by Melissa Hill
‘Mick . . .’ Betty grabbed at her husband as if understanding that something terrible was about to happen. ‘Do something.’
For some reason, a deep feeling of unease crept into Cara’s stomach. There was something going on here, something that she wasn’t privy to. Why was everyone behaving so strangely? She looked at Betty. ‘Mum?’
Conor frowned. ‘I’m sorry. I don’t think I quite caught that.’ His eyes searched Danielle’s face, as if he would find some sort of answer there.
‘Danielle,’ Betty pleaded. ‘No . . .’
Cara looked at her mother, who was shaking her head at Danielle, a beseeching look on her face. Mick, in turn, wore a look of concern.
‘No Mum. This is wrong.’ Danielle turned to Cara, who saw that her big sister’s eyes were shining with tears. ‘Cara, I don’t know how to tell you this . . .’
‘Tell me what?’ Suddenly Cara felt very scared.
‘Danielle? What’s going on?’ Zack asked, trying to make sense of the sudden change in family dynamic.
Danielle ignored him. She couldn’t take her eyes off Cara. ‘I—’
‘It’s OK, Danielle.’ Betty stood up and put a solid hand on her oldest daughter’s shoulder. Danielle looked close to breaking down. ‘This isn’t how I would have chosen it, and certainly not in a place like this, but—’ She looked at Danielle, who nodded softly.
‘Sweetheart, I’m sure you remember hearing that Danielle here was a bit of a tearaway when she was younger,’ she began and Cara looked at her, momentarily puzzled at the shift in topic.
Betty patted Danielle on the shoulder. ‘She was young and foolish, and when she was sixteen things got out of control.’
‘Out of control . . .’ Cara repeated, puzzled.
Conor was staring confusedly at Danielle while Cara struggled to figure out the subtext of everything. Yes, everyone knew that Danielle had been a bit of a wild child. But what had that got to do with Conor . . .?
Then suddenly, Cara understood. ‘Oh wow,’ she said, staring from Conor to Danielle. ‘You two—’ So there was history between Conor and her sister. Ancient history but it must have been serious enough at the time. When she was sixteen he would have been a good five years older than her. A relationship would have been pretty scandalous all right, particularly to her parents and in a small community like Greygates.
‘She was very young, way too young for the kind of responsibility that—’
‘Jesus Christ . . .’ Conor said, his face suddenly paling. ‘You mean . . .’
Danielle just continued to stare from him to Cara, all the while shaking her head.
‘You can’t be serious,’ Conor was saying.
‘Responsibility, what kind of responsibility?’ Cara asked, but suddenly, other details swam into focus.
Danielle and Betty’s strained relationship. Her sister’s departure from the family home when Cara was just a baby.
Suddenly it hit Cara with the force of a speeding train. Oh no – it couldn’t be – it couldn’t possibly be . . .
‘You got pregnant . . .?’ she said to Danielle hoarsely.
Her sister could only nod, her eyes shimmering with tears.
‘Yes.’ Betty confirmed. ‘She was only a girl herself, and completely immature, in no way equipped to be a mother.’
Danielle shook her head. ‘I . . .’
‘Hold on, what happened to the baby then?’ Heidi spoke up. ‘Did you give it up for adoption or—’
‘I suppose that’s one way of looking at it,’ Cara said slowly, and by the way her mother and Danielle were looking at her there was no doubt in her mind as to what had happened. The walls seemed to close in on top of her, and suddenly she couldn’t breathe.
‘I’m sorry,’ Danielle whispered tearfully. ‘I had no choice.’
‘Cara, you were loved right from the start by me and your father,’ Betty was saying. Nobody had yet said the words out loud, but then again nobody needed to. The truth was plain as day. She was Danielle’s baby.
She heard Conor emit a low curse. The tension in the room was palpable, and Shane moved closer and gently put an arm around Cara’s shoulder.
‘You became mine and your father’s,’ Betty continued. ‘You have always been mine. You are my sweet daughter. I have never thought of you any differently.’
Cara just sat there, speechless, unable to take it all in.
‘What are you all bloody talking about?’ Heidi demanded. ‘What happened to the baby?’
‘The best thing possible happened to her,’ Danielle said, finally finding her voice. She looked at Conor. ‘It was a mistake, but I never told anyone. No one, except me, knew that you were her father. Cara, I’m sorry, I am just so sorry.’
Conor had a look of sheer unadulterated anger on his face. ‘So that’s why you disappeared back then? You just upped and left without a bloody word. Not even a goodbye . . . I didn’t even deserve that! And what’s more, you don’t think I had a right to know?’
‘You and Conor . . .’ Zack was scratching his head. ‘And you’re saying that Cara is . . . your daughter?’
‘Cara, please say something,’ Danielle pleaded when Cara just sat there dumbfounded. ‘I am so sorry. I have always felt so awful, always guilty, and that’s why I left. I just messed up so much; it was always something with me. I was no good at taking care of you – most of it ended up falling to Mum. It wasn’t that I didn’t care, it was just – I didn’t know what to do, I . . .’ She looked at her mother. ‘What you said back then, that I would never have been any good at it – you were right.’
‘You were just a child yourself,’ Betty repeated gently and Cara was struck by this sudden softening in her behaviour towards her eldest daughter.
‘So one day she told me that it wasn’t fair to any of us and that we needed to make a decision,’ Danielle continued. ‘I wanted to take care of you Cara, honestly I did, but I was no good. So I moved out of home and got a place in the city. But I couldn’t take being so close to you and facing my failures every time I was around the family, not to mention feeling so guilty that Mum and Dad had to step in. So eventually, I moved abroad. And I suppose that’s why I stay away. Over the years I thought I’d succeeded in blocking it all out and just considering you my sister, but now coming here, and then seeing Conor . . . It’s just too much. I’m so sorry.’ Danielle slumped in her chair, everyone’s eyes upon her.
Betty sat next to her and patted her back in a motherly fashion that Cara had never before seen her use with her eldest daughter. ‘Didn’t I try to tell you that confession would be good for the soul? It’s OK now. No more secrets.’
And in that moment, Cara understood that the root of Betty and Danielle’s problem was that her sister (her mother?) had never revealed the father of her baby. It was the kind of thing that would have driven her mother mad; the notion that Danielle wouldn’t tell or, even worse, that she hadn’t known. And in a way, Betty was obviously comforted by the fact that while Danielle might have been a tearaway back then, at least she hadn’t been sleeping around.
But Conor . . .
Now Cara felt sick, given her recent worries about his possible feelings towards her. How much more wrong could she have been?
‘No,’ Conor said, pointing a finger at Danielle. ‘I can’t believe this! This is not OK, not OK for anyone. Danielle, you selfish— this wasn’t just all about you, you know!’
‘Conor, please—’ Danielle looked up as tears streamed down her cheeks.
‘Stop it. You can’t just do this; drop a bomb on me, on Cara, on everyone! What you just said changes everything! You think you can just confess and dump your secrets and then go on your own merry way? It doesn’t work that way, Danielle! Cara and I . . . Jesus Christ, we’re probably going to need years of therapy because of you. God, you haven’t changed, not one bloody bit. Still you go around ripping people’s hearts out, torturing people who care about you.’
Danielle cried openly and looked at Cara,
who still sat in stunned silence.
‘Cara, please say something,’ Danielle pleaded.
Where Conor was a raging storm of anger, Danielle looked devastated, worn out.
Cara shook her head. ‘I’m not sure what I am supposed to say . . .’ She turned to Conor. Her father. Her father for goodness’ sake! ‘The woman who broke your heart; the one you missed your chance with. It was Danielle, wasn’t it?’
He looked at her hesitantly, as if he was afraid he would see his own eyes staring back at him.
Then she turned to Danielle.
‘I just don’t understand. Was it that you didn’t want me?’ she asked hoarsely. ‘I’m not sure how to think of you right now and what I am supposed to feel. You all have lied. Am I supposed to call you Mum now or something?’ Her eyes swam with tears as she considered the women sitting across from her. She shoved her face into Shane’s shirt and began to sob. Conor looked at her, but didn’t move to comfort her. He appeared to be afraid to be too close to her.
Danielle shook her head violently. ‘No, no, Mum is your mother, of course she is. Please understand, I was so young. Mum knew I wasn’t capable, and she was right. The truth is I still wouldn’t be capable. I wasn’t cut out for kids. I’m not like Kim or Heidi or Mum. So I made sure you got the best possible mother.’ She looked affectionately at Betty, who had tears in her eyes. It was as if years of tension and resentment were crumbling away in the face of the truth. ‘And what’s more is after that, I never felt as if I belonged any more, with this family I mean. And Conor, I just didn’t want anyone to know. I didn’t want to change your life. I didn’t want to make you feel like you were beholden to me or something.’
‘You still could have told me,’ he said bitterly.
She nodded, acquiescing to his statement. ‘I could have and what good would that have done? Cara became their baby – it was better that way. She’s always been their baby.’ Cara looked at Betty and Mick, who were holding hands and looking deeply sorrowful.
‘That’s true pet,’ Mick told her. ‘We’ve never seen you any differently.’
‘I don’t fucking believe this,’ Conor put his head in his hands, clearly awestruck by all that had been revealed.
‘And Zack. I’m sorry, for not telling you,’ Danielle went on sadly. ‘I know it was wrong, and I don’t blame you if you want nothing to do with me.’
Zack looked at her, his eyes full of gentle compassion. ‘Stop it honey. What did I tell you before we got here?’ She looked up, meeting his gaze. The tension had been erased from her face, as if all of the stress and worry that had consumed her for years had suddenly been released. ‘I told you that it didn’t matter what had happened in your past, that I am only interested in who you are today. I love you Danielle, and I think you have punished yourself for too long. In fact, I know you have.’
He pulled her close and kissed her on the top of the head.
‘Well fan-fucking-tastic,’ said Conor sarcastically. ‘At least you get a happy ending.’
Suddenly Cara felt as though the four walls were closing in on her. ‘I have to get out of here,’ she said, panicking. Shane exchanged a look with his parents, who were staying resolutely silent.
‘Sweetheart, no you can’t,’ Betty knelt down next to her. ‘I know you’re upset but—’
‘Upset? I’ve just found out that I’ve been lied to all my life!’
‘No, please – your father and I, we love you, all of you. Cara, nothing’s changed, you are my daughter, always have been.’
Cara bit her lip, willing herself not to break down. How could she ever move on from this? How could things ever be normal again?
‘I need to think. I have to get out of here. This isn’t how it’s supposed to be.’ But where could she go? She was trapped in a room with people who, at that moment, she desperately wanted to escape from. How on earth could she have a wedding that involved all of them? Especially given the fact that she didn’t even know who they were any more.
‘Shane, get me out of here. Please.’
Chapter 35
Heidi watched as Cara, led by Shane, got up and left the group and headed towards the other side of the room. Where she expected to go, Heidi wasn’t sure. She wondered if she should go over to her and say something.
But what? She looked at her mother and Danielle sitting across from her. They had lied, and so had her father. They had lied to Cara, to Ben, to all of them. Their entire existence as a family was a lie.
Was this why Cara had always got special treatment, why she’d always been the golden girl as far her parents were concerned?
Heidi didn’t know what to think.
As if it wasn’t bad enough being stuck in this stinking dungeon; the dead, humid air was making her feel nauseated and sweaty, and she hated being confined to small spaces, especially with so many other people.
Still, she had to admit that the resort and indeed St Lucia had been miles better than expected, and she was beginning to think that Cara had the right idea after all in having her wedding in such a gorgeous location.
Until this bombshell.
Heidi was finding it difficult enough to get her head around it all, so how on earth must Cara be feeling? she wondered, in a rare moment of empathy with her older sister. Who it turns out wasn’t actually her sister but her niece.
Suddenly, Heidi’s nausea intensified, and she felt herself break out in a cold sweat.
A wave of panic engulfed her and she reached out for Paul’s hand as she felt a tightness around her middle; the baby was clearly responding to her discomfort. What felt like indigestion ploughed through her and, more frighteningly, a cramp caught her hard, as if she had just been punched in the stomach.
‘Oh God!’ she cried, doubling over, holding on tightly to her tummy.
‘Honey, are you OK?’ Paul said, moving closer to her. He put his hand on her back, leaning down, trying to meet her eyes.
‘It’s a cramp,’ she said weakly. ‘It . . . oh but God, it hurts.’
‘What can I do?’ her husband asked, caressing her back. ‘Is it passing?’
‘I think so,’ said Heidi through gritted teeth as she exhaled slowly. She counted the seconds in her head. However, at that moment another cramp tore across her midsection, catching her off guard. ‘Oh shit!’ she cried out, terrified.
She was still ten weeks from term, but according to the instructor in her antenatal class anyone could go into labour prematurely. What’s worse was that she was thousands of miles away from home, her doctor and her birth plan.
Oh God, her birth plan!
Paul looked at his wife, unsure of what to do next as she started to sweat profusely, fighting through increasing pain. ‘Could you be in labour?’
‘I don’t know Paul!’ she said, starting to cry. ‘I’ve never done this before.’
Suddenly everyone seemed to turn their attention on Heidi, temporarily diverted from the drama of Danielle’s revelation. Kim, evidently sensing that something was up with Heidi’s baby, quickly found her way to the other woman’s side.
‘Heidi?’ she said softly, leaning down to her. ‘What’s happening? What are you feeling right now?’
‘I don’t know. Cramps, it’s bad. It hurts.’ Heidi breathed out heavily. ‘Am I in labour, Kim?’ she asked, afraid to hear the answer. This was her worst nightmare. ‘It’s too early!’
‘How many weeks are you again?’ Kim inquired, keeping her voice steady.
‘Thirty,’ Heidi said, without having to pause for thought.
Kim’s face was unreadable. ‘OK. Hold on. Betty, can you get me some blankets and a pillow? I want Heidi to lie down flat and see if that helps.’
Betty obliged and Kim helped Heidi down, allowing her to rest on her back with a pillow under her knees and one at her lower back. Then she crouched down to Heidi’s level.
‘It will be OK Heidi,’ her mother encouraged, but Heidi turned away, focused only on Kim. She didn’t want to be around her mum ri
ght now; she couldn’t look at her without thinking about all that had just happened.
‘Should I see if the hotel has a doctor down here?’ Lauren asked.
Heidi looked weakly to Kim. ‘Am I going to have the baby here, Kim? On the floor? This isn’t my birth plan. I was supposed to have soothing classical music and candles – Oh Paul!’ Heidi started to sob.
‘Shh, Heidi, you are just scared, and there’s nothing to be scared about. And don’t worry about the birth plan, sometimes babies have their own plans. But first, I want you to answer some questions for me, OK? And relax. That’s really important. If you are stressed, the baby is going to be stressed.’
‘I know!’ she cried. ‘That’s what I have been trying to tell everyone this whole time, and this family of ours, they are completely bonkers—’
‘Shh, don’t worry about the family right now, don’t think about any of it. Just think about you and your baby, OK? Now close your eyes and breathe in and out, in and out.’
Kim’s tone was decidedly soothing and Heidi duly closed her eyes, and tried to stay calm as per her instructions. ‘OK. I’m thinking about the baby.’
‘When did the cramps start?’
‘Just now, just as everything was happening.’
‘OK and where did they start exactly?’
‘In my tummy Kim,’ Heidi said, resisting the urge to add a ‘duh’ at the end of the statement.
‘I know that, but where. Like lower? Or at the top of your abdomen?’ Kim’s hand ran across Heidi’s stomach, looking for information on where the pain had originated.
Heidi thought for a minute. ‘I think it was lower.’
‘OK. You didn’t feel your waters break or anything, did you?’
Heidi shook her head. ‘No, nothing yet. But I haven’t checked.’
Kim chuckled. ‘You would know if your waters broke. I needed four towels with Olivia, I thought it would never stop.’
Heidi giggled nervously. ‘No, definitely nothing like that.’
‘Have you had any cramps since moving down here, to the ground?’ Kim wiped a hand across Heidi’s brow gently. Heidi had to admit, it felt nice, especially because she felt so hot and sweaty.