Blame It on the Shame- Part 3

by Ashley Jade

  He rubs his hands on his jeans. “I don't know why I'm having this feeling of déjà vu. Or why I can't seem to shake it, but I can't help but feel like I'm about to lose someone I love.” He looks up and swallows thickly. “It's keeping me up at night.”

  I take a deep breath and force myself to look him in the eyes. “You're not losing anyone, Jackson. Just the opposite. You're nervous about becoming a father, it's perfectly normal for you to be anxious.”

  I put a hand on his shoulder and squeeze. “But you're gonna make the best damn dad out there. That kid is lucky to have you.”

  “No,” he says. “I'm the lucky one...I have Alyssa and my son.” He closes his eyes at the same time my heart squeezes. “Shit. I'm sorry—”

  “Don't apologize for being happy and don't apologize for being a good person, Jackson.” I rub the back of my neck. “We need more men like you in the world and I'm glad you're going to raise one.”

  “The world could do with a few more men like you too, you know,” he says and I snort.

  “Yeah, I don't think so.” I turn the key in the ignition. “I better head back before Ford ends up dying from heat exhaustion instead of a bullet to the head.”

  When he steps out of the car I say, “I don't want you to worry yourself about the Travine thing anymore. I'm handling it.”

  After instructing my men to take Ford out of my trunk and chain him up in my basement, I head inside.

  And run right into Lou-Lou.

  I try to side-step her but she's relentless. “You owe me a conversation,” she says, the ice thick in her tone.

  I place my hands on her shoulders, move her out of the way, and continue walking.

  I was serious regarding what I told her the last time we spoke. It also hurts too damn much every time I'm around her.

  But worse than that? It makes me have that one moment of doubt that I can't afford to have anymore.

  I've made my decision, this is the only way.

  I hear the sound of something breaking and shattering behind me, most likely a vase. “That's getting really old.”

  “So is you ignoring me.”

  “I'm not ignoring you. I just don't have anything to say to you.”

  She starts walking beside me. “That's fine with me, because I have plenty of things to say to you.”

  I make my way up the spiral staircase and grunt when she continues following me. “Not interested, Lou-Lou.”

  When she follows me into my office, I begin fuming. “Get out.”

  “No.” She crosses her arms over her chest which only pushes her tits up and I have to look away. “I'm not scared to be in here with you.”

  She reaches for my hand but I back away, I've had about enough. “Take off your clothes.”

  She gapes at me. “What? No.”

  I drag her to the door. “Then get out.”

  She digs her feet into the floor. “If you would just talk to me....and we could talk like we used to, you wouldn't have to continue beating yourself up about it.”

  “I'm not beating myself up about it, Lou-Lou,” I lie. “Because I don't care.”

  I open the door and motion for her to leave. “I just don't want to talk to you because I have nothing else to say to you. I told you to stay away from me and I meant it.”

  She closes her eyes and rests her forehead against the door frame. “I won't ask you why I'm here anymore, Ricky. You're right, it doesn't matter.”

  When she opens her eyes they're glassy. “Please don't shut me out. I know...our relationship is fucked. One moment we're up, the next we're down. One second you're consoling me after one of my episodes, and the next you're a tyrant and I'm a bitch...but you're all I have, Ricky.”

  She takes a step forward and my heart starts to shake. “I need to feel you again.” Her hand clutches her chest. “I need...I need you to fit right inside here again just like you always have. So I'm asking you to please let me in.”

  She takes another step forward. “Whatever it is...whatever makes you act this way...whatever it is that you're going through...we can get through it together. I know we can, Ricardo.”

  Her hand reaches up to touch my face but I snatch it forcefully because I can feel myself starting to bend...and if I'm not careful; I'll keep bending 'til I break for her.

  That's something neither of us can afford to have happen right now.

  “I'm not something that can be fixed, Lou-Lou. Last time I checked...you were the broken one...not me. Whoever you thought I was and whatever you thought we had doesn't exist anymore. I'm the very thing you fear and the sooner you realize that...the better off you'll be.”

  I back her into the wall beside the door and deliver the final blow. The one I know will make her leave and stop coming back. “I told you not to go looking for monsters and you ignored that warning.” I lean in and peer down at her. “Now get the fuck out of my office before I continue where we left things off the last time. This is your last and final warning.”

  The sting from her hand across my cheek is much less than what my behavior warrants, but the feeling of complete and utter loss when she walks away is exactly what I deserve.

  Chapter 25 (Lou-Lou)

  Marlene presses her palms to her eyes and lets out a frustrated sigh. “I'm sorry, Lou-Lou. I would let you out of your room if I could but I'm under strict orders not to.”

  She hums and goes back to fiddling with the vase full of dandelions while I fight the urge to chuck them at her head. “Can you stop with the dandelions, Marlene? They don't distract me from this hell hole and they're not making me happy.”

  She gives me a strange look. “Trust me, I would if I could, but he's been anal about these damn dandelions for the last four months.”

  She rolls her eyes. “He wants a vase of them in every room he frequents. And if they haven't gone to seed yet?” She twirls her finger around her head. “He goes nuts.”

  I move until I'm perched on the end of the bed. “You mean to tell me that the vases full of dandelions were here before I was?”

  She thinks about this for a moment before replying, “Yeah, pretty much. Heck, the man didn't even care about the size of the mansion or the cost of it when he bought the place. As soon as he saw the gigantic field full of these weeds out back he was sold.” She laughs to herself. “The real estate agent told him he would have the landscapers take care of it, but he took his gun out and threatened to use it if he did.”

  I sit utterly speechless as she continues, “He doesn't bug me about much, believe it or not...and as you already know, I'm really not the greatest maid.” She turns to face me. “But the dandelions...they're important to him. So I make sure he has them.”

  She fixes her ponytail and wrings her hands, appearing uneasy now. “Ricardo DeLuca is hopelessly in love with you, Lou-Lou. And trust me, I know how he can be. I know what he once was compared to what he is now...but the one thing that's never changed is what he feels for you.”

  “Why are you telling me this?” I ask, my voice suddenly quivering.

  “Because I want you to know that he's not Bruno DeLuca—”

  “What makes you think you have a right—”

  “Bruno kept you inside his walls for his own sake. He kept you locked up for his own selfish reasons. Ricardo's reasons are the complete opposite. He became a DeLuca for you, Lou-Lou, for your protection. Everything he does is for you. I can't tell you why you're here, and I hope you never tell him that I'm telling you this. But if you never believe another word that comes out of my mouth...believe this—you're his weakness, Lou-Lou. You're the only thing that can bring him to his knees and make his empire crumble. Be careful how you use the power you wield.” Her eyes land on mine. “The result could be deadly.”

  Chapter 26 (Ricardo)

  The fragments from the bottle of Jack slice through my knuckle and I swing my fist into the bottle again.

  Anger ripples through me as I continue to watch him on my laptop and his lies and fake tears permeat
e my ears until they begin to burn.

  “This is a devastating loss for me, as I'm sure you could imagine.” He pulls out a handkerchief and dabs at his eyes before clearing his throat. “But my wife would have wanted me to stand up and continue to fight.”

  Another bout of rage quickly followed by sorrow pummel me.

  Alyssa's never going to forgive me for this.

  I'm not only responsible for the loss of Alyssa's father, but now her mother too. Mere months before she becomes a mother herself.

  I know I have to go see her, I know I have to try and talk to both Alyssa and Jackson.

  I just have no idea what I should say...or how the hell I can ever attempt to make this right.

  Another wave of sorrow hits me, this one strong enough to send me sinking back down into my seat. Despite the bad relationship Alyssa had with her mother after her father died, I know Alyssa loved her.

  The fact that Travine would even take it this far is revolting—painting himself as the grieving widower now instead of the perverted and sick scumbag he really is.

  My head snaps up when a reporter decides to speak, “Mr. Travine, my source says that you believe it to be Ricardo DeLuca, the son of the recently deceased mafia boss, Bruno DeLuca; behind all these murders. Is that true?”

  Travine opens his mouth but another reporter chimes in, “Mr, Travine, there's been quite a bit of talk about your past relationship with Bruno DeLuca in the press lately. You told Anne Walley in an interview not too long ago that he was responsible for the kidnapping of your teenage daughter. A daughter whom you still have not been able to get in contact with. So with all due respect to your tragic loss, do you think maybe the murder of your wife was perhaps a form of retaliation from the DeLuca crime family?”

  He wipes his brow. “I wouldn't rule it out.”

  “Mr. Travine,” another reporter begins. “How will this tragedy effect your upcoming plans to run for mayor this November?”

  I don't miss the way his eyes gleam before his expression turns stoic.

  “It won't. In fact, I'd like to take the position of mayor right now.” Undeterred by the reporters' shocked expressions he continues, “Granted there will be a special election given these unusual and heartbreaking circumstances...but I'm confident that the great people of New York will stand by my side. I'm confident you all will put your faith and trust in me to be the man to pick New York up from these ashes, so that we can all rise together again. I'm putting my faith in you all to trust me to keep you safe and get rid of the corruption that's currently holding us hostage.”

  I clench my fists and he looks straight into the camera. “I am not a man who backs down in the face of adversity but rather stands back up and rises to meet the challenge. And that ladies and gentlemen, is the kind of leader this great city needs.”

  He wipes a tear away and smiles into the camera. “You people need someone to look out for and protect you. Let me be that man.”

  A sound erupts deep in my throat and I haul my laptop clear across the room.

  Seething, I grab my cell out of my pocket and put it up to my ear.

  “I haven't gone after him,” I growl into the phone. “There was no reason for that woman to die. You set the stakes and I've followed each and every one of them.”

  There's dark, menacing laughter on the other line. “No you haven't, Ricardo. You tried to make your own rules without following ours. When will you learn how this all works?”

  “I—”

  “Travine didn't appreciate the little message you sent him. Ford Baker was his...you needed to consult with me before you killed him.”

  I open my mouth to tell him Ford's not exactly dead yet but he cuts me off. “And as far as Travine's former wife goes...we had no other choice but to kill her, we needed to turn the tables back around. Thanks to you going to the press and telling them Travine was behind the murders of both mayors.”

  “He was trying to pin it on me,” I scream into the phone. “If anything I was protecting—”

  “Well don't,” he barks. “Because the people of the city want a hero...and you're not it.”

  I can hear him light a cigar on the other line. “The people need to fear the DeLuca's again...fear is power. It goes without saying that the more feared you are, the better it is for us. People are easy to manipulate, Ricardo. Particularly in large numbers.”

  “I—”

  His laughter cuts me off again. “You should be figuring out the nicest way to kill your friends before your two weeks are up...not running to the press and murdering Travine's connections. The only thing you've managed to do is piss both me and our new associate off. I suggest you spend your next two weeks wisely and be more productive.”

  I open my mouth to tell him to go fuck himself but the line goes dead.

  Chapter 27 (Lou-Lou)

  48 hours.

  I didn't think Ricardo was serious about his threat...or rather, I thought I'd be able to get through to him somehow.

  But I was wrong, I was so wrong it's not even funny, because I've been trapped inside these same four walls for the last 48 hours.

  I'm far past stir-crazy. I'm downright insane.

  I need out.

  When Marlene looks at me again, I practically pounce on her.

  "Lou-Lou, stop," she screeches when I shove her out of the way, head for the door and begin pounding on it. "You can come out tomorrow night, I promise."

  Her statement stops me in my tracks and I spin back around. "Why not tonight? What's so different about tomorrow night as opposed to the last few nights? "

  Her brows crash together and she averts her gaze.

  A chill races up my spine and that's when I realize. "He's been killing people...hasn't he?”

  “Not people. Just one. Usually he conducts most of his business outside of the house, but not this time. This time, it's personal.”

  There's a smugness to her tone that I can't ignore when she says that. I stare at her for a beat and another alarming thought grips me.

  And this time? I do pounce.

  She barely has time to block the fist I launch directly into her throat. “If it's personal...then how come you know so much about it? Huh?”

  When she doesn't answer, I reach for the vase, smash it on the ground and quickly grab one of the shattered pieces.

  She starts screaming her head off that I'm a raging psycho when I advance toward her, but I don't care.

  “Keep screaming,” I snarl. “Let it out while you can because pretty soon you won't have the vocal chords to do so anymore. Not unless you open the fucking door and give me your goddamn keys.”

  I need to see him...I need to see what he becomes down there with my own eyes.

  No. My heart pangs—I need to understand and connect with him again. No matter how much it might kill me to do so...because having this hole in the center of my chest is much worse than anything I'll see down there.

  Her eyes dart around the room nervously. “Please, Lou-Lou. He will kill me if you go down there.” She gulps back a sob. “ I told you, be careful how you use the power you wield. With great power comes—”

  I slam her up against the wall and hold the shattered crystal up to her neck. “Comes what, bitch? Is that what you did for him? Is that the reason you know so many personal things about him? Because you fucked him when I was gone?”

  Ricardo doesn't just open up to anyone. Not even me now as of late.

  Her eyes practically pop out of her head, but I caught the split second of hesitation that flashed in them.

  I maneuver the sharp part of the glass so it's directly over her jugular. “I'm so tired of everyone lying to me, Marlene. So tell me the truth and I won't kill you. Did you ever—”

  “Yes,”she whispers. “Sort of...there was one night..but he could—”

  I drop the glass and ram my fist into her nose instead. “He couldn't do it,” she yelps, hunching over now. “He wanted you, you psychotic cunt.”

  I bash my
knee into her face and when both of her hands fly up to stop the blood that's oozing, I reach inside her pocket for her keys.

  She screams for the guards stationed outside the door and throws me to the floor. We grapple for a moment, but I get the upper hand when I reach for the glass again and point it at her eye. “Let me walk out this door and I'll tell him not to kill you,” I say, moving the glass closer to her eye with every breath I take. “You said yourself that I was the only one who had any power over him...you know he'll listen to me. I'll tell him you're my friend, Marlene. I'll tell him I'll never forgive him for killing you. I'll even work up some tears if that's what it takes...but you have to let me out of this room. I need to see him...I don't care what I have to do to make it happen.”

  I don't know if it's my threat or the dead serious look in my tone and on my face, but she sighs and whispers, “Okay.”

  I don't waste another minute, not even to apologize or tell her thank you like I should.

  The guards try to grab me when I bolt out of the room like a slingshot, but I shout, “Stop touching me or I'll tell him you hurt me,” at the top of my lungs and they drop me like a hot potato.

  I continue running until I reach the end of that dismal and bleak hallway.

  My hands shake when I stick the key in the lock and I try to listen for screaming but there isn't any.

  That only makes my nerves worse and I propel forward.

  I take the steps two at a time, trying to run as fast as I can.

  I run past the first pillar and dash past the second.

  That's when I hear screaming...and this time, the voice sounds familiar.

  I swiftly round the corner and finally...I see everything.

  I see him with my own eyes.

  I cover my mouth with my hand and hover behind the pillar when I realize who the screaming person currently chained up is.