“Yes, Ma’am, Miss Plumtartt, Ma’am, that skull faced cave entrance bears a striking resemblance to that poor ol’ Sku Le’Bizarre, bless his heart. I bet you’re right about that bein’ the entrance to the ‘Craven Cavern’, too. We’ll plunge into the intervening strip of lush jungle. Maybe when we pop out of the jungle’s overgrowth on the other side, we will escape Queen Tempestia’s attention long enough to dash into the cave. I gotta keep this buggie buggy dodgin’ all the way but I think we might make it!”
“’ey! Oye’m getting slapped around boi all these lush palm fronds as we cwash through this strip of jungley environment. Get us out o’ here, Icksi!”
“Yes, Ma’am, Miss Mimi Ma’am! We got a shot at the cave coming up! Here we go!”
“Hurry Citizen Ichabod! Queen Tempestia sees us! She is coming after us!”
“EEE-AYE-rROARK!!!”
“Feel free to pilot the insect carriage directly into the cave, as opposed to stopping at the entrance, Mr. Temperance. Moreover, please drive us as far into the cavern as spacial logistics will allow.”
“Yes, Ma’am, Miss Plumtartt, Ma’am.”
“Aye! Into the cavern we go!”
“Here now! Her majesty, Queen Tempestia pursues us still! She’s reaching her long lava arm into the cavern after us!”
“I can’t pilot this crawler any further! I think we’re gonna...”
thumpuh/thumpuh/thumpuh/thumpuh/thumpuh...
Kah!Kah!Kah!Krash!
“Eek! Run everybody! Them fiery fingers is stretching out to burn us up!”
“Run citizens! We are very nearly within the grasp of the lavaly lady!”
“Hey y’all! A small gauge railroad is in this cave! It must move around these little ol’ mining cars. There’s four of ’em hitched up, here together. I wonder if this little train parked at the top of this steeply inclined hill is safe?”
“Bugger a bunch o’ safe! Everbody pile in! Ickety! Release that brake!”
“Yessir, Officer O'Ha-WOAH!-
O
O
O
O
O
O
O
O
O
O
O
OOOOOOOOOAH!!!
“We got away from the questing grasp of Queen Tempestia’s burning touch, citizens, but these twisting, turning, dropping, climbing, spinning, spiraling, loopty loops are more than my stomach can stomach! How are we not all thrown from our respective cars?”
“I don’t know, Officer Smith, but hang on, the end of the line is coming up straight ahead...”
Skeerck!
tumble,tumble,tumble,tumble,tumble,tumble
“On ye’re feet, one and all. We may have a head start on Queen Tempestia making it over the mountains. Nevertheless, let’s hurry!”
“Aye!”
“Here’s the cave entrance! Everybody down the steps and across the bridge.”
“Eep. Yes, the swaying rope bridge over the deep river chasm. Eh hem, yes, that is no. I am closing my eyes. Of course! That chasm was just a figment of my imagination! It is so plain to see with my eyes closed! This is actually just a quaint little footbridge over a babbling brook. The surging updraft I sense is just a passing breeze I am sure.”
“Bah! The intruders have returned! Stop them!”
“Not on your little sweet bippy Mr. Monsieur Overseer Worchestershire. We’re coming through!”
~punch!~
“Aye, ye laid out our saucy overseer, very adroitly with that strike, lad, and the pronunciation of his name was spot on. I thinks before ye were over thinking it a bit. In any case, his multitudes of minions press us sorely, aye.”
“Well they ain’t pressin’ too hard, Officer O’Hagan. Lookey there, all these ol’ zombies is moving slower and slower until they completely fall out.”
“My word, gentlemen, of course. Look to the sky! Orangy pink streaks across her lightening background proclaim the arrival of the welcome dawn. The zombies become listless to the point of being comatose in the light of day.”
“Yes, Ma’am Miss Plumtartt, all these zombies are sure ’nough givin’ up on murderin’ us all. It’s too bad the same thing can’t be said for Queen Tempestia. It don’t look like the sun is slowin’ her down a thimble full. She is climbin’ over Mount Miseriaiaia right now.”
“Bad show, I say. Let’s all continue to run for it, eh?”
“Yessir!”
“EEE-AYE-rROARK!!!”
Staump! Staump! Staump!
“Run, I say! Ah-Yes!-Ah! Let us flee as fast as our feet can fly, children!”
“EEE-AYE-rROARK!!!”
Staump! Staump! Staump!
“Uh, oh, citizens, I see a large group of figures ahead. Is it another bunch of zombies?”
“No Officer Smith, we know these folks! It’s Jean-Trevour, and all of our pals from São Vinaigrette, and Jean-Spike is here with our friends from Le Seggheweighe! Howdy y’all!”
“Bonjour, Ichabod!”
“It sure is nice to see all of y’all but you need to flee for your lives, Jean-Trevour! There is a hundred foot tall lava woman, full of murder, headed this way!
“Ha, ha, ha!”
“Ha, ha, ha!”
“You must mean Queen Tempestia! Tell me, is she really here, mon ami?”
“Yessir Mr. Monsieur Jean-Trevour, sir!”
“Then the legends are true! Ha, ha!”
“Ha, ha!”
“What legend is that, sir?”
“That a ridiculous little fellow in a Dingle-Berry hat would awaken the great Queen Tempestia from her slumber!”
“Gosh! Really?”
“Ha, ha! No! Of course not you silly man! Ha, ha, ha!”
“Ha, ha, ha!”
“No, Ichabod, the legend tells of Queen Tempestia coming at the time of Carnivalle! The Carnivalle in the year of the Chicken! This is that time! Ha, ha!”
“Ha, ha!”
“I say, look there! Over the treetops! It is her! Queen Tempestia!”
“Queen Tempestia!”
”She looks like she is ready to slay us all! Ha, ha!”
“Ha, ha!”
“EEE-AYE-rROARK!!!”
“And good morning to you, Queen Tempestia! You are looking especially radiant with anticipatory hunger, your majesty! You look as if you long to eat us! Ha, ha, ha!”
“Ha, ha, ha!”
“Your hair, formed by the fiercely burning flames about your head, looks as if it wants to light the sky on fire! Oui!”
“Oui!”
“The burning orbs of your passionate eyes look as if they want to shoot out beams of fiery death! Ho, ho, ho!”
“Ho, ho, ho!”
“I am thinking, no, Mademoiselle. Instead, let’s sing a song, oui?”
“Oui!”
“We’ve been waiting”
“Time she be tickin’”
“Evil comes in,”
“The Year of the Chicken.”
“Oh, oh, oh!”
“Carnivalle!”
“Oh, oh, oh!”
“Carnivalle!”
“When she arrives,”
“She’ll be mighty mean.”
“Goddess of Fire,”
“Evil,”
“VooDoo Queen.”
“Oh, oh, oh!”
“Carnivalle!”
“Oh, oh, oh!”
“Carnivalle!”
“Oh, oh, oh!”
“Carnivalle!”
“Oh, Happy Happy,”
“Carnivalle!”
“EEE-AYE-rROARK!!!”
“What’s the matter you angry and confused woman? Don’t you like our song? Maybe you will like this next part better.”
“Our melody is strong,”
“The rhythm is jumping.”
“We right what is wrong,”
“E-vil, gets a thumping.”
“Oh, oh, oh!”
“Carnivalle!”
“Oh
, oh, oh!”
“Carnivalle!”
“I hear thunder,”
“I see lightning”
“Lava Lady so tall.”
“You’re really frightening”
“Oh, oh, oh!”
“Carnivalle!”
“Oh, oh, oh!”
“Carnivalle!”
“Clouds are gathering,”
“On this, day insane,”
“I really think that,”
“It’s gonna rain!”
“EEE-AYE-rROARK!!!”
“Rain, rain, rain!”
“Carnivalle!”
“Rain, rain, rain!”
“Carnivalle!”
“Rain, rain, rain!”
“Carnivalle!”
“Rain on our Happy Happy”
“Carnivalle!”
“Raindrops are falling,”
“Raindrops are splashing,”
“Apocalyptical zombie dreams,”
“They are a ’crashing.”
“The rain cools the lava,”
“The magma be creakin’”
“If you’re a creature of molten rock,”
“Then you are probably freakin’”
“Rain, rain, rain!”
“It’s so cooling!”
“Rain, rain, rain.”
“I’m not fooling!”
“Rain, rain, rain!”
“It’s a!”
“Rainy, rainy, rainy, day!”
“By Jove they’ve done it! The locals have sung up a rainstorm! The more they sing, the more rain is conjoured from these quickly forming cloud formations! The cooling rain water is hardening Queen Tempestia’s molten form back into solid rock, right where she stands!”
“EEE-AYE-rROA...”
“There’s lots of rain,”
“We’re in elation.”
“Just stand where you are,”
“That is your station.”
“Tourists will ogle you,”
“While on vacation.”
“To a statue you are turned by our,”
“Precipitation.”
“Rain, rain, rain!
“Rain, rain, rain!
“Rain, rain, rain!
“It’s a rainy, rainy, rainy, day!”
“On an island of VooDoo,”
“Don’t let it best ya.”
“Gotta stay strong,”
“Don’t let it test ya.”
She’s got a fiery touch,”
“Don’t let it infest ya.”
“Sayonara and good-bye to,”
“Queen Tempestia!”
“Rain, rain, rain!”
“It’s so cooling!”
“Rain, rain, rain.”
“I’m not fooling!”
“Rain, rain, rain!”
“It’s a!”
“Rainy, rainy, rainy, day!”
“Why live here, is an answer you’re seekin’,”
“You get used to it, mon, when you’re”
“San”
“Moni”
“Quan.”
“Oh, oh, oh!”
“Carnivalle!”
“Oh, oh, oh!”
“Carnivalle!”
“Oh, oh, oh!”
“Carnivalle!”
“Oh, Happy Happy,”
“Carnivalle!”
Epilogue
“Well, Keefer m’lad, I hope ye’ve learned a thing or two from this lu-u-u-udicrous experience, me bucko.”
“Yeah, O’Hagan, I have. I’ve learned that sometimes the only way to get a vacation to a tropical paradise is to be turned into a zombie slave and kidnapped by a power-mad VooDoo terrorist.”
“Aye, that’s it exactly. I’m glad ye were paying attention, laddie. What about you, Reverend Dolomite?”
“Ah-hah, I learned that I have found the perfect place and position for me to practice my Missionary skills. Praise God! There’s a lot of pretty girls down here to whom I need to proselytize. Hallelujah! Ah-eee-yea-ess!-ah!”
~***~
“Uhb. Oops! Rather, I should say, jolly good Mirabella! You look absolutely ravishing my dear! That light and flouncy island girl sundress can barely contain your wondrous physical charms, my dear. Yes, quite so. Jolly, jolly good, I say!”
“Woi, thanks ye, Tom-Tom Kitty Kat. Oye say, Kit me love, Oye do approve of your going about with your shirt unbuttoned and your brawny, masculine chest pushing through. How’s about scaring up anuthuh round o’ poineapple mugged Pina Coladas and you and me go visit that ‘clothing optional’ beach down the road?”
“I say, rather! Good show, my dear!”
~***~
“Miss Plumtartt, where are you?”
“Over here, Mr. Temperance, I am standing on the beach. Ah, yes, so tell me sir, did you get your ‘chores’ as you refer to your self-imposed duties, fulfilled?”
“Yes, Ma’am, Miss Plumtartt, Ma’am. I done been up to São Cochon. We were able to free them zombied sailors what was still alive. The charms keepin’ ’em enthralled were locked away in the captain’s cabin. We had a heck of a time fightin’ them boys without hurtin’ ’em too bad to get entrance to that safe spot. Once we dismantled their VooDoo dolls, the sailors came around and quit fightin’ us. They were actually a pretty nice bunch of fellas when they weren’t being hexed into zombie sailor slaves. They were grateful for the release. Most of ’em said they were willing to stay on as hands to continue the ship’s operation, though a change for the name ‘Giddy Ge’de’’ is universally agreed on. They all said they wanted to get a bath, though, before they returned to sailor duty. We can relax for a day or two before we leave San Monique.”
“Splendid, Mr. Temperance. I understand that all hexes, charms and curses concerned with this island have been lifted as well. Trade and tourism loom on the horizon for San Monique. The dead may now rest in peace.”
“Many of the local folks are predicting prosperous days ahead for this island and a bright happy future for as far as the eye can see.”
“I suppose there is only one more thing that I could hope for, Mr. Temperance.”
“Really, Ma’am? I thought we had everything covered.”
“No, there is one essential element that I am sure is lacking in our little tale.”
“Hunh? Gee, there’s been all sorts of adventure swirling around us lately, I wonder what it is that we’ve missed?”
“Eh, hem. Let me see. Perhaps I can illustrate my dilemma this way. You and I are standing on this glorious tropical island beach at sunset, correct?”
“Yes, Ma’am.”
“Very good, now I am facing North, and you are facing Southward, yes?”
“Yes, Ma’am.”
“Imagine if you will, a third party, standing to our eastward, inland position. This third person, if you will, has their back to the lush jungle and is observing us with the western horizon behind us.”
“Got it, Ma’am.”
“Excellent. Further imagining of this person’s perspective will have them looking almost directly into the setting sun’s rays. Orange, yellow, and pink rays of light spread an impossibly huge peacock’s fan of light and colour in Sol’s fading moments. A few horizontal bands of clouds are turned a soothing hue of purple. We then, you and I, would form an intervening shadow on this softly glowing background. I think I would very much like to have an image of our two silhouettes meeting together in tender kiss and close embrace to properly bring our story to a happy conclusion.”
“Yes, Ma’am!”
The End.
Afterword:
Miss Plumtartt and I would like to express our deepest gratitude in your having shared in our adventure.
Thank you!
Your pal,
~Icky.
More from the world of Ichabod and Persephone:
The Adventures of Ichabod Temperance
A Matter of Temperance
(Volume One of The Adventures of Ichabod Temperance)
&nbs
p; A World of InTemperance
(Volume Two of The Adventures of Ichabod Temperance)
For the Love of Temperance
(Volume Three of The Adventures of Ichabod Temperance)
A Study in Temperance
(Volume Four of The Adventures of Ichabod Temperance)
In a Latitude of Temperance
(Volume Five of The Adventures of Ichabod Temperance)
The Measure of Temperance
(Volume Six of The Adventures of Ichabod Temperance)
The Seventh Voyage of Temperance
(Volume Seven of The Adventures of Ichabod Temperance)
The Title of Temperance
(Volume Eight of The Adventures of Ichabod Temperance)
available in print and for Amazon Kindle at Amazon.com and Createspace.com
The Measure of Temperance (The Adventures of Ichabod Temperance Book 6) Page 20