She shook her head, raising her head to stare up at him.
“I still can’t believe you went through the same thing I did.” She whispered, laying her head back down. Raising her hand, running her finger down his bare chest. “I can’t imagine you ever being that willing to follow orders.”
Kieran laughed. “Well. People have a weird way of making you do the unthinkable.”
“I know.” Elena whispered the words. Knowing all too well what he meant by that. She had become someone she had never wanted to be, because of her father. Kieran, too, had been through hell. His own father trading him off like he was some sort of rare object.
She could still hear the pain in Kieran’s voice as he’d told her.
She could still remember the hurt she’d seen in his eyes.
How could a parent do that? She wondered to herself. Wasn’t blood supposed to be stronger than anything else in the world?
But then again. She just had to look at her own family to answer that question.
“We’ll get them, Elena.” Kieran whispered in her ear, as if knowing exactly what she was thinking about. “I promise you, we’ll get them.”
“I know we will.”
“We’ll take down the organization.”
“I know.”
“We’ll take down your father.”
“I know.”
“We’ll get your sisters out.”
“I know.”
“You’ll finally be free of him, Elena.” He whispered in her ear. “I’ll even let you take the shot at your father.”
Elena laughed. “I’d like that.”
“I figured you would.” Kieran smiled against her hair. “Now, how do you feel about some good old fashioned breakfast?”
Breakfast?
Elena blinked. The word sounding so foreign to her, and she touched a hand to her stomach. Not even sure if she was hungry. Raising her head to look at the mirror in front of her. Staring at her thin frame.
The last time she had had breakfast, it had been when she’d been a little girl just about to head out for school. Her mother in the kitchen cooking and her father at the table reading the newspaper.
The thought of breakfast had once made her all warm and fuzzy inside.
Now, she didn’t even know what to think of it.
It had been a long time since she’d even thought about food.
She barely even remembered what the good stuff tasted like
The past few years, she had only eaten when necessary and only the foods they allowed.
She remembered all too well her father being paranoid about what they ate.
“Don’t eat too much, Elena, or you’ll get fat and you’ll be of no use to me. Don’t eat meat. It’s full of steroids. It’ll ruin your body. It’s the food of death. Don’t eat sweets. They are no good to you. Stay with the fruits and vegetables. But you are only allowed to eat once a day. If you violate these rules, I will know.”
Her stomach felt empty.
But she had no idea if she was even hungry.
She didn’t know her own body anymore.
“Elena?”
She heard Kieran whisper her name.
“I—“She opened her mouth. Then she stopped.
What could she say? She suddenly thought to herself. What could she say that wouldn’t sound the least bit stupid? That she didn’t know if she was hungry? That the very thought of breakfast sent a wave of panic through her? That she had no idea how to read her body anymore? That her body was so foreign to her? That she was scared to think that she was barely even a person anymore?
Whatever she said, he would just look at her with those dark blue eyes of his.
With pity in those eyes.
And frustration set in that handsome face of his.
She couldn’t see that.
She didn’t want to see that.
She remembered too well the last time she had seen frustration on someone’s face.
It had been her father.
When he had been showing her how to fight.
And she had been rebelling against him. She hadn’t wanted to do it.
And the fist that had slammed against her cheek.
The way she’d fallen to the ground.
The feel of his boot kicking her hard in the ribs.
And the sound of the belt slapping against her flesh.
A cry escaped her mouth.
She stumbled back, breaking free of Kieran’s grip.
“Elena?”
She stumbled back, landing on the bed, and shook her head.
She saw him reach for her.
She shied away from his hand.
“Don’t touch me!” she cried, tears running down her face. She raised her knees, burying her face in them.
“Elena, what’s wrong?” She felt Kieran sit next to her. “You’re not afraid of me, are you?”
Afraid of him?
Elena laughed.
How could she be afraid of him?
He’d been so nice to her.
She couldn’t be afraid of him, when she was afraid of herself.
“No.” she whispered.
“Then what is it?”
She shook her head.
“Elena.” She felt his hand take hers. “Elena, you can tell me.”
She slowly raised her head, turning to look at him.
“It’s not you.” She whispered. “It’s me. I’m afraid of myself.”
Chapter Twenty-Four
Kieran stared at her. The pain in her voice, almost knocking her over, and all he wanted was to pull her into his arms and pretend as if the rest of the world didn’t exist. Pretend that the organization didn’t exist. Pretend that Abel didn’t exist.
He could remember all too well what it had felt like being out in the world for the first time.
And he knew that he was going to have to be patient with Elena. She was experiencing so much at once, the only thing he could really do was be there for her.
“Why?” he whispered. His hand tightening around hers. “Why are you afraid of yourself, Elena?”
“Because all I know is how to do is kill.” Elena whispered. “I feel like I’m losing my mind, Kieran. I keep remembering all the things that happened in the organization. Things my father told me. I remember the first time he taught me to fight. I remember the frustration in his face. The frustration in his voice, when I refused to do what he said. I remember being hit with belts. I feel like I don’t know how to function Kieran.” Elena held her hands out. Staring at them. “I know how to snap someone’s neck with just my bare hands. I know I can throw a knife, and hit someone right in the throat. I know how to use any gun. But when you ask me if I’m hungry, I have no idea. I don’t know my body anymore. I don’t know me anymore. And that. That scares me more than any weapon or soldier ever could.”
“Elena.” Kieran smiled. “Do you think you’re the only one who’s felt this way.” He laughed a little. “You’re preaching to the choir, gorgeous. Remember, I went through the same thing. I didn’t know who I was when I first escaped the organization. I know what it’s like to wake up in the middle of the night, scared from the dreams. From the memories. I remember what it’s like to barely eat. To barely sleep. I was exactly the same way. I didn’t know who I was either, Elena. But you know how I got past the fear?”
“How?”
“By forcing myself to get out there. I forced myself to walk on the crowded streets. I forced myself to try different thing. To try different foods. To try different activities. I kept reminding myself how strong I was. I kept reminding myself what I’d been through. I forced myself to believe in me. I told myself to stop being afraid. You have to believe in yourself, Elena.”
“How can I believe in myself, when I’m the one I’m afraid of?” Elena whispered. “Kieran. I’m not pretty. I’m not brave. I’m not a good person, and everyone I care about is going to die. I’m a walking time bomb.”
“Is that really the way you see
yourself?”
“Don’t you?”
Kieran shook his head. “Not at all. The way I see you.” He paused, his hand clenching around hers. Linking his fingers with hers. “I see you as a beautiful. Independent. Smart. Fearless woman. Just think about it, Elena. You were strong enough to break through the trance he put you under. You were strong enough to not walk away from Victor’s house, but instead went in there and saved them. You were strong enough to stand up to your father and escape from him. You survived a snake bite. You survived gunshot wounds. You’re fearless, Elena. You’re independent. You’re smart, and I am so lucky I got to meet you. I’m lucky I have you by my side. Because I know no matter what you will have my back.”
“But I’m still afraid.”
“Fearless doesn’t mean not being afraid, Elena.” Kieran whispered. “Everyone has something their afraid of. It makes us human. And it makes us realize that we have something yet to live for.” His hand tightened around hers. “We all have something to live for, Elena. And the fear. It will disappear in time. You’ll see. But if you can’t believe in yourself, can you believe in me?”
Elena stared at him.
“Yes.” She finally whispered.
She felt her heartbeat slow.
She felt the tears stop.
She felt the weight lifted off her shoulders.
Kieran was right, she suddenly thought to herself. He was right! She was fearless. She was independent. She was smart. And together, they were even stronger.
She tightened her hand around his.
“Yes.” She whispered more loudly. “I believe.”
“Good.” Kieran pulled her to her feet, pulling her towards him, wrapping his arms around her. “Come on.”
And he pulled her towards the door.
“Kieran!” Elena stumbled after him. “Where are we going?”
“To show you something wonderful.” He whispered, pulling her down the hallway and into the kitchen.
Elena stumbled, running right into him.
Watching as he opened the big white box that sat in the kitchen against the wall.
The refrigerator, she thought to herself. It’d been years since she’d seen one.
He let go of her hand, and took a carton out of the refrigerator. Then she watched as he took out a pan underneath the oven and set it on the stove. Watching as he switched the stove on.
“It’s been a long time since I’ve seen one of these.” She whispered.
“I know it has.” Kieran glanced over his shoulder, smiling at her. “Come here.”
She walked forwards, stopping next to him.
“When I finally got over all the fear and stopped running, one of the greatest joys I learned was cooking.” He opened the box and took out an egg. “It’s relaxing. It’s fun. And it was exactly what I needed.” And he tapped the egg against the side of the pan, and she watched as the yolk fell in the middle of the pan. It sizzled a little.
“Can I try?” she whispered?
“Be my guest.” He handed her an egg.
Elena held it in her hand. Staring down at it, before tapping it against the pan.
It exploded in her hand.
She started, jumping back, and a laugh escaped her mouth.
“Not that hard though.” Kieran muttered, a smile spreading across his own face.
Elena took the towel that was on the counter next to her. Wiping the egg off her hands.
Kieran handed her another egg.
Then he wrapped his hand around her wrist, tapping the egg lightly against the pan. “A light touch is all that is needed.” He told her, watching as the egg cracked, and held it over the pan.
“There.” He whispered, holding out a whisk. “Mix them together.”
Elena took the whisk, one hand holding the handle of the pan, the other the whisk. Mixing to the two eggs together. She watched as Kieran pulled a carton of milk from the refrigerator pouring it into the pan. She mixed that together as well.
They both took turns spreading cheese in the pan.
They cut peppers, adding it to the pan.
And sprinkling salt and pepper.
Then Kieran took a spoon from the container to his left, and gently folded the concoction over.
“What is it?” she asked, as he cut it in half.
“It’s an omelet.” He told her, putting the two halves on a separate plate and handing one to her. “Go take a seat.” He told her.
Elena took the pan, and walked to the table.
A moment later Kieran sat next to her. Setting a glass full of orange liquid in front of her.
“Orange juice.” He told her. “Drink it.”
She picked up the glass, bringing it to her lips.
“That’s good.”
“If you like that. You’ll like the omelet.” He told her, handing her a fork, watching as she took her first bite.
Elena closed her eyes.
The flavors savoring in her mouth.
“Hmm.”
“I knew you’d like it.” Kieran told her, laughing, before biting into his own omelet.
A second later, a ding rang through the house.
Elena’s head jerked up.
She watched Kieran’s head jerk around.
With lightning fast feed, he was on his feet, rounding the corner of the counter. Jerking open a door and pulling out a revolver that sat there. He looked at her, raising a finger to his lips as he stuck the gun in the small of his back before heading for the door.
A moment later a voice filled Elena’s ears.
“Where is she?”
The fork fell from her hand, crashing onto the plate.
Her hands shook.
It can’t be, she thought to herself, rising to her feet.
Her knees shook.
She grabbed the back of the chair, steadying herself.
She faintly heard Kieran’s voice.
“Where is she!” the voice shouted again, this time more insistent.
Elena felt her feet move.
And she stopped behind Kieran, raising a hand, resting it on his arm.
“Elena.” He shook his head, gesturing for her to walk away.
“It’s okay, Kieran.” She whispered, before turning and looking at the woman who stood in the doorway.
“Hello, Mother.”
Chapter Twenty-Five
Elena raised her head. Staring at her mother. Feeling as if the world had just shifted on her.
Her mother was alive.
Good God.
Tears filled her eyes, but she didn’t let them spill.
Her heart was pounding, but she didn’t move.
She felt her throat closing, and she swallowed.
Her head hurt. As her mind raced with theories at how this could be possible.
Good God, her mother was alive!
Beside her, she felt Kieran staring at her. Those bright blue eyes of his boring into her, but she didn’t look at him. She couldn’t. If she did she would lose it. She would break down, and right now that was the last thing she needed. She needed to be strong. She needed to be brave. She needed to stay in one piece.
“Be brave, Elena.”
Her mother’s last words echoed in her ears.
Tears filled her eyes.
“Mom.” The word came out a whisper.
“Elena.” Kiana’s green eyes filled with tears, and she reached a hand out, touching Elena’s cheek.
Elena sighed, leaning into her mother’s touch. Remember the kind, warm woman her mother had been her whole childhood. The woman who had stayed up late to read them bed time stories. The woman who had always been there when they had problems. The woman who had loved to cook for her family. She had always had the warmest eyes. Her smile had always lit up an entire room. Her laughter could warm the coldest heart. Elena had always loved the way her dark, blonde hair had always flown down her shoulders. Her porcelain, pale white skin. She’d always been so perfect. So aware of who she was.
Only,
now, that woman was no longer here.
Her dark, blonde hair had been replaced by a light brown.
Her green eyes were no longer bright, but held shadows.
Circles hovered underneath her eyes, showing signs she hadn’t slept in a long time.
Her hands were scarred.
A scar ran down the side of her face.
And the clothes she wore were much too big for her. Slumping over her shoulders. Rolled up around her ankles.
Her mother was not the same woman she had been eight years ago.
And neither was she.
She jerked away from her mother’s touch, stumbling back a step.
She felt Kieran’s hand on her shoulder. His fingers trailing down her arm, and linking his fingers with hers.
She squeezed his hand, grateful for the support.
And she stared at her mother, suddenly not sure what to think. What to feel. Too many emotions and thoughts roiling through her.
Her mother was here.
Anger rolled through her.
Confusion filled her.
And an overwhelming since of grief suddenly filled her.
And it was immediately placed by rage.
Her mother was alive? What the hell had she been doing all this time? Her daughters, they had needed her! They had been abused. Tormented. They had been turned into freaking monsters, and all this time, she’d what? Just been wandering around the world. She could have stopped all of it. She could have stopped the madness! She could have saved them!
“What are you doing here?” she whispered, coldly. “What are you doing here after eight long years? Why are you here, Mother? Why has it taken this long for you to come and see me?”
Tears rolled down her cheeks. “You abandoned us!” Elena screamed. “You left us with him! Dammitt, Mom, he hurt us! He turned us into monsters! God, I can’t even look at you without wanting to punch you right in the face. God dammitt!” Elena shook her head. “I don’t want you hear.” She whispered. “I don’t want your help. I don’t want anything from you.”
“Elena.” Kieran’s hand tightened around hers. “Elena, maybe we should hear her out.” He whispered in her ear. “Maybe she has something that can help us. That can help us take down the organization and your father.”
Elena turned her head.
Staring up at him. Fighting all her anger. All her emotions, and staring into his eyes. Knowing deep down that he was right. That she might be able to help them, but she didn’t like it. She didn’t like it one bit.
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