“I hope she can handle this,” Keith said.
I pulled him as close as my stomach would let me. “She can handle it. The question is, can my big, tough cowboy deal with it?”
“I’ll be fine,” he said.
And the baby picked that very moment to kick. We both giggled and went to bed. Our baby seemed to wake up right at bedtime most nights and this night was no different. As I lay there, rubbing the place where a little arm or leg jutted out, I thought about how Keith and Violet would have gone through all this before, not knowing about the future. I loved my own baby so much already, and I promised myself that I would make this visit for Violet and her babies as special as I could make it under the circumstances.
On the day Judy came to visit, Peyton spent extra time on her makeup and hair and then we spent the rest of the morning getting the house ready. Marta went with Keith to get Judy in Pillar Bluff while we made Violet’s guest room just right.
“Why do you seem so nervous? I’ll be fine.” Peyton had just vacuumed the floor and was wrapping the cord around the handle.
The action reminded me of how far she had come since I first married her father. She was growing up.
“I mean,” Peyton said, “That if Mom has a special condition, like you say, then she’s not going to care about the house. We’re just supposed to help her have fun, right?”
“Right,” I said, not mentioning all the time she’d spent on her makeup. I laced my fingers across my belly. I flinched at an especially hard kick.
“Oh! Let me.” Peyton hurried over and knelt down, resting her cheek on my belly. I moved one hand to the top of my stomach and rested the other on Peyton’s head.
“Hi, baby,” she said. “Come out soon. I want to meet you in person.” She kissed my belly.
I loved how unabashed Peyton had become when it came to anything about the baby. Hours of her day were spent helping decorate the baby’s room, making little things to give it when he or she was older, and my favorite, taking photographs of my belly. If her photography talents didn’t take her any further than right there in Castle Orchard, we would at least have the most beautiful baby belly gallery anywhere.
She stood and we were face to face. It struck me that she was starting to look more and more like her mother in those young photos in her room, and on Judy’s dresser. I touched her face, thinking she would flinch, brush me away, but instead she laid her hand over mine.
“I’m glad you’re my stepmom,” she whispered.
A shyness came over her, and then me. This was the kind of moment I had been longing for since I’d known Peyton, and suddenly I was speechless. She smiled, breaking the spell, but before she walked away, she kissed my cheek. Now wasn’t I surprised as she walked off to her bedroom, my fingers lightly touching the moisture from her kiss?
“They’re here,” Stevie shouted.
I walked into the living room to see nothing but Stevie’s Wrangler bottom sticking out of the curtains. The rest of him was resting inside the window, watching his father’s truck pull in. My heart gave a flutter.
Peyton, hearing Stevie, hurried in. “I’m glad we’re doing this,” she said.
“Well…” I ventured. “If this visit works out okay for the whole family, maybe we’ll do it every few months.”
Peyton spun around. “That’s a great idea.”
I smiled, pretending for her that nothing was out of the ordinary, but I was nervous. How was Judy going to react when she saw Peyton? How would Peyton react? She had been so young when Violet left and Violet – or, Judy – had changed so much with her condition that I didn’t think Peyton would see a resemblance at all.
“She’s going to look a lot different, Peyton, and she’ll be different, too. Like a little girl sometimes.”
“I know,” she said. “You already told me.”
My heart swelled for her. Now it was final. I loved that girl.
Before I could answer the door, Stevie swung it open. Peyton stood beside Stevie, staring at her mother. Her mother’s eyes glanced around the room, right over me, and to Stevie and Peyton. She smiled at Stevie, patted his head.
“Hi, little baby.”
“Hey, I’m not a ba—”
I placed a finger over my lips to shush him. He clamped his mouth closed. We’d just told him our friend Judy was coming. Since he already thought of me as his mom, and he barely remembered his own, explaining it to him would be a series of small conversations and not a big announcement like for Peyton.
The caregiver who had come to help her, urged Judy forward. She took a few steps into the living room. Her eyes fell on her daughter, and, for a moment, I was sure I saw some kind of recognition in the way her eyes lingered, flashed, but then flattened.
“Hello, girl.”
Peyton’s face turned white. She was hurt. It was natural, I knew, but I longed to save her.
“Hi,” Peyton said, her face filling with color again.
She was a cowgirl through and through, just like her dad always said. Tough, kind, and never one to shirk from a hard task. At first she was shy, but ever the young lady.
I stepped forward, took Judy’s hand and ushered her into the living room where I sat her on the couch. She pulled her purple cardigan tightly around her, let her eyes roam across her surroundings. Did she recognize her old house? Was there anything about it that she still knew? Not for the first time, I regretted my campaign early in our marriage to strip Violet’s things from the house and make it my own, but I hadn’t known. If I had, it might have been a different story. I think I would have saved everything if I had known she was not simply an ex-wife who abandoned her children, but a mother whose love couldn’t allow them to see her turn into a stranger.
“Judy,” I said, as the children perched on the couch around us. “How are you?”
“Fine,” she said. “I’m fine. Cowboy Man is here to see me.”
Her helper stood at the ready and I was grateful. “Thank you for coming with Judy,” I said.
“It’s a pleasure,” she said.
I’d met her before. She was in her fifties and had a kind, but competent-looking face that made me feel confidence in her abilities to help us navigate if anything went wrong.
“Kids, this is Pamela.” I turned back to her. “We have a room all ready for you right next to Judy’s.”
“Thank you,” she said. She motioned to my stomach. “You’re coming right along, aren’t you?”
“The way he or she’s been kicking, you’d think today.”
“It’s going to be a bronco rider,” Keith called.
He was busy in the kitchen, preparing tea, just the way Judy liked it, something I was certain he had done on a daily basis when they were married. Was he sad? How surreal it must have been for him to have her back in the house, in the condition that she was in, along with his current wife. In fact, it was downright strange for me, too, no matter how it all came about. To be completely honest, it was one of the most awkward and difficult things I’d ever done in my life, but I just kept telling myself that what Keith and the kids had gone through had been much harder.
“And if it’s a girl?” I asked.
“A barrel racer like her big sister,” he said.
I smiled at an amused Pamela. “Anyway, we hope it comes after the prom, because I’m a chaperone. A junior boy named Estefan asked Peyton to be his date.”
Peyton flushed crimson.
I left Judy with Keith and the kids while I showed Pamela to her room. I hoped she would like it. Caregivers have demanding jobs, and I wanted this to be a bit of a vacation for her, too, even though she still had to work.
“I will try to stay close, but out of the way,” she promised. “That way everyone can get to know each other.”
Leaving Pamela to get settled, I returned to the living room. Judy was fine, babbling on to the kids. Her eyes kept traveling to Keith, and in my heart of hearts, I could tell that she did know him on some level. I had a feeling she wou
ld be fine this weekend as long as Keith was near.
“That was a long drive, wasn’t it?” Judy exclaimed, looking at me. “You were there. Cowboy Man drives too fast!”
The kids, who knew their dad’s driving habits, started to giggle, which made her giggle, too. They were like three children. I turned to see what Keith thought of her comment, but he only smiled, stirring sugar into Judy’s tea.
“That wasn’t mommy in the car.” Stevie tried to tell Judy. “It was Aunt Marta.”
Judy just stared, not comprehending. The kids giggled again. Marta had left as soon as they got there, so there was no way for Judy to see that there were two of us. I would have to explain to Stevie later. Hopefully, he wouldn’t cause Judy to get too confused. Right now, Judy was having a good moment, but I had been reminded by her brother over the phone about Judy’s fits when he visited her. We had to tread carefully, not pushing her, and be ready to call the whole thing off if we had to.
Keith brought Judy’s tea and set it on the coffee table in front of her.
“Just the way you like it, Judy.” He offered her a smile, and she stared at him with adoration.
She sipped the tea carefully and set the cup in its saucer. “It’s perfect, Cowboy Man.”
Peyton’s eyes never left Judy’s face, except for when her eyes lingered on Judy’s bracelet. Her eyes lit up.
“Your bracelet,” she said, casting her surprised gaze at her dad and then back at Judy. “You still have it.” And then I remembered the day Peyton had seemed upset that her dad had gotten me a bracelet. That was when it came together, seeing Judy at the rodeo, her having a bracelet resembling mine and Peyton’s. It had been a mother-daughter thing for them, not me and Peyton.
Judy studied her wrist. “Oh yes,” she said. “A man gave it to me. A special one.” She frowned. “I can’t remember who, but…” Her voice trailed off.
“I have one,” Peyton said, holding out her wrist.
Judy smiled and studied it. I touched mine lightly and Judy noticed.
“You have one, too,” she said. “Three beautiful bracelets.”
I glanced at Keith. “I’ll bet I know who gave it to you.” I told Judy, not sure she’d understand. “He’s standing right over there.”
Judy snapped her head toward Keith. “From you?” she asked. “Three beautiful bracelets?”
“For three beautiful ladies,” he said.
There was a time I would’ve been hurt to find out he’d given me something he’d given his ex, but not anymore. Now it seemed as if the bracelets, like the items in The Southern Pair, when found by the right customer, fit perfectly. We were now connected, the three women in Keith’s life, and I knew right then that even if it stretched our hearts a little bit more than was comfortable, it would be a beautiful weekend.
Judy’s room was empty the next morning. I pulled the door shut and stood in the hallway, trying to catch my breath. Keith had gotten up an hour ago to take care of the horses. It was still very early in the morning. I hesitated in front of Pamela’s door, then knocked. There was a squeak of the bed springs and a good deal of shuffling before the door cracked open and a sleepy-eyed Pamela peeked through, her pink and blue striped robe pulled tightly around her.
“Is everything okay?” Her eyes darted to Judy’s door.
“She’s not in her room.”
Together, we checked the bathroom and everywhere in the house.
“Let me just put on some shoes,” Pamela said.
I put on a pair of my western boots – I’d had to buy a bigger size to wear during my pregnancy. I thought of how funny they looked with my fuzzy jammy pants, but didn’t have time to think long about it as I slipped on a jacket. Pamela followed behind me in a pair of floppy Ugg boots, still in her fuzzy robe.
It was still mostly dark and the cold hit my face as I stepped out. We usually had pretty mild autumn weather, but this early in the morning it was still cool. A chill seeped through my pajamas as we walked slowly, both of us still drowsy, around the yard looking for signs of Judy.
“I can’t believe this,” I said, trying not to panic. “I locked the outside door, I promise. Keith must have left it unlocked when he went out to the barn.”
“It’s not your fault. She remembers how to unlock a deadbolt.” Pamela reminded me. “Speaking of the barn, maybe she went there.”
We headed in that direction, Pamela making me hold onto her arm even though I felt fine. It always amused me how everyone I knew offered their arm if I had to walk more than five steps, as if I didn’t know how to walk myself. I suppose the waddling motion as I swayed from place to place threw people off.
Before we made it to the barn, we heard Judy laugh. Pamela and I hurried, following the happy giggling coming from the open door leading into the side of the barn. We were just stepping inside when we heard Keith’s laughter joining Judy’s, or in this case, Violet’s.
“Shhh.” We stopped short, both of us leaning far enough in to see down the row of stalls. The site of her fully dressed in a pair of boots, a western blouse, and jeans, complete with her lavender tiara wrapped hat, took my breath away. I had no idea she’d brought her outfits. My hand went to my mouth.
“Oh, Keith. How did you make this barn so big without my noticing?” Her laughter was contagious and Keith smiled.
“You’d be surprised at what I can put past you, Violet,” he said.
He called her Violet. But, of course, she was Violet in that moment. I held my breath.
“And what you can’t,” she teased.
Even in the dim light, I saw the color in his cheeks. His smiled faded.
“Hey,” he said gently, as if she might fade at any moment, and of course she could. Then she would just be Judy again, and his moment would be lost. I couldn’t look away from his private moment. I had to hear it, too.
“Hey, cowboy.” She reached for his hand. “What’s up?”
I could see her eyes from my hiding place. They were completely clear. She even held herself differently than Judy. This had to be Violet.
“I’m sorry about everything I ever did to hurt you.” His voice was strong, sincere.
Violet was now looking away from me, toward Keith, so I couldn’t see what she comprehended. What did Keith mean, hurt her? Was he being all-encompassing? Talking about the things that all married couples do to hurt each other?
“Oh, that,” she said. “It’s okay. I forgave you a long time ago. What, did you forget?”
I sighed, relieved. Whatever it was couldn’t have been a big deal or she would be angry, right?
His shoulders slumped.
She touched his face. “Cowboy, why are you so sad?”
He shook his head, put his hand on hers, the same way Peyton had mine the day before as we had waited for Keith to bring her mom home.
I could see his jaw working, the pain wracking his features, the crinkle he got in his forehead when he felt sad, the way it had just before he had cried on the day I found him visiting Violet at Cottonwood Manner.
He forced a smile and looked at Violet. She was starting to twist her foot, an action I recognized as Judy’s. Pamela knew it, too, and she stepped forward to collect Judy and take her back to the house, but I placed my hand on her arm.
“Just a minute.” She nodded, pausing, ready to step in if she needed to protect Judy, and really, Keith, too.
“Violet,” he said. “Did I ever tell you how much I loved you?”
“Loved?” she said. “You silly thing. Don’t you love me right now?”
“More than you know.” He choked.
And Violet moved, not like Judy, but like a wife, and wrapped her arms around Keith. He didn’t cry. I could see he wouldn’t let himself do that to her. She wouldn’t have understood, but he held her gently, his hand splayed on her back, his chin resting on top of her head as she pressed her cheek into his chest. In the center of my chest, a tightness twisted, part pain, part compassion, and, yes, even some resentment, I won’
t lie.
“I love you, Keith. I meant to tell you that. I love you like the country song, forever and ever, amen.”
I saw him smile before he placed a kiss on the top of her head. I’d heard Peyton and Stevie say that to Keith. “I love you forever and ever, amen, Dad.” So this was where the endearment had come from. Their mother.
I held my breath a little longer, wondering how long this moment could last, when I saw her foot twist again. Keith sensed it, stepped back, and placed his hands on her shoulders. He smiled at her, and he was smiling at Judy again.
“Cowboy Man?” she said, hesitantly.
“Yes?”
“I’m cold. I want to go to my room now.”
“Sure, let’s go,” he said, taking his coat off and wrapping it around her shoulders.
“Do you think they’re having eggs this morning? I like eggs, cowboy guy.”
He caught my eye as they approached the barn door, and I saw a trio of sadness, relief, and apology competing in his gaze.
“I think they’re having eggs, today, Judy. Is that right, Mandy?”
“That’s right,” I said.
Pamela held her hand out to Judy who took it like a child and the two walked together back to the house. Keith and I stood at the corral, watching the sun come over the tree-covered hills, casting the ranch and the sprawling timber and brick house in a yellow lens.
I thought I should say something, but nothing seemed right. I didn’t want to spoil the moment for Keith. He wrapped an arm around me, pulled me close, but he didn’t say anything, either.
One thing I was learning about being a cowboy’s wife was that sometimes fewer words were best. Sometimes a plethora of feelings could be expressed by a simple gesture, such as a touch, an action, or a kiss, which was what Keith offered me as the sun rose higher, illuminating the ranch, so that the rooster crowed, yes we had one of those, and noises that signaled work, horses, and family filled the air around us. I felt revitalized by the morning’s energy.
“Dad! Mom! Breakfast!” Stevie slammed the door as he ran back inside, and I tried not to think about his other mom, wondering if she had heard Stevie calling out to us and if it meant anything to her, or if Violet was gone to us again.
The Real Thing Page 16