by Laura Acton
He desired to share his theory with Nick, but doing so would complicate matters. Beyond revealing their relationship, Pastore might insist on Dan doing a mandatory psych evaluation. And although Dan was an expert at snowing psychologists, just the implication he was suicidal might result in Dan being put on administrative leave or booted from the force.
Knowing the Broderick mindset, Walter was ninety-nine-point-nine percent certain Dan would do something drastic if denied the opportunity to serve. Working and saving others might be his only chance of coping with his grief. With that in mind, Walter came to his real point for this meeting. “How are things going on the team?”
A loaded question with answers Nick was unsure he wanted to voice. “Improving, but not where I would like them to be. We dug a deep hole, and it will take us some time to climb out and make things right. The team is trying to integrate Dan, but I’m not so sure Dan is willing to assimilate with us now. We showed him our worst side.
“I don’t blame Dan for his reticence. This is on me and me alone as team Sergeant. If there are any heads to roll or exits from TRF, it should be me, sir. I take full responsibility.”
Walter considered what Nick said. He kept an eye out, covertly, of course, and recognized Dan distanced himself from them. Wanting to give Dan the chance to deal with this on his own, he gave Dan a wide berth this past month. Perhaps it was time to visit him at his apartment again and have a long talk. “I’ll be making my decision at the end of the week. That is all for now.”
Nick stood. “We’re starting to jell, but we need more time. If you remove any of them from my team, I will submit my resignation.”
“Is that a threat?” Gambrill eyed Nick carefully.
“No, sir. A fact. This debacle lays at my feet. I failed them, all of them, Dan most of all. The consequences are mine to bear.” Nick wiped his forehead, turned, and left the room closing the door behind him.
Walter stared at the closed door. A smile began to form. If anyone could save his godson, it was the man who just left his office.
TRF HQ – Briefing Room – 7:00 a.m.
Lexa handed Dan his iced capp and said, “Do you always drink iced coffee?”
“No.” Dan glanced at Lexa. During this morning’s workout, she kept eyeing him and asked him several times if he was sure he was okay. Probably something to do with the fact he jumped on a grenade. ‘I’m fine’ he answered her each time. Yeah, fine. Too bad the damned thing was only a concussion grenade. A frag grenade would’ve ended my pain.
Sitting down next to Dan as they waited for Boss to join them she decided to reach out and show an interest. She beat the pulp out of the little devil on her shoulder. The evil little being was now afraid to say anything about Dan which made it easier to think of him as only a teammate. No different than Jon, Ray, Bram, Boss, and Loki. “So, what else do you drink?”
Dan eyed Lexa cautiously. What the hell is she doing now? For three months, I’m the plague and to be avoided at all costs. Now she wants to talk? He stuck with his one-word answers. “Water.”
“What about hot coffee?”
“Yes.”
Lexa grinned. “How do you take your coffee?”
“Black.”
“No sugar or cream to sweeten it up?”
“No.”
“Tea or soda?”
“Sometimes.”
“What about beer?”
“Yes.”
“What’s your favorite beer?”
“Molson.”
Lexa couldn’t get more than single word answers from him—damned frustrating. About to ask another question, she noted Boss entering the room. She turned her attention to him.
“Morning boys and girl. We have no warrants today. So, I’m gonna call today a patrol day.” Nick decided his best bet for getting Dan to open up was with Bram. Nick recognized Dan appeared less resistant to Bram’s overtures. Their teddy bear combat specialist received more than one-word responses from Dan. Perhaps by week’s end, Bram would make additional headway.
Nick handed out assignments. “Bram, you and Dan pair up and take the east end. Jon and Ray, take old town. Lexa and Loki, west side. Me, I’ll be stuck here with my lovely paperwork. Look sharp and keep the peace.”
Jon asked, “Anything new on the Barton brothers?” He was still pissed the brothers slipped away from Central Bank.
Since the foiled bank robbery, the Bartons had robbed two other banks. Both times, they were in and out before the alarm sounded and killed everyone. Security footage showed their faces. Jonas and Noah didn’t bother to wear masks anymore, appearing to crave the notoriety. Jon hoped that would work against them and result in them being captured quickly.
Nick shook his head. “Nope. After the heist in Markham last month they’ve gone to ground.”
Dan lowered his eyes and stared at his lap. A dozen innocent people would still be alive if he shot those bastards when he had a chance instead of dropping his weapon. More evidence he failed, more innocent blood on his hands. Crap, people die when I shoot and when I don’t.
Bram wondered about the brief flash of emotion he glimpsed on Dan’s face. Like always, only fleeting and gone before settling into place. He patted Dan’s shoulder and said, “Let’s go. East end is a hotbed of nothing.”
The corners of Dan’s mouth upturned slightly for a brief moment. Today should be easy. The area is mostly residential, and nothing much happens there. Well, nothing which required TRF.
Bram caught the hint of a smile and returned one. Okay, good, a start. Perhaps I can break through his tough exterior today.
As the team filed out of the room, Nick observed Dan. He appeared as though he carried the weight of the world on his back. He noticed the circles under his eyes getting darker. Dan also looked thinner than when he first started. The weigh-in this morning confirmed he lost weight again. Nick’s concern for the rookie notched up.
Why did he leave Special Forces? Perhaps he witnessed too much death. Every man has a breaking point. Maybe Dan left before he hit his. Nick shelved those thoughts as he sat down and began filling out the monthly requisition forms for Alpha Team.
Nick needed to up the amount of ammo and targets he requested. With a seventh member, they went through practice rounds much quicker. He added a replacement Kevlar vest for Dan since his primary one was compromised in the blast yesterday. A smart thing TRF always issued two vests to rookies.
He stopped and peered out the window as an unsettling thought entered his head. Dan rapidly gained on Bram’s record for injuries, and he had only been with them three months as opposed to Bram’s seven years. Jon is right Dan is taking too many unacceptable risks.
In the last week alone, he wrote four injury reports on Dan. None of them would’ve been revealed if he hadn’t required Dan be checked out by EMS. They were all minor injuries, but Dan did not indicate being hurt. When asked if he was okay, Dan always answered ‘I’m fine.’ Dan’s eyes flashed annoyance at him whenever he insisted.
Bram interceded for him twice and coaxed Dan over to the paramedics. The only time Dan didn’t resist being examined was after the concussion grenade yesterday. After Dan regained his feet, Bram ushered him directly to the EMS rig. Bram appeared to be making headway. Perhaps if he could break through the walls Dan erected, the rest of them could follow through the opening. Nick smiled at the notion. Bram is an excellent entry specialist. We count on him to break down the thickest and strongest barriers.
SUV on Patrol – 9:00 a.m.
Bram carried the bulk of the conversation for the past few hours. He told Dan all about Kellie and his girls and tried to draw Dan out—like pulling teeth, though. “So, Gambrill said you were in the Fourteenth before joining the Army. Is that why you rejoined the police force?”
“No.” Dan continued to stare out the window.
Okay, a dead end. As he decided his next approach, his phone rang. Bram answered, “Hello.” He smiled. “Hey, Kellie. Everything alright?” He listened
for a few moments. “We’re patrolling. I can be there in five.” After hanging up, he said, “Gonna swing by my house. Minor emergency.” Then he turned on his headset and informed Boss of their location.
Dan asked, “What kind of emergency?”
Bram grinned. The first time Dan’s made any inquiry. A smidgeon of progress. “Well, Sharlie, my one-year-old, is a daddy’s girl. I recorded my voice and put it on an MP3 player so Kellie can soothe Sharlie. Regrettably, Emilie has a fascination with flushing things lately. I’ve taken the commode off six times in the last two months to retrieve things. She dropped the player in the toilet and its toast now, and nothing is calming Sharlie down.”
Dan nodded. Bram appeared to be a loving father. He talked non-stop about his girls this morning and seemed so involved in their lives. Dan wished he had a father like Bram. All he had was a general who wanted him dead.
When they pulled up to his home, Bram offered, “Come in and meet Kellie and my girls.”
“No. I’ll wait here in case we get a call.”
Bram decided not to push. “Suit yourself. I won’t be long.”
Dan tracked Bram as he went inside. There is no reason to meet Bram’s family. I’m keeping my word and staying for a month. After shift, I’ll talk to the commander. If he transfers me to Winter’s team, I’ll stay. If not, well …. Dan’s thoughts trailed off as he heard a baby crying.
Bridge Over Troubled Waters
31
October 19
SUV Outside Bram’s Home – 9:30 a.m.
Dan wondered if Bram forgot to turn off his headset. He listened while Bram cooed to his baby girl in a soft voice contradicting his stature. Sharlie started to settle as Bram continued to talk nonsense to her.
The cadence and tone of Bram’s vocalization had a calming effect on him, too. Dan closed his eyes listening to the soothing babbling. His voice reminded him of one now lost to him. Bram and Blaze shared the same comforting and reassuring timbre.
He missed Blaze’s protection, support, and fatherly advice. Their talk on the rooftop of the Hotel Makhachkala became a turning point for Dan as Blaze became the father figure he always desired. Trusting never came easy for him, and it took two years before he let down his guard with Blaze.
Dan recalled the moment he placed his trust in Blaze. The night he sat on the roof as he dealt with the abhorrent nature of his first Guardian mission after returning to active duty after his captivity. The mission requirements unhinged his confidence, but Blaze said all the right words to encourage him and followed through with deeds proving he believed in him.
Blaze remained steadfast until Dan betrayed all his brothers. Dan blew out a shaky breath. He ruined their relationship with one bullet. Just like his biological father, Blaze turned his back on him. Forsaken, yet again. He failed … it was his fault Brody and Sara died.
A soft moan escaped. He lost too much, and it hurt so badly. Why won’t Brody let me end the pain? All Brody needs to say is ‘I release you from your promise. You’ve suffered enough, it’s okay to call it quits and, pull the trigger.’ But Brody won’t. Every night I beg to end my wretched existence, and he denies me. I don’t know how much more I can endure. Why couldn’t it have been a frag grenade?
Bram singing to Sharlie interrupted his thoughts. His sotto voice didn’t carry a tune very well. Dan instantly recognized the melody. Each note intoned deeply pierced his soul. A song Brody sang to him as he struggled to cope with significant emotional or physical pain.
Music had been crucial to Brody. Dan missed listening to Brody’s singing. It didn’t matter what he sang, his voice rang out pure and bright like an angel. Dan yearned for the music too. Brody always chose tunes which helped ease his burdens, deal with his emotions, and move forward.
Tears formed in Dan’s eyes as he listened closely to Bram sing ‘Bridge Over Troubled Waters’ to his daughter. Brody, oh God, I miss you so much. Tears dripped, and Dan hastily wiped them away—a fruitless effort as waterworks rolled down his face as if a dam burst.
Bone crushing guilt crashed down on him again. Dan’s entire body shook as he clenched his jaw and fists trying not to break down completely. He couldn’t lose what little remained of his composure here and now, he couldn’t show his weakness in the light of day.
Roughly jamming his remorse, fear, and longing back into the box, Dan attempted to slam the lid closed. His demons struggled to remain free as silent tears streamed down, and Bram continued singing to Sharlie. When the singing ended, Dan felt like running, but he was on duty, and he couldn’t escape.
Drawing in a frayed breath, he renewed his endeavors to regain his self-control. He used his sleeve to wipe his eyes then found a napkin left over from their stop at Timmy’s for coffee to blow his nose. Taking several more steadying breaths, he affixed the mask he hid behind before Bram returned.
A few moments later Bram strolled out of his house, happy he sang Sharlie to sleep. His girls meant the world to him. He reached the truck and resumed his seat behind the wheel. As he closed the door, he said, “Sorry I took so long. Sharlie needed a wee bit of attention. She’s sleeping now.”
“Bram, you need singing lessons,” Loki pipped in over the headset.
Jon laughed. “Lexa might be willing to give him some.”
“Bram sings better than you do, Jon. Your singing scares babies. Bram’s is like a lullaby,” Lexa quipped.
Glancing over at Dan, Bram chuckled. “Damned headsets. Sometimes I forget they’re on.”
He noted Dan’s eyes appeared red-rimmed and watery. He’s been crying. Why? The damned smudges underneath his eyes seemed darker too. How much sleep is Dan getting? Not much, judging by his appearance.
The rookie came in more wrung-out and worn-down every day. The brief reflection of pain and desolation reappeared in his eyes. Over the past month, Bram kept an eye on Dan and spotted those emotions many times. He wanted to ask and to help, but he didn’t believe Dan would open up to him.
When he first met Kellie, she was very closed off, and her eyes revealed fear and pain. He treated her with patience, tenderness, and respect as he became the friend she needed. He would be there and prepared to listen when she was ready to talk. After six months of dating, Kellie opened up to him.
So, he recognized the tortured soul revealed in the rookie’s eyes. Something terrible happened to him, but Dan was wrapped so tightly and not willing to share with anyone. Bram decided to be patient and offer friendship, and like with Kellie, when Dan reached out, he would listen and help if he could.
His thoughts suspended when Tia called over the headsets, “Alpha Team, critical call. Possible armed hostage situation at the Mulberry Apartments, 708 Broadway. A neighbor called 911 when she overheard shouting from apartment 50C on the third floor. A man threatening to kill another man and woman. Searching for the name of the tenant.”
Bram said, “That’s in the east end. Dan and I are closest. Arriving 10-20 in three minutes.”
Jon instructed, “Dan, I need you to find a Zulu position and feed information to us. Bram, clear the apartments on either side and position the snake cam if Dan can give you the subject’s location. We should be there in ten. Boss, what’s your ETA?”
“Six minutes. Loki, Lexa?”
“About five minutes.” Lexa pressed on the accelerator.
Loki gripped the oh-shit bar and teased, “Awesome! Our SUV transforms into a racecar. Remember, Lexa, we do need to arrive in one piece.”
The team chuckled. Known for her lead foot, fortunately Lexa’s excessive speed was augmented by remarkable driving skills.
Outside Mulberry Apartments
Bram brought the suburban to a halt, and both he and Dan exited and went to the rear to gear up. As Dan unpacked his Remi, Bram realized Jon would need Dan’s location for further tactical planning. “Where are you setting up for Zulu One?”
Wanting his logic in the transcript in case Jon questioned his selection, Dan explained his choice to Bram, “Rev
iewed the blueprints Tia sent. 50C is the corner apartment on the north side of the building. I’m heading to the roof across the street. The location gives me maximum coverage of the apartment based on window placement. The only room I can’t cover is the bedroom on the east side.”
Bram glanced at their surroundings. “Which building?”
Pointing at a restaurant, Dan said, “The one with Fire Stick Grill on the ground floor.”
“Okay.” Bram closed the back hatch of the vehicle as Dan jogged toward the restaurant. Before entering the complex, he spoke to the patrol officer instructing him to set up a perimeter and to clear the apartments on the floors above and below.
Rooftop of Fire Stick Grill
Dan noted the ledge was too tall for him to lay flat, so he knelt and anchored himself to a pipe. He didn’t see the need for the safety harness, never used one in the field. The tether would have affected both his mobility and ability to protect his unit. However, after the reaming out Jon gave him about unsafe practices, he decided discretion a better choice and performed the pointless task to prevent further derision from Jon when he arrived to take over as Zulu One.
He positioned his Remi on the low barrier and scanned through his scope until he found 50C. “Sarge, I have eyes on the subject. He has a male and female hostage sitting on a couch in a family room. I can see the apartment door. Bram should be able to feed the cam under the door to acquire a visual. Subject currently pacing in front of the couch and waving his Sig Sauer. Though occasionally he points the weapon at the male hostage.”
Nick grinned. The rookie didn’t use target once. He successfully transitioned to using subject. “Dan, based on what we reviewed about threat levels, what level is our subject presenting?”
Dan mentally reviewed the quick fact sheet Sarge and he went over in detail two days ago. “Yellow, maybe orange. He keeps vacillating. Body language appears agitated.”