He’s not hurt. He’s angry, and he’ll get over it. He needs to go fishing more often.” Mary Anne pressed her lips together to keep the bitterness from falling out of her mouth and onto her shoes.
“Of course,” Lia said. “He shouldn’t let his anger get the better of him.” She patted Mary Anne’s hand. “How is the extra tent working out?”
Mary Anne had borrowed her second tent from Lia’s husband, Moses. “Wonderful gute. I put my sewing machine in there with all my fabric.”
“Mandy says you’re going to make quilts to earn some money.”
“Jah. Do you want to come help us quilt?”
Lia nodded. “I’m wonderful busy at the store and with Crist, but I’ll come when I can.”
Mary Anne caught her breath. “Does Moses need any help at the cheese factory? I’m desperate for a job.”
“Ach, Moses just hired two helpers, and we can’t afford more just yet. I suppose we could fire one of them, but that doesn’t seem very nice.”
Mary Anne shook her head. “Nae. I wouldn’t want to put someone out of a job. I’ll think of something else.”
Mammi handed Mary Anne another pot holder. “Lord willing, someone will hire you. Give them an extra pot holder or two. I can always make more.”
Everyone but her cousins did their best to ignore Mary Anne as they lined up and marched into chu
rch. After “Das Loblied,” Lily’s fater, David Eicher, gave a sermon on Paul’s letter to the Ephesians about how wives should submit to their husbands. Out of the corner of her eye, Mary Anne could see Jethro staring at her, as if trying to bore a hole through her head. Maybe he thought he could stuff the sermon inside her if he stared hard enough. Jethro wasn’t the only one. It felt like everyone was staring at her, the people behind as well as the ones in front, as if everyone had eyes in the back of their heads. Feeling an unexpected sense of calm, Mary Anne slipped her hand into her apron pocket and fingered the pot holders Mammi had given her. Maybe she had come to terms with her own wickedness. Maybe she didn’t care about her soul. The sermon had no effect on her except to make her very sleepy. A week of camping had taken its toll.
Mary Anne frowned. It wasn’t that she didn’t care about her soul. She just didn’t care about Jethro. Was it so wrong to want her own happiness? Maybe her neighbors in the gmayna would call her proud, but she didn’t regret for one minute her decision to move out. If they knew the heartache she had already lived through, they wouldn’t be so quick to judge.
To her great satisfaction, the bishop’s sermon was about how husbands should cherish their wives as Christ loves his church. She liked it when the bishop talked. He wasn’t long-winded like David Eicher, and he always had something interesting to say. Mary Anne seldom had trouble staying awake when Bishop Yoder spoke.
Jethro was still scowling in her direction after services when the men set up the tables and the women readied the fellowship supper. Mary Anne tried to insert herself into the food preparations, but the other women wouldn’t have it. She was begrudgingly impressed at how they excluded her with so much subtlety. Was that Lois’s doing? In the kitchen, Mary Anne reached for a bread knife, and Martha Eicher grabbed it before Mary Anne could lay a hand on it. Mary Anne had made a loaf of bread in her Dutch oven, but it was the only loaf that didn’t get sliced. She picked up a bowl of church spread to take to one of the tables, but Sadie Yoder snatched it from her hand. “I’ll take this,” Sadie said, and she practically flounced away.
It happened three times with three bowls of church spread. Did they not even want her touching the food? Were they afraid she’d contaminate it? Mary Anne pursed her lips together and tried not to let unpleasant emotions overwhelm her. Of course they were mad. It was silly of her to be hurt, and it was a gute lesson for another day. They weren’t going to convince her to change her ways by treating her unkindly. She might be bullied into changing her behavior, but persecution would never change her heart.
How many fraaen had been browbeaten into submission with a few choice scriptures? How many husbands had forgotten the commandment to love their wives?
Mary Anne frowned. She didn’t want her neighbors to judge her, yet here she was, judging them. Harshly. It was another gute lesson. She still had so much to learn.
Martha must have gotten distracted. She set down the bread knife, picked up a plate of vegetables, and walked out of the kitchen. Mary Anne sliced her bread quickly, before someone noticed she was using the bread knife. The Dutch oven bread had turned out wonderful gute. If she could slip it into one of the baskets without anyone noticing, it might get eaten after all.
Mandy was suddenly by her side, a basket of bread in her hands. “Put it in here, Mary Anne. Quick. No one will know.” She smiled and pumped her eyebrows up and down.
Mary Anne couldn’t help but laugh. Her sister would always be on her side. She glanced around furtively to make sure no one caught her, then slipped her slices of Dutch oven bread into the basket.
Mandy nudged Mary Anne with an elbow. “Barbara Yutzy is standing all by herself over there. You should ask her about a job. They’ve got over two thousand chickens. For sure and certain they could use an extra pair of hands.”
Mary Anne’s heart bounced like a rubber ball ricocheting back and forth between the floor and ceiling. Barbara was a plump woman with wiry salt-and-pepper gray hair and bushy eyebrows. She had a reputation for being blunt, and Mary Anne didn’t know if she could bear blunt today. On the other hand, she was desperate for a job. Maybe Barbara would take pity on her.
Barbara stiffened like a post when she saw Mary Anne coming toward her. Mary Anne gave Barbara her friendliest smile and pretended not to notice the cold reception. She shouldn’t even bother asking. It was as plain as the mole on Barbara’s neck that she was going to say no.
“Barbara, wie gehts?” Mary Anne said.
Barbara stared persistently at the far wall with her arms folded tightly around her waist. “I am fine, though I hear you are not.”
Mary Anne tried hard not to let her smile slip. “It’s true. I have moved out of my house.”
“It is Jethro’s house.”
“All the more reason for me to be out of it.”
Barbara snapped her head around to glare at Mary Anne. “No need to poke fun at me. There is no gute reason for you to move out. You are Jethro’s wife, and a vow breaker.”
It was no use defending herself. Neither Jethro nor Barbara nor Lois cared about her reasons for leaving, and they certainly didn’t sympathize with her either way. Trying to make them see was just a waste of breath. Asking for a job was a waste of breath too, but that didn’t stop her from making a fool of herself. “It wonders me if you need someone to help you sort eggs. I’m looking for a job.” She wasn’t just looking. She was desperate, but Barbara would probably gloat if she knew that.
Barbara pressed her lips together. “I wouldn’t give you a job if you were the only fraa on earth with hands. You have disobeyed your husband. You don’t deserve any such kindness. I shouldn’t even be talking to a sinner like you.”
“Jesus talked to sinners.”
Barbara reacted with a start, as if Mary Anne had insulted her entire family. “Jah, he did. He said, ‘Go and sin no more.’”
Mary Anne resisted the urge to heave a sigh. Barbara was only behaving as Mary Anne had expected her to behave. Mary Anne couldn’t be cross with her, even though she really wanted that job. She wouldn’t even need to borrow Jethro’s buggy. She could walk to the Yutzys’ house.
Barbara turned her back on Mary Anne and strode into the kitchen as if something very important was going on in there. Mary Anne leaned against the wall and tried not to be stung by the little darts everyone was shooting at her with their eyes. Was it worth the pain to ask Max Nelson about a job at the harness shop? Should she talk to Dorothy Raber even though Dorothy didn’t want her to? Maybe it would be better to wait until tomorrow and go to the harness shop and the fabric store and the market when five dozen pairs of eyes weren’t watching her. No one wanted to be seen being nice to her.
She nearly smiled at the absurdity of it all.
Lois passed her with a basket of bread in her hands—the basket containing Mary Anne’s bread. For sure and certain Lois had no idea she was serving bread made by wicked hands. She might have dumped it in the trash. Lois inclined her head in Mary Anne’s direction without looking at her. “Go out the back door to the barn. I’ll meet you there in two minutes.”
It was frustrating that Mary Anne suddenly felt so unsettled. She was the brave one who slept in a tent and asked her hostile neighbors for jobs. She was the one who chose to find her own happiness instead of waiting hopelessly for it to come to her. She was the one who ate every bite of Mammi’s cabbage and cheese lasagna and painted butterflies on Jethro’s tent. Lois shouldn’t have any power to upset her.
She didn’t have to go out there, didn’t want to go out there, but she couldn’t avoid Jethro’s parents forever, no matter how badly she wanted to. If she didn’t talk to Lois now, Lois would come to her tent and make fun of her egg mobile and admonish her for her potato chip collection. She wouldn’t even care that Mary Anne had found a cracker yesterday that looked just like a horse’s head. It was better to meet in Yutzys’ barn.
Besides, maybe Lois knew where Mary Anne could get a job. She really needed a job.
> She’d only been given two minutes, so she hurried out the back door, only to realize she still had the bread knife in her hand. Lois wouldn’t take kindly to Mary Anne wielding a weapon. She left the bread knife in the kitchen and patted her hand to her apron pocket. She still had Mammi’s pot holders. Mammi said a red one would soften Lois up in no time. Too bad she only had one blue, one gray, and one fluorescent pink. Did Lois like fluorescent pink?
The Yutzys’ barn was spick-and-span, with swept cement floors and the enticing smell of fresh straw. Families spent weeks getting ready to host gmay, and even the barn was cleaned. At least she and Lois would have a pleasant place to visit, though Mary Anne suspected it wasn’t going to be a visit and there wouldn’t be anything pleasant about it.
Mary Anne ran her hands over the smooth wood of the barn walls. They would be perfect for a mural of smiling children or a field of sunflowers or even a herd of cows. Wouldn’t Jethro’s barn look darling with a flock of birds painted on the outside west wall? Or a series of quilt squares. A whole patchwork quilt would be wunderbarr. Where could she get some extra paint? It would take a lot of paint.
Her gaze traveled to the ceiling. How high could she go on Jethro’s ladder?
It had been nearly ten minutes. Was Lois purposefully making her wait? Maybe she’d been cornered by Gloria Stutzman. Gloria liked to talk about her arthritis and her kidney stones, and it was hard to pry away from her once she got going.
Mary Anne strolled to the stalls and petted the Yutzys’ two horses. She loved drawing horses. Maybe Jethro would like a picture of his horse painted on his barn. Nae. Jethro didn’t like any of her projects. They were a waste of time and money and kept her from important things like cleaning his latest catch.
Mary Anne had just about decided Lois was playing a dirty trick on her when the side door opened, and Lois walked into the barn, followed by her husband Chris, Jethro, and Jethro’s bruder, Willie Jay. Mary Anne’s heart sank all the way to her toes—maybe farther. It was very unfair of Lois to plan an ambush. Mary Anne hadn’t brought enough pot holders.
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