Out of the corner of my eye, I caught the concentrated expression on Lina's face. Seth had completely forgotten about his bound victim and that cost him. The asshole was just about to hit me again. This time, he'd probably have taken me down. That was when he let out a yell of toe curling pain and threw his head back. I hadn't realized what had happened until Lina's chair fell down on the ground with a loud thud. She must have raised her ankle with utmost effort and had shoved the sharp heel of her shoe into his exposed calf. Lina lost her balance and her scream of pain echoed through the storage unit.
Seth turned to her with an expression of utmost fury. “You fucking whore,” he yelled, and slammed his foot into her ribs. She howled at the pain in her ankle and the series of blows to her unprotected torso. It was Seth's lowest point and biggest mistake. He put me out of sight in order to punish her. His rage made him blind and deaf to everything around him. He didn't even flinch as I dropped the crowbar and grabbed the bloodied cane instead. All it took was one hit to the back of his neck to make him collapse to the ground.
He was lying in obvious pain and I was terribly close to ending his pathetic existence. One look at Lina, hearing her cries of agony, was enough to send me over the edge. My mind was dizzy with wrath and the need to hurt him in the worst way possible. The heavy metal crowbar found itself back in my hands and I imagined how it would feel to smash his nasty skull, how his blood and pieces of smashed brain would smear the floor. The rush of violence hit me in the head just as badly as Seth’s fist earlier. My hands were shaking with need and thirst for revenge.
That moment, Lina whimpered pitifully and raised her hands in the cuffs. Her spiked heel was soaked in Seth's blood, and her body was peppered with welts and nasty crimson stripes.
What the fuck was I doing?
I let the crowbar fall to the ground with a clatter and moved a step closer to him. He was clutching his neck and made an attempt to get up, but my boot on his chest stopped the movement.
“Ohh, hurt me more, daddy!” Blood was running down his shirt and he spat at my face with a vicious smirk and challenge in his glazed eyes. I wiped away the fluids with disgust as if Seth could infect me.
“And why should I give you an easy way out?” I said in an even tone. Before he could make any further move, I kicked him straight in the teeth, putting all my force into the final blow. Seth groaned and attempted to put his hands over his face. My next kick to his temple made his eyes roll into the back of his head and he lost consciousness.
“Thomas...” Lina groaned again, quivering as if she had a fever.
“Hold on a bit longer, sweetie.” It was difficult to sound gentle and comforting when my blood was still boiling with anger, but she needed me and that mattered more than some cheap thrill of easy revenge. I crouched next to him and went through his pockets, shivering in disgust when my fingers brushed against his flesh. As I got to the breast pocket of his shirt I felt keys and pulled them out. It was a huge relief to find smaller ones attached to the chain. They unlocked Lina's cuffs.
Her night had been filled with enough horror even without the humiliation of being seen in such a disgraceful position by strangers. Allie must have gotten my signal and the cops would be on their way.
I moved closer to Lina's chair, keeping an eye on the unconscious Seth. When the last of the metal restraints fell, I picked her trembling body up in my arms, careful not to touch the welts and bruises all over her front. She was shaking like a leaf and grunted quietly in pain.
“My ankle,” Lina said desperately. “It may be broken.”
“Help is on the way, sweetie. Just be brave a little longer,” I whispered into her hair, cradled her on my lap and took my leather jacket off to cover her. There were signs of tears all over her cheeks but she just stared with an empty expression. At least her back was intact, save for several red prints from the steel chair.
I wrapped my arms around her and let her head rest on my chest, whispering sweet nonsense while stroking her hair.
“You're safe now, Lina. It's over.” A pang of guilt shot through me as the events of the past week played in my mind. Holding her in my arms should have been soothing. She was scarred but she'd live and knew who her traitor was. So why didn't I feel better?
I pressed my lips to her forehead and kept rocking her gently back and forth. She just lay on my chest, strangely quiet, in deep shock.
“I'm so sorry, Lina. For everything.”
“Please, don't,” she said softly and closed her eyes, burying her face in my shoulder. I expected to hear her sobbing, screaming or showing some sort of reaction to her horrible experience. Instead, my pet snuggled me and whispered, “Just hold me now.”
So that's what I did. I held her close, kissed her face and promised her it would be all right. Guilt attacked me for lying to her in such a blatant way. Deep down, I doubted things would ever be right for either of us.
Lina looked up at me and said quietly,
“You're here... You're really here.” She touched my cheek and that small gesture of trust shattered me. It warmed me and increased my shame. It made zero sense but I didn't feel worthy of her trust.
“Of course, my pet.” The term of endearment slipped out of my mouth and I instantly regretted it. Lina didn't show any reaction, though, and lay her cheek against my shoulder.
Somewhere outside those walls, I could hear the police sirens.
“It will be over soon.”
If only it was that simple.
***
Lina and I stepped into her loft at about four in the morning, after hours of interrogations and medical exams. She'd been cooperative and didn't show any obvious signs of distress. There were no tears or hysterics, no normal reaction to what had happened to her. And that was what scared me. I was prepared to hold her, wipe her tears, have her scream at me, accuse me of everything, punch my chest with angry fists and completely unravel. I hated the sight of her so quiet and withdrawn, just an empty shell of the woman I loved and admired. The empty gaze in her once vibrant blue eyes made guilt twist inside me like a knife. Vicious pain was tearing me apart, but I had to be strong for both of us.
The hospital staff had allowed me to stay with her the whole time after I told them she was my fiancée. I didn't want to let her out of my sight. We hardly exchanged a word while waiting at the emergency room. Her soft body was pressed against me and she trembled in discomfort anytime I shifted. Occasionally, Lina would turn her nervous gaze to me and ask if I was leaving. She didn’t seem reassured by my promises that I wouldn't leave her alone.
Maybe I never should have gotten involved in her life. True, she would be still deeply addicted to nicotine, lonely, with sexual issues, but her strong spirit would be intact. There were many logical arguments for why it wasn’t entirely my fault. Seth was psychotic beyond redemption. His insanity would have struck at some point, with or without me, but I couldn't shake off the guilt, as well as the notion that we had both destroyed this woman. His last words as the cops were taking him away in cuffs were haunting me.
“He's no better than me, Lina.” He laughed with the same gleam in his eyes. “He will crush you. You'll never be safe, whore.”
Maybe I really should have killed him when I had the chance. Hopefully, Lina hadn't heard or understood him. Judging by the violent way her body had jerked, it was unlikely. I kissed her softly and repeated to her a thousand times not to listen to him. She nodded but the shaking didn't stop.
The exam and x-rays showed Lina had multiple concussions, a sprained ankle and many lacerations. She said Seth never tried to rape her and refused an examination by a gynecologist. The doctor on duty wanted to keep her for observation, but she refused this as well and kept repeating that she wanted to go home. I tried to persuade her but the lost little girl look in her eyes made me go quiet. She whispered in my ear that she couldn't bear to be around strangers right then.
Her condition allowed her to be discharged after they bandaged up her injured fo
ot. The doctor set an appointment for a check up in a few days and emphasized how important it would be for her to keep it. He also told me she'd have to see a therapist at some point.
Lina fell asleep with her head on my lap while we rode back to her place in a cab. The cops didn't interrogate her because of her state of mind, but she'd need to go to the precinct and give a statement. The next few months would be rough on her.
She was still drowsy when I carried her to her bedroom. We were both too beat to bother with showering. Lina wouldn't be able to take a proper shower for some time anyway. I dug an old cotton t-shirt out of her drawer and helped her put it on. It was unnatural to take care of her like this, as if she was a helpless little girl, but I was happy to be close to her, to know Lina still trusted me after all we'd been through.
Or maybe she was too overwhelmed and would have accepted help from anyone in that moment. I didn’t want her to wake up and accuse me of taking advantage of her, though, so while I ran my fingers through her hair, I questioned her hesitantly.
“Do you want me to stay? I can take the couch if you'd be more comfortable but I don't want to...”
And that was it, the breaking point. The moment I said those words, the shell shock she'd been isolated by couldn't contain the pain any longer. Lina grabbed me by the shirt, pulled me closer and burst into desperate sobs. She was down on her knees on the mattress, pressing her head against my stomach, howling like a wounded beast. I'd been waiting anxiously for this moment for hours, but when it finally happened it was more disturbing than I’d imagined. Her body shook violently and I pulled her into a deep embrace to help her calm down a little.
“Please, don't leave,” She said through a sob when she regained the ability to speak. I blinked at her words and stroked her hair as she continued her tearful monolog. “I'm so sorry, Thomas. I was such a bitch to you. I should have trusted you. Please, please, forgive me. I thought I was going to die without seeing you again.” Her nails dug against the fabric of my shirt as she blurted out, “I love you, Thomas. I love you so much. I'd do anything to make things right. Please...”
“Shh...” She’d knocked me down with her reaction and desperate confession. I'd hoped someday I'd hear her say it, but never under such horrible circumstances. It should have been a happy feeling, the knowledge that she loved me, but I only felt pain. “Relax.” I wiped the tears from her face and kissed her as deeply as possible. “I'm not going anywhere. I'm yours as long as you want me.”
Later, these words would come back to haunt me, but in that moment, my Lina needed comfort and the soothing of her traumatized mind. I lay her down gently on the bed and pulled the covers over us. My arms wrapped around her body and brought her closer to me. She curled into a ball in my embrace and raised a pair of crying, red eyes to me.
“Thomas, please... Do you forgive me?”
“Only if you can forgive me,” I said after some hesitation and ran my fingers across her cheek. “Don't blame yourself, Lina.” My voice was low and the whisper caressed her skin. “My strong, brave girl. You should rest now. You deserve it after all that’s happened. Sleep and heal, pet.”
I shifted my arm to turn the light off then draw her back into my arms. Five minutes later, she was asleep and her body pressed against mine felt like a lifeline.
Why couldn't the desolation release me from its grasp? Happiness was out of place in that cruel night of torture.
A lonely sigh escaped my chest and I held Lina tighter, trying to find solace in her warmth and closeness.
I’d often fantasized about living with Lina while we had our secret relationship. Perhaps it was a typical fantasy, but it had frustrated me that the weekend was the only time we could spend together. Our sex games in the office and the pillow talks until midnight were the highlights of my day. It always took us at least ten minutes to say goodbye after a session of heated phone sex. I imagined her delicious body next to mine before I fell asleep. The thought of holding her, running my fingers down her soft skin, over the bruises on her ass and through her flowing hair had made me ache with loneliness. It might have been pathetic to be so obsessed with a submissive. I was supposed to be the strong one, the one in control. However, that was what happened when you were in love as badly as I was.
At such moments, I didn’t give a rat’s ass about BDSM protocol and the preconceptions of what a Dom ought to be like. I wanted to have my pet around me all the time, wet, sassy and challenging. Thoughts of family, children, and more conventional things couples did together were far from my mind, but I knew Lina was my perfect match. I no longer suffered from doubt and anxiety over whether she would leave me after sating her need for kink.
Why was it that when our dreams came true they always came with fine print?
I'd never wanted her to be broken, as much fun as it had been to break her pride and command her submission.
I lived at Lina's place for a little over two months after Seth's assault. It was far from the romantic paradise of my fantasies. She had taken indefinite sick leave from work. That may not have been the smartest decision from a business point of view. It was a turning point for ChaosTech Solutions, but she was a total mess in every possible way, starting from her foot injury, the multiple bruises and concussion. The invisible wounds were the worst, though. I feared Lina would never make a full recovery.
The rumors started when I began to spend less and less time at the office, coinciding with Lina's withdrawal. Of course, the episode with Seth was not secret for long, but very few were aware I'd been involved. A few months earlier, my co-workers’ suspicions would have worried me, but right then, the whispering and suspicions were the least of my concerns. I would show up at the office for a few hours to supervise my projects and set tasks accordingly. Most of my other work could be done long distance. I usually did it when Lina was sleeping.
The first few days were the most difficult for both of us. She hardly said a word and would spend hours in a catatonic state, staring at a single point on the wall. It took me a great deal of effort to make her eat or drink anything. I helped her to wash her hair and change the bandages on her breasts. Most of the time, Lina was compliant and didn't try to question me, but there was no life in her eyes or bounce in her step. She was going through the motions, absent and withdrawn in her own thoughts. If I hadn’t been there to make her move more, she'd probably have spent the entire time curled in a ball, her fists clenched against her chest.
It wasn't a burden for me to take care of her. I accepted it as a natural part of being in a relationship with someone, especially if they’d been through the nightmare Lina had lived through. However, it was painful to see this once energetic, intelligent woman broken into an empty shell of her previous self. Most of the time after we were done with her medical care, I'd take her in my arms and talk for a long time. I hoped at least some of my words were getting through to her.
The nights were even worse. They were the only times Lina showed signs of life but not in a good way. She'd snuggle against me and stare up at my face with wide open eyes. Then she’d beg me not to leave her. The anxiety in those blue orbs remained no matter how many times I reassured her she was safe with me and had nothing to worry about.
When we fell asleep, Lina would clutch onto me for dear life. It felt like she was trying to physically restrain me from walking away. That was even more painful than watching her catatonic state during the day. I'd never force a woman in such a fragile psychological state to have sex with me. It wouldn’t be okay even if she offered it herself, but my body was affected by being so close to Lina, having her in my arms and not being able to make at least tender love to her. I was often aching and hard when she pressed herself to me. I tried to think of grannies in underwear and dirty socks to make the blood rush out of my cock. The frustration made me feel like even more of a pig who had a hard time trying to control his urges.
That wasn’t the worst part. After all, I wasn't a teenager and I could handle the hormones. In
the middle of the night, Lina would wake me up with screams of terror, writhing in the claws of another nightmare. Her body was always soaked in cold sweat and shaken by desperate sobs. I'd hold her tight and comfort her until she fell asleep again. At one point, it became hard for me to sleep. I knew the nightmare and screams would repeat over and over again. Instead, I watched Lina sleep and stir in her dreams. She looked so fragile and lost that my old rage resurfaced.
In those instances, I wished I'd killed Seth, but I realized that if I had done, I would have left Lina all alone and fighting even stronger demons. It was important that I brought her back to her true self, even if she went back to smoking. She refused to talk about what had happened with Seth. I could only guess what that sociopath had done to her mind.
Lina wouldn't go outside, not even onto her spacious balcony. Any mention of the world beyond her loft would send her into fits of hysterics. In the end, the detectives assigned to her case had to come to her to get her statement on the assault. I was on edge during the entire interrogation, holding her hand, trying to show her support in every way possible. Luckily, Lina handled the questions better than expected, with a detached look in her eyes. She stated the facts as if recalling the plot of a book or movie, but at least there was no nervous breakdown. She handled herself well at least until the detectives left. The moment we were alone, Lina burst into tears and confessed she saw Seth's shadow everywhere.
It was the second stage of her reaction to the events. She was in a constant state of paranoia in those horrible days of panic attacks and strange emotional outbursts. I almost missed her catatonic, quiet phase. Yes, that was a shitty attitude. However, I was truly helpless for the first time in my life. All my efforts to help her recover were failing. Lina was in need of proper therapy, professional help so she could let go of this nightmare. Just the slightest mention of finding a specialist would set her off, though. Her body would tremble violently, she'd curl up in the fetal position and cry, begging me not to force her to go back over what had happened.
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