Stepbrother With Benefits 11

by Mia Clark

  "Yeah... I sure hope so."

  We kiss, really kiss. This isn't a kiss for any specific reason, it's just a kiss because we love each other. I know he loves me and he knows I love him, and it's as simple as that.

  At least it's as simple as that for now. I'm not sure if it's going to stay that way, or for how long, but whatever happens, I know we can push through it.

  *** Ethan

  Holy fuck. Seriously, fuck. Fucking, fucking... fuck.

  I've done a lot of stupid shit before. I can own it and accept it. I mean, yeah, sometimes it seemed like a good idea at the time, but maybe in a good bad idea kind of way, right? It's not a good thing to do, but you do it thinking you won't get caught. What's the worst that can happen?

  This is not even close to that. This is just a really good idea, but I don't want to do it at all. I think that makes it a bad good idea. It's one of those things that you know is the right thing to do, but you just really don't want to do it. Yeah, well, that's life, isn't it? What the fuck do I know?

  My dad and I eat a quick lunch with Ashley and her mom. Nothing crazy here, just sandwiches and chips. It's nice hanging out by the lake. Not a lot of people come this way. They go to the river more, but even then it's a lot further up, by where the rocks have been shaped into natural slides and there's little pools you can hang out in. That's where the jumping spot is, too. Honestly, it's pretty fucking awesome there. You can jump off this thirty foot cliff into a pool of deep water, and it's just a huge rush.

  I kind of feel like I'd rather jump off a three hundred foot cliff into a shallow pool of water than tell my dad about how I'm dating Ashley now, but whatever. There's no cliffs that high around here that I know of, and telling my dad is just something I have to do. I'll figure this shit out.

  I hope we go for a long hike. A really really fucking long hike. I'm going to need some time here. I don't know how long. I'll figure it out as I go. That's mostly how I do everything, but usually it seems easier than this.

  "You boys have fun, alright?" my stepmom says to me and my dad after we're done eating.

  "Don't get into too much trouble!" Ashley says, winking at us.

  My dad flexes, putting on a show of outdoor manliness or something. I just nod and smile and try to act normal, but I'm pretty sure it doesn't work. No one says anything, though. Ashley smiles at me.

  Maybe I'll just go over right now and kiss her. Fucking... pull her in my arms and grab her ass, lift her up, and kiss her hard. That's a good way to tell my dad, right? If he doesn't get it after that, I don't know what to say. Actions speak louder than words or something. I'm pretty sure this is how that works.

  Yeah, well, we're both bad with that. We don't really talk, and our actions have always spoken volumes, except none of it's been very good. Yeah yeah, my dad and I get along well enough, but I wouldn't exactly say we're close.

  We have an understanding. I think that's how he'd explain it if this was business-speak. This isn't a "You Scratch My Back and I Scratch Yours" type of understanding, but a "You Leave Me Alone and I'll Do the Same For You" kind of one. In a friendly as fuck way, though. Companionable silence or some shit, just staying out of each other's hair.

  I don't want to get into this right now, but I just don't want to deal with my dad or our current situation, so here you go. When my mom died, my dad tried to make it work, but he just couldn't. He couldn't really deal with it, and I didn't know what was going on, so he left. I wouldn't say he abandoned me, because he was always technically there, but I couldn't talk to him, couldn't do much with him.

  We lived in the same fucking house, but we might as well have been worlds apart. This lasted for awhile. We'd go do stuff, go out to dinner sometimes, but neither of us was really there. I didn't know how to be there. I was just some little kid, didn't even know what was going on, except people kept telling me my mom was gone and she wouldn't be coming back.

  How the fuck do you deal with that? I don't know. I still don't really know, but it's a decade in the past and I guess I've just gotten used to it. It's not like I'm ever going to forget, but sometimes it's hard to remember, too.

  I remember my mom used to pack a swirly straw for my juice box back in elementary school. It wasn't anything crazy, just some goofy as fuck straw, but I liked it. It was different, and none of the other kids at school had one, so I felt cool. You know how kids are, when you get some new toy or whatever and you just feel like a badass? Yeah, that was me.

  The first time I went back to school after my mom died and my dad made me my lunch, he forgot the straw. Actually, I don't even think he knew the straw existed. And then it's like... holy fuck, are you serious? I'm never going to see my mom again, and now you forget my straw?

  It's not even important. I guess it was never about the straw. I don't know. I really loved that straw and it sounds stupid as fuck, but there you go. I went home and I was angry and my dad just kind of looked at me like he didn't know what to do. I marched into the kitchen, ripped open the cabinet where my mom kept the swirly straws, then I grabbed them all in my fist and stomped over to the trash.

  I threw them away in front of him. He just looked at me, listless and slightly confused.

  I know he didn't know what the straws meant to me. If I'm being real fucking honest, I'm not even sure if I know what the straws meant to me. They're just straws, you know?

  That's me and my dad in a nutshell, though. I've learned that he doesn't understand me, and I've realized I don't understand him. It's easier that way. We can work with that, and we can get along. It doesn't need to be anything more than that.

  Yeah, he's still my dad. I love him, because I'm supposed to love him. I actually do love him, too, but it's just... I don't think we'll ever really know each other. We'll never be as close as Ashley and her mom are.

  I'm not sure if that's a bad thing. I don't know if it's anything, to be honest. It's just the way it is.

  I realize we've been walking in the woods for awhile now without talking. I'm not sure where we're going. We went along the shore to the river at first, then crossed it by jumping over some rocks further up, and now we're heading into the great unknown.

  There's a path, so it's not exactly completely unknown, but neither of us has been here for awhile.

  "Hey," my dad says. "What do you say we take a detour?"

  I give him a weird look and grin. "Yeah?"

  "Yeah," he says, smiling. "Let's just go this way." He points to the right. "It should be fine. We'll be walking alongside the lake, and it shouldn't be hard to find our way back. It's different, though. A change of pace and something new."

  That sounds good. I like it. A change of pace? Fuck, that's exactly what I need.

  That's what I have with Ashley, and I think it'd be nice to have something like that with my dad, too.

  Just something different. Something new.

  "If we get lost, I'm blaming you," I tell him, smirking.

  "Yeah yeah," my dad says, rolling his eyes. "I can accept that."

  I want to ask him if he can accept me, though. Can he accept me and Ashley? Can he accept us dating?

  I don't ask him that. We step off the dirt trail we were on and go to the right, hiking into the woods. There's no paths here, nothing to guide us, nothing to stop us.

  This is my element. I don't follow the rules, I make my own. My dad's the same way, whether he wants to admit it or not. You don't become filthy fucking rich by playing it safe, now do you?

  I guess that's a connection we have. We're not so different. I hope he agrees and I hope he understands me.

  *** Ashley

  "So..." my mom says to me, staring at the hook on the end of her fishing pole.

  I smile, but I try not to laugh. "So..."

  "I don't think we thought this over very well, Ashley."

  "Mom, it's just a worm," I say.

  "If Ethan and his father were here, we could have them do it. That's all I'm saying."

  "It can't be that ha
rd, can it?" I ask.

  "Um... have you ever gone fishing before?" she asks. "Because I haven't."

  "Not really, but..." Really, it can't be that hard, right?

  I pull off the top of the little bucket of worms that Ethan and my stepdad bought at the store earlier, then ready the hook of my fishing pole. You just, um... you put the worm on the hook, right? I don't think there's much to it.

  Closing my eyes, I reach into the dirt in the bucket until I find a worm. It's gross. And dirty. Well, duh! Of course it's dirty, Ashley! It's literally in a bucket of dirt. It's fine, it's fine, it's...

  I hurry and pull the worm out, then open my eyes. Don't look. Don't look at the worm in your fingers. I drape the worm over the hook and it just kind of hangs there, unassuming.

  "I don't think that's how it works," my mom says.

  "It's on the hook," I point out to her. It really is!

  "Yes, but what happens when you put it in the water? It's not just going to stay on the hook, is it?"

  "Oh, um..."

  "Ashley, we're hopeless," my mom says. "Do you just want to go swimming instead?"

  "We can't quit!" I tell her. "Mom, this is serious. We're supposed to be fishing. Also, we don't even have bathing suits."

  She shrugs. "So? You're wearing underwear, aren't you? It's not like anyone else is here. It's practically the same thing."

  I stare at her. "What? Are you being serious?"

  "What do you mean? Of course I am. It's not like I haven't seen you in your underwear before. You were traipsing around upstairs just running out of Ethan's room in your bra and panties the other day, so don't even try to act like you don't have a wild streak. It's only swimming, too."

  "Mom, someone else could come. I'm not going swimming in my underwear."

  "Fine! Then we have to figure out how to go fishing," she says.

  "I really don't think this is an either-or kind of situation. We can, um..."

  I look around, trying to figure out what else we can do. Honestly, I have no idea. There's a lake, and that's about it. We can go back to the campsite, but it's not like that's a whole lot better.

  "What if you tie it around the hook?" my mom offers.

  "Like a knot? Tie the worm in a knot?"

  "Yes, exactly."

  "Um..." I stare at the worm. It does look long enough for me to tie it in a knot around the hook, so...

  I give it a try, and it's just horrible. First off, shortly after she said that, the worm wriggled off the hook and fell to the ground. Second, as soon as I pick it back up, it starts squirming, and it doesn't ever stop squirming. Worms squirm. A lot. Ugh.

  I manage to tie it in a knot around the hook, but then the worm starts to squirm and wriggle and untie itself. What the heck, worm?

  "What if we just throw the hook in the water and pretend to fish?" I ask my mom. "That's really the important part, right? Even if you don't catch anything, fishing is supposed to be relaxing, so..."

  "Oh! Oh, that's a good idea. I knew I could count on you," my mom says.

  I quickly dump the worm back in its bucket and close the lid. My mom and I head to the edge of the lake and prepare to pretend to fish. We... um... so... the hooks are in the water, sort of. They don't go very far. We really didn't think this through all that well. They're in, though! We're fishing. Does it matter how far away the hooks are if we don't even have bait? I don't think so, but I really don't know, because I'm not sure what the rules are for pretend fishing.

  We sit down next to the lake and bask in the glow of our fishing prowess. The water washes up the shore, lapping across the rocky sand.

  "Is everything alright?" my mom asks suddenly.

  "Um, what do you mean?" I counter.

  "With you and Ethan?" my mom says. "Have you two been able to talk at all?"

  "Sort of?" I say. I don't know how to explain this. "We talked in the car on the ride here, and um... last night in the tent. We talked a little this morning, too. I guess it is hard. There's not a lot of privacy here."

  "I know," my mom says. "It's supposed to be fun, but if you aren't having fun you can tell me, you know?"

  "It's not that it's not fun, but..."

  I don't know. I'm not sure what to tell her. I would tell her if I could, but I just don't know what to say.

  "I can pretend to be sick if you want," my mom says. "Then we can go back home early."

  "Mom..."

  "I'm just saying," she says.

  "I know, and I appreciate it, but..." I hesitate, not sure if I should tell her this, except why not? "Ethan is going to tell his dad," I say.

  "When?" she asks.

  "Now? Um... I don't know exactly when, but he said he would tell him while they're hiking, so probably he'll know by the time they come back."

  "Oh my," my mom says. The way she says it makes me nervous.

  "What's that supposed to mean?"

  "What? Oh, nothing."

  "Mom, seriously, what's wrong?"

  "Nothing's wrong. I'm just wondering how this is going to go."

  "What do you mean you're wondering how this is going to go? It's going to go fine!" I think it is. I really hope so. "...Right?"

  "I'm sure it'll be fine," she says. "I was talking with Ethan's father last night and it wasn't anything too serious, but he did mention how he thinks Ethan is lashing out a little more lately and maybe he needs to have a talk with him about that. I tried to say it was probably nothing and Ethan's an adult now, but you know how his father can be."

  "Um... and you didn't think you should tell us this?"

  "If Ethan is lashing out, it's because of you, honey, so really, I think everything is going to be fine if him and his father talk."

  "I guess..." I say. For a second I'm not sure what else to say, so I stay silent. "Mom, do they hate each other? I know they talk, but I don't know if they like each other."

  "Of course they don't hate each other, Ashley. It's just complicated, that's all. They're men. You know how it is?"

  I don't know how it is, actually, but I decide not to say anything.

  "We need to help them," I tell her. "Whatever happens when they come back, we need to help them. If Ethan's dad is mad, then we need to all talk until they aren't mad anymore. I know that Ethan and his dad don't really talk much, but I don't care. They can't be mad at each other, not about this. It's going to be too hard if they get upset about it and get angry with each other."

  My mom grins, an excited glimmer in her eyes. "What do you have in mind?"

  "Um... I don't know. I didn't think that far ahead."

  "Campfire cuddling," my mom says. "And storytelling. We can all talk about what we've been up to for the past year. I know you and I talk on the phone all the time, so we probably already know what we've been doing, but Ethan doesn't talk to his father much, so it'll be a chance for them to open up. But also we'll be seeing each other in a new light, and if I'm cuddling with your stepfather at one side of the campfire and you're cuddling with Ethan at the other, we can all look into each other's eyes and really see what's going on. What do you think?"

  "I think it's a nice idea," I say. "I like it. If they don't want to talk about what they've been up to, we could tell stories, too. Ghost stories, maybe?"

  "With s'mores, of course," my mom says, extremely serious, nodding.

  "Of course!" I tell her, laughing.

  "I think it'll work," she says, nodding again. "Like a double date, I guess, but also acknowledging each other. I acknowledge you, Ashley! Ethan, too."

  I laugh at the way she says it. "Thanks?"

  "So what else have you been up to?" she says. "When you and Ethan came back from the bathroom, you two looked a little strange. Did something happen?"

  "Oh, um..."

  Before I can say anything, someone comes up behind us. "Uh... Ashley?"

  Oh my God, it's Caleb. Why is he here?

  "Um... hi, Caleb?" I say, offering him a small wave.

  "I saw a note at your campsite
when I came to find you and it said you'd be here, so..."

  "Hi, Caleb!" my mom says, waving excitedly at him.

  "Hi," he says, sort of smiling and looking anxious at the same time.

  "Here," my mom says. "Come sit with us. We're fishing."

  "We're not actually fishing," I say, mumbling. "We didn't know how to put the worms on our hooks."

  "Do you want me to show you?" Caleb asks, eager. "It's not that hard. Here, uh, where are your worms?"

  My mom points to the bucket of worms behind us, just sitting there on the ground. Caleb goes to get it, then joins us.

  This is weird. And awkward. I'm not sure what I'm going to say to Caleb. I guess it's not so bad since it's just me and my mom here? She already knows, so...

  "Ashley, I don't mean to, uh... in front of your mom... but..."

  "What?" my mom asks, concerned. "Is something wrong, you two?"

  "Um..." I say, unsure what else to say.

  "Er... well..." Caleb pauses after that.

  I think that's going to be it and he won't say anything, but... nope...

  *** Ethan

  I have no fucking clue where we are, and I'm pretty sure my dad doesn't, either. Neither of us is willing to admit this, though. I mean, fuck, maybe he does know? He had a good point before, too. Just because I don't recognize a damn thing around us, doesn't mean we're lost or anything. The lake should be to the right, so if we just turn that way, we'll be fine.

  Just ignore the fact that we don't have a compass or anything. Also the fact that we haven't exactly been going in a straight line this entire time. How the fuck do you walk in a straight line in the middle of the woods? I guess you can try, but good luck with that.

  We can probably just turn around, though. We know where we came from, so it's not like we can't just go back that way. Yeah, that's it. We're fine. It's cool...

  "So tell me about this girl you're dating," my dad says, kind of serious but friendly.

  "Yeah, she's cool," I say. That's it. Not sure I want to say more yet. Better not to incriminate myself when I finally tell him the truth.