by Maegan Abel
“Yes. I love you. Yes.” She sobbed as I slid the ring onto her left hand, tossing the box back onto the bed behind me. I kissed the ring before I stood and pressed my lips to hers, only to be interrupted by the knocking yet again.
“Don’t make me use the other key!” I heard Adam bellow from the hallway. “You know I will and I don’t want to see your naked ass either, Zane!”
“Jesus, Adam,” I groaned, keeping ahold of Lizzie’s hand as I went to open the front door for him.
“‘Bout fucking time. Damn. Couldn’t you hold off the nookie long enough to let a guy in to congratulate his two best friends?” Adam held up a dark green bottle and a sleeve of plastic cups that looked like he’d probably swiped them off a housekeeping cart. I laughed and shook my head.
“How do you know she said yes?” I smarted off, opening the door wider and letting him step in. He moved straight to the mini bar, pouring the champagne into three plastic cups.
“Maybe I just know her better than even you do,” he said without looking at me. I raised an eyebrow at him. “Dude, of course she said yes. Have you seen the way you two act around each other? It’s disgusting. You’re in love.”
I pulled Lizzie into my side, grinning when she nuzzled into my neck. Adam handed us each a cup and held his up to toast. I lifted mine and my grin widened at Lizzie’s giggle when she followed suit.
“To my two best friends. We’ve been through a whole shit ton of nasty in the past but I hope you get everything you deserve and I hope I’m around to watch every step of the way.”
My phone vibrated in my hand again.
See. It wasn’t all bad.
As I read her message, I realized I had been smiling at the memory. That was the night I first started to think that maybe the mistakes I’d made hadn’t completely ruined my life. I believed that night. I believed that the future I’d planned out for Lizzie and I might actually be possible.
Swallowing, I looked back up at her. She met my eyes and I watched the tear drop to her cheek when she blinked. Without thinking, I reached across and wiped it away with my thumb. Her eyes widened, shocked at the kindness. Honestly, I was too.
“You’re right. It wasn’t all bad,” I said, dropping my hand and clearing my throat as Conner looked up from his coloring.
“I need to potty,” he announced, breaking the moment. Lizzie and I both laughed and I dropped my phone on the table, rubbing my hands over my face as I tried to reign in my thoughts.
“Okay. Let’s go, buddy.” I slid out of the booth, holding out a hand for him once Lizzie let him out of their side. “Order the usual.” I called to Lizzie as we walked away, almost staggering mid-step at the realization of how normal this all felt.
When Tish and I laid out the plan for our trip, I’d decided to come down a few days early. I needed to take care of some things and it gave me time to do just that. I needed to get copies of my birth certificate and social security cards, which I was sure my parents had, but I also knew I could at least take care of the birth certificate at the courthouse. It would be easier to take care of things like that before anyone knew I was here.
I also had to meet with the prosecutor about the trial. He warned me of the dos and don’ts of being on the witness stand and what to do if I didn’t understand a question. He walked me through my testimony, during which I made Tish step out of the office. I didn’t want him to be in the courtroom at all when I was on the stand but I knew there was no way around it. That didn’t mean he needed to hear the details more often than what was necessary.
And though it was unplanned, I spent time with Denni and Kaitlyn. I was thankful to hear that once Denni moved back home after my disappearance, Kaitlyn had moved in with her.
I still felt embarrassed when I remembered the blubbering mess I’d become when I finally let go of the anger I’d held on to for so long. I’d never blamed Kaitlyn. In fact, there was a time when I regretted not offering to take her with me when I left.
In the beginning, I’d worried about her. I wondered what would happen, if Hunter would come after her too. I almost came home, but then I remembered the helpless, hollow feeling I’d been left with at the end and I knew I couldn’t face it. It was selfish. I was selfish. But I didn’t know what else to do.
Kaitlyn was the only member of my family I’d never blamed for what happened. I had blamed Denni, though I hadn’t wanted her to blame herself. It was completely unfair and I knew that but she took off to unknown foreign places the same year all this happened. Outside of Kaitlyn, Denni had been my best friend. And she wasn’t there when I needed her.
By Monday morning, I was a mess of nerves. It was officially the first day of the trial and as I stood, staring at my reflection in the mirror, trying to tell myself it would be okay, my phone buzzed on the counter. The screen lit with Zane’s name and I opened the text.
Do you have any idea how much I miss you?
I couldn’t help but smile, releasing a breath, and with it, a bit of the anxiety I felt. Every morning since I left, I’d received this exact same message. And even though I’d been away from him for five days already, it still warmed me the same way it had the first morning.
I think I have an idea.
I typed the response quickly and my phone buzzed before I could even turn off the screen again.
Check the front pocket of your bag.
I frowned at the words, reading them a second time as I wandered out of the bathroom and toward my duffle bag. I lifted it onto my bed, slipping open the zipper. When I ran my hand into the shallow pocket, my fingers met something solid. I pulled out the piece of paper intricately folded into the shape of a heart. I dropped onto the bed beside the bag, running my thumb over the two words written in Zane’s neat handwriting across the front.
My Heart
“Damn him,” I muttered as I swiped away the tears that were no doubt going to run ugly, black trails down my cheeks before I even left this motel room today. Tish chuckled from where he sat at the table by the door and I glanced over for only a second before I returned my attention to the paper in my hand.
Slowly and carefully, I unfolded each detailed tuck until the page was completely open. Taking a deep breath, I steeled myself for his words.
Pixie,
Today, of all days, I wish I were with you. It’s where I belong. But even though I’m not beside you, know that I’m behind you. You can do this. You are doing this and your courage and determination are nothing short of staggering to me. I’ve never met anyone like you in my life and just the fact that I get to call you mine is miraculous. You are an example of what strength truly is and I hope you know that every day — Every. Single. Day. — I fall deeper in love with you.
I know you’re scared. Whether you think you’ve hidden it from me or not, I know there’s fear. But that is what’s so inspiring. It’s not bravery if you’re not scared. But you have nothing to fear. He can’t hurt you anymore. Even if things don’t go the way they should, he’ll never be able to hurt you again. He holds no power over you. Remember that.
I miss you. Conner misses you. We need you to focus and make it through this because we need you to come home. So take a deep breath, lift your chin, and keep those beautiful eyes open when you walk into that courtroom. And when it’s all said and done, come home to us.
My heart is yours.
Zane
I didn’t bother wiping the tears as I attempted to read the words again. I knew I would be in a rush to finish getting ready if I didn’t hurry but the third time through, I finally started finding the pull of that strength he spoke of. As I hurried to the bathroom to calm myself and reapply my makeup, I typed a quick text.
Your letter is going to make me late. I’ll be coming home to you as soon as I can. And mine, too.
Entering the Travis County Courthouse wasn’t nearly the circus I was afraid it would be. Of course, the media was there but with my hair dyed black and the tattoos and piercings, I looked nothing like the pic
tures they’d seen of Kylee Camden. That’s exactly what I’d hoped for when I originally changed my look. But, I knew once they figured it out, the walk in and out of the main entrance would be different.
We followed the directions toward the courtroom, waiting outside the door until the bailiff came out to lead us upstairs to the holding room. I recognized several of Hunter’s friends and his brothers as well as a few of the younger girls from the gym who were probably there to testify for Brooke. Hunter’s brothers, Thomas and Mason, stared at me as I walked to a chair in the corner of the room. In fact, pretty much everyone stared at me.
I drew my knees up, placing my heels against the edge of the seat in an attempt to hide. It was ridiculous but it surprisingly made me feel better. I turned my head toward Tish, noticing that he seemed torn. He placed his arm on the back of my chair lightly, going for comforting without touching me. I sighed.
When half the day had passed with nothing happening for us, they came in to release us for lunch. I hadn’t thought about my family coming to the trial until I spotted them when we passed the open doors to the courtroom. I looked at Tish, panicked.
I saw when my parents spotted me and I practically launched myself past Tish in my attempt to get away from them before they could speak to me. Tish guided me with a hand on my back toward the hallway.
“Stairs?” he asked in a hushed voice and I nodded my agreement, following him quickly to the marked door. He started down but I shook my head.
“No. Up. Let’s go up one floor and just sit. Please?” I begged. Tish nodded his agreement and I kicked off my heels, snatching them quickly and running up the stairs. We passed a few jurors from other trials, identifiable by the JUROR tag on their shirts, as we exited onto the fifth floor of the building.
After rounding the corner, I spotted the restrooms and darted inside the women’s without a word to Tish. I needed a moment alone to try to process. I rushed into the large stall at the far end, slamming the lock closed before leaning back against it. I didn’t think I could do this. Just knowing my parents were in this building was enough to make me sick to my stomach; knowing Hunter was here too, my body trembled.
With shaking fingers, I fished in my wallet and pulled out the letter from Zane. It was folded normally now but I opened it and carefully read his words again, trying to remember that he saw strength in me, even when I couldn’t feel it.
It didn’t take long for raised voices outside the bathroom to start floating in. I recognized Tish’s voice as he told someone they couldn’t go into the bathroom. The voice that followed was indignant and I knew immediately it was my mother. I couldn’t let myself lose it now so instead, I pulled out my greatest weapon. Practiced indifference. I hid all my emotions, locking them away as I exited the bathroom and found myself behind the wall of Tish’s back as he blocked the door.
Carefully, I touched his arm to alert him of my presence before I stepped out beside him. Jefferson and Lydia Camden were exactly as I remembered them, as if my disappearance and even the current trial hadn’t aged them a bit. They didn’t seem relieved to see me and they weren’t grabbing at me to pull me into their arms as Denni had, but I honestly hadn’t expected either response from them.
“What have you done to yourself, Kylee?” my mother asked and I fought back the urge to scream expletives at her. After three years, those were the words she chose to say to me first?
“That’s not my name, Lydia,” I responded, mirroring her detached tone perfectly. I might’ve thought in this moment that I actually learned something from my mother, but I knew Lydia’s apathy wasn’t fake. She wasn’t harnessing emotions behind a mask, she truly had none.
“You—” my father began, but I turned away, heading straight back to the stairs, knowing Tish would follow. Hiding hadn’t worked, not from them. So ignoring them completely would be my next move.
I knew Lydia wouldn’t take the stairs but I wasn’t surprised that Kaitlyn and Denni followed Tish and I down two flights. I stopped at the landing for the third floor, leaning against the wall as the trembling in my body started. Denni stepped forward but I shook my head frantically, holding up a hand to keep her back. I had to hold it together and I couldn’t do that if she hugged me right now.
I just had to make it through the day.
The second part of the day went much the same, but by the end, we were told the jury had been selected and the opening statements were prepared to begin the next morning. There were several other witnesses, both for Brooke as well as for Hunter, so I had no idea what day I might be called.
I wasn’t surprised by the reporters as we exited the tunnel at the front of the courthouse but I was surprised at the hateful words I heard yelled from the other end of the small line of cameras. I saw Hunter’s family and didn’t bother to try to figure out which of his brothers had flung the slurs. It didn’t matter. I turned in the opposite direction, heading down one of the side routes Tish and I had mapped out to the motel.
My hands were shaking as I stabbed the button for the elevator while I stood in the small lobby. The place had two tiny elevators that seemed ridiculously slow, especially today.
“Sorry. They’re working on one of the elevators so the other is extra slow right now,” a voice said, drawing my attention to the front desk area. The girl working, Amberlynn, frowned when she looked me over. She’d been the one to check us in when we arrived and she was overly sweet, always saying hi when we came through the lobby.
“Thanks,” Tish said and I nodded toward Amberlynn before following him back out into the hot afternoon and around the corner to the stairs. It was stuffy, without any airflow in the stairwell itself as we climbed to the third floor.
Once safely inside the room, I rushed into the bathroom, slamming the French doors behind me and turning the shower on full blast before I retched. There wasn’t anything in my stomach but my body obviously wasn’t handling the stress well.
I grabbed my purse when I’d finished, surprised when I looked at my phone and saw I hadn’t missed any texts from Zane today. I really thought he would send something but I knew he was going to an appointment with his doctor and hoping for at least a partial release to return to work. I sent him one, letting him know we were safely in the room for the night. If Tish wanted food later, he would either have to go alone or he would deal with pizza. There was no way I could face anyone tonight. Just as I was stripping out of my clothes to step into the water, my phone buzzed against the tile counter.
I’m sorry. Conner has been down today so I’m taking him out tonight. Hopefully I can cheer him up. I’ll try to call you once he’s asleep.
I frowned at the words, hating that Conner was having a rough time. We knew between the move and not seeing Lizzie, he might start struggling. Add to that the pain of his still healing bones and he was bound to have bad days. I knew Zane could handle it, he always had, but I hated that he was doing it alone after my whole speech about how it wasn’t just him now.
As if a feather landed on top of the pile of crap I was trying to carry, I finally broke. The guilt was too much with all of the other emotions churning inside. I climbed under the stream of water. The weight of it all made my legs unsteady and I lowered myself, curling my knees up to my chest as I cried into my hands. I tried to let it all go, forcing myself to release the emotions and rebuild my protective wall, one brick at a time. Once I felt more in control, I stepped out, grabbed a towel, and wrapped it around my torso. It was then I saw the flashing light on my phone. After drying my hands, I checked the missed alert. It was another text from Zane. I opened it, expecting the ‘I love you’ he hadn’t sent in the last one.
Are you staying tonight? Conner and I have a surprise for you when you get here. Call when you head this way, baby.
I read the words a second time. Then a third. I checked the time and the message was sent less than five minutes after the previous. I read each word again before my fingers fumbled and I dropped the phone. It landed with a clatter
against the counter and I snatched it up, pressing and holding the button on the top to power it off. It felt somewhat symbolic as I locked down my emotions.
I opened the bathroom door, ready to head to my bag to grab some clothes, but Tish had laid some right outside. I slowly pulled them on, my brain running through scenarios as I tried to justify what I’d read. I tried to understand and make sense of the few sentences that, by all accounts, could bring me to my knees if I let them.
I wouldn’t let them.
Stepping out, my hair in a loose bun and dripping on the towel wrapped around my shoulders, I dropped into the chair wedged in beside the desk where Tish was seated. I immediately had his attention and I knew my face must have been giving away my emotions. Too bad I had no idea what those emotions were.
“Have you talked to Zane?” My voice was firm, strong, and I was almost proud of how I wasn’t breaking down over this. Tish’s brow furrowed, his confusion obvious.
“Yeah.”
“Has he seen Lizzie since we left?” I questioned, not willing to give away what I already knew. I wasn’t sure if Tish was aware I’d overheard their conversation about the ultrasound or not but I needed to verify what he would say. Tish had never lied to me.
He looked only resigned as he ran his hand over the back of his neck. “Yeah. Lizzie asked to start seeing Conner and the lawyer told Zane he needed to let her or it would look bad.”