by J. L. Weil
My fingers dug into his forearm as his arm snaked around my waist, tugging me closer. I had a flash of the reaper he was, sinewy strength and rich blue eyes. Then the ocean disappeared around us as darkness descended. I blinked and we were in my room, Zane, holding my hand as my body shuddered.
“What was that?” I asked, clinging to him while I waited for my body to catch up with my mind.
“Don’t you ever wonder how I can get to you in a snap?”
I tapped my hands on his chest. “I guess I assumed it was a reaper thing.”
His eyes were centered on my lips. “It is. I use the shadows to move from place to place.”
Could he possibly get any freaking cooler? And hot? Couldn’t forget hot. “Can I do that?”
He dipped his head, teeth grazing my jawline. “You could when our souls are resonating.”
“So, it’s a Zane thing,” I said, stretching up and kissing him.
“Definitely,” he murmured, gripping my hips and…
A movement out the window caught my eye. Parker was in the courtyard, staring up at us. My gaze was ensnared by the affliction in his tawny eyes. He disapproved.
Disentangling my arms from Zane’s, I pushed feebly at his chest. “I can’t. Parker’s watching.” I’d been dreaming about being in Zane’s arms for weeks, and here I was, right where I wanted to be. He was willing to kiss my brains to mush, and I couldn’t believe I was complaining. What is wrong with me? But I couldn’t disregard Parker’s feelings because I wanted to bask in the glory of Zane’s lips.
Zane sighed. Then he wrapped me into the darkness, into his arms, and away from the window. “Fine. Is this better?” Neither of us was ready to let the other go. The glowing aftereffects of merging our souls were still humming through my blood.
I wound my arms around his neck, unable to deny myself the simple pleasure of being in his embrace. “Much.” There was a comfort he offered I could find nowhere else.
And when his lips brushed against mine, I thought of nothing and no one else. Zander. Parker. They didn’t exist when Zane’s lips branded mine in a scorching kiss that left me aching for more.
I hated him. I wanted him. How was I supposed to turn off my emotions and go on living, knowing I was expected to marry his brother? Screw that. In this moment, I knew I couldn’t go through with it. I couldn’t do it. Even with a reaper war looming over my head, I would find another way.
“You don’t play fair,” I whispered, framing the sharp angles of his face with my hands.
A typhoon loomed in his eyes. “I’m not playing.”
I lost a few brain cells when he talked to me in that crooning voice. As his lips brushed mine, a throat cleared near the doorway, and my heart dropped. Please, don’t let it be.
Parker.
He stood with his arms crossed, scowling and glaring murderously at Zane. The sudden realization we were no longer covered under Zane’s veil of shadows doused those tingling feelings. I jumped out of Zane’s arms, guilt weaseling its way into my gut.
“I was wondering where you’ve been all day. I should have known.” The disgust was written all over his face. I’d disappointed him.
Story of my life.
“Parker. Wait.” But he wasn’t listening. He was gone, storming off down the hall. And that was all it took for my love to turn to anger.
I snapped my hostile gaze at Zane. “You did that on purpose,” I accused. “What a dick move. You know I don’t want to hurt him. Find a way to pocket your jealousy, because Parker’s important to me. That’s never going to change.”
The eyes that had been silver like the moon turned ice cold enough to freeze the blood. “What about me? I’m tired of pretending I don’t have feelings for you. That I don’t want you from the time I wake until my body shuts down. Even then, in sleep I dream of you, being with you. I thought I could stay away from you. I thought I could handle being near you. I can’t, Piper.”
Holy. Toledo.
Why couldn’t he have admitted how he truly felt all along? It would have saved us both from all those restless nights. I’d given myself ulcers thinking about what I was going to do, but hearing him say all of that, I knew without a doubt what I wanted. Torn between throwing my arms around Zane and going after Parker, I stood in the middle of my room. “I know how hard this is, but you didn’t have to hurt Parker in the process,” I berated.
“Did you ever think I didn’t do it on purpose?” he challenged.
Oh man. Here we go. If Zane and I weren’t tearing each other’s clothes off, we were arguing. “Are you telling me you weren’t pulling some caveman move, claiming me as yours and making sure Parker got the message loud and clear?”
“You think you’ve got me all figured out. Maybe I lose a bit of control when I’m with you,” he said, voice strained.
Dead air. I was rendered speechless. Zane was the epitome of control.
He gave me a cool, measured look. “Don’t expect me to be here when you get back.”
Fine by me. Hair spinning in the air, I turned around and gave him the finger. I stepped into the hall, needing to find Parker. I caught him trotting down the winding stairs. “Parker!” I yelled. It was obvious he heard me. The whole house heard me, but he didn’t flinch. “I know what you’re thinking, but I can explain if you just give me a minute.”
“Maybe I don’t want to listen to another one of your excuses,” he shouted over his shoulder.
I wasn’t deterred. “We both know you can’t stay mad at me for more than five minutes.”
He spun around when he reached the bottom landing. “I don’t even know who you are anymore. The Piper I know wouldn’t have her tongue shoved down another guy’s throat while engaged.”
I was teetering on the last step, standing toe to toe. “I told you it was more complicated than that.”
“Still doesn’t change the facts. I saw you. Kissing him.”
“What are you doing out of bed?”
“Don’t change the subject.”
Jealousy seemed to be the theme for today, but I couldn’t blame either of them. This was entirely my fault. I’d only wanted to keep from hurting him, but that was exactly what I ended up doing. “Parker, that’s—”
He interrupted me by holding up his hand. “What makes this worse, is knowing I never stood a chance.”
“That’s not true.” I didn’t know how to explain my relationship with Zane. There wasn’t supposed to be anything between us, considering, but the heart wants what the heart wants. And mine wanted my best friend and Zane to get along. Something told me that wasn’t going to happen.
“What is it like then, Pipes?”
“I didn’t plan for this. I didn’t know you were coming. And I didn’t plan to fall in love.”
Crestfallen, Parker said, “You love him?”
I wanted to find the nearest wall and bang my head against it until I knocked some sense into myself. I opened my mouth and then shut it. Holy crap. Did I love Zane?
Oh. My. God. I loved him. I was in love with him.
It was one thing to know our souls connected on an unearthly level, but somewhere along the way, my feelings got tangled up. “I guess I do love him.”
“Why do you sound so surprised? Don’t tell me you hadn’t figured it out yet.”
And that was when the tingles started. Zane was listening, concealed in the shadows. Ugh. Can’t a girl get any privacy? I guessed when you had multiple relationships going, there was no such thing as privacy.
I’d deal with the eavesdropper later. “Despite how it seems, I haven’t been ready to admit it, not even to myself.”
His face soured. “Sorry if I’m not jumping up and down to congratulate you. I can’t believe you can’t see how wrong he is for you. He’s turning you into someone you’re not.”
“A reaper? Newsflash. I am a reaper.”
“That’s not what I meant, and you know it.”
Neither of us were going to get anywhere at this rate. �
�I think we need a moment to cool off before we both say something we’ll regret. I’m going to grab a drink.”
“Whatever,” Parker huffed.
Just fabulous.
I rounded the corner of the staircase, heading to the back of the house. As I passed the second turn, Zane appeared in front of me, an icy glint in his eyes. I gasped, and as I opened my mouth to give him a verbal lashing, his lips found mine, stealing my breath away. And before I could tell myself to not sink, I was melting into him.
“Tell me,” he whispered against my mouth. “I want to hear the words from your lips.”
Captured in his deep gaze, I was filled with so much emotion. It diffused my anger and left my body purring. I knew what he was asking from me, but my throat had closed off.
His hand caressed my lower lip. “I need to hear you say it, Piper.”
Ten minutes ago he’d been berating me for wanting to be with him, and now he wanted me to confess a feeling I barely had time to process.
I swallowed, knowing I would never deny him. He had me hypnotized. Tipping back my head, I stared into his eyes. “I love you.” There. I said it. Exhaling in relief, I felt vulnerable.
His forehead lay against mine as he closed his eyes, his arms tightening around me. “I didn’t know it was possible.”
I savored the taste of his cool breath. “What?”
“For you to feel half of what I feel for you.”
Did he? Was he? “You love me?” I didn’t know what I expected. I think I was so used to him pushing me away. A glow bloomed inside me as warm as gold.
His lips twitched. “We’re not talking about me. We’re talking about you.”
Looping my arms around his neck, I shook my head. “No way I’m letting you off that easily. It’s only fair.”
He frowned. “Parker was right, you know.”
“How do you figure?” I asked.
“You and me being together is toxic. I see that now. If you were anyone other the White Raven, you’d already be mine.”
“But I am,” I finished.
“You are.”
“Before you say anything else, I need you to know I’m not marrying Zander. I can’t.”
“Precisely why this can’t work. Our love can’t be what starts a war. You’re just learning the inner workings of death and the power that comes with it. Every day things grow more disorderly. The hallows multiply faster than we can abolish them. It’s not getting easier, and these games we’re playing with each other are only making it harder. I need to remove myself from the equation.”
Something awful unfurled in my stomach. “You can’t be serious. What about ‘love conquers all’ and that bullshit?”
His lips drew into a straight line. “It’s because I love you that I have to leave.”
Panic erupted. The idea of not having Zane sent me into a tizzy. “You’re unbelievable.” I wanted to slap some common sense into him. Actually, I just wanted to slap him. Flattening my palms on his chest, I pushed. “Go. Leave then.” Even as the words were leaving my mouth, I knew it was the last thing I wanted.
Regret seeped into his eyes. “Piper—”
I wasn’t having any of it. This was his choice. Anger whipped through me, overshadowing the deep ache in my chest. “I don’t need your pity or your protection. I don’t need you—”
He was gone before I finished my sentence. I turned around, hoping, but he was nowhere to be found. Zane had left. And this time, I had a feeling it was for good. He was leaving Raven Hallow. Leaving me.
The pang in my chest started to spread and tears filled my eyes as I took a step down the long hallway. I’d finally realized the depths of what I felt for him and got the courage to tell him. What did he do? He ran away. A dark, depression descended and the light inside me extinguished.
Chapter 20
I poked around in the kitchen like a zombie, rummaging in the cabinets and then in the fridge, each time forgetting what I was looking for. There was this hole in my chest and a weird throbbing in my head.
And it was all Zane’s fault. No one called more truly to my soul. No one could hurt me more.
The back of my eyes ached as if another round of tears would fall. My whole life felt out of sorts. Jumbled. A mess. Before, I’d had purpose.
No longer hungry, I left the kitchen and kept going. Right out the front door, out the gate, and down to the beach. I wandered aimlessly, no destination in mind, but needing the fresh air. The truth was hard to face. I didn’t want to believe he could up and leave so easily, not when inside I was torn apart. How could he claim to feel more for me? It wasn’t possible, because the clog of emotions seemed to get heavier and more intense the longer he was gone.
There was no escaping it.
No matter how far I traveled, the ache was ever present in my heart.
As I walked along the postcard island, down by the harbor, a pair of crows circled my head. Every so often I glanced over my shoulder half expecting Zane to appear and scold me. Each time I was sadly disappointed. He was nowhere to be found.
The little shops were tidy and prim, their colors faded by the sun and sea, but only adding charm. Cobblestone and wood lined the streets, curving down to the docks. If I didn’t know better, I would think Raven Hallow was the perfect little town. White picket fence. Dogs barking. Kids riding their bikes down the boardwalk.
But I did know better, shattering the picture perfect image.
Zane was really gone.
I sensed it deep inside me. That shimmery light in my heart was fading.
The sun was setting over the horizon, casting oranges and pinks over the water by the time I started back down the beach. I dug my feet into the sand, staring at the waves cresting and falling. If I ever needed my mom, now was the time.
Could I summon her as I had before?
Cool evening air caressed my skin as I waited. I called her name over and over again, wishing on every star in the sky to see her face. The sand began to chill my feet, but I didn’t mind. My concentration wasn’t on my body temperature, but why she wasn’t answering me.
I knew I had it in me. I’d done it before…accidentally. You would think by now it would come easier. I was tired of stumbling my way through this reaper stuff. Only a month left of summer and with it came the expectation of my marriage.
A white mist hovered slightly over the water lit by the moon, teasing between the dark summer leaves. Sounds of the wind, the sea, and the rocks, were a soothing lullaby against the primitive island. It almost seemed normal to see a ghost or the Headless Horseman.
I was about ready to give up on her when, the mist slowly began to take a shape. It rose about the water, moving toward me in a billow. I held my breath, waiting.
She looked impossibly beautiful, the gold of her hair silvered in starlight, and her skin shimmered milky under the moon’s glow. When her gaze met mine across the water, a power so intense burned in my blood. For a moment, I swore the whole of her sparkled.
“Mom.” I sighed. “I was beginning to think you wouldn’t come.”
“Traveling in the afterlife is very different than on Earth. But I am here, for the moment.” Her eyes sharpened. “What is wrong?”
I didn’t know where to start, but then I began to ramble. Random stuff came out of my mouth, and I couldn’t stop it. “Parker showed up. Can you believe that? Just when I thought everyone was safe. Then, he goes and gets himself killed. Thank God Rose showed up, and I miraculously was able to restore his soul. It was mind blowing. I can’t believe I have the power to do that. Me. Of course just when things seem to be going my way, it all blows back in my face. Zane and Parker hate each other. And then, I finally get the nerve to tell Zane I love him and the jerk leaves.”
Tenderness crept over her eyes as she floated down beside me on the beach. “Take a breath.”
I did as she instructed, feeling like I’d run a marathon. “I don’t think I can do this. Not without him.”
“Oh, Piper, I kn
ow it must feel like your world is ending, and it would be foolish of me to dismiss what you’re feeling. Love can be glorious and dazzling. But it can also hurt like a bitch, more so for you and Zane. The affinity of your souls ties Zane to you, and the love you both share only tightens that connection of your souls.”
The tears were threatening to come back. “How could he leave then?”
Mom smiled sadly. “I don’t know. It could be the feelings he has for you have shaken him up—scare him.”
“That doesn’t make sense. Zane isn’t afraid of anything.”
“Except maybe losing you?” she offered.
My fingers spread into the sand, letting the granules slip through. “Well, he has a shitty way of showing it.”
“He’s a guy. It takes them longer to catch up,” she said, a twist to her lips.
Mom had a way of putting things into perspective. “The thing is, I’m short on time.”
“Give him a little bit of space. My bet is he’ll come back.”
I wasn’t so sure.
“In the meantime,” she continued, “remember who you are. What you need to do.”
“Zane says the hallows are getting out of control, that their numbers are increasing.” I looked to her for affirmation.
She nodded. “He’s right.”
“What am I supposed to do about it?” Frustration and fear seeped into my voice. Our mother-daughter talk wasn’t only about boys; it was about something bigger than my broken heart.
Her fingers brushed over my hair as lightly as the mist drifting on the surface of the sea. “You’re asking the wrong Raven. That is a question more suited for your grandma. I do know it’s a problem you can’t ignore. Reapers are dwindling, and unfortunately they’re the only beings able to deal with the hallows.”
That got me thinking. “Are you a hallow?”
She smiled. “No. It’s part of your ability. Because a piece of me lives in you, you’re able to summon your predecessors.”
“All of them?”
“Weird, huh?”
To say the least. “That’s kind of…creepy.”