by Ward,Alice
“Thank you, sir,” I said and mentally cursed. I was acting like a school boy. “I just wanted to ask, I mean…” I took a deep breath. “Whitney told me she was doing some work for you.”
He flashed a perfect smile. “Yes, she’s doing a great job.”
“It’s just… well, is she here now?” I spit it out.
The smile faded, turned smug, at least it seemed that way to me. “Surely if you two were talking like you say, you’d know her whereabouts.”
“Yes, I mean we talked last week, about her coming back, but I haven’t heard from her yet,” I explained. “I just thought you could give me a heads up as to where she is.”
He looked a little agitated, and his hand slipped away from my back as we walked towards the dugout. “You know how I feel about giving out personal information,” he reminded me. “So maybe her not contacting you simply means she isn’t coming back.”
It felt almost like it pleased him to tell me that. His words felt like a dagger in my chest and yet he managed to squeeze enjoyment out of it, but why?
“Okay, thanks.” I ran to the locker room to get dressed before heading back to my big empty house.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
e
Whitney
Holly flopped over my bed, filling me in on her adventures. She’d been gone for a couple weeks, and I’d been waiting for her to finally return home before making a decision about Calvin. “I didn’t know having this much fun was possible,” she gushed.
“So… are you and Ace a couple?”
She shot me a look. “Hell, no. I do think we’re starting to care about each other, and we have fun together, but that’s what friends with bens are supposed to do.”
I shook my head, unable to comprehend the friends with benefits concept. I’d already proven to myself that casual sex wasn’t something I was good at. Or wanted.
“When will you see him again?”
She lifted a shoulder like she really didn’t care. “Not sure. My cousin is getting married and I promised to help with all the details, and of course the cake. So I’ll be there for a couple of weeks at least. But if you need me, call and I’ll jump on a plane.”
My stomach churned at the thought of seeing Calvin alone, and not having Holly there as backup.
“So, what are you going to do about Calvin?” she asked.
I sat on the edge of the bed and fought back my tears. My heart was aching — it had been ever since I left — but I was afraid. “I want to give him another chance.”
Holly rolled her eyes and made a face. “He’s been a real player lately, Whitney. He’s not the same Calvin you remember.”
I knew that was true, or at least I’d heard. But I hadn’t exactly been a saint.
“He’s promised to give it all up,” I insisted. Her eyes told me she didn’t believe it, but my heart told me I should. “Have you seen him?”
“No,” she admitted. “I think he and Ace had some kind of fight or something.”
My heart swelled, and that was all it took to make my decision. With Ace out of the picture, maybe there was a chance for us. “I’m going to call him,” I told her and gripped my phone as I walked out of my childhood bedroom.
The phone rang once and then his voice was so eager that it brought me to tears. I pushed them back as best I could and swallowed hard so I could speak. “Calvin, I’d like to talk.”
He let out a yelp, and he whooped with excitement on the other end of the phone. “Not promising anything, just to test the waters,” I said, putting as much seriousness as I could muster into the words.
“I understand, anything you want,” he said. “I love you.”
“I’ll see you in a couple days,” I replied and hung up. I couldn’t get myself to say those three little words, no matter how much I wanted to. What if he hadn’t changed? I couldn’t risk putting my heart on the line until I saw him for myself.
Holly wasn’t too excited about my decision, but it wasn’t hers to make. I couldn’t put too much weight into what she thought at this point, not with the decisions she was making for her own life.
I packed enough stuff for a week, possibly longer, just in case. While the lady at the airline counter checked my bags, I held my boarding pass tightly in my hand, praying I was making the right decision for us both. I was so nervous to get on that plane, but after three hours onboard, it was more nerve-racking to step off.
I watched while some people ran to those they loved waiting for them while others just grabbed their bags and took off alone. The crowd was thick and moving swiftly in all directions as I searched for Calvin.
When his face appeared through the crowd wearing a fearful but hopeful smile, my heart melted. I took a deep breath and began to walk, meeting him halfway.
“Hi,” I said, a bit breathless, my heart hammering in my chest.
He swallowed hard. “Hi.”
We just stood there, gazing at each other, taking the other in. He looked thinner to me. Older somehow. And sad. And afraid. And so very, very hopeful.
“How was—?”
“Did you—?”
We laughed nervously when our words collided. Then we just gazed at each other again, then I smiled and his lips curved up in response.
There.
There was the boy I knew and fell in love with. The boy I’d been in love with for half of my life. The boy no other man could replace, no matter how hard I tried these past few months.
If there was any chance at all of us staying together, I was going to try.
So I took his hand.
Our fingers linked as he walked me to baggage claim. They stayed linked when he walked me to his car. That reminded me. “Will this all fit?” I asked, remembering how small his Porsche was.
“Yup,” he said proudly and gripped my hand tighter. We walked through the airport parking lot, and he stopped behind a white Escalade. I watched in amazement as he pulled out his keys and hit the button to unlock it.
“This is yours?” I asked. He nodded with a wide smile. “Where’s the Porsche?”
“I traded it in for something more practical,” he said as he pushed my large suitcases into the back.
I’m impressed.
“I don’t have any games for the next three days, so we can do whatever you want,” he promised.
I hadn’t thought of what I wanted to do, not past testing our love to find out if it could be saved. As we drove, we talked about back home, about friends and family, and the latest gossip. It felt like the old us, sharing about our days and experiences. We talked about everything but the elephant in the room, which was fine. We had time for that.
I’d been so involved in telling him about how my uncle had broken his leg on a plow, that I wasn’t paying attention to where we were going. But it wasn’t to his apartment, that much I knew.
“Where are we going?” I asked, trying to place landmarks.
He looked at me with a strange seriousness. “I know you won’t like my new place, but I want you to pick out the next one.”
My chest tightened at the pressure of his words. I wasn’t certain things were going to be the same between us, or that I would even stay. It sounded like he had already decided we were fixed.
When we pulled onto the long black lane that curved around a line of trees and finally parked in front of the large white house, my heart sank deep into my chest. He wasn’t lying. I didn’t like it.
“Wow,” I said graciously and watched as he nervously fumbled with the door handle to get out of the large SUV. He walked to my side, opened the door and helped me out.
Inside wasn’t much better.
It was beautiful. Gorgeous, actually. But the large open space made it feel like a party pad, which caused images of that last party to float across my mind. How many girls had been naked in his pool? How many made it upstairs to his bedroom?
I felt sick. I shouldn’t have come here.
“You hate it,” he said, moving towards me. His arms
wrapped around me like a security blanket and tears fell down my face.
I hated it.
“I bought it on a whim,” he said into my hair. “I was dying in that apartment. Everywhere I looked reminded me of how I’d lost you.”
I held onto him. His grip on me was tight, like he was afraid to let go, and part of me feared if he did, I might run out the door and all the way back to Indiana.
So many things I wanted to ask but didn’t really want the answers. Who had been here? How many parties? Did he fuck Caroline on that couch, or in his bed? How many others were there?
Stop it, Whitney!
Once upon a time, there was Whitney and Calvin. He had been my first and only, and I had been his. That wasn’t the case any longer. For either of us.
Images of the men I’d been with came back to me. Men I’d used to forget Calvin. Men who’d failed. Todd Morris came to mind, guilt sliding through me as I told him I couldn’t see him anymore, that I was going to try to make things work with Calvin.
“Let me get your bags,” he said quickly, jerking me back to the present.
I stood in the large entry way, gazing at the large staircase and then out the back door to the pool. Calvin came back in with my bags and carried them to the steps.
“I’ll show you the rest of the place,” he said, sounding hesitant. I didn’t care to see it, but I went anyway.
I stopped in the doorway of the large master bedroom. It was impressive, beautiful actually. The fireplace was a nice touch, very romantic, and the large four poster bed situated just perfectly so you could lie there and watch the flames with your lover.
I’m sure Caroline loved it here.
“I just bought the bed, it was delivered a couple days ago actually,” he explained as I looked blankly in its direction. I knew why he told me that, and why the old one had to be replaced.
“Whitney, I didn’t have parties here. I thought I would…” He trailed off, lifting a shoulder. “That was the plan anyways; drown out my pain with a new party pad.”
“So, you didn’t have any women here?” I asked, crossing my arms over my chest.
Fear and guilt flashed across his face, exposing the truth.
“Caroline?” The word was barely audible over the pounding of my heart.
He looked at his shoes, then back up at me. “Yes.”
I’d already known that, and I received a measure of comfort from knowing he didn’t lie. I still didn’t like the answer, but it was what it was. I blinked away the tears that tried to escape.
“I, uh…” He looked at his feet again. “I wasn’t sure where you’d be comfortable sleeping, so I also had a room prepared…” He ran a hand through his hair and walked back into the hallway.
He opened the door to the most beautiful room I’d ever seen.
“Oh, wow,” I breathed and stepped inside. It was every woman’s dream. Soft grays and whites should have been boring, but in here, they were anything but. A four poster bed was the center of the room, a chaise lounge in the corner. This room featured a fireplace too, silk chairs sitting in front of it.
I was so touched by the effort he’d gone through, of even thinking I’d need my own space while we attempted to resolve our differences.
“It’s beautiful,” I murmured.
He blew out a breath. “Whew. I showed your Pinterest page to the designer and asked them to make it as close to your dream bedroom as they could.”
A lone tear spilled down my cheek. “They did a wonderful job. It’s breathtaking.”
Without another word, he carried in my luggage, taking the bags into the walk-in closet.
When he came back out, we stood there looking at each other, both unsure of what to do next.
“Hungry?” he asked.
My belly growled on cue, and we both laughed.
He held out a hand. “Let’s get out of here. A large pizza at our old place sound good?”
I did need out of there, so I agreed.
It felt better in the old torn red booths of the pizza place we used to love. It was just a couple blocks from his old apartment, a place I wished he had kept instead of buying that ridiculous playboy mansion. I began to calm as I shoved the greasy pepperoni slice into my mouth. It was as good as I remembered, and as I sat there with Calvin, we were good.
He told me about the team, replayed some of the great moments he’d had while I was gone. I knew about them already, his no-hitters and his amazing comebacks from horrible games. Rhett had kept me up to date on his progress, mainly the bad stuff, while Sports Center kept me updated on his victories.
This was the man I fell in love with, the one sitting across from me at a dirty diner eating greasy pizza talking about baseball with a sparkle in his eye. I reached across the table and touched his hand. He stopped talking and stared into my eyes.
“I love you too,” I whispered.
His smile was so beautiful it hurt my heart to witness it. Our fingers tightened as we stuffed more pizza into our mouths.
When we went back to his house, he kissed my cheek at the door of my bedroom. Walking into that room alone was one of the hardest and bravest things I’d ever done.
***
The next few days were just like that, easy and good. I gave up my anger over his new place, deciding that nothing mattered. I had left. We were broken up. He was free to do what he wanted.
We took long walks, went sight-seeing, did plenty of shopping and now we were testing out the fireplace in his master suite. I was glad to find out he had never used it before, so that would be a first in that house we could share.
It was still warm at night, so Calvin turned the air conditioning way up to chill the place so the fire would offer the warmth it was meant for. He made me laugh, and as he stood in front of the stone fireplace in his basketball shorts with the metal poker, I don’t think I could’ve loved him more.
He grinned and jumped onto the bed where I had comfortably situated myself with pillows all around me. I snuggled under his arm when he lifted it, a question mark in his eye. He’d been a perfect gentleman, not pressuring me in any way for sex. I wasn’t ready. That was something I was saving for the moment I knew for sure we would be fine.
My hand slowly traced circles on his belly. The tiny hairs that were just above the waist of his pants were my main focus as my fingers delicately played with their curls. My body began to ache for his touch.
His heart thudded harder under my ear, and I knew he was feeling the same thing.
Fear and desire warred inside me as I breathed in his familiar scent.
Over the past months, I’d thought a lot about our separation and everything that led up to our breaking up. At first, I wanted to place all of the blame solely at his feet. Or Ace’s. Or anyone’s! I wanted to be the victim. The wounded one. The good girl who had been wronged.
But our breaking up was as much my fault as his.
When we first moved to New York, neither one of us had been our best selves.
It was time to be our best selves now.
“Kiss me.”
He stiffened, then became a flurry of movement as he sat up and turned until we were face to face, his eyes wide.
I laughed.
“You’re sure?” His beautiful eyes were so earnest.
I moved an inch closer. “Absolutely sure.”
He moved an inch closer. “Sure sure?”
I closed the gap, pressing our lips together, moaning as they melted into one. It was so right. So perfect. We knew each other so well. When our mouths opened, and our tongues slid across each other’s in a perfectly coordinated dance, I smiled.
I opened my eyes. He was smiling too.
“I love you,” he said, rubbing the tip of my nose with his.
Running my hand through his shaggy crop of hair, I knew it was true.
“I love you too, so much.”
Then we laughed. Then we cried. Then we kissed for hours and hours.
I fell asleep in h
is arms, our lips still touching, our breathing flowing in and out in perfect rhythm. As if we were one.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
e
Calvin
The last three days were three of the best I’d ever experienced. Having Whitney back in my arms gave me a new motivation, a new sense of being that changed how I looked at everything. I kept looking at the stands, waiting for her to get to the stadium. She was excited to watch a real game in person, having only experienced it from the small TV at her parents’ house. I knew having her there would give me the confidence to throw an amazing game, maybe even another no hitter.
“I’m so glad you’re here,” I said when she finally appeared and walked down to the fence to greet me.
I’d been at the field for hours for normal pre-game practice and stretching, holding my breath the entire time, hoping she’d actually come.
She wore a pair of cut off jean shorts, a Beasts jersey, and a matching ball cap. Her hair was pulled into a tight ponytail, and her face natural. No makeup needed for that beauty. I was a lucky man. The luckiest man in the world.
“Me too,” she smiled.
We touched fingers through the mesh of the safety net, and she leaned down to kiss me through it like she used to do. The netting was between us, but that was okay.
“I love you,” she whispered against my lips.
I smiled at her. “I love you too.”
Then I watched her sexy ass as she walked back up the steps to her seat behind home plate where I would have the best view of her smiling face from the pitcher’s mound.
Nothing could make this day any better, nothing!
“Malone!” Coach Griffin yelled as I walked into the locker room.
I turned to find him hunched over his desk, his shoulders pushed forward and that vein in his forehead raised to new heights. What was wrong now?
“Yes, Coach.”
“Malone, I thought you said you were cleaning up your act.” His voice was low and deadly as he spoke through clenched teeth.
“Yes, I am,” I agreed, confused about his tirade.
He slammed a paper down in his desk, and for a minute, I didn’t want to look down. I just stared into his angry and disappointed eyes, then took a deep breath and picked up the paper.