‘I didn’t know she was going to say that,’ he snapped.
‘I don’t care. You let her know it’s your fault, not mine, that we can’t have a baby.’ Noreen didn’t care if she hurt him. He was hurting her by not dealing with the problem and she was damned if she was going to have Mrs Flynn blaming her for their childlessness.
‘Thanks for putting the boot in, Noreen,’ Oliver snarled as he followed his mother out the front door.
‘You’re welcome,’ she muttered to his retreating back.
That night as they lay in bed, having not spoken a word to each other for the rest of the evening, she turned to him and said curtly, ‘I need a break. I need to get away and have some time to myself. I’m going to go to London for a week or so as soon as I’ve arranged it with Kay.’
‘Suit yourself,’ Oliver said coldly.
I bloody well will, Noreen thought as she pulled the duvet up over her shoulders. I’ve a good mind to go and never come back.
Two weeks later she stood at the check-in at Dublin Airport. Oliver had dropped her to the airport but when he’d indicated to go into the car park she’d said coolly, ‘There’s no need for you to come in, just drop me off at the departures and you won’t be delayed.’
‘Fine,’ he said tightly and swung the wheel sharply to the left to drive up to the departures ramp, causing her handbag to fall off her lap. Her lips tightened. She was delighted to be getting away, she thought, still angry with him.
‘I’ll get your case out.’ He made an abrupt stop in the set-down area.
She felt like telling him not to bother but she restrained herself. What a way to be going on holidays. And imagine having to go off on holiday on her own, she thought bitterly. If he was any sort of a decent husband he’d come with her. She was so annoyed and irrational she didn’t stop to think that she’d never even asked him to come with her.
‘Goodbye, Oliver,’ she muttered when he’d placed her case on a trolley for her.
‘Have a good time,’ he said, his face carved out of granite. He didn’t lean towards her for a kiss and stubbornly she decided if he wasn’t going to make the first move, neither was she. She turned away and pushed the trolley towards the automatic doors, and didn’t look back.
* * *
Oliver drove out of Dublin Airport and felt a vague sense of relief that Noreen was on her way to London. There was no living with her these days. He knew she was angry that he wouldn’t go to the doctor and get himself seen to. He knew she was anxious to investigate further the causes of his sterility. She wanted to see if they were suitable for IVF. But the more she pushed the more harassed he felt.
When she’d turned on him at his mother’s it had been the last straw. He was sick of it, he was sick of her, and there seemed no way out of the nightmare. London would be a respite for him and for her. It would give them some breathing space. He needed it.
* * *
Noreen peered eagerly out the window as the plane made its descent into Heathrow. It was a clear, sunny day and the snake-like winding curve of the Thames was clearly visible. As the plane flew lower she could clearly see the Millennium Dome and the majestic Houses of Parliament. She felt a flicker of excitement and anticipation. It was good to be back. She was looking forward to seeing Kay and her other friends.
The relief of getting away from her marriage and Kilronan for a while was almost intoxicating. The further she’d got from Ireland the more the tension eased out of her body. It was as if she’d been holding her breath for a long time and now she was exhaling slowly, with great relief.
Kay was waiting for her at arrivals and they hugged warmly.
‘You’ve lost weight!’ Her friend looked at her with concern.
‘Ah, I’ll put it back on here with a few nosh-ups,’ Noreen grinned. She was delighted to be here. To hell with Oliver, she was going to enjoy herself. ‘Well, tell me all the gossip,’ she ordered her friend as they made their way to the car park.
‘Well, Mia and Will have separated, he went off with Kira Reid—’
‘Kira Reid!’ Noreen was agog! ‘Tell me more…’
The gossip lasted all the way to Westbourne Park Road, where Kay had a first-floor flat in an elegant, cream-painted three-storey house.
‘Come on, let’s have lunch on the balcony, it’s a gorgeous day,’ she urged after she’d shown Noreen to the guest room at the front of the house. The French doors in the kitchen led to a small balcony overlooking the back garden. Spring had come early and a glorious pink cherry blossom waved gently in the balmy breeze. Noreen had always liked London in the spring. Sitting on the balcony, eating creamy smoked salmon and pasta and a Caesar salad, and sipping chilled white wine with Kay, Kilronan and all her problems seemed very far away.
‘I’ve got tickets for Stones in his Pockets, the Marie Jones play, for us and there’s an exhibition of Chinese art that you might like and tonight we’re going to meet the gang for a meal in Rajiv’s.’
Noreen’s eyes lit up. ‘Oh, Kay! You’ve gone to so much trouble. It will be like old times won’t it. I always liked going to Rajiv’s. How is he?’
Rajiv Bashra was the owner of Rajiv’s Star of India Restaurant, and Noreen had always got on very well with him after she had taken care of his mother, who had taken a bad turn when she’d been having lunch in the restaurant one day. A widower with a grown-up son, he was a gregarious, chatty man with a kind heart. He’d held a party for her when he heard she was leaving to go home to nurse her mother, and told her that he would miss her.
‘Rajiv’s good. Delighted that you’re coming to visit. He told me to tell you he’ll have his best tablecloths out for you.’
Noreen laughed and thought suddenly with a little shock, that’s the first time I’ve laughed for months. She frowned. She hadn’t even thought to let Oliver know that she arrived.
‘What’s wrong? Maybe you’d prefer to go somewhere else?’ Kay mistook the reason for her frown.
‘No, no, I’m chuffed to be going to Rajiv’s. I couldn’t think of anything nicer. I was just thinking that I forgot to call Oliver to tell him I was here.’
‘Is everything OK with you two?’ Kay probed delicately.
‘Why do you say that?’ Noreen hedged.
‘You haven’t mentioned him once since you arrived, and to be honest you don’t look great,’ her friend said bluntly.
Noreen looked down at her hands. Kay had always been very perceptive. She was a very dear friend.
‘Things couldn’t be worse,’ she said quietly.
‘Oh dear … I’d better put the kettle on,’ Kay said sagely. She stood up and went into the kitchen. Two minutes later she reappeared with another bottle of wine. ‘While we’re waiting for the kettle to boil,’ she suggested. Noreen made no objections.
It was a relief to unburden herself, having kept her unhappiness bottled up for so long, and Kay listened quietly, interjecting a comment here or there.
‘So that’s where we are now,’ Noreen said sadly after telling her sorry saga.
‘Why don’t you tell him?’ Kay asked.
Noreen shook her head. ‘It’s too late now. It would only make things worse. I pushed him too far and he resents me. I don’t blame him.’
‘I’m sorry, Noreen.’ Kay stood up and gave her a hug. ‘I don’t know what advice to give to you.’
‘I think the only way to save our marriage is to give up the idea of having a baby of my own,’ Noreen admitted.
‘Maybe you’re right. Look, you’re here for ten days. Relax, don’t beat yourself up about it. A little distance is a very good thing. Now why don’t you go and unpack while I tidy up here and then we’ll stroll down the Portobello Road,’ Kay suggested.
‘I’ll give you a hand.’ Noreen jumped up.
‘No you won’t, you’re on your holliers. Go and give Oliver a ring and tell him you’ve arrived,’ Kay ordered.
‘Yes, Sister.’ Noreen grinned. She went into her room and sat on the side of the b
ed and called up Oliver’s mobile number. She got the out-of-range message and wasn’t sure if she was glad or sorry. She left a brief message, and rang home just in case he was there, but the phone rang out so there was nothing more she could do. If he wanted, he could call her back.
By ten thirty that night she was in flying form. Just like her old self, Kay whispered approvingly as she sat at a big round table in Rajiv’s restaurant chatting and laughing to colleagues, as if she’d never been away. Rajiv had been delighted to see her and hugged her warmly.
‘Hello, my friend. You left it a long time to pay us a visit,’ he said in his lovely Indian accent.
‘Yes, Rajiv, much too long,’ Noreen concurred, returning his hug.
‘You see, my best linen tablecloths.’ He laughed as he led her to a beautifully dressed table in an alcove in the pale yellow and terracotta restaurant.
‘Oh Rajiv … freesias, my favourites,’ Noreen exclaimed in delight as she saw vases of yellow and purple freesias on the table. ‘You remembered.’
‘Of course I did.’ Rajiv smiled at her. ‘And I’ve a dish of aloo saag made just the way you like it.’
It was a great evening, the best she’d had in a long, long time, and as she eased herself into bed, rather the worse for wear, it was with the realization that some of the friends she had here in London were closer to her and knew more about her than her own family, and even her own husband. Before she fell asleep she checked her mobile. There were no messages. Oliver had not phoned back.
32
‘Better go, Noreen, enjoy the rest of the day and I’ll see you tonight.’ Kay stood up, waved at Rajiv and left the restaurant to go to work the late shift. It was the second last day of Noreen’s holidays and it was lashing rain. She wasn’t sure what she’d do. She didn’t fancy trudging around the shops in the rain. She sipped the remainder of her wine and considered ordering another coffee.
‘So what are you doing for the rest of the afternoon?’ Rajiv slid into Kay’s empty chair.
‘The weather’s miserable. I’m all shopped out. I might just go back to Kay’s and have a read.’ Noreen leaned back in her chair and smiled at her companion.
‘That’s far too boring and lonely,’ Rajiv said firmly. ‘Let’s go to the pictures. I love playing hooky on a wet afternoon.’
‘Will we?’ Noreen perked up. Going back to Kay’s was a bit dull. She could spend her time reading when she got home. ‘What’s on?’
‘Hold on, I’ll get the paper.’ Rajiv said with alacrity. Five minutes later he was back with another bottle of wine and a paper. They perused the films on offer and narrowed it down to A Beautiful Mind or The Shipping News.
‘Don’t really like Russell Crowe—’
‘Then The Shipping News it is,’ Rajiv declared gallantly. ‘I’ll order a taxi.’
‘I’m drinking like a fish,’ Noreen remarked as he topped up her glass after ordering the taxi.
‘You’re on your holidays, Noreen. Relax. Enjoy.’
‘I’m having a lovely time and I am relaxed.’ She smiled.
‘Much more relaxed than the first night. You looked very tired.’
‘God, I must have looked a bit of a wreck,’ Noreen retorted lightly. ‘Kay said the same thing.’
‘So tell me all about life in Ireland. Is it everything you wished for? Peaceful and balming after London?’ Rajiv smiled his lopsided smile, his brown eyes warm and kind behind his glasses.
‘It’s different,’ Noreen said slowly. ‘Now that I’m back here for the few days, I’ve realized that I actually liked living in London very much.’
A waiter politely interrupted. ‘Your taxi is waiting, sir.’
Rajiv thanked him and ushered Noreen to the entrance. ‘They’ll all be talking now,’ he whispered conspiratorially. ‘Rajiv’s gone off for the afternoon with the woman from Ireland.’ He laughed heartily.
Noreen tucked her arm in his. ‘You know, Rajiv, you should be with someone. Isn’t there anyone nice on the scene? Do you still miss your wife so much?’ she asked gently.
‘If I tell you something you will be shocked,’ he murmured as he held the taxi door open for her.
‘You have someone?’ Noreen was delighted for him.
‘No, no,’ he shook his head. ‘But I don’t miss my wife at all. Isn’t that a terrible admission to make? And I’ve never said it to anyone.’ He lowered his voice, ‘Noreen, she was so bossy. “Rajiv, do this,” “Rajiv, do that.” “Not like that, Rajiv,”’ he said in a sing-song voice. ‘Now I do exactly what I like with no one to give me orders. She is not the boss of me any more. And neither is my mother.’
‘You don’t really like women, do you?’ Noreen twinkled.
‘Not true at all. I like Kay and I like you. When you went off to Ireland I missed you very much.’
‘Did you really?’ Noreen was amazed. ‘I thought you were just saying it out of politeness.’
‘But, Noreen, the talks we had. It is so unusual to have really good talks with a woman,’ Rajiv declared endearingly. ‘We got on very well.’
‘Yes, I suppose we did,’ she agreed.
‘Your husband is a very lucky man. I’m sure you have the most wonderful talks. My wife used to talk at me, not to me,’ Rajiv observed with a sigh.
‘But you meet so many people in your restaurant, Rajiv, surely you’ve met someone you like?’
‘I suppose when my son was still living with me, until January just gone, I wasn’t lonely, but he’s been promoted in his job and gone to live in Paris and I do find life lonely now. You’re right, Noreen, I should get out and about and start meeting people. I’m fifty now, more than half-way there.’
‘Fifty’s not old,’ Noreen scoffed as the taxi pulled up outside the cinema.
‘Wait until you get there,’ Rajiv said dryly as he paid the taxi driver.
Noreen thoroughly enjoyed the film, having read Annie Proulx’s book when it was first published. The last film she and Oliver had gone to, he’d slept through most of it. Rajiv was a witty companion and his amusing asides made her laugh. The afternoon flew by. It was still raining when they left the cinema, and Rajiv hailed a taxi for them and gave Kay’s address.
‘Are you rushing back to work?’ Noreen asked when the taxi eventually reached Westbourne Park Road. ‘Have you time for a cup of coffee, or a drink?’
‘Why not? I’m not a slave to my restaurant. I deserve an afternoon off now and again,’ Rajiv declared.
‘Indeed you do,’ Noreen grinned. ‘You’ve got to learn to be impulsive.’
‘Is your husband impulsive?’ Rajiv asked as she inserted the key in the front door.
‘Not in the slightest,’ Noreen said dryly. ‘If I suggested going to the pictures on a weekday afternoon, he’d think I’d lost my marbles.’
‘Aren’t you happy, Noreen?’ Rajiv asked forthrightly as he followed her up the stairs.
She gave a deep sigh, ‘I’d be lying if I said I was, Rajiv,’ she answered candidly. ‘We’re going through a bit of a rocky patch at the moment.’
‘So soon into the marriage. That’s a shame. Is it something that can be sorted?’
‘Well, you’re a man, Rajiv, maybe you could give me an idea of what’s going on in Oliver’s head, because I’m at my wits’ end,’ she confessed. ‘Go and sit down and I’ll get us a drink. How about a brandy? I brought Kay a bottle, she won’t mind,’ Noreen said recklessly. It was such a treat to have a good conversation with a man again. Oliver and she hardly talked any more and until she’d come on holiday she hadn’t realized how lonely she was.
‘We are being impulsive aren’t we?’ Rajiv chuckled. ‘If my staff could see me they wouldn’t believe it. And my wife would tell me I was being lazy and intemperate.’
‘Ah, we only live once.’ Noreen took two brandy goblets out of a cabinet and poured two generous measures. Life was for sharing. If she was at home in Kilronan she’d be coming home from afternoon surgery to an empty house. The thought of goi
ng home to her lonely existence made her feel unhappy.
Three brandies later, she was feeling no pain and she’d opened her heart to Rajiv. He was a good listener; he was like Oliver in that way, she thought sadly, as her friend stood up to go. ‘I had a lovely, lovely time, Rajiv.’ She hugged him warmly. ‘You’re a dear, dear friend.’ He smiled down at her.
‘Now I’ll really miss you. It was so nice spending time with you. You made me feel young again.’
‘Oh Rajiv, you are young. I told you, fifty’s nothing.’ Noreen cupped his face in her hands, her expression earnest. ‘You should believe me.’ They looked at each other.
‘I want to kiss you, Noreen,’ Rajiv whispered. It seemed so long since any affection had come her way, and the tenderness in his eyes was such a balm to her she raised her lips to his and felt his arms tighten around her. The whole taste and texture of him was so different from Oliver, she thought fleetingly, his desire for her a welcome affirmation that she was still an attractive, desirable woman. The loneliness and worry of the past few months seemed like a bad dream as she returned Rajiv’s kisses with brandy-induced abandon. Casting inhibitions and guilt to the wind, she took him by the hand and led him to her bedroom.
I deserve this, she thought woozily. Because Oliver abandoned me.
Rajiv was a kind and considerate lover, and afterwards as she lay in his arms, drowsy and sated, she refused to entertain any thoughts of guilt. Thoughts of this interlude with Rajiv would keep her going through the difficult times.
‘I think we were a little drunk.’ Rajiv stroked her cheek.
‘I don’t care, Rajiv. I’ll always remember this day.’ Noreen smiled at him. ‘It was special and lovely and I’m glad we had it. I’m going home in two days’ time, I’ll have a precious memory to bring with me.’
‘I’d better go, Noreen. Kay would get an awful shock if she arrived home and saw us like this.’
Noreen groaned. ‘How am I going to explain all the brandy that’s gone? I better run out and get a bottle somewhere.’
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