Gavin winced.
“What are you talking about?” Sophie asked, looking from her to Gavin and back again.
“Oh, yes, Gavin and I saw you two down there having your sweet reunion. Guess some things don’t really die, do they?”
“I feel like maybe I should leave?” Felicity said.
No one acknowledged her.
“Honey, you’ve got it all wrong. I know you’re drunk and upset but you are also wrong,” Conor said.
“If I’m so wrong about it, how did Gavin see the same thing? And why did he suggest that we give you two a taste of your own medicine?”
Gavin looked incredulously at Colette. “Don’t you fucking dare,” he said. “I never said anything of the kind. And I wasn’t even going to tell Conor that you had.” He shook his head. “Jesus, you’re a piece of work.”
“Yes, we talked,” Sophie said and they all turned to her now. “Conor and I talked for the first time in almost a year. And it was just about agreeing on being friends—”
“Friends don’t touch each other like that,” Colette said.
“You’re seeing more in it than there was,” Sophie said. “We are just friends.”
Colette watched Sophie for a moment. “You don’t honestly think I’ll ever believe a word you say again, do you?” With that, she got up and somewhat unsteadily walked away from them and upstairs.
“Jesus,” Conor moaned and washed his hands over his face.
“Em, great party?” Felicity tried with a forced smile.
“Yeah, so glad you could be here to the bitter fucking end.”
Gavin stood up and the two women followed suit. “I don’t know what to say, Con.”
“Ah, just leave me to my misery,” Conor said with a laugh.
“We good?” Gavin asked.
“Yes, of course.”
“I never said anything—I didn’t say what she said I did, you know?”
Conor smiled weakly. “I believe you. It’s the kind of game she would play, Gav.”
“Christ, I hope it’s all worth it,” Gavin said.
Gavin and Sophie took their leave and Felicity lingered.
“Thanks for coming, I guess,” Conor told her.
“Yeah, sure. Thing is, when I said earlier that I felt like I should leave? The other part to that is my ride was Marty and Celia. So . . . maybe I can call a taxi?”
CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
“So, do you want to—”
“No.”
“Okay,” Felicity said and slunk lower in the passenger seat.
Conor had insisted on driving her home rather than let her get a taxi but he had done so in stony silence.
“The remodel came out great,” she said. “Not sure if I told you that.”
He grunted and kept his eyes on the road.
With his mood so sour, she was surprised that once they got to her house he rushed to open the car door for her. And when he walked her to the front door, she wasn’t sure what to expect so she hesitated before putting the key in the lock.
“Can I come in for a bit?” he asked.
She looked up at him and then at the brightening sky as dawn was beginning to unfurl its pastel colors. All she wanted was to crawl into bed and sleep away the morning. But she couldn’t refuse him.
“Yeah, sure.”
Once inside, it was clear that Felicity had done her own remodeling. Gone were her mother’s old-fashioned furnishings and plethora of knickknacks. The walls had been painted a neutral beige, helping to cover up the cigarette smoke that had permeated the place. An overstuffed sofa and two chairs replaced the old plastic covered furniture and created a welcoming conversation area.
“Looks good,” he said.
She took off her jacket and kicked off her heels. She had worn a black pencil skirt with a patterned but mostly sheer black top over her a silk bra. It had felt right for the party but all she wanted now was to get into sweats and relax. But first she needed to play hostess.
“It’s all for show. To help it sell. I’m really not staying here.”
He nodded and followed her into the kitchen. It was a small, closed off room with unfortunate avocado colored appliances and fluorescent lighting glaring off the worn laminate countertops. A small round table fit for two was squeezed into the corner.
“Cuppa tea?” she asked.
“No.”
She put down the kettle she had picked up in anticipation and looked at him. “What do you want, Conor?”
“I just want to stay a while,” he said quietly.
“You need to go home to Colette.”
“Not yet.”
“That’s what being a grown up is. Doing things you don’t want to but should.”
He laughed. “I don’t want to be a grown up then. I want to . . . .”
“What?”
“Fuck, I dunno,” he said, shaking his head.
“Yeah, I’m guessing you’re a little shaken up after everything with Sophie and Colette. It must be hard to be such a ladies man.”
“Oh, fuck me,” he moaned. “Maybe I should give up on all women. Think that’d solve things?”
She considered him for a moment. “What happened with Sophie tonight?”
He took a seat at the table. “Nothing. Just what she said. We hashed some things out and agreed we would be friends.”
“And what of the talk about touching?” she asked as she sat with him.
“Jesus, it was a hug. Friends can do that, can’t they? Don’t we?” He looked at her plaintively but she said nothing. “I don’t know what it looked like, okay? I mean, I suppose I held her close. I just wanted to hold her close one last time.”
Felicity’s eyes widened at this admission. “Con, that’s not—”
“It was fucking closure. And I’ll get it whatever way I please. Just because you don’t have it with your ex doesn’t mean you shouldn’t understand how it works.”
She nodded. “Time to go,” she said, standing up.
“No, I’m sorry,” he said quickly, looking up at her. “I’m sorry I said that.”
“Go now.”
He stood up. “Don’t cast me out,” he said. He reached out for her and she pushed his hands away and took three steps back to create space between them.
“I think we’ve gotten too familiar. Let’s have more of a business relationship from now on.”
“That’s what you want? After all these years?”
“That’s what I need.”
She and Conor had slipped into an intimate kind of friendship in these last weeks and she realized now that it wasn’t healthy. He was in a relationship and she was trying to heal from the end of hers, yet they both turned to each other in ways that pushed the boundaries of what was appropriate. And since he didn’t have the faintest desire, or ability, for that matter, to draw the line, she knew she had to. These thoughts unexpectedly brought tears to her eyes.
“Come here,” he said softly.
“No.”
He stepped closer to her and wrapped his arms around her tense shoulders. “Shh.” He ever so slightly rocked her from side to side until she relaxed. “I’m sorry, Fee. I don’t want to hurt you.”
She silently berated herself for succumbing to his touch. It was so much easier to let him pretend that this was okay than to be the strong one and do what was right.
“I know,” she said quietly, her eyes closed.
She released a deep sigh and then wavered on her feet.
“I’m knackered.” She didn’t hide a yawn.
“Let’s remedy that,” he said and he guided her with his arm around her shoulders to the bedroom she was using. It had been hers as a girl but had long since been stripped of any childhood identifiers.
She sat down on the bed and looked up at him. Even after being up all night and going through an emotional roller coaster, he still looked damned handsome. Was it because he was so good looking, she wondered, that she let him get away with the lines he kept cross
ing with her?
Then he crawled onto the bed with her and she let him. He held her loosely from behind, falling almost immediately asleep.
~
Felicity felt a buzzing against her leg and it incorporated its way into her dreams before she realized that she did not in reality have a swarm of bees in bed with her. She opened her eyes and saw that it was past eleven-thirty and the room was bright with sunshine. Turning over, she found Conor still sleeping next to her, his pocketed cell phone buzzing repetitively.
His face was serene and now covered lightly with beard growth. For so long he had maintained a strictly cleanly shaven look and now that she saw him a little unkempt she wondered if it wasn’t time for a change. He looked good with some scruff.
Last night had been surreal, with first the high of seeing Sophie after so long and feeling that immediate bond once again, then the drama with Colette and finally the emotionally charged and uncertainty of Conor here with her.
His phone buzzed yet again and instead of waking, he reached out and put his arm around her, pulling her into him.
“Conor,” she said softly.
“Hmm?” With eyes still closed, he moved to kiss her and she turned away. Coming up empty finally woke him. “Oh, hey,” he said sleepily.
“Oh, hey yourself,” she replied and pulled away from his arm. “Your phone’s been ringing non-stop.”
He rolled onto his back and stretched.
“Aren’t you going to answer it?”
“Not just yet. I’ve got to figure out how to explain myself first.”
She laughed. “How do you explain yourself, then?”
“Haven’t you caught on yet, honey?” he asked. “I haven’t the first clue.”
“You are a bit of a child, yet, aren’t you?”
“Am I?”
“Well, it’s no wonder, is it? You’ve never had a proper job or responsibilities. You ran off and became a musician with only yourself to consider.”
“Jesus, I don’t know that it’s all that bad,” he said with a laugh. “I’m sorting meself out. A bit at a time.”
“I suppose you’ll get there one of these days.” She stretched out against the pillows and stared up at the ceiling.
He turned back to his side and looked at her. Sunlight filtered through the sheer curtains and caught in her mussed up hair. Her eye makeup was sexily smudged in a way that almost looked intentional. The clothes she had slept in fell softly against her body and she was comfortable in her own skin.
“You’re gorgeous in this light,” he told her.
She smiled but didn’t look at him. “Why do you like to chat me up?”
“Do I?”
“Definitely. I don’t remember you being so flirty.”
“What am I to do after we’ve spent the night together?”
“Em, I’m not sure what you think happened last night but we definitely did not shag.”
He laughed. “Yes, I know. I’d absolutely remember that.”
Now she looked at him with a lazy smile and he mirrored it.
“You know,” he said, “this is the first time we’ve shared a bed overnight. Back in school it was just the quick and dirty.”
“Quick, indeed.”
“Quick? Is that how you remember it?” he asked and moved so he leaned over her, trapping her with his upper body.
She laughed and nodded.
“Care to give me another chance?”
“Chance at what?” Her leg was pressed between his and she could feel the erection he’d woken with heavy against her thigh. She fought against the urge to move her body beneath his to generate what she knew would be delicious stimulation.
“The chance to show you I’ve improved with age.”
“And tons of experience, no doubt,” she said wryly. She could feel her heart beating wildly as she saw the desire in his blue eyes.
“No doubt,” he agreed with a grin and leaned in even closer.
The buzzing returned then as his phone rang and Felicity turned her face away from him, the moment spoiled.
He moved away from her and pulled out his phone.
“I’m here,” he answered.
Felicity took pains to stay still as she listened to his side of the conversation. She was mortified and just wanted to sink into the bedding and disappear.
“Where are you going?” he asked and sat up. “Honey, just hold on a second. It’s not like that. Come on now.”
The abrupt change from him pressing his body suggestively against hers to now trying to sweet talk his fiancée was almost more than she could bear.
“Calm yourself. And stay right there. I’ll be home in fifteen minutes.”
Conor lowered his phone and looked at her. “Fuck, I’ve gotta run.”
She watched as he jumped out of her bed, tucked in his shirt and ran his hand through his hair. A half dozen ways to tell him off came to mind but she remained silent.
“Thanks for letting me stay,” he told her and quickly kissed her on the cheek before heading out of the bedroom.
~
After a hot shower and a lunch of a toasted cheese sandwich and tea, Felicity opened her laptop at the kitchen table with the intention of working. There was so much to do and time was slipping by too quickly. The urgency of her tasks helped keep her mind off of what had happened with Conor for several hours. But once she felt she had a handle on several pressing issues, she couldn’t help but think about him.
After he’d left her bed to run home, she’d thought about his pretense that it was Colette who played games in their relationship. It was clear to her that Conor enjoyed the games just as much. He had even confessed that his obsession with Sophie had begun with flirting and playing games to see how far he could take it. It seemed to her that she might have taken Sophie’s spot in that regard, which was exactly the position she did not want to be in. She was still reeling from dealing with her ex-husband’s immaturity and didn’t want to take on Conor’s as well.
He really did need to do some growing up. A man his age shouldn’t behave the reckless way he did. Then again, she hadn’t exactly been an angel herself. At least he had his rock stardom to blame. What was her excuse?
Richard. At this moment she felt very much like blaming him. Her ex-husband and the quick end of their marriage had shaken her trust in her own judgment. She had been attracted to his seeming stability, to his promise of steady predictability. And then it all felt like a lie.
Since that investment in what seemed like a sure thing had failed so miserably, why not flip things and be drawn to Conor, the perfect symbol of both unavailability and insecurity?
Well, because, her attraction to him was more than an immature rebound rebellion. Yes, he was problematic in many ways, but when he leveled his attention on her, he was charming, sweet, and genuinely cared about her. The fact that he was sexy as hell didn’t hurt either.
Felicity shook her head and closed her laptop in frustration. She was headed down a slippery slope if she didn’t change the dynamics of their “friendship” as soon as possible.
CHAPTER FORTY
Breaking multiple traffic laws, Conor made it home in fourteen minutes and thirty-four seconds. He raced inside the house and found Colette in the bedroom packing a suitcase.
She looked up at him as he strode in, her face fixed with anger.
Having endured plenty of episodes like this before, he knew the best way to defuse the drama was to do what she didn’t expect. He grabbed her suitcase and emptied it onto the floor before discarding it. Then he pulled her into his arms and kissed her deeply.
She played at resisting him but it was clear she had gotten what she wanted. He had come running from wherever he had been when she called. She won.
~
And at the same time, Conor knew that he had lost—both with Colette and in his friendship with Felicity.
Now, as Colette showered in their newly remodeled master suite bathroom, he lay in bed and tried to deciph
er what he was doing.
Even as he had scrambled out of Felicity’s home, he knew what a complete bastard he was being to her. One moment he had been comfortably in her bed, so tempted to revisit the sexual chemistry they had discovered together as teens, and the next he was making it clear to her that he would run as soon as Colette beckoned.
And what if Colette hadn’t called at that moment, he wondered. Would he have stopped himself from sleeping with Felicity? Would she have stopped him? He didn’t think so. The moment had felt too good. In fact, any time he was with Felicity felt good. It had to be because of their history, he rationalized as he turned onto his belly and stared out at the view of the blue waters beyond the bedroom windows. He was obviously seeking some kind of nostalgic comfort with his attraction to her when he had every reason to be happy with what he had with Colette.
With that thought he could practically hear Felicity laughing at him. She had made it clear that she had no admiration for his fiancée and didn’t see them as a good fit. Had he only ever told Felicity negative things about Colette? Was her viewpoint tainted by his complaints? Or was it jealousy?
He punched a pillow hard before pushing his face deep into its soft feathery folds and moaning. After a moment, he resumed gazing out at the mesmerizing view he had paid for dearly.
Seeing Sophie and having that talk with her surely didn’t make his thought process any clearer. He thought he could honestly say that he had let her go, knowing he had to make the conscious decision to move on if any of them were to find happiness. It was exactly as Gavin had described to him with his inspiration for the song, “I Can’t Stay Here.” He hadn’t grasped it at the time, but Gavin was clearly warning him to finally drop the torch he had been holding for Sophie as much as he was trying to say that he needed let go of his anger with Sophie and him.
All of this was fine in theory, but seeing her in person and hearing directly from her that she had been in love with him was dizzying. He knew that to think about the chance he missed in being with her was futile. He understood with his rational mind that there was no other choice than how things had come to pass, with her and Gavin reunited and Rogue intact. But his heart still ached at what could have been. Sophie was, after all, the first woman he ever loved.
Playing At Love: A Rogue Series Novel Page 19