“I gave you the knife.”
Night Walker told them both to stop, then sat down. He looked at Lew. “Running Rabbit will teach you the proper ways of aggression. But you must learn how to hear him. Sit.” He pointed for Lew to sit down.
There was something about Night Walker that Lew couldn’t read, about each of them actually. And he had always prided himself for being able to read people. “Like hearing the water and trees and little animals,” Lew mocked, purposely looking at Strong Elk, as if to anger him, now, too.
Night Walker laughed. “You cannot anger Strong Elk. He is like the water. Your words are far down stream even before they are said.
Strong Elk smiled.
“Wolf,” Night Walker said, “your words have yet to have meaning. The white man’s game is not played here. Let go of it. It will only make things difficult for you.”
“I don’t play games,” Lew said.
Leela removed the bread and boiling soup and began to ration it out. “You have cleaned your body only,” she said. “Your mouth is still dirty. There is thick mud inside you.”
Before Lew could respond, Night Walker stopped him. “You will listen now.”
Lew shut up, but let the noise of himself rise and fall inside him, thinking so loudly what he would say that he heard little of what was being said to him. Before he was through eating, when everyone was quiet, he heard a faint chanting in the distance. “What’s that?” he said automatically.
Night Walker turned his ear to the sound. “Running Wolf. We must hurry to prepare you.”
Leela ran to her hogan and Strong Elk ran to the woods.
“Come with me,” Night Walker said, and Lew followed him to his own hogan where Night Walker shoved Lew’s suitcase aside. He sat cross-legged and told Lew to do the same. Running Rabbit was behind them and sat also. When Strong Elk returned, he had wood for a fire, some of it green, Lew noticed.
While Strong Elk built a fire, Night Walker left, then returned with a long-stemmed pipe. “I must call Wakan,” he said.
CHAPTER 5
LEW HAD DIFFICULTY BREATHING in the thick smoke that filled his hogan. The burning green wood smelled sweet, and the bark strips used as tobacco for the pipe tasted unusual. He wasn’t sure whether his lightheadedness came from the fire smoke or the tobacco smoke, but his ears became more sensitive to Night Walker’s chants as he drifted off. At one point during the ritual, Night Walker and Strong Elk each placed their hands on his shoulders. They did the same to Running Rabbit, who did likewise to them. Lew copied their movements and felt the strength in their bodies, the resonance of their chanting. What seemed like minutes one moment felt like hours the next. Time seemed to have no bearing on what they were doing, yet time did pass as Lew moved in and out of clear-headedness.
Darkness began to fall outside. Lew’s dreams became animated and vivid, although he was not asleep. His legs numbed and then disappeared from his thoughts as though he no longer needed them. His eyes closed and then opened at just the right moment for him to receive the pipe, move his hands like the others, in slow circles in front of him, take hold of their shoulders, or accept a cloth from Leela, who had not really been there. He placed his hand into the fire to retrieve ashes, but experienced no pain, no heat at all.
As Night Walker’s chanting rose in volume, Lew opened his eyes slowly. Through the flap of the hogan came Running Wolf, also chanting loudly. When Lew focused back on Night Walker, he was no longer chanting. Lew could not identify the exact moment the chant had been passed from one mouth to the other, exactly when it had switched channellers. It was as though the chant was a separate thing and could come through whichever person it wished. Soon after Running Wolf’s appearance, the chant stopped. Silence like none Lew had ever known before settled inside the hogan.
The smoke had cleared and Lew sat holding a vest made of deer hide. Symbols had been worked into the hide with brightly colored thread, bones and beads. He stared at it, wondering what it meant.
Running Wolf mumbled a few unintelligible words and everyone left the hogan except him and Lew. Running Wolf exited shortly thereafter saying nothing to Lew who sat quietly alone.
As his senses returned, tears started to run down his cheeks. Lew didn’t know how long he sat there crying, but eventually, when he realized the others were not returning, he laid out his bedroll and tried to sleep. It was very hot inside the hogan that night. He was restless and slept little.
Before sunrise, Leela stepped inside the hogan and kneeled beside him.
Lew opened his eyes to see Leela leaning near his face.
“It is time,” she said.
Lew took a deep breath. He felt giddy and nervous from lack of sleep; his body tingled and his heart raced in spite of his fatigue. “What happened last night?”
“Your journey was made sacred.”
Lew accepted her answer and closed his eyes again, seeking only more sleep.
She shoved him. “Wake up and put this on.” She proffered the vest.
Lew sat up and twisted his back and neck to get the kinks out.
“You have been prepared,” Leela said as she reached inside a leather pack, pulling out bread and dried meat. “You must eat now.” She had water also. “Dress first.”
“Why now?”
“Because you will leave soon.”
Lew reached for his T-shirt.
Leela stopped him. “Just the vest,” she said. “But it gets cold at night.” Lew spoke the words even as he obeyed her instructions. He was surprised how soft the inside of the hide vest felt against his skin. He reached for his jeans and Leela turned her head as he slipped from the bedroll and pulled them on.
As Lew ate, Leela spoke: “Listen closely. I will teach you about the Earth.”
“What about it?”
“It can bring you warmth or cold. It can feed you if you need food. But you must ask, ask with your being, your spirit, or it will not answer. As you go with Running Wolf, listen, smell, touch and remember all. Call on your memories. Have you ever fasted?”
“No. Why would I?”
“Conserve your energy. Become quiet.” She touched his chest. “In here.”
Lew nodded and bit into his bread.
“Take this stone, it draws water from your body. Place it on your tongue.”
Lew put the smooth stone she held out into his pocket. “I’ve heard of that.”
As she spoke, Lew began to prepare himself mentally. Leela was deadly serious, as was the ceremony of the night before. A great fear rose within him.
Leela took Lew’s hand to secure his unwavering attention. “Whatever you do,” she said, “do it exactly as Running Wolf suggests or much wrong may befall you.”
Lew stared into her eyes. He could feel her compassion and concern through her hands. He felt his face flush with emotion, but didn’t know where it came from.
“You are ready,” she said. “Come with me.”
Outside waited Running Wolf. Night Walker, Strong Elk and Running Rabbit stood around him. There was no campfire and the darkness of the woods fell over them like wings of a great crow, black and opaque.
Lew, afraid in such darkness, drew no comfort from the presence of the Indians. The memory of how Running Rabbit looked when his face was close to Lew’s made him feel even more fearful. Leela had not given him a weapon.
“Let it begin then,” Running Wolf said. He turned and walked into the woods.
Before Lew could set pace behind him, Night Walker touched his shoulder. “Call on us.”
Lew ignored his gaze, but remembered his words as he jogged to catch up to Running Wolf. The woods were dark, but Lew’s eyes adjusted quickly and he could see Running Wolf at all times. He looked around continually, jerking his head to search out every sound.
Lew had no problems keeping up with Running Wolf. Yet, with each backward-flinging branch or quick change in direction, Lew’s anger increased. He resented having to follow without being told where they were or w
hat they were doing. He dropped further behind, to allow the branches to settle before moving them aside himself, but his anger remained, smoldering. The walk seemed mindless, and nothing annoyed Lew more than mindless work. That’s why you hire secretaries, he thought.
Engrossed in mumbling to himself, and watching his feet so he didn’t stumble, he looked up to discover the Indian was no longer in front of him! Panic set in; he listened closely. Running Wolf had taken a turn and was moving to Lew’s right. He had also increased his pace.
Lew jogged to catch up, stumbling and falling to his knees at one point. “Fucking shit,” he said, cursing the woods, the exposed root he tripped over, the air, the sun, Running Wolf—the whole ordeal and all its components.
He remembered the woods around his hunting cabin. He, Gary, and Joe had been there so often that he knew those woods well, knew when they’d open into a field, where the old farms stood, where the road was. But there was no such familiarity following Running Wolf. He looked beyond the Indian and noticed a patch of blue sky between the trees. There was a clearing up ahead.
He remembered Leela’s words, to listen, smell, and touch—to remember it all. He sniffed the air as a breeze rustled the leaves, and smelled water. He stopped for a moment and through the background noise of Running Wolf ’s walking, birds chirping, and wind whispering through the trees Lew heard the muffled roar of tumbling water: a rapids. He ran to catch up, proud of his new awareness.
They broke out of the woods, and a stream lay before them. Running Wolf scrambled down an embankment to a twenty-foot wide beach and stopped short. Lew climbed down beside him. The water was clear and deep, and deceptively calm. Widest at this point, Lew saw that the watercourse broke over the edge of a cliff to their left. The sound told him of the immense quantity of water falling into a waterfall there. Its power awed him. “Where to, boss?” he said to Running Wolf, assuming they had come upon the water accidentally, for Lew saw no way of crossing. Perhaps they were going to walk along the river and not cross it at all.
On the other side, a treeless patch of ground lay about three or four feet above the water. It extended from the edge about a hundred yards, giving way to a steep rise where the forest once again took hold. Behind him—he had not noticed exactly how pronounced—there was also a rise in the terrain. He guessed that when the river flooded it occupied this additional land as part of its riverbed.
Running Wolf ignored Lew’s question and headed for the edge of a cliff that overlooked the falls. Lew hung back from the edge, afraid he might slip. The moist wind from the flowing water picked up dramatically as they approached. Lew slowed his pace and watched as Running Wolf continued at the same pace he used in the woods. When Running Wolf neared the ledge, but did not appear to slow down, Lew yelled for him to stop.
Running Wolf turned to look over his shoulder, flashed a grin and jumped over the side.
Lew sucked in the rushing wind and loud noise of the waterfall, afraid of being left alone, but his fear was short-lived. Running Wolf had turned as he jumped, and stood on a wide ledge waiting for Lew. His head and shoulders were visible above the edge, his hands holding onto the rock there.
Lew spit and swore under his breath. He approached Running Wolf, and the overpowering roar of falling water, tentatively. The ledge Running Wolf stood on was about five feet wide, but that didn’t alleviate Lew’s awe. The falls sprayed against rock as it fell to a green pool several hundred feet below. Lew dropped to his knees and climbed over the edge carefully. He yelled, “Do we have to do this?” He saw the route they were about to travel behind the falls.
Running Wolf motioned for Lew to follow and began a slow progression downward, farther into the falls. The rocks under his feet grew slippery, and Lew held tightly to the back wall of the pathway. Water sprayed back onto them. Lew imagined that if he reached out into the sheet of water falling just a few feet away, he’d be pulled off the ledge in an instant and dragged over innumerable rocks to the green pool of water he had seen at the bottom. The falling water was quieter where he now stood, much more inviting. A fearful urge to reach out thrilled him; just before exiting the falls on the far side, he tried it. Running Wolf slapped Lew’s hand back aggressively and jerked his head to order Lew to follow.
After climbing back to riverbed level, wet from the back-spray, they reentered the woods. Lew ran to catch up with Running Wolf and came up beside him. Lew grabbed his arm to stop him. “Why’d you slap my hand back there?” Lew asked.
“Fear can drive a man to jump or not jump. When fear is the ruler of the body, it is dangerous.”
Lew gritted his teeth and waited for words to come to mind. He breathed hard, his feet hurt. He knew he owed Running Wolf as much thanks as anything, but couldn’t bring himself to vocalize it. Only anger at being slapped filled him. “It’s my business what I do!”
Running Wolf pulled away and began to walk again.
“And can’t we wait just a little while? My feet are killing me already.”
Running Wolf turned. “It is your anger that hurts your body. Let go of it and you will run barefoot into these woods.”
“You don’t,” Lew retorted, pointing at Running Wolf ’s moccasins.
“I could.”
There was no respite, and soon Lew began to feel the familiar sensation of blisters forming on his feet. He stopped for a moment to hold onto a tree trunk and lift his foot. He contemplated removing his cross-trainers to rub his feet, hoping to magically relieve the pain, but Running Wolf gained distance too quickly. Lew punched the tree in frustration and tore skin from his knuckles. Angry with himself, he kicked the tree and stubbed his big toe. He jumped back and fell onto his back. In a quick rush of pure emotion, he placed his hands over his eyes and cried out.
“Release your anger.” Running Wolf must have circled around, for he stood beside Lew.
“How’d you get back here so fast?”
Running Wolf said nothing.
Lew felt embarrassed sitting on the forest floor. “I’m hungry. I’m tired. What are you trying to do, kill me?”
“You already tried to do that.”
“Back at the waterfall.”
Running Wolf nodded. “Three hours and we stop.” He turned to go.
“How?” Lew yelled.
Running Wolf stopped and waited for a moment.
“How do I release my anger?” Lew said.
“Many ways. You tried by hitting and kicking at that tree.” Running Wolf pointed. “That did not work. Try screaming. Try telling it to go. Ask your spirit guide.” Again, Running Wolf began to walk, this time more slowly.
Lew got up and limped for a little while, then yelled “Fuck!” really loud, then “God dammit! Son-of-a-bitch!” He continued swearing, his words echoing through the woods. He forgot his pain and caught up to Running Wolf.
In a few hours, they made camp in the woods. Lew was afraid of how dark it might get, so he gathered a lot of wood to keep the fire lit.
Running Wolf had collected leaves and taken a small bowl from his pack. He crushed the leaves into a tea and poured water into a tin cup.
“What all do you have in that pack? I’m pretty hungry.”
“Drink this when it gets hot,” Running Wolf said. “I’ll get food.” He got up and left camp.
Lew worried that Running Wolf might not return, but asked it to go away and it did. Surprised at himself, Lew smiled. Maybe the next time he’d try that with his pain.
Running Wolf returned with a skinned and gutted squirrel. He pushed a twig through it and rested the two ends of the twig on rocks, suspending the carcass over the middle of the fire.
Lew had removed his shoes and rubbed his feet. They throbbed, but less than before.
“You did well with your anger, today,” Running Wolf said, reaching for the empty teacup.
“I was loud, but I forgot all about the pain. It did make me aware of my hunger though.”
“And how is your hunger now?”
Le
w focused for a moment. “I don’t know,” his face twisted quizzically. “I’m not really feeling very hungry, but, well, I know I need to eat something.” He felt his pockets then, and remembered the little bit of food he’d saved from morning. Pulling it out, he said, “Hey, I forgot about this.”
“Throw it away.”
“What?”
Running Wolf placed a second cup of tea into the coals at the edge of the fire. “You fast.”
“Not a chance, buddy.”
Running Wolf shrugged. Lew felt as though he’d won at least this one battle.
“Then we’ll stay extra days until you do.”
Lew looked over as Running Wolf turned the squirrel over the fire. “Look, no matter what your philosophy tells you, I didn’t ask for this.” Lew held a strip of jerky near his mouth, like a child teasing.
“The spirits say you did.”
“Well, they’re full of shit, then.”
Running Wolf laughed. “Some spirits may be.”
“Then let me go home.” It was almost a plea.
“No. You stay until you’re finished.”
“Don’t you think I’d know when I’m finished?” Lew lowered the jerky.
“You know nothing when you do not know who you are.”
“I’m Llewellyn Smith,” Lew said, mockingly, under his breath.
Running Wolf stood, towering above Lew, “You are Wolf,” he said.
The way Lew heard the name was different than ever before in his life. Suddenly it wasn’t what he had always thought it was. “How do you mean that?” he asked.
“What do you think?”
Lew’s anger began to rise. “I didn’t ask for games,” he said.
“Can you control your anger, or does your anger control you?”
“What are you trying to say?”
“You play games with yourself,” Running Wolf said.
Lew gritted his teeth. The tea boiled.
Running Wolf pointed and told Lew to drink the tea. “It is your only food now for a few days.”
Lew brought the jerky back to his mouth, but stopped when it met his lips. His eyes raged, looking up into Running Wolf ’s calmer eyes. For both their benefits, Lew said out loud, “Anger, go away,” then threw the jerky aside.
Terry Persun's Magical Realism Collection Page 31