by Dawn Doyle
“Not really. Why?”
“You’re shaking. Do you want my jacket?”
Gimme gimme!
Emily’s lower region begged for his scent to be closer to her.
“Thanks, but I’m ok.”
No! We wants it. The precious!
Nick turned his eyes back to the screen and they remained in silence for the remainder of the flight, just watching the movie together.
If this was a date, it would be the best date ever!
*****
Sitting next to Emily, even just watching a movie, was calming him.
He hadn’t meant to be short with her at the airport but he was still reeling over what she’d been through.
Then she trusted him with the extra dagger that had been stuck into her back and twisted.
He wanted to hold her. To wrap his arms around her and tell her he would fix it. To make everything ok for her.
He purposely let his arm brush against hers, the jolt shooting to his chest, his desire to hold her increasing.
Sharing her earbuds he felt closer to her than ever and he relaxed some more as they sat back and watched the movie.
The best date he’d ever had in his life.
It was close to eleven when they drove back towards the office, again mostly in silence. Nick wanted to drive straight to his place, take Emily to bed and show her exactly how it felt to be loved.
That’s not going to happen any time soon.
Nick snorted to himself and Emily’s head turned to him and he realized he’d done it out loud.
“What is it?” she asked, her eyes narrowed.
“It’s nothing.” He replied, his voice barely audible as he pulled into his parking space, next to Emily’s new car.
“It must be something. That snort didn’t sound like it was nothing.”
Nick turned to Emily and saw that she was looking right at him. Her big blue eyes shining in the darkness of the car. He got out without answering her and walk around to open her door.
“Emmy, I need to tell you something, but I’m far too pissed to talk about it. I need to go home, and calm down before I can say anything.”
“Ok.” She nodded, still looking at him with the blue pools of the ocean in her eyes. He wanted to dive right in and swim away, with her.
Nick took a deep breath, clenched his fists and turned to get back in his car.
“I won’t leave until you drive away.” He said before getting in. He wasn’t going to leave her alone in the parking lot.
He watched Emily get into her own car, and drive out, to her home.
I should’ve hugged her or… something!
Nick chastised himself for just standing there, like and idiot. When he told Emily about the therapist, she’d hugged him, regardless of the tension between them. Now that she’d told him everything that had happened with Jeff and Lucy, that only he knew about, he’d not done anything.
He couldn’t. He was afraid that if he did, he wouldn’t let go.
I need to hit something.
His bag was going to take a beating tonight. He could feel it.
*****
The tears rolled down Emily’s face, now that she was alone.
She was all cried out over what Jeff had done to her. Not the cheating, but the manipulation and allowing him to take advantage of her. She hadn’t even cried over Lucy.
Now, she was blubbering for a different reason.
Nick.
She’d wished that he would just reach out, wrap his arms around her and hold her close. She’d never felt so much indeed of a hug in her life, but he just stood still, his face in a scowl, his stubbled jaw tense.
Wiping her eyes, Emily turned into her apartment building and made her way to her door. Throwing her bag on the sofa, she went in to her room and threw herself down on her bed.
“Kitty needs a spanking.” Came from her stuffed cat as she landed on it.
“That fuckin’ thing!” Emily cried, fresh tears escaping over her lids, hearing Nick’s playful, yet sexy voice.
“I guess you’ll have to do.” She cuddled the cat into her chest and squeezed repeatedly, Listening to his voice over and over again.
Pausing when she heard her phone beep, Emily got up to retrieve it from her bag.
N: Emmy, Thank you for coming with me today. I’m sorry the day ended like it did. That wasn’t my intention.
Then what had you intended?
E: You’re welcome, and no worries.
N: Are you going to be ok?
E: I’ll be fine.
N: Ok. I’ll see you tomorrow. Goodnight Emmy.
E: Goodnight Nick.
At least he checked on her. That had to count for something.
Emily wiped her face and undressed, ready for a shower before bed.
Tomorrow was a new day, Nick had something he needed to tell her and she wanted to have all of her faculties present so she could focus for work.
N: Good morning Emmy. I have a few things to take care of before I get to the office. I’ll try not to be too late.
E: Ok. Thanks for letting me know.
“Good morning sweetie pie! How was your trip?” Diane asked as happily as ever.
Emily wasn’t feeling too good. She hadn’t slept well, going through Nick’s reaction to the ‘therapy session’. She didn’t know what was going through his mind and he looked like he was furious.
“Hi, Di. It was good.” She smiled sweetly. “I met Edna and Joel.”
Emily told her all about the café, leaving out the girl with the same name as the psycho, and also about the club.
“Sounds like you two had a wonderful time.” She said with a wink.
“It was nice getting to see a couple of the investments. I’ve already seen Amantes and pictures of the others from their files.”
“That’s not what I meant, Honey. I meant some time together, out of work.”
Emily felt the flush rise from her toes to her face.
“Um… we didn’t fight.”
“That makes a change. What did you do on the flight?”
“I fell asleep on the way there… I hadn’t slept well the night before, and we watched a movie on the way back.”
“That sounds romantic.” She beamed.
“What? How?” Emily was confused. Falling asleep and a movie were far from romantic.
“Well, you were comfortable enough to sleep next to him. Then you watched a movie together. Did you have your TV’s in sync or did you share headphones?”
“I used the earplugs from my phone. I um… we used one each.” She said, shyly.
Diane patted Emily on the hand and as she looked up, Diane had a huge warm smile on her face. Turning away, Diane walked back to her desk.
The hours ticked by and Nick still hadn’t turned up. Lunch had come and gone and Emily was beginning to get worried. She was about to text him, to see if everything was ok, when she got a text first.
N: Don’t leave. I won’t be long.
E: Is everything ok?
N: Yes. Everything’s fine. Don’t leave.
E: I won’t.
He really wants to speak to me.
Emily had mammoth butterflies swarming around her insides, thinking about what Nick wanted to say. It definitely had something to do with the therapist, that she was sure of.
An hour later, the lift doors opened and Nick stepped out. His eyes connecting with hers from the long hallway.
Emily’s lady parts perked up at the sight of him in a light grey suit and white shirt and no tie. The top two shirt buttons undone, just like the day before, and her body reacted in exactly the same way.
Her knees quivered and her hands started shaking, her pulse pounding in her ears.
“Hi Emmy.” He said with a smile.
“Hi.” Emily’s voice was shaky and there was no way that Nick wouldn’t have heard it.
“Come into my office.” He said, waiting for her to follow him in. His smell caressing her face with
little kisses as she walked past him.
“Take a seat.” Nick gestured to the black sofa with square set arms, low back and deep cushions.
“I need to tell you something, Emmy. Before I do I want you to not say anything until I’m done. Ok?”
Emily agreed. If what he had to say was so important, she could stay quiet.
“Ok.” He breathed out as he began to pace. He looked nervous about what he was going to to tell her.
“I wanted… planned, to tell you at therapy but I was so mad with what that sick excuse for a man did to you, that I couldn’t.”
He ran his hands through his hair and Emily noticed some redness across his knuckles.
God, I hope he’s not been fighting!
“Firstly, I want to address the rumours about me. About me being a ‘serial dater’.”
Emily swallowed the bile she felt rising to her throat. The way the women, she’d overheard, talked about him was like he was a piece of meat.
“Those women I dated… It was to make people think I was ok. They approached me. I never asked any of them out at all. I took them to dinner, three times at the most and only because they’d ask me again. After that, I’d make excuses like ‘I’m too busy’ or ‘I’m not looking for a relationship.’ When they would expect sex, which was surprisingly quick for some of them, I would end things immediately. Hence, the three date max.”
Emily sat as still as she could as Nick paced up and down whilst he admitted that nothing happened with any of the women.
She remembered the fiasco with Rochelle when he said ‘I never slept with any of them’.
“I knew what they were after, Emmy. I’m not stupid. Most of them would hint that they’d seen a beautiful bracelet or necklace. They knew about my business and saw me as a meal ticket.”
Fuckin’ gold diggers!
“The reason why I do that is what I wanted to tell you.”
Nick stopped pacing and turned to face Emily. His eyes full of fear for what he was about to say.
He took a deep breath and began pacing again, running his hand through his hair again.
“A year and a half ago now, Ryan and the others were at a party. I sent a text to Ryan asking if he needed a ride home after. He text back saying that things had gotten weird and they wanted to leave.”
Emily remembered Holly telling her about a party where Alex was almost drugged. It had come up in the trial too.
“When I got there, I couldn’t find him. This girl came over to me and started talking. I said I was looking for my brother and she said she’d help me look. We walked through the house and she stopped to get a drink. She handed me a red cup and told me it was just cola. I drank a little and my head started to feel dizzy…”
Emily had a sick feeling in her stomach. Her breathing quickened and her heart raced.
“She guided me upstairs. The next thing, I wake up and she’s…” Nick rubbed his face with his hands as he regained his composure. “She was having sex with me. I couldn’t move to stop her. She was saying ‘Nicky, Nicky’ over and over. When she was done, she looked down at the condom she’d put on me and said that it looked like it was all her pleasure. She laughed as she took it off me. She left me there, exposed and not able to move. When I could, I got up and left. I never told anybody what happened. Even though she used a condom, I got tested for everything afterwards.”
Emily out her hands over her mouth in horror.
“The older guy.” She whispered.
Alex had, luckily, avoided the attack on him and the psycho had turned her sights on someone older, as her diary had read.
“That was me. I’m so sorry, Emmy.”
“What?” Emily was stunned Nick was apologising. “What are you sorry for? She raped you!”
“I didn’t say anything! I was ashamed and scared. Ashamed I’d been tricked into it and scared that if I reported her, she would say I did it to her. She was a seventeen year old high schooler and I was a twenty five year old man. I mean, who would believe me? I suddenly wake up with a girl riding me? Come on! She didn’t force me, she didn’t have to tie me down.”
Emily quickly stood and faced him.
“Wait! Don’t you say that! She did rape you! She didn’t physically force you but she drugged you, which is still force! Answer me this: Did you consent to her touching you like that, or having sex with you?”
“No.” He answered looking down at the floor.
“It was rape. Just because you’re a guy does not mean it can’t happen to you.”
“Regardless of that, it was my fault it happened to others.”
“How the hell do you work that out?”
There was no way it was his fault for what that girl had done.
“I didn’t say anything, Emmy. If I’d have reported her, the others could’ve been saved and Holly would never have been taken. I let my own stupid fear stop me.”
“Don’t blame yourself for that. That little whore would have turned it around on you. It wouldn’t surprise me if that’s what she’d planned if you did say anything. You could’ve been in prison for something you didn’t do and those other things would have still happened.”
Emily’s chest felt tight like she couldn’t breathe.
Nick had been one of Stacey’s victims. Alex had been in her sights, that night, and after he’d poured his drugged drink away, she attacked Nick.
Conversations rolled through her mind.
‘He stopped over a year ago. He won’t talk about it.’ ‘I don’t know what happened but over a year ago, he went away for a month without giving us any warning.’
“That’s why you stopped training, isn’t it? You felt like you couldn’t defend yourself.”
Nick nodded.
“I’d been training since I was six and a seventeen year old girl took me down.”
All the years he’d been doing something he loved, taken away because he couldn’t fight off a deranged whore.
“The only people who know are my therapist, you and… Oli.”
Emily’s eyes snapped up to his, tears spilling over her face.
“He kept my name out of the courts for me. My therapist encouraged me to come forward when Holly was taken.”
It made sense. They’d gotten to know each other over the past few months.
Emily felt awful. She’d been horrible to him.
“Oh my God, I’ve been such a bitch to you. I’m so sorry.” She cried, the floodgates opening up from her eyes as she leant back against the desk.
“Don’t be, Emmy. You shouldn’t be anything but yourself. I don’t want you to pity me. You were right to treat me that way because I treated you that way too.” He said softly, wiping her tears away.
“Yeah well, I deserved it. I let my anger with Jeff come out on you and I shouldn’t have. You were actually nice to me… sometimes.” Emily smiled weakly and blushed at thoughtful things Nick had done for her.
“You’re not disgusted with me?” He asked shyly.
Emily’s eyes widened. He was worried that she would be disgusted in him?
“What? No! Not with you. You did nothing wrong.” Emily assured him, looking him in the eye so he would believe her.
All of a sudden, their lips were pressed together. An explosion was felt inside her and before she knew it, she was kissing him with urgency. His lips were everything she thought they would be. Soft but strong and perfect, just for her.
Nick’s solid arms wrapped around her waist, up her back, his hands holding her tight to his hard body. His tongue pushed into her mouth and she welcomed it with a moan. Her hands flew up to grip his soft, sun kissed hair. Hair that she’d wanted to touch for so long.
His arms loosened and travelled down her back, hands gripping her waist. He lifted her up and sat her on his desk, their lips never parting as they devoured each other, tongues thrashing wildly over one another.
Nick stepped forward and stood between Emily’s legs, her skirt riding up, holding her hips and pulling
her towards him.
The phone rang on his desk and they pulled apart, panting.
Emily didn’t know what had just happened.
She started to panic.
“Oh my God.” She whispered as she lowered herself from the table, pushing Nick back.
Fixing her skirt, she rushed out of the office.
“Emmy, wait!” Nick called from behind her.
Getting to her desk, Emily picked up her bag.
“Emmy, we need to talk about that… what happened.” He said as he followed her out.
“I can’t. We don’t…” Emily shook her head. “It shouldn’t have happened in your office. You’re my boss. I’m sorry. We got carried away… I can’t do this right now, I have to go.” Emily was beyond flustered. Nick’s intoxicating smell around her and now she knew how his lips felt on hers, his body against hers, his arms around her, and not just for a hug.
“Where are you going?” Nick asked as he reached out and grabbed her hand, sending sparks to fly through her already heated core.
“I need to go. I can’t think.”
“And you think I can?”
“I’m so sorry Nick.”
Emily pulled her hand and Nick let her go. Getting into the lift, she breathed out in relief when he didn’t follow her.
Her head was a mess and her hormones were off the charts.
She had wanted Nick for so long but right there, in his office, after what he’d told her, she felt like she’d taken advantage of him.
Her phone beeped when she got to the lobby.
N: We’re talking about this.
Emily didn’t reply. She just got in her car, and drove home.