by Mima
“My made-father, Scuffle … he was a high Guild mage. Banished. If he couldn’t identify my magic, train me in it, I doubt I have any. Other people tell me what their mindscapes look like. All I see is fog, and when I concentrate on proving, colors.”
Cro touched KarRa's arm comfortingly. She looked at Cro's delicate dark hand. She had hardly ever been touched in the Dark. Touching was a challenge, a domination, and an invasion. Here it was different. A comfort. Like touching Rylan had always been different.
“Your mindscape is what your spirit chose. Just because it’s fog doesn’t mean that’s not what it’s supposed to be.”
KarRa blinked, astounded with this idea. Everyone else had scenes of some physical setting.
“I mean, if you were living in the Dark, it makes sense you’d want to lay low. Stay hidden. Maybe your mindscape reflects that. It sounds to me like your sensitivity to traps and relationships means you could be a watermage, or maybe spirit. Your spiritmage will help you.
“Today, let’s start with what you should never forget: their beasts.”
Cro withdrew a slim book of colored drawings. KarRa had never seen drawings so fine, as if a mage had pressed a creature to paper.
When she told Cro this, the woman hunched shyly. “My mate Proteus did these. He is an artist, when he has time.”
All of the Beastspirits were beautiful, dangerous predators. Animals. The men moving through the plaza, they could all become animals. Rylan could fly as an Owl. It was a difference that would forever be between them. KarRa is Alone hissed the nasty voice in her head. She studied the pictures in silence.
Chapter 3: Morning
The next weeks fell into a pattern that relaxed KarRa. She often visited with Rylan before breakfast, and touched minds with him every night. She gloried in his open and affectionate ways, as if his lovers had never come between them. It was as if discovering his Beastspirit helped him discover her. She marveled at how quickly he was mastering new magecraft. He was always exhausted, but it was a satisfying, proud exhaustion, nothing like being ground down with daily survival on the streets of the Dark.
Nearly every day he presented her with some tidbit of information, some new skill, or a gift that cost nothing but meant the world. She never felt like he was boasting when he showed her the flame he could summon to his palm. It was more like he was presenting himself for approval. She didn’t really understand the breathless, almost anxious air he had when he showed her how he could pull just his talons from his fingertips, a built-in weapon. Another morning he brought her a wing feather, the same shape and size exactly as the one on her arm. A favorite day of hers was when he brought her delicate flowers in a tea mug. A perfectly peeled and sliced fruit he fed her just as she was waking.
He shared his emotions as he hadn’t in years. He laughed as he related embarrassing misunderstandings with his new Clan brothers about some aspect of daily life here. He blushed when he told her how good it felt to scratch his neck while he was in Owl form. The safety of the place, the calmness of it, seeped into them. How exceptionally daring it was that they could casually touch, even in the presence of others. The pitch of their voices no longer needed to be hushed. No one was hunting them for a weakness.
It seemed he was constantly prodding her with questions whose answers surprised her.
“Are you able to sleep with these curtain doors?”
Surprisingly yes.
“Have any of the women challenged your personal space?”
Surprisingly no.
“Are you able to read well enough for the books you’re studying with?”
Surprisingly yes.
“Do you ever have nightmares remembering the old life?”
Surprisingly no.
And always, daily, were these new, heart-stopping declarations of love. The concerned questions about lingering weakness from her bloody nose. The pulses of deep emotional warmth he sent down their magepath each night as she drifted off to sleep. The praise for the smoothness with which she was facing all these changes.
Usually the women bathed together before or after breakfast, and it was a time of laughter. KarRa grew less shy, able to get into the baths without comparing her scarred, thin self to Freezha’s lush perfect curves. She learned more about the others’ lives before the Truxet, and enjoyed their comments about what they were learning in these new lives.
The Darkmoon dance came and went, with Freezha whirling lustily among crowds of eager men, dressed in a scanty dress that threatened to lose the battle with her breasts. KarRa had watched from a balcony, spying comfortably from the shadows. So many men, moving like dark pinwheels around a speck of a bright dress. So many men for so few women.
Breakfast was with Rylan, evenmeal was with Freezha, lunch was on the plaza balcony with Cro, and their days were spent in free flowing conversation that like the first day rarely managed to stick to one aspect of society. Life was a whirlwind of amazing new ideas.
KarRa’s brain had never been so alive. In the evenings she performed her workouts in her room, then bathed and looked at the books. She loved the books. Scuffle had had several, but they had not been shared so openly. She loved their heaviness, the soft scrape of the paper, the beautifully embossed leather covers. The pictures were amazing to her, and Cro proudly shared some more her husband had drawn. KarRa did not understand how an alpha warrior managed to do such intricate and gentle art.
Later in the evenings the women would talk about their day, their hopes and fears. Small groups would cluster in the lounge, some singing, some gaming. She stopped jumping at the casual touches of Freezha and Cro. Days passed, and there was no violence in the plaza below, no shouting beyond high-spirited men and children. She began to forget her fear of hunger.
One morning at the end of her third week in the women’s caves, Cro sat down in the library for their society lessons with no books.
“Today is your brightmoon ceremony, KarRa,” Cro said softly. “Only a few more days now until you may be choosing a mate.”
“You mean, I could learn who my mate choices are?”
The woman nodded. “Possibly by tomorrow if enough choices are found. But today your spiritmage will come and test your soulair, to find your matches. A souldance. After they get a taste of you, they meditate until they find a trail that matches. Sometimes they're able to follow the trail easily and find several matches. The brightmoon ceremony is very personal, and frightening. When you first came, do you remember a mage testing you?”
KarRa had a flash of standing with her hands against a dry dusty stone wall, with a man's hot hands on her lower body, and his even hotter magic flowing between them. “Yes.”
“Well, that test is the fundamental test of fertility. The Truxet don't care about personalities, wealth, any of that.” She grimaced. “Today a mage will come and perform a souldance with you. Have you had this done?”
KarRa thought back to being wrapped in Scuffle's magic as he marked her skin. He had seemed to be inside her. “I don't know.”
“You know how to meditate?”
“Yes.”
“Well it's that, but you have to open yourself and let the mage in. He will not force his way in—that would be like rape, and painful, even deadly. It takes some women hours to forge the connection that lets a spiritmage in. After the spiritmage has a mental sense of you, he smells you, and he'll taste you—a small nick in your skin. It's intimate. I am still friends with my spiritmage. Many women continue to see them as they have a deep understanding of you from the series of souldances. They act as counselors when you need guidance or comfort outside of your mate. After the souldance you'll leave and he'll seek a match on the spirit level with your spiritair fresh in his mind.”
Cro studied KarRa curiously. “KarRa, the Truxet respect the soulmate bond as sacred. If Rylan is truly your soulmate … KarRa, he will be your mate. Yet I sense you've not been expecting that path.”
KarRa suddenly felt hot and tight as her throat tighte
ned. She let her eyes slide away. “Rylan and I chose not to cross that path long ago. I know he does not want to mate with me.” Despite the touch he lavished upon her when he visited, he had accepted the Truxet dictate that he not sleep with her in the women’s caves without argument. She thought of the bed partners Grif mentioned he had acquired already.
“It's very odd that a lost Truxet would find his soulmate and not mate with her. The act of will to keep from it would be amazing. That he thinks to give you to another … that just … isn't possible for a soulmate. It's not something a soulmate on either side would accept, that the other took a different mate.”
KarRa shook her head. “Rylan is fine with it. Indeed, it's never bothered me that he fucks others.” She didn't add, Just that he leaves me sleeping alone for them.
Cro sighed. “Well. Perhaps you are not soulmates, just incredibly bonded friends. This souldance will decide it. After a day, your spiritmage will tell you how many choices he found. If it is not four, as Council law requires, you will wait until the next month and the next brightmoon ceremony. The spiritmage will continue to seek mates that match your spirit each month.
“But if he does find four choices, you will be escorted to a ceremony room, like the one where you saw Rylan take his first Change—yes? You don’t have to do anything but listen and the men cannot touch you. Each of the men will introduce himself. He will tell you a short bit about himself. You've told me you can prove relationships? Can you do it for yourself?”
KarRa shrugged. “I've never tried.”
“Well, this would be a good time to try. After the introductions, you can ask questions, then you will choose who you'd like to spend more time with the following day. That day you spend with the men who interest you the most. It will be the most important day of your life here, your choosing day. At the end of the day you are expected to choose your mate.”
“A day?!” KarRa was shocked.
Cro sighed. “When the men find out they have a potential mate … they get a little wild. Their Beastspirits don’t really care you’re a stranger. They’ll sense your compatibility to them, and every fiber of their being will want to claim you. When more time was given … it was very violent. There were deaths. And more time to decide means more time to grow attached, because you will be drawn to all the men you meet.
“Some women go through a grieving process after they “lose” their other potential mates. Some of the rejected men have to be guided by spiritmages, or go to the wild to forget their pain in their Beastspirit. For many, this could be their only chance at gaining a family. The Truxet could just hand you to the first compatible man they find, but they respect us. We are loved within our Clan. We aren’t dogs to simply breed. This choosing is for you, but it is devastating for them. So they make it as quick as possible.”
KarRa remembered her astonishment at learning the few women here were for hundreds of unmated men. “I never thought of how they would feel, to be powerless before me…” A DAY! KarRa gnawed on her knuckles as her mind whirled. “When you choose your mate a day after meeting your choices, you will then have six days to get to know that man. At the end of the week, you will be bonded, officially mated, by three mages. This involves a souldance with your mate, and on top of the smell and taste, you will physically mate. At the point of orgasm the mages will reach out and swap pieces of your soulair, binding you together tighter than any human marriage.”
“You mean the mages are there? For the fuck?” KarRa’s mind was full of images of skinlickers fucking in the taverns to men singing all around, of how some Clan brothers kept a pleasure pet together, sharing her.
Cro looked away. She nodded once jerkily. “KarRa, there may be many others there. It is an oath. It is witnessed by the Clan Alpha, and sometimes key members of the warrior's family, especially fathers, brothers and any adult sons. Your spiritmage will of course be there. The matebond ceremony is the Truxet marriage. They don't believe in the Skyfather and Earthmother. They believe in the great spirit of Vladaya, formed of the elements. Promises without blood, magic and witnesses do not mean anything to them. Their Beasts need to claim you before their Alpha, physically and magically, to assert their connection.”
She chewed her lip. “I should have told you this much sooner, so you could get used to the idea. Some women ask to take verra wine, to make them relaxed and dull their perceptions, during both the brightmoon and the matebond ceremonies. It seems disrespectful and intrusive to some women, to have the witnesses there, but it is very powerful. The watchers are respectful and a good five paces away. They do not participate in any way. Your pallet in the middle of the room is sunken, and you don't really feel exposed.”
“By the Winds,” KarRa muttered. “You did this when you were eighteen?”
Cro sighed. “With Proteus, I was just overwhelmed. I spent even my first night in Vladaya in the Mountaincat Lair doing my best to get into his bed. I didn’t want to wait for some spiritmage to prove what we both knew.”
Cro grinned. “I thought he was magic!” Tossing her head she whinnied, “We got over that stage!”
KarRa grinned too. “I'm glad you are happy. That it worked all right for you.”
Cro became serious. “KarRa, it works for everyone. If there are unhappy bonds, it is because the wife cannot let go of her old life, or her old perceptions in this new one. The actual connection between mates forged at the matebond ceremony never falters and never fades. That is the purpose of the brightmoon souldance. It doesn't allow for mistakes in compatibility. Your mate will want your acceptance and affection, and will work for that, supporting you and easing your transition. Women debate which is better: a long period of adjustment in the women's caves, or being landed in a Clan within a few weeks. There are pros and cons to each. Most women that come to the caves are placed with a mate within their first three months. There are very few women who are returned to the human world for lack of matches.”
Cro paused and let out a deep breath. KarRa put a hand to her head. Rylan, spiritmages in her head, tasting her blood, public fucks. What would it feel like to meet strange men she was going to have children with? KarRa gave in to the pressure and laid her head on the table, her heart pounding.
Rylan said he had felt instant, complete welcome upon being introduced to his Clan. That it had been just what he had always dreamed of experiencing—a belonging, a warmth. KarRa had no expectations, only the sense of a coming burden, like when she knew she was going to take on a particularly nasty job. Still, this was the price she had agreed to pay, had been waiting to pay, ever since Merk sifted away to save Rylan. Cro laid her hand on KarRa's arm and just sat quietly until she was composed.
Sitting up, KarRa looked at the vibrant woman. “Thank you for all the help and advice you've given. When I stepped into Vladaya, I never dreamed I’d be living this well. I'm glad to know you.”
Cro's beautiful green eyes welled up with tears as she smiled back at KarRa. “You will be happy here, KarRa. The men are good.”
They turned to a scroll and were talking about the current political climate in the subcouncils when KarRa saw movement in the doorway. She always sat with her back to the corner of the room to have a clear view. There were two men in the doorway, dressed as Council mages, bare-chested, with leather skirts and armbands. One was Merk, the other a Lizzeed. Cro stood and gestured them in. KarRa stood as well, uncertain.
Both men bowed their heads to Cro and said, “Greetings, Mountaincat Domina.” The women offered their wrists and both men bent to them.
Merk turned to KarRa. “It is time for your testing, KarRa. When I found that I had been paired with you, I explained to one of my brother mages also assigned to this task these next few days that I had been the one to take your first oath, and that you might not be comfortable with me, as such a meeting is usually filled with fear. We are giving you the choice.”
KarRa looked at the other man. He was shorter than most of the warriors she'd seen, being almost her hei
ght, but thickly built. His eyes were even blacker than Merk’s. She looked at Merk, who was calmly watching. He was just as big as she remembered, a good head taller than Rylan. “I can see that it would be a comfort to have an unmet mage at my side further down this mating road, but I think I will choose you, Wolf.”
Both men bowed their heads to her and Cro, and they all filed out. The other mage nodded at Merk and turned back toward the women's caves with Cro. Merk and KarRa continued on away from them, walking for quite a ways, through halls and open areas, even past a sort of garden at one point.
Finally they came to a small circular room, the smallest cave KarRa had seen, barely two bodylengths around. It had no furniture at all, just scattered pillows, blankets, and furs. Most striking, it had a stone door that swung on a pivot like the women’s caves. Doors were rare in River Mountain. Only two small mage lights glowed by the door and the room was dim. There was also a jug of water in a niche near the floor, and KarRa accepted a cup. Merk drank three to her one and put the cups back. He sank gracefully into a cross-legged seat on the floor against the back wall.
He looked up at her. “KarRa, I will see you more clearly today than you probably even see yourself. First you must thoroughly relax your body, and then you must meditate.
“Try to create a doorway, and imagine yourself welcoming me into your house. I will not go where I am not welcome, but you must make me welcome. You must know that nothing I see here will ever be shared with anyone. Indeed, I have done so many of these journeys, that I have forgotten much of them. Think of me as a human priest.
“I do not need to be touching you, although some women feel that a physical touch makes it easier for them to concentrate on letting me in. Some choose to lay back with their head against my legs, some sit opposite me, mirroring my position. Others lie alongside my front and rest a hand on me. Do whatever feels comfortable.”
KarRa considered the room for a minute. She was surprised at how calm she was. Looking at Merk now, she was shocked at her lack of rebellion. She was actually going to trust him. To let this strange man see her soul. Feeling as if she was moving toward a night with one of the smoothskin boys, KarRa arranged a row of wide pillows across the blankets and lay down, fussing with the one at her neck until she was comfortable. After a minute, she sat up and took off her boots, then pulled one of the fluffy blankets over her, and began to force her body to relax. She tried to hear Merk breathing but couldn't. He had been off to her right. Her ears strained to listen, and she sent her energy out to make sure he was still in the same place.