by Chandler Dee
“I have an idea,” he whispered into her skin.
Sanda shivered again, pressing against him for warmth. She hummed in response with mild curiosity.
“Let’s go for a run.”
“What?” Sanda asked when she fully wrapped her mind around his words. Running was the last thing she wanted to do.
“There is a place near the top of the mountain. You can only get to it in wolven form. Let me show it to you,” Beryx said, pressing a kiss to that soft spot under her ear as punctuation.
Sanda blinked. She ran over his words in her mind again to be sure of what he was saying. Beryx expected her to transform into Lycan form. At the drop of a hat. Without any warning.
“I don’t know,” she said.
“You can see the stars,” he murmured, soothing a hand over her skin. “We’ll mate there, and watch the sun set.”
“We can do that here,” she teased, shifting onto her back to face him and get a small amount a space between them she placed her palms against his firm, golden haired chest.
“Lazy,” he grumped, “Come on.” Beryx grabbed her wrists to pull her up.
“Really, I don’t.”
“Come on,” he repeated, tugging a little harder on her hands.
“No.” Sanda shook free from him. He let go of her easily, but the word range out harshly in the isolated riverbank. Confusion crossed his face, he looked at her with furrowed brows. Sanda scrambled up, gathering up her clothes, feeling overly exposed. She’d never said no to him before, had never felt the need too. Suddenly, it was out in the open. Their relationship forever altered in some small, uncomfortable way. She found her dress and hurried to pull it on.
“Why not go up to the mountain?”
“I don’t,” she sighed, “I don’t feel like it. It’s too cold.” She pulled on her cloak and wrapped it tightly around herself as proof. Beryx was still naked. His erection gone. His arms crossed at his chest. He didn’t believe her.
“I’ll be back at the cottage,” she said, trying to slip by him. Beryx touched her arm to stop her at his side.
“You haven’t changed,” he said, “Not since that first time.”
“Don’t,” she said. Hoping he’d get the message. Don’t push me about this right now. Don’t make me think about that creature inside me.
“It can be wonderful, Love.” He stroked her cheek with a finger, invoking a rarely used diminutive.
She caught his hand, pressing it against her mouth. Helpless emotion swelled inside her chest. Thinking about her actions as the wolf, what she did and the damage she caused made her feel out of control.
“I can’t. Not now,” she whispered. Sanda let go of his hand and hurried down the riverbank into the woods before Beryx tried to call her back.
The woods enveloped her and Sanda was soon far from the riverbank. Its rushing waters nothing more than the soft tinkling of chimes in the background. She pulled her cloak tighter around herself. The cold winter weather was moving in now. The ground not yet covered with snow, but very, very soon it would be. She leaned against one of the tall pine trees taking a deep breath of soothing, spicy scent. She felt tired, so very tired of all the changes and new things in her life. Everything happened faster than she could adapt to it. Sanda pushed away from the tree and continued walking, towards the village. Her mind wrapped up in berating itself.
Yes, she knew she had asked to become a Lycan. It felt so very long in the past. She shook her head. It only happened a few months ago. So much had changed in her life since that night in the clearing when Beryx came for her. She'd been expecting death, but instead was granted a new life, strange and frightening. It also had its benefits. She couldn't deny her love for Beryx had grown rapidly in the ensuing weeks. However, she couldn't quite embrace her new status as a werewolf. That creature inside of her … so violent, so careless with life.
Sanda glanced toward the sound of something thunking against one of the distant trees. She considered ignoring it and continuing down the mountain, but a man's soft curse rang out between thunks. She thought she recognized the voice. Sanda wandered off the trail towards the sound.
It didn't take her long to reach Garrett where he was chopping down a small pine tree. It was alone in a rocky area among the other trees. The hard ground and wind shaped and twisted the trunk into a withered old man's frame.
“Putting it out of its misery?” Sanda asked Garrett, getting his attention. Garrett stopped swinging the axe towards the base of the tree. He straightened, wiping his brow, and nodded to her. Sanda walked over to stand by Garrett and examine his progress. He’d chosen a gnarled curl in the tree to chop through, but the wood was harder here and he had a time getting through the trunk.
“Harvesting it for a new sculpture,” he corrected.
“I don't know what you can make out that.”
Garrett laughed. “You would be surprised what this wood will reveal.”
“You're right, I would.” Sanda smiled, grateful to be outside of her own worries for a short period of time. “A peace offering for the Alpha?” She asked.
Garrett shook his head, grunting at the suggestion. He reached out to pull up one of the needle coated limbs, stroking the dense coverage with care. “A peace offering for my mate.”
It took Sanda a minute to realize whom Garrett was referring too. The human man from Ekras whom she had almost killed. Sharp guilt and shame stung her. She flushed red with embarrassment.
“I am sorry,” Sanda said reflexively.
“Don't apologize,” Garrett said, “you didn't know.”
“No,“ Sanda grabbed his arm clinging to it. She wanted to make sure he understood. “I'm sorry for coming between you. I'm sorry for making things worse.”
Garrett let go of the tree limb. He watched her through golden eyes strikingly similar to Beryx’s for a long time. “We all made mistakes. I should've known better than to take you into the valley during your transition.”
“If I had been in your place, I'd have done the same things you did,” Sanda whispered, the harsh pain of losing Beryx had been almost unbearable.
“And if I had been in your place, I'd have done the same as you.”
Sanda looked up to see Garrett smiling at her. He patted her hands with one calloused palm. She was amazed at this cheerful ability to forgive and forget, even in the face of potentially losing his mate forever.
“Let me help,” Sanda said to him. “It's the least I can do.”
“Well, I am just chopping down wood.”
“I can help you carry, or I don't know, help later with your courtship.”
Garrett laughed, throwing his head back as he chuckled. Sanda found yourself laughing with him. The offer was rather silly.
“It probably isn't a good idea for you to be present during our courtship,” he said, still laughing a little.
Another hot wave of embarrassment rushed over her, but she continued to laugh a little at her audacious suggestion. The man would probably be frightened to death of her. She'd only make things worse for Garrett.
“I do want to help somehow. If only to make things up to you.”
“You don't need too.” Garrett said.
“But I do,” Sanda said, “if there's anything at all?”
Garrett sighed. “I will think on it.”
Realizing that was the best answer she could possibly get right now, Sanda thanked him and left him to his project. Sanda hoped things would sort themselves out. Before meeting Beryx, and even after, she'd been terrified of Lycans. Stories of them ripping people apart and devouring their sacrifices ran rampant through her village as a child. She still couldn't understand where the chasm between truth and fiction came from and why it persisted in the human villages. She was grateful at least, that it had been a lie. She could only hope that Garrett's mate would come to see the truth eventually too.
Sanda quickly made her way back to the trail down the mountain. Somehow, the day had gotten away from her and it was alre
ady heading towards evening. Beryx would likely be back at the cottage by now. She half-dreaded continuing their conversation. She knew him. Now that Beryx realized she had a problem with changing into her Lycan form, he wouldn't let go of it.
Sanda reached the cottage with all due speed. She was grateful to slip inside and hide away from everyone else in the outside world. Beryx made up the fire to warm the room, but was now tamped down to coals. Sanda hung her cloak and wandered back towards their shared bedroom where she knew Beryx would be already.
She pushed the door aside and peered into the darkened room. Here the fire had also died down and the coals cast an orange light across the room. Beryx was in bed, the furs pulled up to his waist. Bare chest exposed to the night air. His eyes were shut and his chest moved in light sleep. Sanda creaked in and quietly pulled off her dress. She was running her hands through her hair when she heard him shift and turned to see Beryx watching her.
“Was wondering when you would get here.”
“I ran into Garrett, and then, I just needed time,” Sanda said.
He held out a hand and Sanda took it, allowing him to draw her into bed. He pulled the covers over them and tucked her into the crook of his arm. Sanda rested her face on his shoulder, inhaling his sharp male scent.
“Want to talk about it?” He asked her.
Sanda took a long moment, running her fingers up and down his chest and through his hair. She knew they should discuss this, this problem she had. It was hard to broach the subject. “I just need time,” she said.
Beryx pressed kissed the top of her head. He held her close in a tight squeeze, but she could see his disappointment. Sanda closed her eyes and buried yourself the sensation of being held.
“There is nothing to be afraid of in the change,” he said into her hair, “I will be right there to help you through it.”
“I know,” she said. She plucked at one of his chest hairs until his hissed. “I am afraid … of me.”
He flattened her hand against his chest where his heart beat a steady rhythm beneath her palm. “Let me help you.”
Sanda only shook her head.
Beryx sighed. “It's better to start shifting before the next full moon. It will be as traumatic as the last time without learning how to control yourself.”
Sanda shook her head again. “Let's sleep on it,” she whispered into his neck.
“Sanda.”
“Please, no more tonight.”
Beryx hummed softly. He shifted onto his side and pulled her against his chest. Sanda went willingly allowing her mate's embrace to send her into oblivion.
Sanda watched Mouse flex Beryx’s arm up and down, pausing to ask questions about pain and ease of movement before probing the skin around his wound with nimble fingers. Beryx was eager to get back to his duties as second for Jurisa. He practically dragged Sanda down the street towards Mouse’s hut for his next appointment. This appointment would be the deciding factor for whether or not he could return to his duties. Sanda already knew what the outcome would be, she could see the quiet satisfaction of a job well done in Mouse's eyes. She was happy with his progress.
Sanda sat back in the chair at the dinner table and drew another sip of tea. She didn’t look forward to being alone for most of the day again. Sanda needed to find something productive to do in the community, that is if Jurisa and the other Alphas didn't decide to cast her out along with Garrett, Mouse, and Cami.
If that happened, she wondered if Beryx would be so eager to fulfill his duties as second. Would he come with her? Live his life as an outcast to be with her? Even if she couldn't control herself in Lycan form?
Mouse patted his arm and declared him fit to work. Beryx looked to Sanda with the biggest grin. She couldn’t help smiling back at him. Beryx allowed Mouse to administer a cooling cream to his skin and wrap the nearly healed wound, then popped out of the chair faster than Sanda could blink. He pulled on his shirt, thanking Mouse for the assistance. His offers of recompense were skillfully turned aside by the quiet woman, who wanted nothing more than his good health. When Beryx looked at Sanda again she could tell what he wanted.
“Go on,” Sanda said, “I’ll find my own way home.”
“Thank you,” Beryx leaned over to pull her close and kiss the top of her head. Sanda inhaled his scent deeply, imprinting it on her memory. She felt a chill draft when he left her to head out the door and find his Alpha.
Mouse cleaned up her supplies, placing them with care on the back shelf next to the kitchen area. Most were in leather pouches, and wooden boxes. A few were liquids in precious glass bottles. Some were roots and plants sitting right out in the open. Sanda couldn’t identify them all.
“Where did you learn medicine?” Sanda asked.
Mouse looked at her with a small smile. “My mother taught me before she died.”
“I’m sorry,” Sanda said. She’d managed to wander into the wrong topic again. She was apologizing for a lot of things lately.
“No need,” Mouse said. “It was a while ago. I do this because it’s useful, and I can help the community.”
Sanda frowned. “You’re lucky to have something worthwhile to offer. The Alpha doesn’t have a use for me.”
Mouse brought her own cup of hot tea to the table. “Everyone is valuable to the pack.”
Sanda nodded, but privately she didn’t agree with the woman. Mouse was skilled. She saved lives. That meant she’d be useful and the Alpha couldn’t kick her out for disobedience. Beryx was the Second-in-Command and the Alpha’s right hand. Garrett was a talented carpenter. Even Cami was an Alpha and could be useful to Jurisa. Sanda just didn’t have any purpose here.
“Have you made any long term plans with Beryx?” Mouse asked suddenly.
Sanda answered with a non-committal hum. She was trying hard not to think about the future. Mouse seemed ready to pursue the question when someone knocked at the door.
Mouse opened it, inviting Cami into the small hut. Speak of the devil, Sanda thought.
A heavy winter cloak concealed her form. As soon as she entered, her gaze landed on Sanda with an unpleasant scowl. She stilled, turned to the door as if to bolt. Then, she sighed, letting her shoulders drop in resignation and continued into the room.
“I’m here for another dose,” Cami said to Mouse, who urged the woman to take off her cloak, revealing a loose leather tunic underneath.
“I need to examine you,” Mouse said.
Again, Cami glanced at Sanda. Her behavior was most curious. Sanda wondered if Cami had somehow been injured during their flight down the mountain a few weeks ago and she’d never heard about it.
Sanda stood up. “I’ll leave.”
“Wait,” Cami said. She placed a protective hand over her stomach. “It will come out soon enough. Finish your drink.”
Filled with curiosity, Sanda returned to her seat.
Mouse asked Cami to sit in one of the kitchen chairs. She palpated the woman’s stomach. “Any pain? Cramping?”
Cami indicated the negative. “I am having some sickness.”
“In the morning?” Mouse asked.
“Yes, and some in the evening.”
Sanda kept her eyes on her tea, which was getting cold. From the direction of their conversation, she could have sworn that Cami was with child.
Mouse grabbed a long cone from her shelf, placed it against Cami’s back and pressed her ear to it while she breathed. Then, she placed it against Cami’s belly, which to Sanda’s untrained eye could have been no more than heavy with a full meal.
Mouse pronounced Cami healthy, and told her she was coming along well. She pulled a bottle of liquid off the shelf, and filled a smaller bottle with the same liquid that Sanda remembered Cami drinking during their last encounter. It was dark brown, and with her heightened sense of smell, Sanda could pick out the scent of pine, mushrooms, and other pungent scents suspended in alcohol.
She handed the bottle to Cami, and took an empty bottle in return. As Cami stood to l
eave Mouse stopped her.
“I’ll have to tell the Alpha now that you are out of the woods,” Mouse said.
Cami‘s eyes narrowed. She glanced between Sanda and Mouse, as if weighing her options. The Alpha nodded once, then pulled her cloak back on and left.
Mouse turned to Sanda with a small shrug and a grimace that Sanda returned, but she didn’t know exactly what was going on. She was almost certain that Cami was pregnant, but by whom, and did that mean she had been pregnant during their trip down the mountain to rescue Beryx?