by Janene Wood
Kate looked away, reluctant to admit he spoke the truth. Reluctant to admit he knew her that well. Yes, she was intensely attracted to Roger, but part of what she had wanted from their encounters was for some of his humanity to rub off on her, for him to fill the deep, empty spaces inside and help heal her damaged soul. Would she have regretted it afterward? Maybe. Would it have worked? She would never know, now. How the hell had Tayo ever figured any of this stuff out? Evidently, he had hidden depths.
The heat had gone out of her, like a campfire doused with a bucket of water. “What if I'm no longer capable of love?” she asked timidly. “What if I feel like this forever...like my heart has shriveled up and died?”
“Your heart's just numb, Kate, not dead. It's your mind's way of protecting you. It's only temporary, I promise.”
“I hope to God you right, but I won't hold my breath.”
She took a deep, shuddering breath, determinedly shifting gears and putting their argument behind her – even though he still hadn't apologised. In a lighter tone of voice, she remarked offhandedly, “In the meantime, I still have to punish you. I can't let you get away with doing stuff like that, no matter how noble your intentions. Next time, talk to me first.”
“I'll talk to you,” he conceded, “but if you don't listen, I reserve the right to go ahead and do whatever I have to do.”
“Well, that's better than nothing, I suppose,” she acceded with good grace, knowing he would never agree to anything more. “Now for your punishment,” said Kate mischievously, a sly grin making her look unusually devious.
“This'll be interesting,” smirked Tayo.
Kate could tell he wasn't the least concerned that she could think up and carry out a punishment that would actually inconvenience him. Ha! Little did he know.
“You're going to be Marjie Carter's personal chauffeur for the next week,” she announced smugly. “You're going to drive her to and from school every day and take her anywhere else she wants to go, for an entire week. Hopefully that will make you think twice before interfering in my life next time.”
Tayo's expression was utterly crestfallen. He opened his mouth to protest, but closed it again without speaking. He had underestimated her capacity for petty revenge. It never occurred to him to refuse. The next seven days were going to be hell.
The Lady Vanishes
October 1969
Laughing excitedly, Kate and Larissa ran the gauntlet of the schoolyard, flying around the corner into the girls’ toilets. “Shhh,” admonished Kate, though she was still bubbling over with laughter herself. “Keep it down or someone will hear.”
“Loosen up, McDermott. You worry too much,” chided Larissa, dismissing Kate’s fears.
They quickly changed out of their school uniforms, stuffing them deep into bottom of their bags. Kate pulled on a silky blue top with spaghetti straps and a pair of loose fitting jeans that used to be snug but now needed a belt to hold them up. She had regained some of the weight she lost during those first few months after the accident, but was still stick thin. If she didn't look too closely at the mirror though, she could pretend she was as curvaceous as 'Rissa. Denial was a crucial part of her daily routine these days.
“Ready?” asked Larissa, pulling a brush through her long, thick auburn hair. It really was her best feature, observed Kate, almost making up for her ghostly complexion and freckled skin. Larissa had changed into a black mini-skirt and a green strapless blouse and looked much older than her sixteen years. “Don't worry about makeup, we'll do it on the bus,” she added, hoisting her backpack over one shoulder.
“Okay, let’s go,” said Kate.
Last period was only half over, so they had to take a circuitous route to the front gate to avoid being caught out of class. It was a 10 minute walk into town but they had half an hour till their bus was due to depart. Plenty of time.
Coming to an abrupt halt outside the chemist shop in town, Larissa announced, “I've run out of mascara. I’m going to duck in and get a new one before the bus comes.” When Kate didn't say anything, she added, “You coming?”
Kate shook her head. “No, I’ll wait out here.”
“Come on, Kate, I need you to help me choose,” wheedled Larissa.
Kate rolled her eyes. Larissa had an annoying aversion to going anywhere or doing anything by herself and Kate knew from bitter experience there was no point arguing with her. “Fine, if I bloody have to,” she acceded with ill grace.
“You bloody have to,” said Larissa smugly.
“Can I help you girls?” asked the sales assistant in an officious voice as soon as they stepped inside.
Larissa took a step closer and replied conspiratorially, “My friend here has a little problem she’s too embarrassed to talk about. Can you recommend an effective treatment for head-lice that won’t be too harsh on her hair? Her mother wants to douse her in kerosene, but I assured her there had to be a gentler option. Please help us,” begged Larissa, her eyes shining with sincerity. “We're desperate!”
Kate looked agog at Larissa, who gazed back with an innocent smile.
“Oh, dear, dear, dear,” tut-tutted the assistant, all sympathetic professionalism. “Of course I can help. We have a large range of shampoos and lotions that are much less severe than those nasty, old-fashioned remedies. Come this way, young lady,” she directed, taking charge before Kate had a chance to protest.
“Bitch,” mouthed Kate to Larissa as the woman led her away. Still smiling, Larissa sauntered across the floor to the cosmetics section.
Kate was fuming when she walked out of the shop five minutes later, a bottle of expensive nit shampoo clutched in her hand. “That’s 95 cents I’ll never see again,” she muttered angrily.
Larissa was leaning casually against the window of the shop next door. “You can afford it,” she replied unapologetically, “now that you’re a famous author and all.”
“I’m not–” protested Kate, but Larissa cut her off before Kate could set her straight. “It was for a good cause. Here,” she said, handing Kate one of two tubes of mascara she pulled out of her bra. “I got you one too, so stop your whinging.”
Kate was appalled by her friend's effrontery, but not so much that she refused the gift. The line between right and wrong had become so blurred lately, she was hesitant to pass judgment. What good had it done her, always doing the right thing? Most of her family was gone, and her best friend to boot.
“You know, I would have bought it for you if you didn’t have the money,” Kate said to ease her conscience.
“That wouldn’t have been nearly as much fun,” laughed Larissa. “Besides, I pay my own way. I don’t need your charity.”
“It’s not charity if we’re friends,” explained Kate testily.
“Being drinking buddies doesn’t necessarily make us friends, McDermott. I thought you knew that already.”
“What's wrong with you, 'Rissa? You've been acting weird all week. You know we're more than just drinking buddies.”
Larissa affected not to hear her, turning away as their bus made its way down the main street of Tully toward them. Kate shook her head and reached surreptitiously into her bag. It was going to be a long trip to Cairns; best start fortifying herself now.
Larissa's cousins, Freddie and Tom, met the girls at the bus terminal in Cairns and drove them back to their house in Tom’s old station-wagon. The yellow-painted fibro house had no garden to speak of, just grass from one end of the yard to the other, but was neat as a pin, exuding an unsophisticated but homey sort of warmth.
“Here, let me take your bag, Kate,” offered Tom as they walked up the path to the front door. It was two years since Kate had last seen Tom French, and he now towered over her by a good three inches. He obviously hadn’t shaved in a while, but it would have been a stretch to call the bum-fluff on his chin a beard. His eyes were green with golden flecks and they gazed at her with open admiration, making her stand a little straighter and wish her clothes fit a little better. Hi
s disarmingly friendly manner made it seem like they’d been friends forever.
“‘Rissa, you’ll be bunking in with Freddie. Kate, you're sleeping in my room,” he advised as they stepped onto the front verandah. Kate’s head jerked up in consternation and Tom laughed at her reaction. “Don't worry, I’m sleeping on the couch in the living room. I've got to get up early for work and this way I won't disturb anyone.”
“Mum changed the sheets before she went to work, so you won't get any nasty boy germs,” added Freddie helpfully, as Tom unlocked the front door and led the way into the empty house.
Mrs French worked as a nurse at the base hospital, Kate had learned from Larissa during one of their infrequent conversations on the trip up, and their father hadn’t been seen since he skipped town two years ago with his secretary and $50,000 of his firm's money.
Like the yard, the inside of the Tom and Freddie's house was neat and spotlessly clean. The furniture was old but well cared for, and there was plenty of family photos, mostly of Tom and Freddie when they were younger. Kate felt immediately at home and wondered if she should have told Simon the truth about where she was going this weekend. He thought she was at Ruth’s house, working on a Biology assignment. Ruth had agreed to cover for her but she wasn't happy about it.
But no, Simon would never have agreed to her going out unsupervised to see Tom's band play. At a pub. Out of town. Particularly when he learned Bulldog French was in the band. Larissa’s brother had given Simon such a hard time over throwing away his football career after Jane died that it eventually came to blows.
Things didn't improve much in the intervening years, not until Bulldog moved north to be closer to the band, allowing the entire town – not just the McDermotts – to heave a giant sigh of relief.
The band was playing tonight at the Royal Hotel and Kate had been looking forward to it all week. She was glad to be out of the Creek for a change; glad of an opportunity to put everything aside for a night and live in the moment, like any normal teenage girl.
“I have to get back to the pub for sound check,” Tom told the girls. He looked regretfully at Kate – or was that wishful thinking on her part? “But I'll be back to pick you up. There's a casserole in the oven, so eat up and be ready to go by seven, okay?”
“We'll be ready,” said Freddie eagerly.
Tom was as good as his word and it was only a little after seven when they swept through the back entrance of the Royal and into the big function room where the band’s equipment was set up on a small, elevated stage. The other three band members, including Larissa's brother, Bulldog, were hanging around the stage, beers in hand, eyeing the girls with interest, but Tom led them past without stopping for introductions. Kate and Bulldog nodded at each other. Larissa didn't even look in her brother's direction.
Tom halted at a side table, not far from the stage. “Can I get you girls a drink?”
“I'll have a lemon squash please,” said Freddie.
“Rum and coke, please,” replied Larissa, fluttering her lashes at him.
“You're underage, 'Rissa, but good try,” said Tom dryly.
Larissa was aghast. “No way! You're going to make us drink soft drink all night?”
“As soon as you turn 18, I'll shout you a real drink,” he promised.
Larissa pursed her lips in disapproval. “Fine. I'll have a coke. For the record, this really sucks.”
He turned to Kate, his expression softening. “What about you, Kate?”
“I'll have an orange juice please Tom,” replied Kate, giving him a sweet smile. Good thing she'd brought her trusty flask along, and had the forethought to pack an extra bottle of vodka in her suitcase for the trip home.
“Since when has your brother been such a frickin' goodie-two-shoes?” Larissa demanded of Freddie once Tom was out of hearing. “I swear he used to be more fun.”
“Well, he's the man of the house now,” explained her cousin primly, “and he takes his responsibilities very seriously. Mum only let me come tonight because she knew he'd watch out for me.”
“Well, I can look after myself,” muttered Larissa. “I don’t need him telling me what to do.”
Tom returned with the drinks and immediately excused himself to go to the men's room, giving Kate the opportunity she’d been hoping for. She took her flask out of her handbag, wedged it between her knees and unscrewed the lid. After taking a long sip from her glass, she lowered it beneath the table and surreptitiously topped it up with a slug of vodka. Freddie was too busy gawping at her surroundings to notice, but eagle-eyed Larissa watched her every move. With no choice but to share, she passed the flask under the table to 'Rissa.
“You’re a handy person to have around, McDermott,” murmured Larissa approvingly, handing the flask back.
“Well, enjoy the drink, because it's the last one you're getting. If you want any more you're going to have to spill your guts first. I know something's wrong, 'Rissa, and it's eating you up. Tell me what's going on. Maybe I can help.”
Larissa looked down at her tall glass of vodka and coke, clearly debating whether to trust Kate with what was on her mind. “You have to promise not to tell anyone, okay?” said 'Rissa, raising her eyes at long last. “If I find out you've told anyone – anyone! – you're dead meat.”
“Okay, okay! I get it! My lips are sealed.”
Larissa leaned forward and spoke so she couldn't be overheard. “My parents are getting a divorce. As if things weren't bad enough already! Now I'm going to be an object of pity and humiliation for the rest of my fucking life!”
Kate was shocked but tried to keep her expression neutral. “Wow. I'm so sorry, 'Rissa. You must be devastated.”
This was terrible news. There were no divorced people in Fiddlers Creek. None. It just wasn't done. In the city, sure, the number of divorced couples was growing, but up here, in the conservative boondocks of far north Queensland, it was tantamount to social suicide. And Larissa would be condemned by association. According to local etiquette, it was perfectly fine for her father to get roaring drunk and slap her mother around, and for her mother to ignore and browbeat her children so they had little or no self-esteem, but God forbid they do the sensible thing and cut their losses and make a clean start.
“Why now?” asked Kate. “Has something happened?”
Larissa became even more downcast, if that was possible. “My mum's met someone. An accountant from Innisfail. Can you fucking believe it! She wants to marry him!”
“Oh, you poor thing.” Kate leaned forward and clutched Larissa's hand. “Do you think they’ve been having an affair?”
For a moment Larissa looked like she might cry. Normally much better at hiding her emotions, it was disturbing to see her so vulnerable. “I don't know,” she whispered. “I suppose they must have been.”
“Will you have to move to Innisfail?”
'Rissa shook her head. “After the divorce, they're moving to Brisbane. Mum made it quite clear I won't be going with her. What am I supposed to do, Kate? There's no way I'm staying with my pig of a father.”
“Come with me to Sydney and get a job,” replied Kate impulsively. “You were going to leave school anyway, and Ruth said her auntie has plenty of space. It'll be fun!” It actually wasn’t a bad idea. Ruth and Larissa weren't the best of friends, but they could make it work if they were each prepared to give a little.
All three girls were sixteen, though Kate and Ruth were a year ahead at school, having skipped a year. They had both been awarded scholarships by Sydney University and were moving to the city at the end of the school year. The scholarship wasn’t enough to meet all Ruth's expenses, so she needed to find a job and save some money before classes started in March. Thanks to her books, Kate didn't have the same financial concerns, but was desperate to get out of Fiddlers Creek. There were too many memories. Slowly but surely, they were killing her.
“I don't know, Kate. Ruth...”
“Ruth will be fine when she gets to know you better.”
“You won't tell her about–”
“Of course not! I won't have to tell her anything. She'll just assume you need to get out of Fiddlers Creek, same as us.”
“I'll think about it. Don't say anything to Ruth yet, okay? No point getting her riled up for no reason.” Larissa lowered her eyes, blinking back a new wave of tears. The muscles in her arms tensed and she squeezed Kate's hand. “You're a good mate, Kate. Really, you're my only one. The only one I can count on, at least. Thanks.”
Smiling, Kate squeezed back, acknowledging how hard it had been for her friend to let her guard down so completely.
“Now all that boring stuff's out of the way, let’s get wasted!” exclaimed Larissa.
“I'll drink to that,” said Kate. They raised their glasses, bringing them together with a loud clink.
“Here's to hot boys and strong liquor, not necessarily in that order,” said Larissa cheerfully. She downed the remainder of her drink, lifted her chin determinedly, and announced, “I'm going to get us some more of these. Don't anybody go anywhere.”
Standing up, she smoothed her skirt, pushed out her chest, arranged her long, auburn hair seductively over one shoulder, and sashayed toward the bar, a sexy smile on her lips that hinted at dubious morals and a lack of inhibition. She was soon surrounded by a group of young men, all vying for the honour of chatting her up and buying her a drink.
Kate shook her head in admiration. She had balls, that's for sure.
Kate chatted to Freddie to pass the time, thinking, not for the first time, how different she was to her slightly older cousin. How weirdly normal. That's what came from having a stable home life and a mother and brother who actually cared for her. Even her father's recent abandonment hadn't made Freddie reassess her rightful place in the world. Her innocence and faith, her certainty that everything would always turn out exactly the way it was supposed to, were touchingly naive. For Kate, whose faith had been drowned for good beneath life's turbulent waters, it was reassuring.