by Grace Risata
I spun around, incapable of forming a coherent thought, my only instincts telling me to get away from the man causing me unbearable pain. Fat tears of horror and shame began to pour down my cheeks and I almost made it out the door without him trying to stop me.
Almost.
But not quite.
Dixon grabbed me by the upper arm in an attempt to keep me from leaving. I’m sure he only wanted to offer me some comfort, but I didn’t need that. I didn’t want it. I was perfectly fine before he came into my life, and I’d be perfectly fine without him.
“Get your fucking hands off me,” I demanded. “This is all your fault, you thoughtless asshole!”
I tried to wrestle my arm from his grasp, but he only tightened it, desperately begging me to stay and let him make things right.
There was no fixing this.
So I did the only thing I could think of in order to get away from him. I reached back to gain momentum with my free hand, pivoted with all the power I could muster, and prepared to punch him right in the face.
But I just couldn’t do it.
I pulled back at the last second right as the realization hit me. I’d become a total monster. Just because he’d hurt me in one of the worst possible ways imaginable didn’t mean I had to resort to violence.
Dixon was someone I cared about mere moments ago. How had my life gone to shit in such a short time?
I hung my head, all the fight leaving my defeated body, reduced to a miserable, crying loser.
“Please let me go. I can’t be around you. I need to be alone. Please,” I begged, unable to hold back the tears as they streamed down my face.
“Alyce, don’t leave me. Not like this. Can’t we talk? Can’t you let me fix this?” he pleaded desperately, finally letting go of my arm. “I will do whatever it takes to make this right.”
“I don’t have anything more to say to you,” I replied, turning and walking out the door without looking back.
In the space of one day, everything I’d worked so hard to accomplish went right out the window. My mother, whom I was extremely careful to avoid, now thought I wanted to reconnect with her. I made a point never to contact her, never to let her think I would ever come groveling and beg to have a relationship, not wanting to give her the satisfaction of knowing how badly she hurt me. I’ll bet she thought I wanted money or the attention she’d never cared to give. Fuck her.
I’d also lost Dixon. I’d trusted that asshole and opened up to him the way I’d never done with any man in my entire life. Where did it get me? Betrayed.
They could all go to Hell as far as I was concerned. This is why it wasn’t a good idea to make friends and let your guard down.
I’m done.
I’m done with them all.
The second I got in my car, my phone started ringing. Of course it was Dixon. I took out the battery and flung it in the backseat. Good luck calling me now, asshole.
What’s the plan, Alyce? What the fuck are you going to do with the rest of your life?
I’m voting for a quick stop to the liquor store for a few gallons of vodka.
Pity party for one? Check.
Let the good times roll.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Dixon
Never in my worst nightmare did I think my actions would have such dire consequences. It had been two days since the massive fuck-up with Alyce and she refused to answer my calls.
I know that I should give her time to calm down and let the anger slowly fade, but I just can’t do that. I’m going out of my mind with worry and anxiety. What if she comes to the conclusion that I really am a giant piece of shit and her life would be better off without me in it?
Somehow I made it through work yesterday, barely concentrating at all and just going through the motions, my mind kept busy by formulating a plan to win her back. I stopped at a florist on the way to her apartment for an apology bouquet, because I figured that might be a good start.
It was no such thing.
Luckily for me, Alyce’s apartment complex is different from mine. While you have to go through a main entrance and a hallway to get to my place, she has a door that leads directly from her apartment to the outside world. That makes it more difficult for her to hide from me.
Or so I thought.
After spending a solid twenty minutes sitting on her doorstep impatiently waiting for my girl to get home after work, she all but ignored my presence.
Well…that’s not exactly true.
Once she saw me, Alyce instantly made a face and tried to act like I wasn’t there at all. Not one to be easily ignored, I held out two massive arrangements of yellow and white roses.
“These are the first step in my apology process,” I explained, hoping she would realize that I was sincere.
“Aww! You got me roses, baby? That’s so amazing!” she responded in a syrupy sweet tone that was definitely out of character. “In that case, I’ll totally forgive you for ruining my life. All it takes to get on my good side are some pretty flowers! I’m easily bought by material possessions!”
She then flipped me off and left me standing on her porch with several dozen roses. If Alyce had been a normal woman, she would have taken the damn things, invited me inside, and listened to me grovel.
However, nothing about Alyce had ever been normal. Maybe that’s why I cared about her so much.
I had no choice but to leave the flowers on her doorstep, go home, and take it up a notch. Getting out a pen and paper, I made a list of ideas to get back in her good graces.
The process did not go well.
So far I had:
--Get Nina’s Help
--Get Grandpa Clifford’s Help
--Kidnap Alyce and hold her hostage in my apartment until she sees the light
A solid two out of three would not get me arrested, so I decided to go with those first.
Since it was a Saturday and I knew where Nina lived after dropping her off on the night of her birthday, I decided to start there. Holding my breath while trying to decide what to say, I just took the plunge and knocked on her door.
She answered after a few minutes with a look of surprise to see me standing there.
“Where’s Alyce? She’s not dead is she?” Nina asked in alarm, panic beginning to rise on her face.
“No,” I insisted, more than a little curious that she would jump to that conclusion right away. “Why would you ask that? She’s not sick is she?”
We both stared at each other waiting for answers that weren’t forthcoming.
“I don’t think she’s sick,” the woman explained, “but it’s the only reason I could think of as to why you’d show up at my place without her. You’re not going to try and flirt with me, are you? I’m loyal and I would never betray her like that. I know what it’s like when your best friend screws your boyfriend and then he comes to your house and confesses and--”
“For fuck’s sake, Nina! Everything isn’t about sex all the time. I’m here because Alyce hates me and I need you to talk to your stubborn friend and convince her that I’m not the devil.”
If this wasn’t an absolute last resort, I wouldn’t be here right now. Nina was fucking crazy.
“Why does she hate you? What did you do?” the woman snarled protectively like a mama bear guarding her cub.
“I crossed a line and interfered in her personal life.” I was hesitant to mention anything about Alyce’s mom, because I got the impression that she didn’t share much with others. What happened was bad enough, but I wasn’t going to dig myself a deeper hole by airing Alyce’s dirty laundry to Nina.
“I’ll ask you one more time…what did you do?”
“How much do you know about her family?” I countered.
“She helps out her elderly grandfather and that’s really all she’s told me.”
That’s exactly what I thought. I’m one of the few people Alyce actually trusted to open up about her family, and how I do repay her for trusting me? I fuck her o
ver beyond belief. No wonder why she hates me.
“I’m probably not supposed to be talking about this, Nina,” I sighed, knowing no other way to get my point across than to come clean. “She’s not close with her mother and I stuck my nose into the mix and tried to mend fences between them. It went horribly wrong and Alyce hates me now.”
“So what do you expect me to do?”
“I want you to talk to her. You know, girl talk. Explain to her that she matters to me more than anything in this world, it’s killing me to be apart from her, and that I never meant to hurt her.”
“Why can’t you tell her all this yourself?”
“She won’t talk to me. I’ve tried. I even got her flowers.”
“Well that’s a nice first step,” Nina admitted, nodding her head in approval. See…I knew that would have worked on anyone else. Just not Alyce.
“Will you call her tonight? Just make her see things from my perspective. Get her to give me another chance. That’s all I’m asking.”
Nina agreed to give it a try and I swiftly moved on to the next item from my list. Talk to Alyce’s grandpa.
I drove my motorcycle to his house with more than a little trepidation. Nina was very easy to get along with, and she was a sucker for a happy ending, so I knew that would be a walk in the park. Grandpa, on the other hand, might not be as easy to win over.
Pulling into his driveway, parking my bike, and making sure I looked like a decent guy, there was nothing else to do but man up and knock on the door.
I was worried about the considerable length of time it took him to answer, but then I figured he might be hard of hearing.
“Dixon! What are you doing here? If you’re looking for Alyce, I haven’t seen her today. She always comes on Sunday to feed me and tidy up.”
“When was the last time you spoke with her?” I asked, trying to feel him out. If his reply was anything after Thursday night, then I was royally screwed.
“I talked to her on Tuesday as a matter of fact. It was the night I played cards at my friend Bernie’s house. I remember because she warned me not to let him cheat. Is everything alright? She hasn’t gone missing, has she?”
“No, sir. Alyce is perfectly safe. She just…she isn’t currently on speaking terms with me and I wonder if you might help me fix that.”
Grandpa raised an eyebrow and paused to examine me.
“Is that the reason you look like shit? When was the last time you got a full night’s sleep, boy?”
I hung my head and mumbled something about being an idiot.
“Come inside and tell me what’s going on with you two. We’ll crack open a couple beers and see if we can’t solve your problems.”
“I don’t drink, sir. Alyce would kill me. I’m on probation,” I reminded him with an extreme amount of shame. It’s fucking embarrassing when you’re not allowed to take part in normal, everyday activities.
“Then we’ll have root beers instead,” he acknowledged with a shrug of his shoulders.
I followed the man to the kitchen, through the house, and out into his backyard. He handed me an ice cold bottle, motioned to a lawn chair, and then sat down a few feet away.
“I’m not getting any younger, Dixon. Spill your guts.”
“I think it’s best if I just cut to the chase and save us all some time here, if that’s alright with you,” I said. “Basically…I hired an old buddy who does side work as a private investigator. He found Alyce’s mom and it didn’t go very well at all, sir.”
“Wow,” he whistled in amusement at my confession. “You’ve gone and messed things up right nicely, haven’t you?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Enough of the ‘sir’ bullshit. It makes me feel old. Call me ‘Cliff.’ And I shall refer to you as the dumbass who dared to piss off my granddaughter.”
“Fair enough.”
“What happened when you told Alyce that your buddy found her ma? I’m guessing she didn’t want to hear what you had to say.”
“It’s worse than that,” I admitted, going on to explain the callous way her mother reacted and the warning not to interfere with the woman’s new life. Throughout my whole explanation, he simply nodded his head without appearing the least bit surprised.
“I’ve kept tabs on the undesirable piece of human garbage over the years,” he replied, “Although I was smart enough to do the dirty work myself and not hire a moron. Let that be a lesson to you, Dixon. If you want something done right, do it yourself.”
That was a very true statement.
“I knew she married a Japanese guy and had a few sons,” Cliff shared. “The sucker was a fancy pants lawyer from full-blooded Tokyo stock, not some American hillbilly like my son. I’m not sure if she was trying to marry up to kiss her parent’s asses or what. I don’t much care. I just wanted to keep her away from Alyce. That never turned out to be an issue since she never contacted us again.”
“Why do you think someone wants to pretend that their child never existed?” I asked in disbelief over the heartlessness of her mother.
“Honestly? Alyce was nothing but a mistake that held her mother back from the life she wanted to live. Once that selfish fool got her rich husband and two perfectly obedient Japanese sons, she quickly forgot about everything else. Had Alyce been born from an Asian man with status, I think things would have turned out differently.”
“That’s horrible.”
“Yes, it is.”
“So…um…back to the matter at hand. Alyce hates me now. What can I do to fix this and get her to forgive me? You know her better than anyone, so I figured you might have some words of wisdom for me.”
Cliff leaned back in his lawn chair, sighed, and stared at his backyard as if deep in thought.
“She’s stubborn,” he mumbled. “I remember one time she wouldn’t speak to me for a week.”
“What did you do?” This should be interesting.
“One of my old buddies had some hunting land full of mature trees that he wanted chopped down. We have a fireplace and he knew I could use the wood. Unfortunately, I made the mistake of hiring the neighbor boy to help me and forced Alyce to stay home so she wouldn’t get hurt. The girl was twelve years old and I worried she might drop a heavy log on her foot or get a splinter. She was having none of that.”
He began to laugh out loud at some invisible memory and I couldn’t help but smile at the obvious joy on his face.
“The neighbor kid and I were gone all day. When we got home, it was like a complete transformation. Alyce wore an old dress of her grandma’s that barely fit, she had her hair in some big fancy poofy style, and full make-up covered every square inch of her tiny little face. After the shock wore off, it became quite obvious that she was trying to prove a point. If I was going to treat her like a girl, then she was going to act like one.”
“I wish I could have seen that.”
“It was pretty dramatic of a change from the tomboy ways I was accustomed to. For a solid week she did nothing but play dress up, walk around in high heels that nearly caused her to fall and break a leg, and speak with a high pitched British accent. We were all ‘sir’ and ‘ma’am’ like she was having high tea with the queen.”
“Um…why did she need to have an accent?”
“That remains a mystery to this day. I was too afraid to call her out on it.”
“So how did you eventually get her to forgive you?”
“There was a huge car show about half an hour away from our house. I knew Alyce wanted to go, but there was no way in hell she could navigate the grassy field in her high heels, long sleeved dress, and caked on make-up when it was ninety-two degrees outside. Calling her into the living room, I had her sit down and pay attention. I calmly explained that I only kept her home from chopping wood because I wanted her to be safe. I convinced the stubborn girl that I learned my lesson to never treat her differently because she was a female. I then offered to take her to the car show if she’d put on some normal clothes.”
>
“Did she?”
“Of course. We had a great day looking at vintage cars and I made an effort to include her in all my guy activities ever since.”
“I was raised with the attitude that a man is supposed to provide for his lady and do whatever he can to make her happy. It’s taking me awhile to realize that Alyce doesn’t want to be protected. She can handle herself.”
“Yes, she can.”
“Sir, do you understand why I did what I did? The whole situation with her mother leaving when she was such a young girl…well…it’s caused a lot of hurt. I was only trying to ease the pain. She’s attempted to do that for me since the day we met. I wanted to return the favor. I care about her. A lot.”
“I know. Otherwise you wouldn’t be here right now. What do you want me to do?”
“Just get me an audience with her. I’ll handle the rest,” I promised.
“You sure you won’t fuck it up?” he asked with a gleam in his eye. I think the old man enjoyed giving me a hard time.
“No. I’m bad with words. You got any advice that might be helpful?”
“Perhaps,” he said, running a hand over his stubbly chin. “You should remember that misery loves company. If you see that she’s hurting on the inside, maybe show her that other people have it worse than she does. You know, put things into perspective.”
I nodded my head in understanding. I could handle that.
“Thank you, sir. I appreciate you taking the time to talk to me today.”
He stood up and clapped me on the back, walking me around the house and over to my motorcycle.
“I wouldn’t be giving you a damn bit of help if I didn’t see the way she looks at you, Dixon. Alyce has been in a bit of a slump lately. She was going through the motions every day, but there was no sparkle in her eyes. I think you brought that back. You two are good for each other. Now go get your girl and quit being a dumbass.”