“I cannot possibly be the only competent negotiator at this company.” I let the statement hang in the air. “Can I?”
“No, sir.”
Like a child talking to an angry father, I thought. Kevin was old enough to be my father, and he was still cowering like a whipped dog.
“Then handle it.” I cut the call and crossed my arms over my bare chest.
It had been a long night. A very long night. The decanter of bourbon was nearly empty, and I had a headache that threatened to split my skull open. I needed water.
I wanted another drink.
I leaned my forehead against the glass and looked out at the park. I should be there, running, or at the gym, either of the places I quieted the storm that rose so often in my head. The slam of my fists against a bag—or, at times, an opponent—calmed me. It kept me from snapping at Kevin, at the rest. It helped me keep my head.
This went beyond any of that. My fingers tightened and the phone slipped out to crash on the floor. I closed my eyes and let out my breath, not bothering to pick it up, and gave up on trying to turn my thoughts away from her.
Where was she? Who was she with? That roommate, the one who hated me. That jerk of an ex-boyfriend. Maybe she’d cried on Colton’s shoulder, but I doubted it; she wouldn’t ever want word to get back to me. Whatever else she was, she was proud.
And what she thought of me…
What she thought of me was exactly the image I had spent the past three years cultivating, I told myself brutally. In those three years, I had seen things I would never be able to forget, however much I wanted to. I had seen those who relished nothing more than torture, murder…rape.
In the process, I had forgotten what it meant to be a human being.
A sound behind me had me turning. The door of my room cracked open and the girl poked her head out. Her hair was washed and dried, and though she was still pale, she had managed something that looked like a smile. She couldn’t be much taller than 5’2”, and when she slipped through the door, I saw that my tee-shirt and shorts were ridiculously too large on her. She held the workout shorts up as she approached, still skittish.
“How did you sleep?” My Mandarin was rusty, but it would do.
She only nodded. She understood Mandarin, that much was clear, but she didn’t speak it well—or perhaps she didn’t want to say much. From the bruises I’d seen, that made sense to me.
“Do you want something more to eat?” I’d been able to get a little bit of water and some soup into her the night before, but not much. She’d been hesitant even to take a shower, and I wondered how long it had taken before exhaustion overcame wariness.
She nodded hesitantly. Her eyes said she was still waiting for the other shoe to drop. She looked at the blanket on couch and her shoulders hunched.
“I’m…sorry.” Her Mandarin was, indeed, heavily accented.
“No.” I shook my head at her, and then my shoulders sagged. “I’m sorry.” I hoped she understood—it was difficult for English-speakers to place emphasis in Mandarin—but then, I wasn’t entirely sure that even I understood what I was trying to say. “Eat.” I opened a box of pastries and held it out.
She gave a little grimace after her first bite, and I wondered if she’d ever had anything this sweet in her life.
My thoughts wandered to Lily, sitting in that very spot, eating breakfast after a night with me. I could see the fall of her hair, fine black strands swept over one shoulder. She swung her feet while she ate, an unconscious gesture, and when she looked at me—
“What are you thinking about?” The girl’s words were halting.
I looked up at her, frowning.
“You are sad?”
I managed a smile. “I’m thinking of a woman.”
“Ah. That is why…” She looked at the bedroom.
“No. I wasn’t going to…” I sighed, and tried to smile. “You will stay here today? I will send another man. Blond hair, about this tall. He will bring you clothes and bring you to a new place.”
She hesitated.
“He is a friend.”
“What about…the other women?”
I felt my jaw tighten and I looked away. “We’ll do what we can. I can make no promises. I am sorry.”
I turned away before I could see her face. I had spent many months telling myself that what I was doing was for the greater good, but there was a reason I had never done something like this before. Knowing these women, seeing them, complicated things in dangerous ways.
Chun-mei…
I closed my eyes briefly.
The last time I lost my objectivity, Chun-mei had paid the price.
Now I had to clear my head, and decide what to do next.
Chapter 29
Lily
“I hear you broke up with your…lover.”
“Chris.” I jerked around, my heart suddenly pounding. The classroom had cleared as I scribbled down a few final notes, and there were only one or two people left to see this.
I didn’t want to be alone with him. I shoved papers into my bag, wincing as they crumpled, and started toward the door.
“Lily…”
“What?” I didn’t look at him.
“I wouldn’t have come to talk to you, except…I heard from Bei that you’re single again.”
The familiar anger started deep in my chest. Bei, wanting to see me settle down. Bei, trying to help. Bei, meddling. It was exactly the sort of thing she’d do with all of the best intentions, except…
“Did she actually tell you that?” I looked over at him now as we descended the stairs. “Or did you listen in on her telling someone else that?”
He hesitated, and that said everything.
“What do you want?” I was in no mood for this.
“I want to be with you again.”
I snorted. Whatever Chris wanted, it could surely not be to be with me. I was the girl who was “different” after Shanghai, I was the girl whose opinions he hated, whose outfits he despaired of, who wasn’t witty or elegant or smart enough for him. I wasn’t someone Chris wanted to be with.
“I do,” he insisted. “And I know I said some awful things, Lily, but I’ll be better. I won’t yell at you like that. I’ll…whatever you want.”
“I don’t want anything from you,” I said simply, and my heart leapt at the fact that this was the truth. I didn’t want him anymore. He’d shown me that, and if nothing else, I could be grateful for him doing so. I didn’t want a single thing from him except for him to leave me alone.
“We belong together,” he said, a bit desperately.
I snorted again. “You can’t possibly think that.”
“I do!”
“Chris, you didn’t like a single thing about me.” I stopped outside the doors of the building and stared him down. “I don’t know why you want to go back to that. Every day you were telling me something that was wrong with me.”
“I’ll be better.” He gave me a lopsided smile.
It tugged at my heart, and I didn’t want it to. Chris was smart, charming…and for so long, I’d thought we would end up together. Now…
“No.” I shook my head. “I don’t think we belong together. Goodbye, Chris.”
“Wait.” His hand clamped around my arm. When I wrenched it free, he hunched his shoulders. “I’m sorry, I just…Lily, this would be the biggest mistake. You don’t want to make a mistake like this.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me.” I tried not to laugh. “Jesus, Chris. You didn’t even like me. Give it up.” I turned and walked away, waiting for him to call after me and steeling myself not to turn, not to say anything.
He didn’t shout at me to wait, or to give him another chance—but I could feel his eyes burning into my back until I turned into another building. When my phone buzzed, I pulled it out with a sigh. So he was going to text instead?
But it wasn’t him. I froze, staring at the text on the screen. Donovan.
I’m ready to tell you e
verything.
Chapter 30
Donovan
She wasn’t going to show.
It had been two hours of waiting, my heart leaping every time someone came into the building.
It was never her, though.
I lowered my head into my hands and shook. I’d lost her, and the fact that it might have been for a good cause wasn’t enough.
I’d lost her.
Chapter 31
Lily
I pushed the door of the building open and paused in the entryway. This was insane. I should turn around and leave. It was crazy. For all I knew, Donovan was waiting with a gun. He knew that I suspected him.
I should have told Moua where I was going.
I was just turning to leave when a door opened and I heard his voice.
“You came.”
There was no denying the brokenness there. I turned slowly, my eyes meeting his.
“You came,” he said again. He took a step toward me and stopped.
“I don’t know why,” I admitted.
There was the ghost of a smile on his gorgeous mouth. “I don’t, either. Lord knows…” He rubbed the back of his head ruefully. “I don’t even know why I called you here.”
“Should I go?” Are you going to kill me? Am I just an inconvenience to you now? I didn’t say the words, but they were what I mean, and he saw it.
“No.” He shook his head. “Come—see. Come see. I have something to show you.”
I felt my feet moving against my will. His desire pulled me across the floor, and I felt fear fill me up so full that I could hardly breathe. He was holding himself away from me with an effort, and he opened the door to the apartment to usher me inside.
Colton was there. I felt a surge of relief when he nodded to me.
“I’m glad you came,” he said quietly. He nodded to us both. “I’ll be in the bedroom, whenever you…yeah.” He vanished, an apologetic flush on his face, and I turned back to see Donovan staring at me.
For a long moment, he didn’t talk.
“I want to live a life,” he said finally, “that doesn’t have any secrets in it. Nothing like this, anyway. But that’s not something I can have right now. I…shouldn’t be telling you any of this, Lily. I just can’t lose you. More than that…” He looked away. “I can’t live with you thinking of me as a murderer,” he said finally.
“But you—”
He shook his head. “I took on a project a few years ago. My life had fallen apart, and revenge…hadn’t been enough. I was reckless. I didn’t know what else to do. When I had the chance to do some good, I took it. They told me it was dangerous, and I thought…” He gave a little laugh. “All the better, really. I liked winning, and everyone had just seen me lose.”
I frowned at him, and he shook his head.
“Someday. Not now. For now…well, let me put your fears to rest.” He beckoned me toward the door Colton had gone through, and held it open for me to walk through.
I stopped dead on the threshold. It was a makeshift hospital room, little beeps and whistles from the machinery, an IV leading to the arm of a young woman who smiled tiredly at me.
“It…can’t be.” My voice was wild.
“It is.” Donovan ushered me forward, giving a tiny smile down at me. “Lily, meet Chun-mei.”
END OF BOOK 5
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Dark Lust: An Alpha Billionaire Romance (Books 1-5) Page 14