by Jeannie Moon
If she ever left Mimosa, it would be because she was running to something, not away from it.
Just as she was about to say something, there was a little thump in her belly. “Oh, my gosh! He kicked!”
Josie reached out and held her hand against Lila’s bump. “Will I be able to feel it?” Josie wondered.
“I don’t know,” Lila responded. “Give him a chance to do it again.”
Josie held her hand very still, and Lila found herself holding her breath, hoping she could feel that little bit of joy from inside. And then he kicked again.
“There it is!” Josie leaned in, like she was listening for the baby’s voice, waiting. Another kick. “That’s the most amazing thing in the world. Has Nick…”
“No, not yet. This is the first time I felt a real kick. Up until now it’s just been flutters. It’s amazing. Being pregnant is the most magical thing, Josie.”
They dropped into silence, taking in the moment. It was pretty much perfect, except for the fact that Nick wasn’t there. Her heart hurt missing him.
“Lila, I know you’ve been through a lot. And I’m sure my brother has messed things up tremendously.” Josie was quiet, gentle as she spoke. “But you have to know the two of you need to work this out. You have to. You’d be so good for him. For each other.”
“I don’t know. I don’t want him to feel this is some kind of obligation. I was careless…”
“Stop. It takes two to tango, as my grandma used to say. I don’t think Nick feels trapped.”
If she could be sure of that, Lila would breathe easier.
“If I were to guess, my brother is feeling many things…out of his league, intimidated, overwhelmed, scared…but I doubt he feels trapped.”
“I don’t know what to think.” With all her heart she wanted to believe she and Nick had a chance. She loved him so much it hurt. It was the reason she was willing to walk away. Stupid, probably. But even if he did love her, there had to be more. A pregnancy and a job just weren’t enough to build a life on.
“He cares about you. I heard it in his voice. He covers his emotion with a lot of bravado, with talk of loyalty and doing the right thing. But this isn’t just obligation. Not with you.”
Deep down, an inkling of hope reached out. She wondered if it was her baby kicking again, but it wasn’t—it was her heart. And her heart hoped Josie was right.
* * *
Nick turned off his car and stared ahead as he sat in front of the Super Min. He wasn’t the guy he was a month ago, a week ago, or even three days ago. Change was a bitch who was beating him senseless whether he liked it or not.
Standing in the dealer showroom yesterday, he was all set to buy a kick-ass sports car. But then he heard voices—small voices. When he turned, he saw a family with young children.
Two little boys.
His best guess placed the parents around his age, and that’s when reality hit. It came at him like a missile and smacked him hard. So instead of a something small, black, and fast, he left the dealership with a sporty SUV.
A dad car.
And there was plenty of room in the back for a car seat.
He remembered coming to this store with his grandfather to pick up a newspaper, or milk or eggs if his grandma ran out. Now he just needed coffee and a donut before he headed to the airport to hop a flight to Washington. He didn’t want to go, but he figured he should at least talk to people about the job offer.
Lila had been gone for three days, but it felt like three years. He was a fucking mess without her. He didn’t sleep well, he couldn’t focus…
The woman was under his skin, and glancing at himself in the mirror, Nick faced the truth.
He didn’t just love Lila, he was in love with her. And he wanted to marry her not to save her, but to save himself.
Every fiber of his being ached for her. But more than anything, she owned his heart. There was no getting around it, he’d fallen. Hard.
It was when he finally admitted it that he could understand why she’d left. He could rationalize all he wanted about how marrying Lila was the right thing to do, but she was the one who could see he hadn’t been doing it for the right reason. Yes, he wanted to be a father to his baby, but there needed to be more at stake to walk down the aisle.
He had to want to be a husband.
Getting out of the car, the September heat surrounded him. He was going to buy a suit to make an impression during his meeting, but Nick decided to wear his uniform, which fortunately he’d had altered when he was rehabbing in DC. Unfortunately, the damn thing was hot as fuck.
He’d also shaved. So while Lila would be disappointed he no longer looked like a pirate, he did look like a marine.
Making his way into the artificial chill of the Super Min, his presence turned some heads. Just like any small town, the gossip mill on Mimosa was always in full swing, and remembering what his grandmother used to say, the ladies at the convenience store kept it going.
He received a tip of the cap from one man, a handshake from another. People were very generous thanking him for his service, but he could see the lady with golden brown hair staring at him from behind the counter didn’t give a rat’s ass about being nice. Her eyes said she wanted information.
Charity Grambling always wanted information.
“If it isn’t Nick DeMarco,” Charity snipped. “It’s been a while since you’ve been in here.”
“A few months at least, ma’am.” Nick grabbed a tin of mints before he fixed himself a coffee and found a donut that looked edible. “If you’d ring these items up, I’d appreciate it.”
“Uh huh.” Charity kept her eyes pinned on him. “When is Lila coming back? She got out of here pretty fast after you arrived.”
He knew that. He’d scared her halfway around the world and now he had to figure out how to get her back. “She went to be with Josie. Royal weddings require all hands on deck.”
Don’t feed the monster, man.
“Right. The wedding is in a few weeks.” Charity paused for effect. “I don’t recall getting an invitation to the affair. Perhaps it was lost in the mail.”
There was almost no appropriate response to her comment; ‘are you fucking kidding?’ was definitely out. “The guest list is very small.”
“I’m sure. But I was one of your grandmother’s good friends, that’s all.”
Charity was definitely a legend in her own mind. Grandma hadn’t liked her all that much.
“So where are you off to this time? Going to make Lila an honest woman or are you going to let her have that baby on her own?”
Nick burned inside. “I’ll see her in Marinbourg in a couple of weeks. I actually have a meeting today, so if you could let me pay…”
“Where’s your meeting?”
“Out. Of. Town.” Holy shit.
“Running off again? That caused her a heap of trouble last time when she found out you’d knocked her up.”
The only way Nick wasn’t going to lose his temper was if he got out of there fast. He pulled a twenty from his wallet and dropped it on the counter. “Have a good day.”
“Wait, I haven’t…”
“You’ve said enough. Take the money and stop talking.”
“I run an honest business,” Charity sniffed. “I’ll give you change.”
“Set it aside to pay for someone’s coffee. As far as Lila goes, you will stop talking about her. People like you are the ones who ran her off.”
He was out the door and in the car before Charity could answer. He kept thinking about what Lila had put up with while he was gone. All it took was a few nosy, small-minded individuals to spread rumors, and while Mimosa was populated with many decent, good-hearted people, the gossips on the island were world class.
He drove himself over the causeway and pulled into the same small airport in Naples that the royal jet had landed at a few days earlier. Now as he was waiting to board a small military jet that would take him to DC, he took out his phone and cal
led Tony.
It was the middle of the afternoon in Marinbourg, and his friend was probably doing King things, but he didn’t give a shit. He needed to see how Lila was doing. He missed her so damn much, and all he wanted to hear was that she was just as miserable.
“I expected to hear from you two days ago.” Tony never missed an opportunity to give him a hard time.
“I was trying to respect her privacy.”
“And now?” Tony asked, his clipped accent adding to his authority.
“Now I don’t give a shit. How is she?”
“She seems okay. She and Josie have been huddled up, so I can’t tell you much. The two of them get on like school girls.”
“Great,” he growled. “That’s just what I need.”
“Having a tough time without her, mate?”
Nick nodded, knowing his friend couldn’t see. “Yeah. I am.”
“If it’s any consolation, I know she misses you too.”
Hearing it forced a breath out of him. He felt a bit better—at least until he could get to her. “That’s…that’s good.”
“When are you heading over?”
Nick wanted to say he would be on his way later today, but something told him he had to wait. “Late next week was the plan. But that could change.”
“Any more on that White House job?”
“I’m at the airport now. I have some meetings and someone from the staff is taking me out to dinner. I’ll be back here tomorrow.”
“Are you going to take it?” Anton asked the big question.
“I don’t know,” Nick replied. “Depends.”
“On her?”
“Yeah.” He paused. “I’m so screwed, Tony. I rushed everything. I pushed, and she ran. I’ll do anything she wants, but I can’t even get her to talk to me.”
“You love her?”
“Yep. Like I said, I’m screwed.”
He heard his friend chuckle. “Welcome to the club.”
Chapter Eleven
Nick hated flying overnight. He never slept on planes; every sound, every person distracted him. He wanted to turn off his brain, but ever since his last mission ended, it seemed the only time he was calm was when Lila was with him.
For the last ten days his insides had been in knots. Convinced he had screwed things up so badly between them he’d never fix it, Nick barely slept. The job at the White House sounded perfect, in theory. But when it was all broken down during his meetings, it was just another military liaison position, which translated into a basement office, lots of paperwork, and long, long hours.
Thanks, but no thanks.
“You look like you have a lot on your mind, young man.” The comment came from an older gentleman seated next to him. The man had slept most of the flight between New York and Rotterdam.
Nick nodded. “You could say that.”
“Being reposted to Europe?”
The question took him by surprise. Reposted? “Uh, no sir. Going to a wedding. Why do you ask?”
The elderly man laughed. “You have marine written all over you, son.”
That was probably true, especially since he’d cut his hair. But he wondered what else the gentleman saw. “Very observant.” Nick extended his hand in greeting. “Nick DeMarco. Nice to meet you.”
“Calvin White, retired Air Force.” the man responded with a wide smile and a hardy handshake. “So where are you headed?”
“Marinbourg. My sister is getting married.”
The man thought for a bit, and then put it together. “Well, I’ll be. Your sister is the pretty little teacher who lassoed the King, is that right?”
“Yep. It is. Anton and I served together in Afghanistan. The two of them met through me.”
“Oh boy!” Calvin laughed. “That must have been an interesting conversation when they told you they were getting married.”
“Yeah, you could say that. But they’re good for each other. I’m happy for them.” He was happy for them, and Nick didn’t think four months ago he’d ever say that. “I get it now.”
The fasten seatbelt sign came on, indicating their final descent.
“I don’t understand,” Calvin said.
Of course he didn’t, Nick barely understood it himself. “I get what it means to have someone who means everything to you. I get what it means to want to give that person everything. I didn’t always.”
Calvin nodded in agreement. “My wife. She passed two years ago. She helped me ‘get it’.
Nick couldn’t believe he’d just spilled his guts like that. Jesus. “Sorry. I’m tired.”
“And missing someone, obviously.” Nick started to object, but Calvin raised his hand. “No apology necessary.”
“I don’t usually share like that.” He didn’t. Nick was a rock. Nothing fazed him. Usually.
“Nothing to worry about. Occupational hazard for me. I was an Air Force chaplain. Episcopal priest. I’ve heard it all. If you want to talk, I’m a good listener.”
“Nah, I’m good, thanks.”
Calvin shrugged. Then he waited. And waited. Nick found the words bubbling in his chest, like a geyser waiting to erupt. He was a marine, for God’s sake. He didn’t get emotional. But there was Calvin. Waiting. Priests. How did they do that? It was a good approach, because finally, the dam broke.
“She’s pregnant. And I offered to marry her. It was genuine, I mean, I wanted to do the right thing. But she…she said she didn’t want to settle for a loveless marriage.”
“Hmm,” Calvin said. “Would it be loveless?”
That was the revelation Nick had had last week. It wouldn’t be. He loved her with every fiber of his being. Without Lila, his life would never be what it should be. “No, it wouldn’t. I love her so much it hurts.”
“Yeah, I kind of figured that.” Calvin patted his shoulder. “Take it from me, and this isn’t a priest talking, this is a man; it’s time for you to beg.”
“Beg? You mean like down on my knees. A proposal.”
“Oh, hell no. You have to do better than that.” The priest smiled. “There are many ways to execute the grand gesture, and you don’t have to give up your balls in the process.”
“I didn’t listen—to her, or to my heart.”
“And that’s why you’re going to beg.”
Nick felt the telltale signs of descent as the pressure in his ears backed up. He swallowed several times to clear his head, but he didn’t know if the heavy feeling was from the pressure change or with the stress of knowing he’d let Lila down. He had to fix this.
Tony had been keeping him posted, but there wasn’t a lot to tell. Lila kept to herself when she wasn’t with Josie, spending her time reading or watching TV. Tony said she was really starting to show, and Nick hated that he was missing it.
“So what do you think?” Calvin asked. “Is your lady in Marinbourg?”
“She’s been there for over a week. It’s been driving me crazy.”
Driving him crazy missing her.
“Women will do that to you,” the chaplain said. “But the right woman is going to make you a better man. Let me ask you something.”
“Okay,” Nick said skeptically.
“Is she out of your league?”
Nick looked out the window just as the plane touched down. “She’s completely out of my league. I guess I should be surprised that she hasn’t kicked me to the curb before now.”
“Sounds to me like there’s hope.” As the plane taxied, Calvin leaned forward and pulled his bag from under the seat in front of them. He reached in, and pulled out a card when they reached the gate. “Call me if you need me. I’ll be in Holland for a week. I’m visiting my daughter who’s posted to The Hague. But in the meantime, you go get your girl.”
“Yes, sir.” Nick tucked the card in his jacket pocket, and he extended his hand to Calvin. “Thanks. Thanks for the advice.”
“My pleasure. Let me know how it goes.”
Calvin stood, and gave Nick a final smile before dep
laning. What were the odds? Of course, Calvin was right. He’d been approaching her the wrong way. While begging didn’t sound all too appealing, what did appeal to him was to really show her how he felt and possibly embarrass himself in the process. It could be an absolute nightmare. He could declare his love, and she could say no, claiming it was too little, too late.
Crap. He was defeating himself before he even got started. He was in over his head with his feelings…just facing them down felt like a victory, but he had nothing to show for it, not yet. He had just entered the jetway when his phone rang.
“Yeah,” he answered.
“Welcome to Holland,” Tony said. “Call me when you’re through customs, the driver will be right up front. Have you decided what you’re going to do?”
“Yep,” Nick said. “I’m going to blow her mind. She won’t be able to say no to me.”
“Damn, what’s the plan?”
Nick grinned to himself. “I’ll let you know when I see you.”
Hopefully, he had an idea by then.
Dutch Customs was extremely efficient, especially in Rotterdam, where they were used to military personnel flying in and out. When he exited the terminal, Nick saw the Jag with the royal seal of Marinbourg sitting at the curb. The chauffeur took his bag and opened the door, and Nick was shocked to find his sister sitting in the backseat.
“Surprise!” she squealed. She lunged at him, and Nick wrapped his little sister, the future queen, in his arms.
“Hey,” he said. “What are you doing here? The sun is barely up.”
“I stayed here overnight so I could drive back with you. I wanted some time to talk before the crowds descended. Mom and Dad arrive this afternoon.”
As much as Nick wished Josie hadn’t made the trip on his account, he was glad to have some time alone with his sister. It had been too long, and as her big brother, he had to make sure she was doing exactly what she wanted.
Holding her at arm’s length, Nick locked eyes with Josie. “You’re happy?”
“I’m very happy.” Her face, and the way her smile reached right into her eyes, told him that was true. “You know, I’ve loved Anton for what feels like forever, but seeing him in this role, leading his nation, is humbling. He’s kind and thoughtful, an intuitive leader and politician, but he’s all heart. He’s an amazing man. I’m very lucky.”