by Laura Acton
The ivory handled pistol called to him as he was tormented and torn apart with visions of Brody’s body lying in the dirt. He would grab the gun and crawl to a corner of his room, press the barrel to his chest and cry. Weeping, for all he lost as he begged Brody to release him from his vow. Howling for the courage to break an oath so he could end his pain. Bawling like a baby, because he didn’t know how to live with the fact he killed Brody.
So lost and alone. Would tonight be the night Brody would finally allow him to slip into oblivion? Would Brody tell him he had suffered enough for his sin? Would his brother free him from his torment and help him pull the trigger?
Dan reached out to grip his great-grandfather’s pistol as it lay on his makeshift nightstand. Flashes of jade green eyes played in his head as remorse oozed out of the holes in his heart. He became lightheaded as searing shards of pain shot through his head.
As he lifted the revolver, his migraine resurged, and the weight became overwhelming. His tenuous grasp faltered and the pistol tumbled harmlessly to the carpet. Unable to think beyond pain, Dan curled into a ball holding his head, so it didn’t split open. Tears for Brody noiselessly dropped because making any sound would amplify his agony.
Somewhere, fleetingly soft, Dan swore Brody whispered, “Not tonight, not ever. Rest, brother. Find the beauty of life. It is close at hand. Fight for it. Please, Danny, fight to live. Listen to the music, and you will hear me. You are the brother of my heart and soul, and I will not let you fall off the precipice.”
Into the dark of his room, Dan whispered to Brody, “I’ll try. I’d do anything for you, Brody.”
Another whisper in the air filtered into Dan’s ear. “Give me your word, Danny. Promise me you will keep fighting.”
“I promise to try, Brody, but it hurts so much.” A warm tingling sensation on his head reminiscent of how Brody comforted him began to ease Dan into sleep. As he drifted off, Brody’s disembodied voice spoke to him again. “Rest now. I’m sorry you hurt, brother. I wish I could lessen your pain.”
Hallway Outside Dan’s Apartment
Standing in the hall after closing the door, Walter leaned against the wall. Not looking forward to the call he would make to William tonight, but it was time to fill him in on how Dan was doing which was not well at all.
He wished Dan could benefit from the department psychologist, but Dan knew all the tricks of shrinks. He saw too many as a kid after Sara died. And Special Forces training undoubtedly taught him how to manipulate and hide his emotions to survive interrogations if captured.
Unfortunately, at the moment it was entirely in Dan’s control whether he recovered from the loss of Brody. A man of mettle, he had been tested in so many ways in his short life. Dan faced all of his hardships with determination, courage, and valor. His godson deserved to find peace from his demons and do more than merely half-exist.
He still held out hope Nick’s team would come around and create a place where Dan might heal and feel he belonged. Walter’s greatest fear mirrored William’s. This burden might be too much for Danny to bear and he might attempt to take his own life to end his suffering. Walter sent up a silent prayer for angels to cradle Danny safe in their arms tonight and give him respite from his misery.
Dinner with Boss
25
September 18
Nick’s Home – 5:00 p.m.
As Nick stirred the alfredo sauce, he contemplated how to handle things with the team. He invited everyone except Dan to dinner tonight. He must reset his expectations with them on appropriate behavior.
He called Dan yesterday to apologize. During their short, stilted phone conversation the rookie indicated he understood it took time for a unit to accept a new member. Dan’s remarks, about having lots of experience with new units stuck in his head. Also, his dry, humorless chuckle as he said ‘nothing I haven’t experienced before but at least your team didn’t try to kill me.’
Nick got the impression an internal comment slipped out unintentionally. Dan clammed up right after and went back to answering questions with only a ‘Yes, sir’ or ‘No, sir.’ He couldn’t get a bead on the man, most likely due to his Special Forces training. They were trained to be evasive and secretive.
After reviewing Dan’s personnel file, Nick now had more questions than answers. His record contained many blacked out and redacted forms with little usable information. Searching for details of Dan’s previous employment with Fourteenth Division, he discovered a sealed report requiring Chief Carlyle’s permission to access. Not something Nick wanted to do at the moment. Though he did wonder about the contents and why Dan only spent six months on the force before leaving. Perhaps pressure to go into the family business so to speak finally won and he joined the military.
His doorbell rang, and Nick went to answer it. Loki arrived first and came into the kitchen to help with dinner preparations. Nick kept the conversation neutral. A short time later, Bram, Ray, Lexa, and Jon showed up. They all helped set the table then filled their plates with pasta alfredo, grilled chicken, salad, and garlic toast.
The six of them sat around his dining room table and glanced at one another for a moment. Although rare, it was not unheard of to have a team dinner at Nick’s home. Though, everyone knew this was not purely a social dinner.
Nick noted the apprehensive faces staring at him. “Eat first, then we talk.” He took a bite of garlic bread.
The others following his cue began eating. Boss was an excellent cook and even better grill master though he only ever made peanut butter sandwiches for lunch. The simple and easy sandwich had been Nick’s four-year-old son’s favorite. Cognizant of his enduring grief, the team understood his unspoken remembrance of Martin.
Conversation remained light and pleasant as dinner progressed. Jon invited Nick for Thanksgiving dinner. Nick graciously accepted—not wanting to spend the day alone. Bram extended an invitation to Lexa to join him, Kellie, and his girls. Leslie wanted her favorite aunt to visit. After gladly accepting, Lexa explained she originally planned to go to Paula’s home, but her friend had been sent on a last-minute business trip to Amsterdam and would be gone for six weeks. Ray and Loki made plans for a double Thanksgiving.
When everyone was almost finished, Nick set down his fork and pursed his lips. He enjoyed cooking for and dining with people he considered his family, but now it was time to address the elephant in the room.
Nick said, “Thank you all for coming. We must address a major issue. There is a prevailing attitude in this team which sadly I’ve allowed to persist. A mindset which resulted in harm to a teammate. One which must change. But before I go further, Loki and Lexa, I need to inform you that Dan refused to press assault charges against either of you.”
Loki looked stunned. “He did? Why?”
“He told Dale Gibbson this is his fault. He shot Ray, and he understood you were upset because he hurt a team member.”
Jon crossed his arms.
Nick noticed. Damn, Jon is going to be the hardest one to change.
Biting her lower lip, Lexa protectively crossed her arms and put another brick in her wall of defense. No one affected her as Dan did. She hoped her one-night stand with him never came to light. Although, she kicked herself for her reactions when she lost total control that day. Not like me. Not at all. I’m professional and rational.
Nick took a sip of coffee noticing Lexa lockdown. “I learned a few other things when speaking to Gibbson. In the ice cream parlor …” He trailed off, as a sense of remorse seeped in.
Jon filled the void. “Broderick went in when he was told to hold.”
Rubbing his temples for a moment, Nick collected his thoughts then stared at Jon. “That may be, but did you have any clue he was injured?”
“Injured!” Bram exclaimed recalling the scene. “How?”
Nick explained, “The subject kicked him in the chest. He struck his head on the freezer with enough force to cause a concussion. The kick also fractured his manubrium. It makes me si
ck … we laughed at Dan when we should’ve been checking him for injuries.”
“Not so funny now,” Loki mumbled as his face fell and knee began to bounce nervously.
In the silence created as they all replayed Dan sliding and falling in the muck and then storming out the back, Lexa stared down at her hands. Lifting her head, she peered at Boss. “Why didn’t he say something?”
“Would we have listened to him, if he tried?” Ray slumped in the chair, thoroughly disgusted at himself.
Bram gazed at Jon not wanting to jump on his friend and make an accusation but needing to seek the truth he asked, “You laid into Dan hard out back. Did you detect anything which would’ve clued you into him being hurt?”
Arms still crossed, and jaw clenched, Jon shook his head. Irritation in his tone, Jon said, “The rookie doesn’t show any emotion. How the hell was I supposed to know?”
Disliking Jon’s tone, Bram found his intention not to be accusatory flushed down the toilet as he retorted, “You could’ve asked.”
Nick noted the tension building between Bram and Jon and stepped in before Jon derailed this discussion. “Dan was also injured on the car-hijacking call. It appears Dan did see something we didn’t or couldn’t from our positions. The subject possessed a twelve-inch bowie knife and threatened the hostage. Gibbson said Dan wanted to take him alive and lunged at him to prevent Mr. Berker from slicing Ms. Dallie’s throat.
“As they tumbled down the muddy embankment, the knife cut Dan. It was confirmed the blade also damaged Dan’s headset wires. He didn’t disobey our orders. He couldn’t hear us.”
Jon pushed back from the table and stood. “Why the hell didn’t he tell me he had been injured?” He paced. He laid into Dan at the bottom of the hill for not following orders. “I saw no outward signs of injuries. The rookie only stared at me with his damned deadpan face.”
Nick drew in a breath and exhaled. “Dan told Gibbson he was unaware of the cut until he showered. He cleaned and dressed what he considered to be a minor wound with butterfly strips because we were waiting for him to debrief. Gibbson doesn’t agree with Dan’s assessment of minor, nor do I. The laceration took twenty-three stitches to close.”
“Holy Smokes!” Loki exclaimed with his eyes popping wide open.
Bram blinked rapidly at Nick, his voice incredulous, “Twenty-three, and he didn’t notice before he was in the shower. How could he not feel that?”
Lexa recalled the small scar on Dan’s brow as they were kissing in the hotel room. Then she remembered thinking it was strange yet romantic he turned off all the lights. A frisson of electricity zinged through her. As she rubbed her thumbs across her fingertips recalling the warmth of his skin on his chest and back something just beyond her awareness nudged her. A sensation, something she touched sought to come to the forefront but receded swiftly.
She pushed down her thoughts of their one night. I can’t think of him that way. A teammate and nothing more. Hell, I don’t even want him on the team. Lexa realized his flirting diminished in the last month to next to nothing now. Dan stopped asking her if she wanted to grab a bite for dinner—spoken with innuendo of course. There had been no more irksome comments about her being sexy Lexie. And no covert glances at her ass. She had seen those when he first joined the team—she wasn’t blind.
All his actions fueled her dislike of him. Though relieved he ceased to flirt he still threatened her position on this team. Ever since the Playful Minds Daycare call, Jon assigned Dan to the sniper position instead of her which irked her more. Lexa pulled herself out of her musings as Nick shrugged and said, “I’m not sure why he didn’t realize before, perhaps adrenaline. Adrenaline can mask pain until it ebbs away.”
Jon snorted. The rookie’s brash actions mean he’s an adrenaline junkie. One more strike against Broderick. The team doesn’t need someone addicted to the sensation of exhilaration associated with risky behaviors any more than it needs a seventh member or an unreadable ex-soldier.
Ray stared at the oil painting on Boss’ wall. A pastoral scene with rolling hills in the background. He counted five sheep under the watchful eye of a shepherd. Four stood together, but one stood alone off by itself being stalked by a tawny brown wolf. A black and white border collie raced towards the solitary sheep with the goal of protecting it from the menacing wolf.
Gazing at the picture, he usually gained a sense of calm. The shepherd symbolized Boss, always watching over them. He, Loki, Bram, and Lexa were the four sheep, tight-knit and guided by a collie named Jon. The lone sheep represented the citizens they protected from the wolves of the world.
As Ray listened and thought about the past months with Dan, the image changed as his mind shifted between two wild interpretations. In both, each of them remained the same characters, but Dan embodied the lonely sheep.
In his first version, the ostracized outlier desperately strove to be accepted into the group, seeking shelter from the predatory wolf, but the snarling collie chased the lost sheep directly to its ultimate demise in the jaws of the hungry wolf. The second rendition, the single sheep willingly left the flock, luring the looming wolf away, thus protecting them. Meanwhile, the racing collie tried to save the foolish sheep … only to drive him into the wolf’s path and death.
Ray broke eye contact with the painting at his wholly unsettling notions. He turned his gaze on Loki and could tell he also had trouble hearing how seriously they screwed up. None of them behaved appropriately to Dan. They treated subjects with more courtesy, concern, and respect than they did Dan. This was a bitter pill to swallow.
Loki stared at his plate, reeling inside. He laughed at Dan both times he was injured. He slammed him up against a locker. His eyes whipped to Boss at that thought. “How bad did I hurt Dan when I rammed him into the locker?”
Crud! I knocked Dan to the ground and pummeled his chest when he already had a fractured sternum. Did I do more damage? Lexa felt so small she could almost disappear.
Nick sighed. “Bruised by the altercation and the strike to his head caused his migraine to flare but no lasting damage.” He settled his saddened eyes on Lexa. “Same with your assault, Lexa.”
Closing her eyes, unable to witness the disappointment in Boss’ eyes. She allowed her confused feelings and anger reign over her. She couldn’t stand the fact she let Boss down. His approval meant everything to her.
Watching Lexa shut her eyes, Nick understood the inner turmoil with which she struggled. “Lexa, I realize that is unlike you.”
Turning to Loki, Nick added, “Nor was what you did like you, either. I do not condone your actions, but this is my fault. I allowed an attitude to fester and grow because I was miffed at the autocratic manner Gambrill placed Dan on our team. I need you all to listen close now. Dan is here, and he is a team member. Our frame of mind must change. Gambrill has given us a month to fix things. If we can’t repair this and accept Dan, the team will be reshuffled.”
Everything Jon heard so far fed into his opinion the rookie was some super soldier and as such had no place on the police force. Soldiers and police served different objectives. Soldiers killed. Police protected. However, Nick’s last remarks stoked his burning anger. His voice hard, Jon said, “Goddammit! I don’t believe what I’m hearing. Are you serious? Gambrill will break up the best-damned TRF team, all because of one misfit?”
Taking a calming breath before he spoke, Nick directed his comments at his tactical lead. “Jon. Stop. That is the attitude which needs to stop. We must accept he is part of the team and move forward. Gambrill’s expectations are crystal clear. If we don’t get our act together and treat Dan properly, it won’t be Dan who leaves TRF or Alpha Team.”
Bram clenched his fists in his lap. He had not expected an ultimatum. TRF was his life. His conscience belittled him that this is what should happen. None of them acted in a manner befitting the TRF. His crimes were being less than welcoming and failing to mentor the rookie or to speak up sooner when he witnessed Jon’s irrational behav
ior.
Oh, he needed to add to his list, intentionally putting Dan on his ass in hand-to-hand training. Peeved Dan sparred so hard with Lexa, he threw Dan to the ground several times intending to make him think twice about manhandling Lexa. And he held his choke hold tighter than he should’ve … almost choking Dan unconscious. In hindsight, Lexa had been the aggressor and Dan defended himself, putting Lexa down in a safe manner. Bram couldn’t say the same for himself. Actions he regretted now.
Loki asked, “So what do we do? How do we do that? We know nothing about him. I ran a search on him, but found nothing but that old driver’s license. Not even a current license. It is like he doesn’t exist.”
Jon rolled his eyes. “He was in Special Forces. They probably wiped his history.”
His knee bouncing at high speed, Loki said, “Yeah, perhaps ‘cause I did a deep search.” Noting censure in Boss’ expression, he clarified “Um nothing illegal, but I still came up blank. No school records, no online presence. I searched for his father and found some news articles. Dan’s dad is General of Special Forces. If there’s info on him, shouldn’t there be something on Dan?”
“Loki, researching a teammate isn’t kosher,” Ray stated.
“How else am I supposed to find out about him?” Loki retorted.
Bram shook his head. “Perhaps you should show an interest and actually talk to him. You know, as you do with everyone else.”
“But Dan is different. He doesn’t talk.” Loki eyed Bram.
“Did you try?” Bram held Loki’s gaze.
Shoulders slumping, Loki dropped his chin and said in a quiet voice, “No.”
Wanting to move forward, Nick spoke from the heart. “We are the best in TRF. We are up to this task. I have faith in all of you to do the right thing. So you are aware, I don’t delude myself that opinions will change overnight. I’m not expecting instant best buddies only civility.