She stood up—no need to tell this man—who, though contrite, would probably do the same thing again to save his own skin or even embarrassment—that it might also have cost her any chance of getting back with Alex.
'I'm sorry. Really, very, very sorry,' Robert bleated as she marched out the door.
'So you should be!' Gabi snapped, but as she drove home she realised that a lot of her anger with him was unjustified. It wasn't his fault that his story about his and Bill's relationship had so many parallels to her relationship with Alex.
What had she done to mend the rift between them when it had first appeared soon after Alex's father had died and she'd felt resentment that he hadn't let her share his grief?
Not enough, that was for sure.
Then, when he'd announced the Scotland thing, she'd yelled and ranted and raved, but had never explained how it had made her feel—how upset she'd been that he'd made that kind of decision without consulting her.
Then the baby...
But at least now they'd talked about that, though her heart still ached with remembered pain and more than anything she'd have liked to cry out the remnants of her grief on Alex's shoulder.
Alex?
What was he thinking now?
He'd said he loved her, had shown that love in words and deeds since the accident, and though he'd obviously been willing to put their past differences behind him and try again, now she was free to love him, and have him love her, he was gone.
Try as she might, she couldn't find out where he disappeared to when not at work. Sleeping part of the time, for sure, but subtle questioning of Alana brought no further answers. Even blatant questioning of Alana brought nothing. And throwing a tantrum had only made Alana laugh.
'I just want to talk to him—to explain!' Gabi told her.
'He tried hard enough to talk to you from the time he came back—particularly when you came out of hospital. And you wouldn't listen—wouldn't even see him. Do you wonder he doesn't want to talk to you now?'
But it couldn't end like this, could it? Gabi thought to herself. I love him and he loves me—he'd said so in his notes, and the balloons, and e-mails.
Love like that couldn't just have died so suddenly, could it?
The temptation to retreat into her shell, to curl into a ball and hide herself from the world was enormous, but she'd done that before—when their differences had culminated in losing the baby and she'd shut Alex out.
That was the wimp's way.
What had happened to self-focus?
She joined a Thursday dance class as well, to make up what she'd missed and because she was determined to once again reclaim her life. With only a week to the end-of-term dance she wanted to perfect all the steps. Maybe there'd be a stranger there and she could dance all night in her sexy red dress, then drive to the coast and watch the sun come up over the ocean.
But the thought lacked the appeal it had had when she'd added it to her list so many weeks ago, and she was tempted to offer her ticket to one of the nurses at work. Helen was always complaining about her lack of a social life.
In the end she went, dressing in the slinky red dress, thinking all the time of when she'd originally intended to wear it. Though that had been a laugh. Alex, who hated dancing, dancing all night?
Kirsten drove her to the venue, a nightclub given over to the dancing school for the evening.
'Because you'll need a drink for sure,' Kirsten said. 'And you can always get a cab home if no one tall, dark and handsome offers you a lift. Mind you, the way you look— sensational—you might be best off refusing offers. Take their phone numbers and tell them you'll call, then decide in the morning who was the cutest. Other numbers you can pass on to loveless friends.'
Gabi laughed, but wished she felt more excited. The people she knew from both her evening classes were pleasant enough, but a lot of them had gone to the lessons with their partners, and the few unattached men she'd met had been nice, but that was all.
'Good luck!' Kirsten said, as she pulled up outside the club.
'I'm not going hunting,' Gabi reminded her. 'I'm only going to dance—to put all I've learned into practice.'
'Good luck anyway,' Kirsten repeated, then she smiled, waved and drove away.
The smile should have prepared Gabi but, though she thought it strange, it didn't mean a thing until she entered the club, greeted a few people she knew, then made her way to the bar to get a drink. Natalie, her instructor, came towards her with someone—a man, from his height—tailing along behind, though in the crush and gloomy light it was hard to tell what he looked like.
'As you're my best student in the Tuesday class, I've brought the best from my weekend classes for you to dance with,' Natalie said, turning and dragging the poor unfortunate man into the light of the bar. 'He's been working really hard to be ready for tonight.'
Gabi's heart must have recognised Alex a split second before her eyes did, for she was sure it had started to bang against her ribs before she'd properly assimilated his presence.
Assimilating the fact that Alex had taken dancing lessons might take a little longer. Like a century?
But before she could speak—struck dumb didn't begin to cover it—Alex had taken her hand.
'The music's started. Shall we dance?'
Words wouldn't come, and her body was in such tumult she wasn't certain it would be able to function well enough to move, let alone dance. But Alex's fingers squeezed hers with a reassuring pressure and she followed him onto the floor, then let him take her in his arms and lead her through the intricacies of the lambada.
She felt as if she was floating, high on a cloud of dreams. Her feet moved to the music, her body swayed to the rhythm, and the sense of rightness of just being in Alex's arms was so overwhelming she was beyond speech.
At times they stopped, moving to the bar, where Alex always managed to find a stool for her, then he'd stand behind her, solid and protective, handing her a drink, offering a delicacy from the plates of tapas on the bar. She should be talking—telling him things—explaining—but the feeling of all-pervading rightness was so strong she was afraid words would break the spell.
Then Alex, who from time to time had spoken, but only to suggest they rest or to offer sustenance, brought her up close against his body.
'We need to leave,' he murmured, and when she looked up into his face, intending to ask why, he bent and kissed her. 'Trust me,' he said, and his smile made her heart shiver.
He escorted her down to an underground car park and led the way to a new dark green sedan.
'Did the grapevine tell you I'd bought a new car?' he asked, using a remote control to unlock the doors then handing her into the passenger seat.
'The grapevine's told me nothing,' Gabi said. 'It's been a conspiracy of silence. But if those two, Kirsten and Alana, were in on this, I'll...'
Alex shut the door and walked around the bonnet, climbing in behind the wheel.
'You'll what?' he teased, but oh-so-gently.
Gabi smiled at him.
'I don't know, but they should have said. They know I've been going mad these last few weeks. I thought I'd lost you, Alex. Pushed you so far away I'd never get you back.'
She felt a tremor shoot through her as she spoke—was she assuming too much from a night of dancing? Was he back?
He leant over and kissed her on the lips.
'I found out when I was in Scotland that you could never push me that far, Gabi,' he said, tilting her head so he could look into her eyes. And though the light in the car park was dim, the expression in his eyes told her he spoke the truth. 'Though I didn't realise it at the time and it wasn't until I returned that I understood why I'd come back. Why I had to come back.'
A new tremor, but this time of excitement, skittered through her. They were going home—together—and there was no reason to say no ever again. But when Alex drove out of the car park he turned left towards the suburbs, not right towards the flat.
Disappo
intment flooded through her. She had assumed too much. But where could they be going?
When he took the access to the freeway she stopped guessing and asked.
'Where are we going?'
'Down to the coast. Forty-five minutes to get there, then thirty minutes for the prelude to the sunrise. I checked the time in yesterday's morning's paper.'
'How did you know?' Gabi asked, wondering if she'd left her list of things to do lying around the flat.
Alex turned and grinned at her.
'Remember the first morning I came home? You demanded to know why I'd assumed you'd been at work, not dancing all night in a red dress then watching the sun come up over the ocean.'
She tried to speak, but all that came out were some incoherent splutters.
'I like the red dress, by the way,' he added, then he concentrated on driving, giving Gabi the opportunity to study the man who'd learned to dance so she could fulfil her dream.
And, studying him, she couldn't help noticing a frown furrowing his forehead.
Because he was driving? Surely not. They were on a four-lane highway with barely another vehicle in sight.
Was he still worried she'd push him away?
She was wondering what to say, how to explain, when he glanced her way and then back at the road, as if the words he wanted to use to express himself were better said to the road than directly to her.
'I know about the needle-stick injury. About there being no donor blood and you being under that black cloud of doubt, Gabi, and I know, you being you, you've tried to protect me by pushing me away. But it won't work because without you—sick or well—my life is empty of all joy and wonderment and happiness and everything else that makes living worthwhile.'
He was gripping the steering-wheel so tightly she could see his knuckles gleaming whitely through his skin, and though she knew she should say something—tell him it was all OK—what he was saying had left her breathless and so choked up she'd make a fool of herself if she did more than breathe.
And she'd like to ask him how he knew, given the confidentiality of files in the hospital, but that could wait. Right now Alex was talking again, telling her things her wounded heart had waited so long to hear.
'So, no matter what you say, I'm back, Gabi. Back where I belong, which is by your side and in your bed and forever part of your life. Wherever you are, whatever you do, whatever happens in the future, we'll be together, and we'll share the joys and sorrows—understand me?'
He pulled over into a lay-by by the emergency phone so he could turn to face her as he made his final point. Then he slid the T-shift into 'Park' and leaned across, taking her shoulders and drawing her close so he could kiss her.
The ever-lightening sky woke Gabi to the fact they might miss the sunrise, and she pulled reluctantly away, then chuckled as Alex cursed and hurriedly put the car back into gear, taking off so hastily the tyres squealed their protest.
'The sunrise isn't all that important,' she told him, but he refused to listen.
'It was part of the plan. We'll make it.'
And make it they did, pulling up in the deserted car park behind the lifesavers' shed when the approaching sun had spread a vivid magenta across the sky but as yet remained hidden itself.
Gabi slipped off her shoes and slid her hand into Alex's, and together they walked across the dunes and down towards the ocean, settling on dry sand above the high-water mark, listening to the waves splashing up on the beach, watching the colours change in the sky and spread out to embrace the world with their vivid beauty.
'I found the donor; he's negative,' Gabi said, as the first fiery tip of the sun appeared on the horizon. 'I know it doesn't matter to you, but it does to me. I couldn't have put you at risk, Alex. Not even the slightest, most minimal risk. I love you far too much for that!'
He pulled her closer to his side, and brushed his lips across her hair.
'Do you think I didn't realise that, you foolish woman?' he murmured, his voice husky with the emotion Gabi could feel in her own heart. 'But I knew I'd have the devil's own job convincing you it didn't matter to me. The cards and flowers and gifts were only the first step; the dancing was the second, to show you how I felt. I must admit I wasn't sure what the third would be if that didn't work, but one thing I did know for sure, and that was that I wasn't giving up.'
Silence fell as they watched the sky change colour, then Alex spoke again.
'I handled so many things badly, Gabi, after Dad died. I know you tried to help, but I couldn't talk about it, so I shut you out and tried to lose myself in work. Then, when Mum started seeing Fred just twelve months later, all I could think about was getting away—from them and from all the unresolved stuff I was carting around with me. That's where the idea of studying overseas came from.'
'I should have realised that,' she said quietly, 'but all I felt was hurt that you hadn't consulted me in any of the arrangements.'
She snuggled closer to him.
'You know, Jane said something to me not long after you left. She said she'd come to realise that it was because she'd been so unbelievably happy with your father that she'd wanted to marry again. She said what she felt for Fred was different, just as her love for you was different to her love for your father, but the happiness of being part of a couple was still there.'
Alex sighed, then dropped another kiss on the top of her head.
'I understand that now—in fact, I understand a lot of things, mainly because I've had time to think about them. You've no idea the amount of time a man has when he no longer has a wife to love and be loved by. There was our estrangement, and losing the baby—all the regrets added up, Gabi, until they were like a weighted cloud, suffocating me. I knew, one way or the other, I had to get out from under it.'
'So you came home?'
'Yes,' he admitted. 'Mum's illness moved the date forward, but I'd booked to come for Christmas anyway. To see Mum, and sort things out with her and Fred, but mainly to see you. To tell you how I felt—how much I loved you.'
Gabi leant against his shoulder, feeling the firm bulk of him, his warmth and, more than anything, his familiarity. He was more, than her husband and her lover and her best friend. He was the rock that anchored her to the earth. For the past two years she'd been lost, floating untethered, but now Alex was back.
Something else occurred to her.
'Are we married or divorced?' she asked him.
He grinned at her.
'I'm not sure, but if the divorce has gone through it will give us a chance to do it all again. And, though it might be anticipating things, I've booked the honeymoon suite up there...' he pointed towards the five-star hotel further along the beach '...for the rest of the weekend. Are you ready for breakfast?'
Gabi smiled and snuggled closer.
'Before or after?' she teased, and knew when he pulled her to her feet then held her close that it would probably be after.
Dr Graham's Marriage Page 16