‘Can I have one too?’
She spun round, her heart jumping at the familiar male voice, and found herself face to face with Patrick. ‘Oh — hello.’ She glanced guiltily at Tricia who stood by the table, smiling.
‘I brought Tricia home,’ he said. ‘I hope it’s all right. Your mother does know about it. She had some shopping to do so I said...’
‘Why are you here? I mean — I thought you hardly ever came home.’ She felt the hot colour creeping up her neck and wished there were something she could do to stop it. Any minute now Paul would be home. Not that it mattered. There was no earthly reason why Patrick should not be here — and yet...
He was smiling at her. ‘That’s a nice welcome, I must say. I was at a loose end this week — thought I’d come home.’
‘Don’t you join your wife when you get a free weekend?’
‘Not always.’ He shrugged. ‘She’s gone up to Edinburgh to rehearse for a Festival thing. It’s a long way just for a weekend, besides they seem to work through Saturdays and Sundays at this stage. It’s one of those things where the re-writing is being done as they go along.’ He pulled a face. ‘It sounds chaotic. I don’t really think they welcome visitors.’
‘I see.’ Elaine glanced at Tricia. ‘Has Zoe finished with you now?’
Tricia nodded. ‘Yes. Can I go out to play now, Mummy?’
‘Of course.’
The child took an apple from the bowl on the dresser and skipped out through the back door into the garden.
‘Zoe has finished the head,’ Patrick told her. ‘It’s rather good. She asked me to tell you that you can have it cast in a metal of some kind, or she can do it in some other new material she’s rather keen on. Maybe you could look in some time and see what you think.’
‘Yes, I will.’ She didn’t look at him but concentrated on clearing away the knife and chopping board, meticulously wiping the worktop, all the time acutely aware of his eyes on her. ‘Why are you here, Patrick?’
‘Why do you think? I wanted to see you. Bringing Tricia home seemed a good opportunity.’
‘You shouldn’t have come. Please go.’
He crossed the kitchen to her, frowning. ‘What’s wrong? You’re as jumpy as a kitten.’
‘What good can it do — coming here — seeing each other? It was all over eight years ago. We’re both married now, and...’ She broke off abruptly as the door opened and Mary came into the kitchen.
‘Elaine, I thought I heard you come in. I — oh...’ She stopped abruptly, looking from one to the other. ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t know you had a visitor.’
‘This is Mr Carne,’ Elaine said hurriedly. ‘He brought Tricia home.’
‘How do you do?’ Mary’s sharp eyes swept over Patrick from head to foot, assessing him, sniffing the atmosphere in the kitchen like a gun dog; quickly sensing the feeling of tension and guilt emanating from her daughter-in-law. That, coupled with what she had heard as she stood on the other side of the kitchen door, excited her in a way that nothing else could.
‘What is it, Mother?’ Elaine said, her stretched nerves in her voice.
‘What? Oh, there was a telephone message from Paul,’ Mary said, dragging her eyes away from Patrick’s face. ‘The staff meeting is taking longer than he thought, so he’ll be a little late. I told him I didn’t think it would matter. You’ve only just come in yourself, haven’t you?’
She smiled sweetly at Patrick. ‘My daughter-in-law works very hard. Am I to take it that you’re old friends?’
‘Very,’ Patrick said with a smile. ‘Childhood sweethearts, you might almost say.’
‘How nice. Well...’ Mary backed towards the door. ‘I’ll leave you to — er — chat. I daresay you have a great deal to say to each other.’
As the door closed behind her Elaine winced. ‘ Damn! That’s all I needed. Why did you have to make that stupid remark?’
‘Oh, come on. If there was anything going on we’d hardly get up to it here in your own kitchen, would we?’
‘You don’t know what she’s like, Patrick,’ she whispered. ‘It’s no laughing matter. Oh, why can’t you leave me alone? Can’t you see what you’re doing?’
He took her shoulders and turned her towards him, surprised by the brightness in her eyes. ‘You’re really scared, aren’t you? Surely you don’t have to live like this. Do you let that old battle-axe run your life? This is 1975, for God’s sake.’
‘Just mind your own business and go, Patrick. You don’t understand. Forget all about me. It’s best.’
‘Do you mean that? Do you really want me to go — not to see me again?’
‘Yes. We’ve managed without seeing each other for the past eight years. Why start again now?’ She wrenched herself free and turned away. ‘Go now, Patrick. And don’t come back.’
He didn’t move. When she turned round he was still there, his eyes troubled as he looked at her. ‘There’s something here I don’t understand,’ he said quietly. ‘You were right about that. But I mean to, Elaine. I certainly mean to.’ He turned and walked out through the back door. Looking out of the window, she saw him wave to Tricia. Jumping off her swing the child came running up the garden to him and the look on her face brought a lump to Elaine’s throat. She turned away abruptly, busying herself with preparing the vegetables, forcing her mind on to tomorrow’s routine.
*
Alison was slightly breathless as she joined Elaine and the two bridesmaids in the church porch.
‘I only just made it,’ she whispered. ‘Didn’t want to steal the bride’s limelight by arriving at the same minute, but I just had to be here to see her walk down the aisle in your fabulous dress.’
Together they watched as the car drew up at the lytch gate and Elaine went forward to help lift the train so that it didn’t snag or soil on the pavement. In the porch she smoothed, tweaked and carefully arranged the gown she had created, then with a smile and a whispered ‘Good luck’ to the bride she slipped into one of the back pews along with Alison.
‘Everything all right at your end?’ she enquired. Alison nodded, holding up two pairs of crossed fingers. ‘I really believe I’ve thought of everything. I hadn’t bargained for quite such a hot day, but I think the champagne will be chilled enough. And that toastmaster the agency have sent — c’est formidable.’ She pulled a face. ‘He’s bound to go down a bomb. He scared the pants off me.’
Elaine smothered a giggle and together they stood to sing the first hymn. The church was cool and fragrant with the scent of flowers. Elaine thought the ceremony moving and beautiful; so very different to the brief register office ceremony she and Paul had gone through. As she sat watching the two young figures standing at the alter, she couldn’t help wondering what her life might have been like if things had been different. Just for a moment she pictured herself and Patrick standing in place of the bride and groom, making vows, looking at each other like these two, with so much love in their eyes. Then she pulled herself together sharply. That could never be now. And the sooner she stopped thinking about it, the better. If only Patrick hadn’t come back to torture her with what might have been. And to prove to her that what she had felt for him all those years ago hadn’t died.
‘Are you all right, Ellie?’ Alison was looking at her anxiously.
She forced a smile and brushed a single tear from the corner of her eye. ‘Of course I am. Don’t you cry at weddings?’
Alison leaned closer. ‘As long as they pay the bill promptly, I shan’t be shedding any tears,’ she whispered.
*
‘Paul, I want to talk to you.’ Mary stood in the doorway, a tray of tea in her hands. He groaned inwardly. He was watching cricket on television.
‘Can’t it wait, Mother?’
‘I’m afraid it can’t.’ She put the tray down on the coffee table and seated herself between her son and the TV set, obscuring his vision. ‘It’s very worrying. I wanted to speak to you while we were alone.’
With a resigned s
igh, Paul got up and switched off the set. ‘Very well then. I suppose you’d better get it off your chest. What is it this time?’
Mary poured two cups of tea and handed Paul a plate of biscuits. He shook his head irritably.
‘Are you going to get to the point or aren’t you, Mother?’
‘I think you should put your foot down about this business Elaine has got herself involved with.’
He sighed. ‘And how do you propose that I should do that?’
‘It’s simple. Get her pregnant again.’
Paul almost dropped his cup. ‘What on earth are you talking about?’
‘Well, why not? It’s a mistake to have only one child anyway, and when Tricia goes off the school in September Elaine will miss her. She’ll be spending even more time away from the house if you’re not careful, working with this friend of hers. But if she were to find herself pregnant, she’d have something else to occupy her mind, wouldn’t she?’
‘Elaine and I have no plans to increase our family,’ Paul said dismissively. But Mary was not to be put off as easily as that.
‘Why are you so against having more children?’
‘We just don’t want any more, Mother.’ He got up and switched on the television set again, but Mary ignored the pointed hint.
‘You would tell me if there was anything wrong between you, wouldn’t you, Paul?’ she said wheedlingly.
‘There is nothing wrong. And I’d like to watch the cricket if you don’t...’
‘Of course, I can’t help knowing that you don’t share a room,’ Mary interrupted. ‘Why is that, Paul? Is Elaine frigid?’
A dull flush began to creep up Paul’s neck. He kept his eyes on the television set as he said: ‘Not as far as I know.’
‘It’s you then?’ Mary shook her head. ‘There’s no need to look at me like that. I’m your mother, not some stranger. Elaine is still very young, Paul. You should be a proper husband to her if you want to keep her. You don’t want her to start looking around at other men, getting ideas about divorce, do you? That wouldn’t do your position at school any good.’
‘You can safely leave my marriage problems with me, Mother.’
‘Ah, so there are problems. I was right.’ Mary’s eyes glinted triumphantly.
‘There are no problems as far as I’m concerned,’ Paul said, his tone carefully controlled.
‘But there are as far as Elaine is concerned? And that’s where the danger lies.’ She shook her head. ‘Can’t you see that you’re asking for trouble?’
With a resigned sigh he went across and switched off the television again. ‘All right, if you’re determined to give me your views on the subject, I suppose you’d better get them off your chest,’ he said.
Mary edged forward until she was sitting on the edge of her chair. ‘Well — and remember, I’m only telling you this to help save your marriage — I have reason to believe that Elaine is — well — seeing someone.’
‘Oh, really?’ Paul’s face remained impassive. ‘Who?’
Mary frowned. ‘I must say you don’t seem very put out.’
‘Mother, are you really trying to help? Or is it just sensation you’re after?’
She bridled. ‘How dare you accuse me of trying to make trouble? That’s the last thing I’ve ever wanted to do. I’m just telling you so that you can do something about it before it’s too late.’
‘Very kind of you. And what do you suggest I do?’
‘Surely that’s up to you? Most men would at least be concerned — furious, even. Doesn’t it make you angry at all?’
‘Do you have any evidence to back up this accusation?’ Paul asked.
‘As a matter of fact, I do. I’ve heard them talking on the telephone...’ She glanced at him. ‘Accidentally, of course. And yesterday he was actually here in the house.’
He laughed dryly. ‘You think Elaine would be foolish enough to entertain a lover here — with you liable to pop into the room at any minute?’
Mary sprang to her feet, her face crimson. ‘Oh, you’re such a stupid complacent fool, Paul. You never did have any imagination — any go in you. That child Patricia — she isn’t yours, of course. Anyone but a fool would have tumbled to that years ago.’ Before he could open his mouth to respond she went on: ‘You’ve only got to look at her colouring. Where do you think she got that blond hair from, and those eyes? Not from you — or from Elaine’s side of the family either. And she certainly wasn’t the premature baby everyone was led to believe. I always suspected it, right from the first. Oh, no. Elaine and her mother saw you coming all right. You walked right into their hands, like a lamb to the slaughter.’
She only just stopped herself from telling him of her other suspicion — that Patrick Carne was the child’s father. The conversation she had overheard between him and Elaine yesterday afternoon had all but confirmed it, but if she were wrong and it came out that she had said it...
Paul’s mouth tightened and a muscle began to twitch in his cheek, ‘if you knew this right from the beginning, as you say, why the hell didn’t you tell me?’
She sat down again, eyeing him with a scornful expression. ‘Why? Because I was only too glad to get you married off, of course. If you believed the child was yours, then you must have had reason to. That in itself was a relief to me. At least it proved you were a man. It meant that other disgraceful business was over and done with. Then I was thinking of your career; you needed a wife to get you the post of headmaster. By that time, quite frankly, Paul, I didn’t much care who she was or how you got her.’
‘I see. Thank you.’ His face was now deathly pale. ‘So what do you suggest I do about this suspicion of yours? Clearly you’re against divorce — so what should I do? Come on now, Mother. Don’t tell me you’re stumped for ideas about that.’
‘There’s no need to be sarcastic. I’ve already made a sensible suggestion. Do you really want me to tell you how to control your own wife? It’s not my place.’
‘Exactly. So there’s no more to be said, is there?’ Paul picked up a book that lay on the table at his side. He opened it and began to read. After a few moments Mary got up with and exasperated little snort and left the room.
*
The wedding reception was a great success. Everyone admired the bride’s dress and Alison and Elaine circulated among the guests, their ears open for remarks, eager to learn of their mistakes as well as their successes.
From the other side of the marquee, Elaine watched Alison as she talked animatedly with a middle-aged woman. She wore an attractive dress in a shade of blue that suited her colouring perfectly and Elaine thought that she was looking so much better than when she first came home. She had put on weight, the haunted look had gone from her eyes and she was clearly more relaxed. Their new venture was obviously helping her to readjust. Elaine only wished it could do the same for her.
‘Penny for them.’
She turned, surprised and more than a little dismayed to see Patrick standing at her elbow. ‘Patrick! What...?’
‘Am I doing here?’ He finished the sentence for her. ‘And why didn’t I tell you yesterday that I was coming? The answers are that I didn’t want to add to your anxieties, and I didn’t want to risk having you spend the afternoon avoiding me.’ He smiled apologetically. ‘I promise you it wasn’t contrived. I was officially invited. It happens that I was at school with the bridegroom. Sorry.’
‘Don’t be. You have a perfect right to be here.’ She turned and helped herself from the buffet table.
‘Am I allowed to congratulate you on the wedding?’ he asked. ‘Everything seems to have gone like clockwork.’
‘It’s a joint effort,’ she told him. ‘Alison did all this.’ She indicated the buffet table. ‘It looks beautiful, doesn’t it?’
‘And so do you.’ His eyes swept over her admiringly. ‘That shade of peach is wonderful with your colouring and the hat gives you a Renoir look. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in a hat before.’
‘Haven’t you?’ She looked around for an excuse to escape, acutely aware of the colour in her cheeks.
He touched her arm. ‘Elaine, don’t run off again. Look, couldn’t we meet? Can’t you come up to Town? I want to see you so much. Ever since we met again at the party, I haven’t been able to get you out of my mind.’
‘No.’ She shook her head. If he only knew how she had lain awake night after night since the party, remembering his kiss; if he could know the terrible aching joy being in he arms again had brought her. She took a deep breath. ‘What possible good could it do? There’s no future in it, Patrick. There never was any future in our relationship. I was too young to realise it all those years ago, but I’m older and wiser now. I don’t want to be unhappy.’
‘But you are unhappy. I can see it in your eyes. It’s written in every look, every gesture. If we could find the happiness we had it would be worth it, wouldn’t it? Even if it were only for a little while.’
She shrugged. ‘A little while? And for what? No, Patrick, I’m not a naive child any more. You’re being unfair — cruel, even. Please don’t ask me again.’
‘Is that your last word?’ His eyes searched hers and she was aware of an electric tingling in her arm as his fingers closed round it.
It was with an effort she made herself say: ‘Yes. It’s my last word.’
She drew her arm away from his grasp and turned to walk away. ‘Goodbye, Patrick.’
On the other side of the marquee Alison turned with shining eyes as Elaine touched her sleeve. ‘Hey, guess what? I’ve just had three enquiries and a firm booking. The bride and her mother are coming round on...’ She broke off, seeing the look in Elaine’s eyes. ‘Ellie — you’re upset.’ She sucked in her breath sharply. ‘Damn! It’s Patrick, isn’t it? I knew it meant trouble when I saw you talking to him at Red and Zoe’s party that night.’ She frowned angrily. ‘Honestly, men. Who needs them?’ Taking Elaine by the arm, she said firmly: ‘Forget him, Ellie. Look, see that pretty blonde girl over there? She’s been enquiring about the wedding dress. She adored it, and when I told her you made it she asked if you could design one for her. Naturally I said you could. Come and meet your next client. You’ve got work to do, my girl.’
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