Heather blushed to the roots of her hair. ‘How did you know that? Were you talking to Ruth?’
‘No I wasn’t. I can see it. Just as I can see that he will be going over water to see that woman and you are not to give it one second of energy. Don’t waste time on them, they’re not worth it. Close the door on it and let it go and open yourself to the new energy that’s coming in to your life. You’re a very lucky woman. Not many women will know the love that you’ll know. It will be a deep and lifelong bond.’
She smiled at Heather. ‘Keep in touch and let me know what’s happening.’
‘OK,’ Heather agreed, privately feeling that it had been a complete waste of time. A man on the periphery of her life indeed. Ruth had no sense, dragging her to a psychic. Mind, the woman had known about Heather’s revenge and according to her Neil was going to go to see Lorna over water. Heather hadn’t even mentioned that Lorna was in New York.
‘Trust your Auntie Anne,’ Anne exhorted as she opened the front door for Heather. ‘Tell your sister I was asking for her.’
‘Well?’ demanded Ruth as Heather got into the car.
‘There’s a man on the periphery of my life, and it’s going to be a deep and lifelong bond,’ Heather said sarcastically.
‘Great, and what did she say about Neil and that other wagon?’
Ruth ignored her sister’s obvious scepticism.
‘Well, she did say he was going to visit her over water and she did seem to know I’d done something to get my own back on him,’ Heather admitted. ‘Did you tell her about the files?’
‘No I didn’t,’ Ruth retorted indignantly. ‘I’m telling you, she sees things.’
‘Yeah, well, we’ll see,’ Heather said glumly. She was sorry she’d come. According to Anne Jensen, Neil was going to visit Lorna and that was a dagger to the heart no matter how shallow he was.
The few hours they spent in Avoca Handweavers took her mind off her troubles but the heartache was never far away and the journey home to Kilronan left her as troubled as when she’d left. It didn’t help that she saw Neil driving past, laughing as he spoke to someone on his mobile. How dare he laugh, she thought irrationally. How dare he be happy when she was as miserable as hell. So much for psychics.
Tom did his best to cheer her up the following evening at work, but she was glad when he went on his tea break so she could be miserable in comfort. She was puffing up bags when Oliver Flynn pushed open the door. He looked grey and tired. ‘A cod and chips, please,’ he said and then gave her a look of surprised recognition.
‘Doing a nixer, Heather?’ he asked.
‘Em … not really, Oliver. Neil and I split up. I left the garage … and the flat,’ she added wryly, remembering how he’d wished her the best in her new home.
‘Oh, oh, sorry to hear that,’ he said awkwardly.
‘That’s OK,’ she murmured unhappily.
‘You wouldn’t go back to live in Dublin?’ he ventured.
‘Not really. I don’t want to go back there. I like Kilronan.’
‘Me too,’ Oliver sighed.
Two young lads came in and ordered burgers and chips so she applied herself to her tasks, thinking that she really should start looking for a job that paid more and challenged her more. It was time to get on with things again. She remembered Anne Jensen’s words that the skills that she’d learned in her previous job would help her. She could always drop in to the local auctioneer’s and see if they had any vacancies, she supposed. Or maybe she should try the accountant’s, maybe she was referring to that. It could be anything, she thought crossly as she wrapped Oliver’s cod and chips for him and gave him his change.
* * *
Oliver took his fish and chips and drove out to the lake. He didn’t want to go home. It was strange how empty the house was without Noreen. It was lonely. He missed her. He’d told Cora that she was in London looking after a friend who was sick, but he was going to have to tell her the truth, sooner rather than later.
The birds sang all around him as he sat on a bench and unwrapped his meal. The days were getting longer. He’d be able to put in a couple of extra hours on the new site he was developing. Twenty-two apartments with lake views would give him plenty to do and plenty to think about. The first phase was well under way. He wouldn’t have time to be lonely. One thing he was good at was his job, even if he was a failure at everything else. He’d spoken to Noreen a couple of times on the phone, stilted, awkward conversations that he was glad to end. She was going to go back to nursing, she’d told him. That sounded pretty final. She’d left him, and why wouldn’t she? he brooded. He couldn’t give her a child, he couldn’t even make love to her properly. Why would she stay with a failure like him? Why would any woman ever want to be with him? He’d be on his own for the rest of his life, he’d better start getting used to it.
* * *
Neil’s heart leapt in his chest when he saw Lorna’s email address in his inbox. It was about time. Eagerly he clicked on the icon.
Hi Neil,
Can I possibly be missing you?????!!!!!! When are you going to spend a sexy weekend with me? I found us a fabulous hotel, see attachment. Just let me know when you’re booking the room so that I can make sure to take the weekend off? New York is a dream. You’ll love it. They have a chain of lingerie stores called Victoria’s Secret, should I splash out?????
Lorna xxxxxxx
‘Yes! Yes! Yes!’ he punched his fist in the air. A weekend in bed with Lorna Morgan wearing a see-through creation was just what he needed. He couldn’t wait. He opened the attachment and read the details she had sent about the hotel. It sounded fine. He couldn’t care less where he stayed. She probably wanted to stay in a hotel so that they could have some privacy. She hadn’t given him a telephone number, which was frustrating. He’d far prefer to talk to her, it was much more intimate than sitting at a computer. He flicked through his diary. He could organize a few days off without too much difficulty. So what if he had to pay Vince a bit extra to keep an eye on the showrooms on the Saturday. He deserved a holiday, he’d worked bloody hard for it. Lorna could have booked the hotel instead of leaving it to him, she was living in the damn city. He’d book it over the phone. Fiddling on the Internet drove him nutty. Heather was far superior at doing things like that. She’d probably be very hurt if she found out that he’d gone to see Lorna for the weekend. But it was time for him to move on, and her too, he thought irritably, annoyed at his feelings of guilt.
She was really letting herself go to the dogs, working in a chipper, putting on weight. She must have been crazy about him. It was reassuring to know he had that effect on women. Neil hoped that he’d have the same effect on Lorna, eventually. That would be something to aspire to. He smiled to himself as he rooted in his pocket for his credit card and dialled the hotel number she had emailed him.
Ten minutes later the hotel was booked. He sat down at his keyboard and logged on.
Hi Lorna,
Hotel booked from Thurs to Sun the weekend after next. Black suspenders would be something else on a sexy woman like you. Can’t wait. Will book the flight tomorrow and let you know the details. Just thinking about you makes me as horny as hell, wish I was with you now,
See you soon beautiful woman,
Love Neil
He pressed send and heard the musical ping as his email went winging its way to Lorna. It was great that she was making all the moves. It meant she wanted to be involved. He was so used to Heather’s giving nature, it was like being on a rollercoaster with Lorna, but it sure as hell wasn’t boring. Whistling, he shut down the computer and went up to the flat to get his gym gear. He had less than two weeks to tone up and look his best. With Heather it hadn’t mattered, he’d never felt worried about his body, but Lorna was a different kettle of fish. She was so perfect herself, he didn’t want to feel flabby and unfit in front of her. And he must buy himself some new boxers, the ones he had really didn’t enhance his image. Image was everything, he assured himself
, wishing his stomach wasn’t rumbling and that he didn’t feel so hungry.
37
‘Noreen, you really should tell him, it’s not fair on the chap, and you have to tell Rajiv as well,’ Kay said firmly.
Noreen groaned. ‘I know, Kay, I know. I just can’t bring myself to.’
‘Get it over and done with. Invite Oliver over if you want to. If it would be easier for you.’
‘No, I’m not imposing on you any more, Kay. I’m going to get a place of my own very soon. I know I’ve been putting it off. I just seem to be in a fog.’ Noreen nibbled on a slice of toast.
‘That’s because you need to act decisively. You need to sort out your relationship with Oliver.’ Kay poured them another cup of tea.
‘What relationship?’ Noreen said wryly.
‘Ah, don’t be like that,’ Kay admonished. ‘He’s a good man.’
‘But even before all this blew up he was never at home. He kills himself working. He’d rather work than spend time with me,’ Noreen said mournfully.
‘Don’t look at it like that, Noreen,’ her friend said patiently. ‘Some men work like that because it’s how they define themselves. It’s where they get affirmation of who and what they are. It makes them feel good about themselves and when wives and partners nag and moan about it, that drives them to work even harder. It’s nothing to do with a lack of love for you. That’s the way he is, Noreen, and you have to accept it because you won’t change him.’
‘But I’m lonely, Kay, really, really, lonely,’ Noreen said quietly.
‘Well, maybe he’s not the man for you. But at least tell him the truth and don’t have him beating himself up over all that’s happened. It’s not fair on him.’ Kay looked her squarely in the eye.
Noreen smiled. ‘You know you’re the straightest person I know and the best friend I’ve got. I’ll book a flight home and tell Oliver face to face. It’s the least he deserves.’
‘Do you want me to come with you?’
‘No thanks, Kay. This is something I have to do myself. I got myself into this mess, I have to get myself out of it.’
‘At least you’re pregnant,’ Kay said gently.
‘I know. It’s hard to believe. And I feel so well after only a couple of weeks of morning sickness.’ Noreen stretched lazily. ‘I’ll see if I can get a flight today. The sooner I get it over with the better.’ She glanced at her watch. Nine thirty – she could be back in Kilronan before teatime.
Sitting on the bus as it drove along the quays, five hours later, Noreen yawned tiredly. It had been a day of trains, planes and buses. It had been all go since breakfast. She’d got a flight from Stansted no problem, and had hailed a taxi at Dublin Airport to take her into town. Now, sitting on the Kilronan bus as it made its way out of the city, she started to feel nervous.
How on earth was she going to tell Oliver she was pregnant? It was six weeks since she’d run away to London in a panic and nothing in her life was sorted. She’d talked to him on the phone a few times, but they had been stiff, uncomfortable conversations and she’d felt his resentment and anger at the other end of the line.
Kay was right. She had to tell Oliver everything. It wasn’t fair to let him think that their break-up was all his fault. Kay had been such a brick, she reflected as she stared unseeingly out the window. When Noreen had told her that she was pregnant and that Rajiv was the father she’d been stunned. Noreen grinned, remembering the absolute shock on her friend’s face. If it wasn’t so serious, it would be comical.
‘Right!’ she’d said. ‘Right. Now you have to stay here until you decide what you’re going to do. Are you going to tell Rajiv you’re here?’
‘Not yet,’ Noreen groaned. ‘I need to get used to the idea of being pregnant for a while.’
‘Fine, take all the time you need,’ Kay ordered and had looked after her like a baby for the past few weeks. They were closer than sisters; she was lucky to have her, Noreen thought drowsily as her head lolled on to her shoulder. She’d heard women talking about the tiredness that could envelop women in early pregnancy, they hadn’t been exaggerating, she thought, as she fell asleep.
She slept for the duration of the journey, and woke to find Mrs Larkin, one of her ex-patients, shaking her by the shoulder. ‘Nurse Flynn, Nurse Flynn, wake up, we’re just coming into Kilronan,’ she urged kindly.
Noreen came to with a start. ‘Where … what … Oh, Mrs Larkin, I must have fallen asleep.’
‘Indeed you did, dear. I got on in Navan and you were sleeping like a baby.’
Noreen blushed. Surely Mrs Larkin couldn’t tell she was pregnant! Don’t be ridiculous, she chided as she sat up straight and ran her fingers through her hair.
‘Were you away? We’ve missed you in the surgery,’ Mrs Larkin inquired chattily.
‘I was,’ Noreen smiled.
‘And will Oliver be waiting at the bus for you with that heavy bag?’
‘Aaahhh, I got home earlier than I expected.’
‘I hope he has the house tidy,’ chuckled Mrs Larkin. ‘Did you hear young Neil Brennan and Heather Williams broke up? I think she caught him with someone else, her cousin if you don’t mind. A right little madam, thought she was too good for the town. She’s gone to New York and poor Heather’s working in Fred’s chipper. Terrible,’ she tutted, delighted to be first with the gossip. ‘And Aileen Kelly broke her arm in two places and had to go into a nursing home. And poor Maddy Hill only has a few weeks to live, they took her into hospital and opened her up and she was riddled with cancer, riddled with it,’ she emphasized, with great relish. ‘Nothing they can do,’ she added triumphantly. She delighted in her role as the bearer of bad tidings. In fact the worse they were the more satisfaction she got. She was a sad woman, Noreen thought irritably, imagining the older woman’s shock if she suddenly announced that she was pregnant and Oliver was not the father.
The bus pulled into the bus stop and Noreen grabbed her bag and walked purposefully towards the exit, followed closely by Mrs Larkin. ‘Can you manage ther—’
‘I’m fine, Mrs Larkin, take care,’ Noreen said crisply and took to her heels as soon as she stepped off the bus. She had no intention of listening to that old gossip for the length of North Road.
Now that she was home, she felt agitated again. And she was hungry. She wondered if Oliver would have anything in the fridge. Maybe she should have phoned him to tell him she was coming home. She took out her mobile and keyed in his number, but got the out-of-range message. ‘Damn,’ she muttered. She didn’t particularly want to go shopping for groceries. She wanted to get out of sight as quick as possible. She was not in the mood for social chit-chat with neighbours and ex-patients.
It was strange putting the key in the lock when she got home. She felt she had no right and that she was invading Oliver’s privacy. She felt most uncomfortable, but she shrugged off the notion and went into the kitchen and put the kettle on. The kitchen was neat and tidy; typical Oliver, she thought fondly, as she rooted in the fridge and found a hunk of cheese and a jar of chutney. She found brown bread in the bread bin and buttered a slice, smeared on some chutney and added a piece of cheese. It would do to tide her over.
She pulled out the freezer drawers and found a couple of salmon steaks. They’d do fine for dinner, if only she could locate Oliver and find out what time he’d be home. She was peeling potatoes when she heard his key in the door. Her heart leapt and she turned and saw the look of astonishment on Oliver’s face as he walked into the kitchen.
‘Hello, Oliver,’ she said nervously.
‘Hello, Noreen,’ he responded warily. He looked wretched, she thought as guilt overwhelmed her. She’d planned to wait until after they’d eaten to tell him but she couldn’t keep it to herself a minute longer.
‘Oliver … I … I’ve something to tell you. And I want you to know I never meant to hurt you in any way. I’m sorry … I’m really sorry.’ Her face crumpled and she started to cry.
‘Oh, Noreen,’
he groaned. ‘Don’t be crying.’
‘Oliver … Oliver, I’m pregnant. I slept with a man when I was in London and I’m pregnant.’
Shock, pain, hurt flitted across his face as he stared at her. The silence stretched taut between them. Say something, she willed.
‘Well, you got what you always wanted,’ he said eventually. ‘I’m glad that you found a real man,’ he added bitterly.
‘Don’t say that, Oliver! You are a real man. You’re the most decent, manly man I’ve ever met.’
‘So decent that you go behind my back and sleep with someone else, is that it?’ he raged.
‘It wasn’t like that, Oliver, I swear,’ Noreen said heatedly. ‘I was drunk. I was upset about us.’
‘Well, you’ve a funny way of showing it,’ he snarled.
‘Oliver, will you listen to me for a minute. I need to tell you something. I need you to understand why I was so driven to get pregnant. Please, Oliver. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Please don’t judge me,’ she pleaded, walking to where he stood and looking up into his eyes.
‘Oliver, before I met you, when I lived in London with that man I told you about, Pete, I had an abortion. I’ve regretted it every second since. I was tormented with guilt. I kept thinking about the baby, especially around the time it would have been born and at Christmas and when I’d see children playing. I’d try and imagine … imagine…’ She broke down sobbing as though her heart would break and Oliver held her, stroking her back, saying nothing, his eyes shadowed with pain.
She managed to compose herself, wiping the tears from her cheeks with the back of her hand. ‘He told me he’d leave me if I didn’t have it. I loved him and I was afraid I’d lose him. But I couldn’t stay with him after I’d had the termination. I began to hate him for giving me an ultimatum like that. You were so different, Oliver. So kind, so responsible. I knew you’d never treat me badly. I wanted a child so much. I felt if I got pregnant that God would forgive me for what I’d done and give me the chance to be a good mother to another child. When I wasn’t getting pregnant I felt it was God’s punishment. Oh Oliver, I’ve been to hell and back these last few years.’ She rested her head on his chest and wept again. His arms tightened around her. She looked up at him. There was no anger in his eyes any more or judgement, just pity and sadness, and she rested against him.
Two For Joy Page 35