by Maegan Abel
I sat up quickly, effectively cutting him off. “No. Don’t…” I rested back on his legs, taking a deep breath. “I don’t want you to apologize. That’s just…”
“I was rude and completely out of line.”
“But you were right.”
He reached for my face but paused, lowering his hand to mine where it rested against the hard lines of his abs. He slid his hand over mine, not pressing it against his stomach but lightly tracing his fingers along the length of mine. I could feel his gaze urging me to look up but I needed another minute to get my own emotions in check.
“What was I right about?” he finally asked, his attempt at drawing my eyes up working.
“You’ve already apologized for that night. You shouldn’t have to do it again.” He started to speak but I shook my head, not wanting him to interrupt me. “But I get to be upset about this, Zane. I may not know much about relationships but I know that things like this are… big. Relationship ending big, if they aren’t handled right. I get to be upset. I get to…” I took a shaky breath, determined to hold it together. “I get to cry because she has a part of you inside her. I get to feel hurt that she’s the one giving you a child. That’s my right.”
“Why are we talking like this is a definite issue?”
“Wouldn’t you rather be prepared for it to be yours and celebrate when it’s not rather than going about life assuming it’s not and getting slapped with the news later that it is? Isn’t it ‘innocent until proven guilty?’” I knew I wanted to be prepared. Well, as prepared as anyone could be in this situation.
He watched our hands as I traced them along his stomach, running them up to cover the still pink and puckered scar over his ribs. “I’m pretty sure Conner’s test was proof enough of Lizzie’s guilt. Fool me once…” he trailed off, not finishing the saying. I could see his point but I still wanted to be prepared.
I thought about my life, about our future, and how permanently entangled it was with Lizzie. Conner was old enough now that Zane had a separate birthday celebration with him when he had him. Last year, it caused a huge fight because Lizzie hadn’t done much for Conner and she got pissed that Zane planned a party for his weekend and didn’t invite her. She almost didn’t let Conner come. Zane attended the party Lizzie threw also but we usually did something with him as a group. It kept us from really having to interact with Lizzie. But I was with Zane now and that changed everything.
There would be a bond between Lizzie and Zane that I couldn’t compete with no matter how hard I tried. All the doctor appointments and decisions to be made… the birth. Would he want me at the hospital? This baby, this tiny little life that was half him, would be impossible not to love. I didn’t doubt for a second that I could love any child of Zane’s but how did it work in situations like this? Lizzie would have a say in who could be around her child. What if she decided she didn’t want me around?
And after the birth, Zane would have an infant to care for with Lizzie. He hated being away from Conner now. He didn’t fully trust Lizzie to give Conner everything he needed so there was no way he would trust her full time with an infant. He’d be around her. A lot.
Where would that leave me? Lizzie and I couldn’t stand each other so any kind of family event would be damn near impossible. I would have to step aside and tell Zane it didn’t bother me that he wanted to spend Christmas morning with Lizzie and his children because he should. I would have to lie through my teeth and make it convincing.
“Hey,” he said, breaking into my thoughts as he reached for my face. “Where’d you go?”
I leaned my face into his hand and noticed the anxiety in his expression. I needed to smile and reassure him that we were good but I could feel the tears brimming as I fought to control my emotions. “This is going to be hard.”
“Come here,” he said, pulling me against him again. He held me tight and I buried my face in his neck again. I felt his lips against my hair. “Just breathe, Pixie. Deep breath.”
I did as he asked and he waited patiently for my breathing to calm. Feeling guilty for nearly losing it again, I lifted myself slowly to a sitting position, still staying on his lap. “Sorry. I’m okay. Really. I’m just…”
“Scared?” he asked. I looked him in the eye and nodded. “So am I. You’re right, this isn’t going to be easy. Our history will make this… complicated.” He sighed and I let him pull my face to his, keeping our eyes locked as he stopped with just inches between us. “We’re going to have to work at this. It’s going to take trust. And for trust, we have to have complete honesty and a lot of understanding and forgiveness. We will have to fight for this. But I think we’re worth it.” He grazed his thumb slowly along my cheeks and I saw the determination and stubbornness I knew and loved. He was right. We were worth it.
“We can do this,” I said, leaning in to kiss him softly.
He smiled against my lips. “And our first test is to open that door and face the rest of the family.”
When we gathered around the kitchen table, I tried not to stare at the crack in the wall but my eyes seemed to be drawn to it. It all came back around to the mistakes we made in the days leading up to that one, didn’t it?
I waited, expecting Paige to go off on a tirade but she was surprisingly silent as we waited for Tish and Kas to join us. She stared at the same spot on the wall with a look of confusion. I didn’t think any of us had told her about that night.
“Lili nearly took Zane’s head off with a mug the night he let Lizzie in the house,” Tish said when he walked in and saw Paige’s preoccupation. He headed to the coffee pot, in normal tradition for this type of gathering. I looked over at Paige, who was eyeing me with an expression that looked almost impressed.
“She also told me she fucking hated me.” Zane’s voice was straining for lightness and I reached over, taking his hand and lacing our fingers together under the table. He stared at our hands before releasing mine and I felt my heart drop for a second. I swallowed down the automatic defensiveness and he grabbed the edge of my chair, scooting it to his and wrapping his arm around my shoulders to hold me closer. He reached over with his other hand and covered mine, bringing them to rest on his thigh before kissing my hair.
I glanced up at him, trying to decide how to respond. He needed reassurance right now but as Kas entered the room, I was reminded just how crowded this house was. I took a deep breath, steeling myself to speak and become vulnerable in front of them for the sake of our trust. “I really thought I did at the time.”
“I’m guessing you two talked already?” Kas asked as she took the seat across from Zane.
He sat up straighter. “Yes. And here’s the thing, the only person whose opinion matters to me in this is hers. But Lizzie was lying—”
“That bitch isn’t even pregnant, is she? I fucking knew it!” Paige voiced, cutting him off.
Zane sighed. “No, she is. Well, according the paperwork she is—”
“It’s not yours though?” Paige cut him off again.
He huffed, glaring over at her. “It could be, I don’t know yet. But I didn’t know anything about it until last night when she showed up.”
“When are you going to get a test done?” Tish asked. He had taken the seat across from me but he was looking only at Zane, disappointment clear on his face.
Zane rolled his neck, his fingers twitching against my hand, showing his irritation with the questioning. “I’m going to check into it as soon as I can, okay? But regardless, even if this child isn’t mine, it will still be a sibling to my son, so we all need to keep that in mind. Especially when Conner is around.”
I stared at the table, trying to keep my breathing normal as I absorbed the heavy meaning behind his words. I hadn’t thought for even a second that even without being the father, Zane would be tied to this new life. Lizzie really had gotten just what she wanted with all this. I had no doubt she would keep trying to get him back.
“Okay,” Kas said, pushing up from the table. �
��I’m going to make breakfast. Do you want some eggs?” She directed the question to Zane and I saw him nod out of the corner of my eye, clearly relaxing now that the interrogation seemed to be behind us.
Paige disappeared to shower and Tish moved to help Kas with breakfast, placing a hand on Zane’s shoulder as he crossed behind us. It was a gesture of support and I felt the last of the tension leave Zane. He wouldn’t admit it if I asked, but I knew that Tish’s disapproval would hurt him as much as the thought of it hurt me.
“You okay?” Zane’s voice was soft as he discreetly pressed his lips to the spot directly behind my ear.
I nodded automatically but immediately felt guilty because I wasn’t being completely honest. “Just a little overwhelmed still. I’m kinda worried about Lizzie,” I whispered to the table, still not looking at him.
“What about her?” His nose was running along the edge of my ear now and it caused a slight shiver to run up my spine. He chuckled as the goose bumps formed along my arm, tracing his finger from the hand he was holding up my forearm.
“Just that she’s not going to give up.”
He stopped moving for a moment, his tone darker when he did speak. “You think she planned this?” I couldn’t tell if he was aggravated at me for saying it or if he was considering it for the first time.
“No. Well, I don’t think so, but who knows with her? I just meant now that it happened, she’s going to take advantage. She’s the type to use it to get your sympathy,” I answered, shrugging.
“Hey.” He waited until I looked up at him before he continued. “She can try all she wants. I’m yours. Nothing’s gonna change that. Got it?”
I smiled and nodded as he leaned in, nudging my nose with his.
I was both grateful and disappointed that Zane was well enough to shower on his own now. It’d been embarrassing but also bonding in a way to have that kind of trust in a new relationship. Not that I’d ever really seen anything but it was almost sad to feel like he didn’t need my help. I laughed as I dug through the bag I still hadn’t unpacked from the hospital. It was ridiculous to feel disappointed about that and the overwhelming relief that he was getting better far outweighed it anyway.
A soft buzzing sound came from somewhere close by, catching my attention. I looked around, seeing Zane’s jeans lying in a heap near the wall. I glanced at the nightstand and realized he must’ve left his phone in his pocket last night. I grabbed them and felt the weight of it immediately. I dug into the pocket and pulled it out, dropping the pants as I flipped it over and looked at the screen. It just read BITCH.
Lizzie. Of course. I considered answering it. After all, if I was his girlfriend, then it was my right, but I didn’t want to be that girl. Plus, I had no desire to talk to her this morning. As I plugged the phone into the charger, the call went to voicemail and I heard the bathroom door open.
“Hey.” Zane sounded amused and I realized I was still in just my bra and jeans, having been disrupted while looking for a shirt.
“Perv,” I replied, rolling my eyes playfully as I looked over my shoulder at him. “Your ex called while you were in the shower.”
“What did she want?” he asked, tossing his wet towel on the foot of the bed as he moved to his dresser to pull out a shirt of his own. I was momentarily distracted by the sight of the scar on his back. I tried not to look at it. Ever. It was so different from the tiny slice on his chest where they had entered to finish repairing his lung and remove the fragments of the bullet.
“I… uh… I don’t know. I didn’t answer.”
“Oh. Well, toss it here.” He pulled the shirt over his head as he turned to face me and the movement drew my eyes up to his face.
“You’re at twenty percent,” I warned as I unplugged it and slid it across the sheets. Zane’s eyes fell to my chest, reminding me that I needed to put a shirt on. And make the bed.
“Fourteen missed calls? Jesus,” he said, scrolling through his phone and pressing buttons before putting it to his ear.
“You left it on the floor all night,” I explained. He shrugged, clearly not caring as he waited for an answer. I went back to digging through my bag for a shirt. I needed to unpack and organize my shit if I was really going to be living in his room. Even temporarily.
I felt warm fingers along my spine and I shivered again, grabbing my shirt and standing up straight. Before I could even turn to face Zane, his lips were making a trail across the top of my bare shoulder toward my neck. My eyes fell closed automatically, my breath stuttering a little at the intimacy of the move. We’d kissed but other than our drunken fight last night, we’d never really taken any steps further than that. The shirt slipped from my grip as his teeth grazed the spot where my shoulder met my neck, his fingers deftly sliding my hair aside.
“Zane,” I said, not sure exactly what I was trying to convey, but with as close as he was, I could vaguely hear the phone ringing on the other end and it reminded me that he wouldn’t be able to continue. I needed him to stop. I needed him to keep going.
“Voicemail,” he mumbled against my skin. He leaned away to toss the phone onto the bed, but his hand immediately returned, holding my hair aside as he continued his path across the back of my neck. I was struggling for control, my knees felt unsteady in a completely foreign way and I couldn’t seem to get enough oxygen to my lungs.
His free hand slipped around my waist until his palm was flat against my stomach, holding my body to his. At my neck, his teeth returned, grazing directly over the tattoo between my shoulder blades and I let out a sound somewhere between a whimper and a moan at the feeling. Every muscle in my body tightened and I was achingly aware of just how long it had been since I’d been with anyone. He released my hair, using his fingers to slide my bra strap down my arm and out of the painfully erotic path he was creating.
When I felt his heavy breath against my skin, I shuddered again, realizing just how affected he was as well. I pressed my body back against his and he expertly flipped open the button on my jeans with his hand that was resting on my stomach. My brain was completely lost as his fingers slid between the denim and the satin of my panties, skimming directly to where I needed his touch.
I gasped and he immediately removed his hand, spinning me quickly and claiming my lips in the same moment. He lifted me easily and I wrapped my legs around him, expecting to feel the wall against my back but he moved the opposite direction. He backed up to the bed, dropping down so I was straddling his lap without breaking our kiss. I gripped the back of his hair, my hips grinding on their own accord. His body pressed the seam of my jeans against my center and I moaned loudly into his mouth. He growled and moved both hands to my backside, pulling me tighter. I could feel the burn starting in the pit of my stomach after only a few more skillful movements between us.
His phone vibrating against the mattress broke through my quickly scattering thoughts and I pulled away from his lips, almost whimpering as I felt the approaching orgasm dissipate the moment we stopped.
“What?” he snapped into the phone after he answered. He was clearly just as frustrated as I was. He stopped breathing and the color visibly drained from his face. I scurried off his lap, his tension immediately putting me on edge as I tried to gauge what was happening from his expression. My heart was still racing but it felt like the room became colder. Zane’s eyes, his body language… dread was all I could feel.
“I’m on my way.” The phone slid from his fingers and hit the bed before bouncing off and landing on the carpet. Neither of us so much as reached for it. I held my breath, waiting for an explanation. “Lizzie was in a car accident this morning. Conner was with her.”
One thing no parent should ever have to experience is the terror of not being there when their child is hurt.
In his short life, Conner has had three trips to the hospital, this one included. All three times, the ride to the hospital and the time it had taken to find him once there, were entirely too long and every second was spent in nearly vomit-
inducing anxiety.
There weren’t words strong enough for that kind of fear.
I didn’t hear the reassurances from Lili as she drove but I know she was trying to keep me calm. I could vaguely recall her yelling where we were going at Tish and him saying they would be right behind us, but it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered aside from my need to be with my son.
“He needs to wake up,” Lizzie whimpered beside me as I slid my thumb over his hand, not looking at her.
“He will. He’s only been out for an hour. You should be resting.” I tried to keep the hatred I was feeling toward her from my tone, speaking softly as I silently willed Conner to open his eyes.
“Like I could lie in that fucking bed another second when my son was in surgery,” she hissed at me and I snapped.
“It wasn’t surgery, Lizzie. They had to reset his shoulder. An injury he wouldn’t have had at all if you—” I stopped myself, grinding my teeth and turning my back to her completely as I focused on Conner. There was no solid proof of whether or not we could hear conversations when sedated and I wasn’t about to let angry words between his mother and me be the first things Conner heard as he came back.
“It was an accident,” Lizzie said and I could hear the tears in her voice.
“We’ll talk about this later. This isn’t the time or the place,” I said, still running my thumb along Conner’s hand. Open your eyes, buddy.
I was grateful that I’d run into Shannon and Gabe the moment I’d arrived at the Emergency Room. They were the paramedics at the scene and they filled me in on Conner’s injuries and pointed me in the right direction. A clavicle fracture and dislocated shoulder were the worst of it and that was bad enough. But it could’ve been so much worse.
The second Conner’s eyes started fluttering, I grabbed the kidney dish beside the bed and held it up. He gagged once but didn’t vomit as the sedation wore off. I wondered if he fought it back or if he just hadn’t eaten anything today. Knowing Lizzie, the latter was more likely.