My mom is fretting around me with a thermometer and a cool wash cloth. “You don’t have a fever, Abby. What did you eat today?”
“I had some eggs and toast with orange juice this morning.”
“Well, maybe it didn’t settle with you. You should try to get some rest.”
I roll over and close my eyes. The next thing I know, I’m being awaken to the sound of my phone alerting me to a message.
Are you ignoring my calls?
Shit! It’s Tommy. I quickly message him back.
No. Sorry. I’m sick and was sleeping.
I urge my phone to vibrate, but nothing comes in. I begin to feel dizzy and can longer keep my eyes open. I drift back to sleep.
I don’t know how long I have been asleep but when I open my eyes, the sun is setting and I see a figure sitting in my desk chair. I try to sit up and the figure comes to my bedside. Oh my, it’s my Tommy.
“Lay down baby. I’m here now.”
“I’m thirsty.”
“What do you want me to get you?”
“I’d like some ice water.”
“Coming right up, angel. You lay down now and just rest.”
My mom comes in while Tommy is getting me something to drink and she has my laundry basket. “Hey, baby girl. I did your laundry for you. I’ll leave your basket here and you can put them away later or I’ll do it for you while you’re at school tomorrow.”
“Thank you, mom.”
“It’s not a problem baby. Tommy’s been by your side for the last two hours. I think I may have misjudged him in the beginning.”
“Really? You’re admitting that you may have been wrong?”
“Yes, Abigail Marie Wilkinson, your mother can admit when she’s been wrong. Don’t act so shocked,” she says, teasingly. “How are you feeling?”
“Mom, I feel like crap. All I want to do is sleep.”
“That’s to be expected,” she says as she places a cool rag on my forehead. “Just try to rest and sleep when you can,” she says as she kisses the top of my head.
Tommy’s back carrying a glass of ice water. He sits on the edge of the bed as I sit up. Oh, the water tastes so good on my lips. I think I drink half the glass before my thirst has been quenched. My mom leaves the room and Tommy turns on the bedside lamp. “How are you feeling?”
“Better than I did a few hours ago.”
“That’s good. I was worried about you.”
“I see that. I’m sorry that I worried you,” I respond while twisting my comforter in my hands. I hate that I worried him.
“It’s okay babe. You were sick and couldn’t help it,” he remarks as he lays next to me on the bed.
I snuggle against his chest and listen to his heartbeat. God, how I love this man! He is the sweetest, most attentive man I have ever known. I never imagined that he would come over after that text message.
“When I got your message that you were sick, I just had to hurry over. I knew that I needed to be with you during this time. I would have just sat at home worrying if I didn’t see you.”
“Thank you, Tommy. I was surprised to see you sitting here watching me sleep.”
“I love watching you sleep. I watch you sleep whenever I can. You are beautiful even in your dreams. I am still in awe at how I was lucky enough to find a wonderful woman like you. I don’t deserve you.”
“Tommy, stop that. You do deserve me. It is I that doesn’t deserve you. You are smart, funny, and handsome. I love you.”
“I love you too, angel. You make me complete. Now, you need to get some rest and I’m sure your mom doesn’t want me staying much longer. I’ll call and check on you tomorrow after school.”
With that, Tommy gets up. He kisses my forehead as he brings the blanket to my chin and tucks me in. I love him more than he will ever know. I drift back to sleep and dream of my Tommy and a future with him. I am awakened from my dream by my alarm. It’s six o’clock in the morning and I need to take a shower since I didn’t get one last night.
* * *
Another week of the same old routine except cheer has ended. I have been feeling off all week. If I don’t feel well soon, I’ll need to remember to make an appointment with my physician. My mood has been changing and I feel ill most of the day. I just want to feel normal again. It’s getting harder to push through each day.
Katherine is waiting for me by my car. She has this huge smile on her face. She must be excited about our trip to the mall tomorrow. I unlock the car from across the parking lot and Katherine climbs inside. I take my seat at the wheel and start the car.
“Are you feeling alright, Abby?” Katherine asks with concern that floods her face.
“Do I look like I’m feeling alright, Katherine?!” I snap back at her.
“Whoa, where did that come from?”
“I’m sorry. I just don’t feel well.”
“Please don’t bite my head off when I ask this, but, have you and Tommy been using protection during sex?”
Oh shit! My stomach is really churning now. Pregnancy never crossed my mind before. No way can I be pregnant!
“No,” I almost whisper in response.
“Abby, I’m no expert when it comes to pregnancy, but I think you should take a pregnancy test.”
I feel the tears begin to swell in my eyes. How could I have been so stupid not to use protection? Is Katherine right? Could I be pregnant? Oh my God, my parents will kill me.
“What do I do, Kat?” I beg her for a magic answer through tears that are streaming down my face.
“Well, don’t cry about it. Not until you know for sure. Right now, you just need to make it your top priority to pick up a pregnancy test,” Katherine says as she wraps me in a hug.
I nod in response. No more worrying about that right now. I’ll have to pick up a pregnancy test while we’re out tomorrow.
* * *
Michael and Jason are sitting in the living room when we walk in. I place my backpack on the wall hook and look back at Katherine. Her cheeks are tinted a rosy color and her mouth is slightly open as if she’s in awe. I know that look. It’s the same look that I have when I see Tommy.
“Hi, Abby,” Michael says.
“Hi, Mike,” I respond back trying to hide the amusement on my face.
He gets up and gives me a hug and a kiss on my cheek. “Hi, Katherine,” he says as he gives her a more than friendly hug and a kiss on her cheek.
“Hi, Michael,” she says quietly. She looks toward me with a questioning look on her face. My brother better ask her out soon because I am no good at keeping secrets.
They guys resume watching television as we make our way back to my room. Katherine has packed every beauty magazine she owns. I sure hope that I’m not expected to spend all evening looking through these books. I just want a simple dress with a simple hair do for graduation.
“So, did you know Mike and Jason were coming?” She asks as she thumbs through one of the many magazines.
“Honestly, yes I did.”
“Why didn’t you tell me? I could have reapplied my make-up and brushed my hair on the drive over.”
Here we go. Katherine’s so wrapped up in herself. “I’m sorry, I guess it just slipped my mind,” I lie.
Katherine gets up and grabs her make-up bag and her brush and gets to work on her appearance. I lie down on my bed and close my eyes for a moment.
“Abby, you need to wake up. It’s time for dinner,” Katherine says as she gently wakes me.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to fall asleep on you.”
“It’s okay, Abby. I just put on my ear buds and listened to music while looking through the magazines.”
I get out of bed and glance at myself in the mirror. I look hideous. I put a little make-up to cover the paleness in my face and the circles under my eyes. I’m not going to fool anyone but maybe they won’t talk about how ill I look.
We sit down at the dinner table. Our seats have changed, yet again. My dad is at the head of th
e table with my mom to his right. My brother is next to my mom and Jason is at the other end of the table. Katherine is to my dad’s left and I am beside her. My mom has made a honey glazed ham, mashed potatoes, steamed asparagus and fresh baked dinner rolls. This is one of my favorite meals but I’m just not feeling too hungry. Everyone is talking and laughing while I push around the food on my plate.
After dinner, Michael asks Katherine to go on a walk with him. Jason and I tell my mom that we will clean up. She cooked and it’s only fair that we clean. While picking up the mess, Jason and I talk for the first time since the day after Michael’s accident.
“Abby, you don’t look well.” Jason has a look of great concern for me. Lately, a lot of people have been concerned for me. Unfortunately, I don’t think concern is going to be in their vocabulary if that pregnancy test comes out positive.
“Yea, I don’t feel well but I’m sure this will pass. It’s probably just stress with finals coming up,” I lie. I’m not stressed and finals never worried me before now.
“I’m worried about you,” he says as he places his hand on my forehead. Why is it that everyone does that when someone doesn’t feel well?
“A lot of people are worried. I’m going to go to the doctor next week.”
“Good. Why don’t you go lie down on the couch? I’ll finish up in here.”
I do as Jason suggests and go lie on the couch. Jason meets me out there a few minutes later. He walks over and places a throw blanket over me and sits at the end of the couch. We are watching the six o’clock news. I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I know Jason is carrying me to my room. “Where’s Michael and Katherine?”
“They are outside. You’ll be happy to know that he asked her to be his girlfriend and she said yes.”
“That’s great!”
“Yes. Now, you need to get to sleep. Katherine said she’s going to sleep on the couch tonight so she doesn’t disturb you.”
“Oh, okay. Thank you, Jason.”
He leans down and kisses my forehead and exits my room. I smile at the thought of my best friend dating my brother before drifting off to sleep.
* * *
I awaken in the morning to Katherine getting ready. She has her ear buds in and is quietly singing the words to ‘If You’re Not the One’ by Daniel Beddingfield. She seems genuinely happy. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Katherine this happy in all the years I’ve known her.
“Good morning, sleepy head,” she says.
“Good morning. You seem happy today.”
“Oh, I think you know why!”
“Yes, I do. I’m so happy for you.”
“I promise, Abigail, I won’t hurt Mike.”
“I hope not. I love you both,” I say, “What time do you want to go shopping?”
“Oh, since you haven’t been feeling well, I was going to go with your brother and let you rest.”
“Oh, okay, that’s fine. I’ll probably go see Tommy this afternoon then. Mom and Dad told me that I could spend the night with Tommy on the weekends.” I was surprised when my parents allowed me to start spending the night with Tommy. I know I’m an adult, but I figured I would still be controlled to a certain extent.
Katherine finishes her make-up and runs a brush through her hair. She turns and kisses my cheek and is out the door to spend the day with my brother. I crawl out of bed and throw on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt and put my hair in a ponytail. I throw a change of clothes and something to wear to bed in my overnight bag and head to the front door.
“Mom, I’m going to head to Tommy’s for the night.”
“Honey, do you feel up to going?”
“Yes. I feel okay enough.” Nothing will ever stop me from seeing Tommy. In fact, being with Tommy makes me feel better.
On my drive over to Tommy’s, I decide to stop at the store and buy a pregnancy test. I stop at one of the stores closest to his house so I don’t risk running into someone I may know. I purchase one of those digital tests. According to the box, it will say either pregnant or not pregnant.
I pull into the guest parking spot. Tommy’s car isn’t in its parking spot. I use the key that he gave me earlier in the week and unlock the front door and walk in. I decide to take the pregnancy test right now since I’m here alone. I go in the bathroom and read the instructions. After taking the test, I set it on the counter next to the sink. I finish using the restroom and wash my hands. As I’m drying my hands, I look over at the test. Tears begin to stream down my face as I see ‘pregnant’ across the small window on the test.
Chapter Eight
I’m sitting on the couch sobbing into a pillow when Tommy walks in at four o’clock. I can’t even look at him. I’m afraid that he will be pissed when I tell him that I’m pregnant. He puts his keys, wallet and phone on the kitchen counter and strides over to me. He’s by my side with his arms around me in record time. “Baby, what’s going on?” Tommy asks as he pulls me close to his chest.
I shake my head. I’m so terrified that I begin to shake and sob louder.
“Baby, you can tell me anything. I’m here. Please don’t cry.”
“I’m pregnant,” I say as I begin to wail.
He falls silent but never releases me from his hold. He places his nose in my hair and gives me a kiss on my temple. “It’s going to be alright, angel. I promise.”
“How is it going to be alright? I’m barely eighteen years old and I’ve only known you a few weeks. We don’t know each other well enough to have a baby.”
“Look at me,” he says. I just can’t bring myself to look at him. I’m too ashamed that I let him down. I’ve let so many people down. “Dammit, Abigail, look at me!” He snaps.
I obey and look at him through the tears that continue to flow.
“I love you and I am never leaving you,” he says as he puts his hand over my belly. “This is life that we created. This is half of me and half of you. Yes, this is unexpected and it would have been better if this life was created later, but I will love this baby as much as I love you. Please, don’t worry. I love you and baby bean and I will always love you both.”
I lay in Tommy’s arms as the sobbing subsides. He really took me by surprise by not freaking out on me. Is he really okay with this or is he just trying to stay strong because I am weak? My Tommy, God only knows how much I truly love him. I wouldn’t want to be in this predicament with anyone else. He kisses my forehead before standing up. He walks into the bathroom. He’s in there for a long while before I hear him turn on the faucets in the bath tub. He has a huge smile on his face that almost touches his eyes. “I saw the test. Baby, I can’t believe we’re having a baby. I wouldn’t want to start a family with anyone other than you. Come, I’ve drawn you a bath. You need to soak and relax.”
I take his hand and walk to the bathroom. As I pull my shirt off and expose my bare stomach, Tommy drops to his knees and kisses my belly. He’s so happy he’s going to be a daddy that he draws a smile to my face as I finish undressing and climb in the bath of warm water.
The warm water feels good against my skin. Tommy steps out of the bathroom so I can relax and enjoy by bath. I begin to rub my belly. I can’t believe there is a little life growing inside me. I lean back, not removing my hands from my core, and begin to imagine how my baby will look. Will he or she favor me or Tommy? I hope the baby favors Tommy. I’m so plain and boring and Tommy is gorgeous and full of life.
Tommy comes back a few minutes later with a towel and my pajamas. He helps me out of the bath and wraps the towel around my body. “I am one excited man and you are the reason for it, Abigail.”
I begin to blush as he wraps me in his arms. We just stand there, embracing each other. He doesn’t stop hugging me until I begin to shiver from the cold. He steps back and allows me to dry off and get dressed.
“Tommy, I’m exhausted. Can we go to bed?”
“Of course, babe, anything you wish.” He kisses my head before leading me out of the bathroom.
&
nbsp; As we snuggle under the blanket, his hand caressing my shoulder, we begin to talk about the life that grows within my womb. “Do you have any names that you prefer?” He asks me.
“I’ve never really thought about it. Do you?”
“Well, I’ve never thought about it until you were in the bath. I really like the name Logan if it’s a boy.”
“Logan isn’t a bad name at all. I kind of like it. Logan Jackson,” I say, trying out the sound.
“What’s your middle name?” I ask him.
“It’s Cooper. Why?”
“Do you mind if our son has your middle name, that is if this little life inside me is a boy? Logan Cooper Jackson”
“I would be honored to share my middle name with our son,” Tommy says as a smile creeps across his face that seems to stretch to his eyes. I can’t believe how excited he is about having a baby. I figured he would be disappointed with the impending arrival of our baby.
Tommy has made the worry and the fear dissipate from within me. I’m no longer afraid. He knew all the right things to say and his demeanor has relaxed me enough that I begin to drift off to sleep. My last thoughts are of the baby within my womb. The little life that Tommy and I created out of love for one another. My life did not end with the positive pregnancy test. This is the day when I start to live.
* * *
Graduation day has finally approached and I have mixed emotions. Tonight I graduate from high school but tomorrow I tell my parents that Tommy and I are going to have a baby and that I’ll be moving in with him. I try not to focus on tomorrow and only think of today. Tomorrow will bring its own problems with it.
“Abigail,” I hear Katherine shout, “Can you believe that today is the day we say goodbye to high school and hello to what life has to offer?”
“I know, I’m excited to be done with all the homework and the drama that high school had to offer.”
“Michael and Jason are supposed to be here for the ceremony. Do you mind if I go home with you after graduation practice to get ready? I would like to spend time with your brother before the ceremony tonight.”
On the Edge Page 8